


voice mail

by fireflavoredwhiskey



Series: texting series (ft. iwaoi) [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: College AU, House Parties, M/M, University AU, sequel to TEXT, specifically designed to make you scream (again)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-11
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2018-09-23 13:12:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 80,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9658946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fireflavoredwhiskey/pseuds/fireflavoredwhiskey
Summary: Of course it isn't easy. But nobody told Oikawa Tooru it would be this difficult, either.(sequel toTEXT)





	1. Do you believe in UFO's?

**Author's Note:**

>   
>  This work is a sequel to ****  
> [TEXT](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8837533/chapters/20263381).  
> [The Playlist™ (Book II)](https://open.spotify.com/user/ellesanmiguel/playlist/68xlSKKJOVMji9oVX5Pree)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- chapter playlist: [x](https://youtu.be/6YfqLOWorSY) / [x](https://youtu.be/LTjOQOqSPUQ)  
> 

 

_May_

_2 years, 4 months ago_

 

"No, no, no, no ㅡ you don't understand ㅡ we can't fucking leave without him right now!"

The noise was getting louder. Ushijima Wakatoshi looked sideways at the two drunk young ladies bantering near him at the back counter of  _Pharaoh_. They're not unattractive, all right, but Ushijima got the impression that they were older than him. Fourth years, even. Of course he can't be sure whether they were also uni students like him, but this is  _Pharaoh_  ㅡ that decent bar along St. Catherine which was always swarming with runaway and stressed students, drug dealers and all sorts of incognito people, and these two loud (and borderline annoying) ladies were dressed like your average hipsters, so, yeah. Students they were.

The short-haired blonde was the one panicking. "W-wait! Cindy! Listen to me!" She grabbed her non-Japanese friend by the shoulders. "We have to go find him! We can't leave him alone in a place like this!  _He's still a virgin!"_  She stage-whispered. "Matsukawa will definitely kill me!"

"Saeko  _mah dearest_ ," the one called Cindy slurred in impressive English. "Tooru will be  _fiiiiiiine_. Trust me!"

"Look. You go first, okay? I'll look around for himㅡ"

"Look around for him, eh? You're way much drunk than I am ㅡ how are you going to look for him?"

Ushijima shifted, trying to avert his attention elsewhere.

"Wild, eh?"

He looked up front. And raised his eyebrows.

"You think they're lesbians?" The middle-aged bartender smirked at the two ladies.

Ushijima rolled his eyes. "Don't fucking care," he downed a whole glass of vodka in one shot, throat burning with the alcohol.

Mr. Bartender smirked. "Why are you here again, boy?"

Shrug. "Just wanna clear my head."

A knowing smirk. "I've seen you in your best days, Ushiwaka," he paused, eyeing the two bantering ladies as they walked away to the other side of the bar, wobbling together. "What is it this time, Captain? Your brother? School? Incoming match?"

No response.

"A girl?"

Bingo.

"I see," the bartender sniggered. "All those girls do is break our hearts, eh? Motherfucking bitches. So what did you do this time ㅡ hey, where are you going?"

Ushijima shrugged his jacket on. "Out,"

"Huh. I think you just need to get laid,"

"Piss off, man. And for the record, it's not me who did something." He paused. "It's her,"

The moment he walked out the main door of  _Pharaoh_ , the night spring air of May hit his face, making him clenched his teeth. He knew it's not a good idea to get wasted because of a little problem. And besides, it's not his fault, is it?

Bartender-san was right for one thing. He was in _Pharaoh_ again because of his girlfriend. But it's not that he was thinking about it all day. Truth be told, he didn't care. And yeah, that  _was_  actually the problemㅡ he didn't understand why he couldn't feel the need to care anymore.

 _Jerk_ , he thought.  _Maybe you just need to get laid, after all_ _ㅡ_

 _"Whoargh_ _ㅡ_ _"_

Ushijima started at the noise. He turned around and saw someone's back hunched over the bar's outside bed of azaleas. His face scrunched up at the guy's state (the flop of brown hair was clearly a  _he_ ). The dry heaving of his lungs told Ushijima this guy surely didn't eat anything before consuming alcohol.  _Ugh, freshmen._

Feeling a sense of moronic responsibility, he walked closer to the guy. "Oi," he paused. "Are you okay?"

The guy panted.

"Oi," He tried again. "Are you okay?"

A whimper.

Ushijima blinked, suddenly nervous. "Fuck. Are you seriously okㅡ"

Abruptly, a hand caught his wrist. It was cold, the palm. And it was trembling.

Ushijima blinked. "Hey, man. Are you okay?" He crouched down, seeking the eyes of the stranger.

"C-can you lend me your phone?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Can you lend me your ㅡ " he groaned, the other hand clutching his stomach. "ㅡphone. Please I just need to make a callㅡ"

Nervous, Ushijima obliged, giving the stranger his phone. The guy sat gingerly on the nearby bench after Ushijima helped him, making a phone call.

The guy  _was_  cute. Really cute and really attractive. As he first noticed, he has a mess of chestnut hair disheveled and swept outwards. It was a bit wet because of his sweat from all the dry heaving his lungs did earlier.

Ushijima figured the stranger guy was talking to his friends to get him now. He was pretty sure the guy was still a bit tipsy. He smelled strongly of beer and brandy combined, and his words slurred as he talked.

But there was something  _wrong_  with him. He kept clutching his stomach and it looked like he was actually sick instead of drunk.

The guy took only an entirety of two minutes before he gave Ushijima his phone back.

"Thank you," the guy mumbled, face sweaty and contorted. "You can leave now."

"D'you want water? You look sick,"

The guy looked up at him, "No," he said slowly. "I think I'm okay. Just," he winced, clutching his stomach. "I downed, like, brandy or something." He paused. "I don't think brandy suits my stomach,"

"Alcohol is alcohol. They're all the same," Ushijima stated, head tilting as he stood in front of the guy.

"Not for me." The guy said. "Well. That's that. You can leave me alone now." He shifted, putting his head between his knees. He looked like an oversized nine-year-old.

A raised brow. "That's it?"

The guy looked up, confused. "I'm sorry?" His words were slow.

"That's it? After I helped you, it's _you can leave now?"_ He paused. "Are you sure you're okay? You still look sick."

"Iㅡ" stranger guy paused, blinking his beautiful brown eyes. "I'm going to be fine now, yes." He blinked again, dazedly. "I did say  _thank you_ already, right?"

"Yes," Ushijima confirmed.

"So, what now?" He deadpanned.

"What's your name?" Ushijima said, burying his hands inside his jacket pockets.

The guy looked up at him from the bench. "Look," he said slowly, "Did you just fall in love with me? Because I'm telling you, you're not my type."

And Ushijima just. He laughed out loud. "Oh wow. You're pretty conceited and arrogant, huh? I literally just helped you thirty seconds ago, and now you're being rude by pushing me out of the picture almost immediately."

"I'm not being rude. I already said my thanks. That's proper etiquette, as far as I know. Therefore, you can leave me now, thank you very much." He huffed.

Ushijima squatted in front of the stranger, now they're face to face. "How about you give me your name at least. And your number."

A pause. Then the guy scoffed, chortling. "Oh my god. You  _really_  did fall in love with me! So cliche!"

"I  _do_  have a girlfriend," he said as-a-matter-of-factly, moving to sit on the bench, beside the guy.

"Straights," he snorted.

Ushijima smirked. "You don't know that,"

"I do know that." The guy said sternly. "I have a gay radar,"

Ushijima hid a smile, shaking his head. "You are  _so_  drunk."

"Am not,"

"Are so,"

"Am not!"

"Are soㅡ"

"What's your point, then?" The guy suddenly burst out, facing him.

Ushijima held his hands up as a surrender. "Nothing. I don'tㅡ Nothing."

"Do you swear on the River Styx?"

What? "Excuse me?" Ushijima was dumbfounded.

The guy slitted his eyes. "Excuse you." He said. "That's Greek mythology. Didn't ring any bells?"

Yep. He's so dumbfounded.

"Ugh." The guy sighed. "You're so weird. You don't know what I'm talking about."

Ushijima wanted to laugh, God. This guy was so cute. "Um. I don't think I'm the weird one here. With all due respect,"

He whipped his head sharply to look at him. "Are you making fun of me because I'm weird and gay?"

"I didn't say anything like that," Ushijima defended, "I'm bi," he admitted. "And your weirdness isn't bad. It's actually.. good." Really good. And really cute. Agh, wait. What was he saying? Was he drunk? Possibly. Ushijima was possibly drunk.

There was a pause. The guy didn't say anything, but he curled into a ball again, putting his head back between his knees. Then, "Do you believe in UFO's?" He mumbled against his kneecaps.

Ushijima shrugged, leaning back comfortably. "Haven't seen one, so, no." A heartbeat. "How about you?"

He felt the guy nodded. "They're real." He said. "And don't say you haven't seen one. You have. You just didn't know it was the real thing. You ever saw some strange lights in the night sky every now and then?"

Ushijima was looking up at the said night sky, head tipped back. "How old are you?" He chuckled. "They are sattelites."

The weird guy chuckled, dark and low. "That's what the government wants you to believe."

Ushijima closed his eyes, pursing a smile. Then, "You're cute."

A snort. "Baby turtles and elephants are cute. Anime chibi versions are cute. You caNNOT name me  _cute_. I'm GORGEOUS."

Ushijima just  _hmm_ ed, breathing deeply before turning to face him.

The guy shifted, peering at him over his knees. "What's with the smirk?" He asked. "Are you flirting with me?"

"Seriously, what's your name?" He shifted closer.

The guy shifted back, away from him. "Why?"

Ushijima smiled slowly. Shifted closer.

"Oh my god, this is so cliche. My life is so stressful right now!" He paused. "Okay. You win. I lied. You're sort of my type.  _Sort of._  But you can't fall in love with me, I swear." He shifted back.

Ushijima bit back his laughter. "I won't fall in love with you yet, don't worry, weirdo."

The guy's pale face flushed, now sitting on the edge of the bench. "C-can you move back?" He said lowly.

Ushijima leaned his face closely. "Why won't you tell me your name?"

A gulp. "Because I just met you? You can be a psychopath. What do I know?"

A long, long pause. "Fair point." Then he saw something that gave him the upperhand. Ushijima's smile was lopsided. "Did you get in the Volleyball team?"

Stranger blinked. "Eh? H-how did you know?"

He pointed the jacket he was wearing. Such a dork. A varsity jacket in a bar? Seriously. "Tokyo University Volleyball team," he smirked. "You  _did_  get in, right?"

"Y-yeah. I guess. They did give me this already, soㅡ"

Swiftly, Ushijima leaned away, standing up and brushing the nonexistent dirt from his jeans. "Okay." he momentarily squatted back down just to level his eyes with the guy's. He leaned closer, closer. "See you then." He winked. Then he straightened up and turned on his heels, walking away.

"Oi!" The stranger called out. "I thought you fell in love with me!?"

Ushijima raised a hand as a farewell, not looking back. "We'll meet again!" He called back. "I want you sobered up next time!"

" _Haah?_  I'm sober right now, dickheadㅡ"

"ㅡOIKAWA! OH MY GOD! WE'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU INSIDE THE BAR! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENEDㅡ"

Ushijima was smiling the whole way home. It's gonna be an interesting first game against Tokyo University, it seemed. And a fortnight later, he found out he  _was_  right.

He'll never forget Oikawa Tooru's face when they met again from each other side of the net. It's a mix of awe and shock and resignment. He can't blame the guy, actually. He was also feeling the same. But at least, he was expecting it.

Ushijima's team won that match. He was the new captain that semester.

And that's how it all started, maybe.

The best and worst eight months of his life.

 

* * *

* * *

 

**SIM ACCT OWNER: Oikawa Tooru**

 

**_29 September 20XX_ **

**_Tuesday_ **

 

"Hi! It's Oikawa Tooru! You've reached my voicemail! So, it's only two things; either I don't have my phone with me right now, or I don't want to talk to you. If you fall under the latter category, don't bother leaving a message, cuz, like, fuck off. Sorry for the cursing."

_Beep_

 

ㅡ

 

_Today, 01:00 PM_

"Tooru. It's Waka. Are you seriously ignoring me? Why aren't you reading my messages?"

_Beep_

 

ㅡ

 

_Today, 02:38 PM_

"I saw the video. What the fuck are you thinking? I'm worried. Please text back, at least. It's me, Waka."

_Beep_

 

ㅡ

 

_Today, 03:18 PM_

"SWITCH ON YOUR FUCKING PHONE, OIKAWA TOORU I SWEAR TO GODㅡ"

_Beep_

 

ㅡ

 

_Today, 05:17 PM_

"That's it. We're going to talk today. You can't keep bullshitting me, Tooru. You know me."

_Beep_

 

ㅡ

 

_Today 06:01 PM_

"Why aren't you home yet? Even Tsukki's not home. I'm here."

_Beep_

 

 


	2. Don't let me go like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- chapter playlist: [x](https://youtu.be/MzgvyXxafLc) / [x](https://youtu.be/tAgwNzBl9-0) / [x](https://youtu.be/waPv2KhJJ38) / [x](https://youtu.be/txqCWHkJBUM)  
> 

 

Iwaizumi Hajime was a calm person.

Everybody knew that. His friends knew that. And he himself established a long time ago that he was a sensible and a not-easily-perturbed being.

But. There really comes a time in someone's life wherein you'll just see  _red_  and hear nothing but an echo of washed out voices as if you were drowning in the ocean, the tides screaming in your ears.

Only there were no screaming. No ocean tides and drowning either, nope. But for Iwaizumi, it was so much worse.

Maybe he was overreacting. And maybe he wasn't thinking straight. But seeing the guy who fucking broke Oikawa's heart even a year ago made something inside him coil.

When he saw Ushijima walking up to him and Oikawa, he thought, _What's the worst thing that can happen? I'm here. At least I'm here._ So maybe, he had hoped that this can go without any serious ruckus happening.

But he hadn't known Ushijima. He lost the game when the fucker grabbed Oikawa's wrist and the words _not going anywhere right now without you_ rang inside his skull, painting his vision red. That moment, it was like something inside him snapped like a brittle rubber band.

"Get your fucking hands off him before I make you."

He saw the flash of Ushijima's eyes as he stared down at him. He could also see the hatred in them, mirroring his own.

Iwaizumi could feel Oikawa panicking. He felt him put his palm on his chest, his other hand still gripped by that fucker. "Iwa-chan," he pleaded.

He was still glaring at Ushijima, not backing down. Then, the other guy blinked; he snorted imperceptibly, reluctantly letting go of Oikawa's wrist. He averted his gaze to Oikawa, though, ignoring Iwaizumi once again. "Tooru," he said.

Andㅡ Iwaizumi wanted to laugh. The nerve of this guyㅡ? He clenched his fists, wanting to wreck fucking Ushijima's perfectly chiseled face. He smirked, pulling Oikawa to him by the hips. "Are you really that stupid? Or you're just helplessly pathetic?"

The side of Ushijima's temple twitched. Then he looked back at him. "There are a lot of things you have to know," he said calmly. "But the first thing on the list is that I don't care who the hell you are and if you know what you're doing, you'll leave right now."

"You  _fucker_ _ㅡ_ " Oikawa sure knew Iwaizumi's limit, because if it wasn't for him swiftly stopping and restraining Iwaizumi, he was sure he could've thrown a good punch. Their chests collided, Oikawa pushing him back.

"Listenㅡ Iwa-chanㅡ Look at me look at me look at me shhhhㅡ stop it, Godㅡ" Oikawa's voice cracked.

But boy, Iwaizumi  _was_  mad. "You're all words," he goaded at Ushijima. "Is that all you've got, huhㅡ?" He reached to shove himㅡ "Is that all you've got you pathetic fucker? Crawling back to him now after you fucked him upㅡ?"

"Iwa-chan!" Oikawa stumbled lightly as he desperately tried to stop Iwaizumi from taking more steps forward. He was trembling. "Stop!"

And Iwaizumi paused, panting. He looked at him. "Oikawa," he said sternly.

"Just stop," Oikawa said, taking a ragged breath. His hands fisted at his chest. "Don'tㅡ Don't make a mess hereㅡ"

A mess? He's not even starting, Jesus. "Oikawa," he said again. "That fucker isㅡ"

 _"Waka-chan,"_  Oikawa corrected, "just wanted to talk. He just." He closed his eyes. "It's okay. Don't be like this."

Iwaizumi's mouth parted slowly. Then he laughed, loud and disbelieving. This is  _so_  not happening. "Don't be like this?" He asked incredulously. "What do you want me to do? He just came out of nowhere and wants to drag you away and you expect me to be calm and sit still?"

"Look, that's not what Iㅡ"

"Goddammit. You're all getting tedious," Ushijima suddenly drawled, interrupting them. "Before I die here watching you two bicker," he paused, "Tooru, can you please tell your friend to leave us alone?" He held up his hands, shrugging. "I won't touch you, if that's what little buddy here is worried about,"

Iwaizumi tasted copper in his mouth. "Youㅡ"

"Iwa-chan," Oikawa said in a small voice. He ran his hands on his face, clearly stressed. His glasses were askew on his nose. "Iㅡ" he paused for a long time, thinking, biting his bottom lip. "I'm going to be fine. Can you leave us alone?"

Andㅡ "What the actual fuck?"

"Iㅡ"

Fucking Ushijima's smile was sweet and mocking. Award-winning. "Haven't you heard what he said?" He copied Iwaizumi's initial question earlier. "He asked you politely if you can leave us alone,"

"No," Iwaizumi seethed. "Why would Iㅡ"

He felt Oikawa's hand grasped his own. Tightly, tightly, then he whispered, "I know him." he paused. Hah. As if that made everything  _better_. "He's not going to leave us alone if he didn't get what he wants. And. I think he just wants to talk. He's not going to do anything. And besides, I can handle myself."

"I know that." Iwaizumi's nose flared. "But that'sㅡ"  _That's not what I was worried about._

"I promise I'll call you, yeah?" Oikawa smiled tightly. "Just give me an hour, Iwa-chan. Then I'll call you."

"I don'tㅡ"

"Tooru," Ushijima interrupted again.

Oikawa sighed, stepping back.  _Promise_ , he mouthed. He smiled again, and Ushijima caught his hand and pulled him closer; Oikawa didn't make a move to escape. "Well, let's go," Ushijima grunted.

Iwaizumi didn't want to let go.

But the look in Oikawa's eyes is pleading him, begging him, even.  _Please_ , it seemed to say. So Iwaizumi didn't move. He just watched them go, gritting his teeth.

What the fuck? How can he trust that fucker when he just broke his own words earlier? Won't touch him?  _Go to hell,_  he thought, staring at them, hands connected.

They went away with his motorcycle. Dammit. Even his motorcycle was fucking sleek and fucking cool and fucking  _perfect_. Iwaizumi closed his eyes, wanting to scream. He wished he at least threw a good punch before he let him take Oikawa away.

He leaned on the nearest wall afterwards, hands still trembling of rage.  _Okay_ , he thought.  _Everything's fine. Just trust him and wait for him to call later tonight._

But something told him he wouldn't be able to hear from Oikawa for a while now, considering what happened.

And of course, it turned out, he was correct. Oikawa didn't call that night.

 

✖

 

A few hours before Iwaizumi realized Oikawa was never going to call him back, he holed himself up in their tiny living room, trying his hardest not to think.

"Oi, Iwa," Makki said. "Can I eat this.. what the fuck is this? Is this raisin bread?"

Iwaizumi grumbled a response from the couch, his face buried in a pillow.

"What? I said if I can eat the bread hㅡ"

"I said do what you want, fuck!" Iwaizumi shouted.

"Whoa, whoa," Makki said from the kitchen counter, hair still dripping from his shower. A towel was tied on his hips. "Someone's cranky," he said, raising his brows. He gingerly opened the bread, inspecting it. "Milk bread?" he munched. Then he shrugged, "Not bad,"

For a long while, Iwaizumi stayed curled up on the couch, pretending to be asleep. He heard the sound of a door closing and opening again, then when the TV near him came to life, Iwaizumi peeked his eyes open, seeing his roommate lounging on the floor, his back against the couch, already fully dressed in a pair of pajamas, eating the milkbread he initially bought for Oikawa. The sight reminded Iwaizumi of the fact that he had let him go with fucking Ushijima. He buried his face on the pillow again.

"What happened?" Makki asked, his eyes trained on the commercial of a brand of cereal.

Iwaizumi didn't respond.

"Oi," he felt Makki nudged his shins. "Spill,"

Iwaizumi shifted, eyes staring now at the ceiling. He filled his lungs slowly. "Ushijima showed up,"

Makki choked himself in fits of coughing.  _"What?"_

"Ushijima showed up," Iwaizumi repeated lifelessly.

"I heard, you shitㅡ" Makki turned around, facing him. "I mean, what happened? Tell me everything!"

So Iwaizumi did, as concise and as short as possible. When he finished, he was still lying down on the couch, still staring at the ceiling. He felt numb. All of his anger seemed to drain earlier, leaving him in a state of regret and self-hate. Why did he let him go?

It was only after a moment when Makki spoke. "So now you're moping again because you're thinking you shouldn't have let him go?"

Nail on the fucking head. Iwaizumi closed his eyes.

"Iwaizumi," He heard Makki said, "I think it's the right decision. It just proved that you trust Oikawa enough."

"I don't think trust is the issue here, Makki. I know Oikawa will not do something like that to me. It's justㅡ You don't understand,"

"Oh, believe me," Makki said darkly. "If there is someone here who actually understands the word  _trust_ , it'd be me,"

"You don't have to let Matsukawa go wandering around with his ex-boyfriend, worrying whether some feelings will resurface right after,"

"Nope, I didn't have to do that," Makki said, "But I have to go wandering and hanging around with my boyfriend everyday, together with his first love, also known as the greatest love of his life before I came along, so."

Five heartbeats passed by before the words sunk in Iwaizumi's mind. He snapped his eyes open. "What?"

"Sometimes we eat ramen with him. On Fridays, he liked eating gimbap, so Issei and I had to eat gimbap as well. We've hung out watching good movies with him, too. It's pretty fun." Makki paused, smirking. "You still don't believe that I've already understood the essence of the word  _trust?"_

Iwaizumi gingerly sat up, glancing at the side profile of Makki's head. "You never told me Matsukawa is...  _was_..."

Makki shrugged. "I don't think about it, as much as possible. It helps with the, you know, insecurity." He bit his lip momentarily. "Sometimes I can't help it, though. With Oikawa looking like a real deity himself," he laughed lowly.

Iwaizumi didn't know what to say. He opened his mouth, but closed it again.

"But it's okay," Makki assured. "I trust Issei. A lot." He turned his head sideways, smiling at Iwaizumi. "And Tooru is a decent guy. A bit of a brat to all of his close friends. But I'm not really worried." A pause. "Anymore," he added. "Not anymore, at least."

Iwaizumi sighed deeply, then he flopped down the couch again, an arm covering his eyes.

"So what I'm saying is," Makki continued, "It's almost always about  _trust_ ," he sighed. "You can't mope around hating yourself here while your boyfriend is cutting all his ties with his past relationship. You know that's what he's doing. And you know that's what matters the most."

"He's.. not... my boyfriend..."

There was a sigh, followed by a low, breath of disbelieving laughter. "Then there's that," Makki shook his head slowly. "You guys badly need to DTR," he paused. "Define the relationship, you know."

Iwaizumi groaned. "Makki. It's as if you don't know me," he mumbled. "I don't doㅡ _mmpghf_ ,"

A pillow hit his face, cutting his words.

"Seriously?" Makki said exasperatedly, whirling around to look at him completely. "You're still saying that now?"

Iwaizumi scowled, sitting up and throwing the pillow back to Makki. "What do you meanㅡ?"

"If that's what you're thinking all this time, then this pep talk is fucking useless! Christ,"

"I don'tㅡ"

"Don't you think it's unfair?" Makki asked, his face genuinely sad.

Iwaizumi blinked, surprised, but he didn't have the chance to retort.

"Oikawa ㅡ your  _friend_  ㅡ is currently fixing and settling everything in his life right now just for  _you_. And here you are whining, pining for him to come back. Then what happens when he does? Will there be an assurance for you to actually  _commit?"_

"I..."

Makki sighed again, looking up. "You are soㅡ" he paused. "It's just so unfair that you want him all to yourself when you can't even give a word of commitment to him."

Iwaizumi dragged his hands on his face. "If you say it that way, it will really look that bad, Jesus,"

"It's because  _it really is!"_  Makki snapped. "You're going to hurt the both of you in the end, don't you fucking get it?"

Iwaizumi flopped back down the couch again, at loss for words.

After a minute or two, Makki grumbled again. "We've been together since Day 1, Iwa." He said. "Or at least, since the day you opened up," he paused. "You've been with a lot of people before, we all know that. But you never dated any of them." Makki paused. "Will you tell me the truth? I know you're the one to easily fall for people. No matter how.. unacceptable they are," he rolled his eyes. "But, still. You fall for them. You've felt something for them." He paused. "I don't know, man, but. Is what you're feeling right now for Oikawa the same as before?"

Iwaizumi didn't answer immediately, just staring at the ceiling again. He had almost memorized the fine details of it by now. Then, "No," Iwaizumi's voice was a low whisper. "Never," he said. "It was never like this,"

Makki looked both surprised and sad. "Then," he said, his voice tender and genuine. "You are so fucking moronic,"

Iwaizumi sat up once again, looking at him. "What?"

Makki stood up from the floor, looking passive. "I'm so done, Iwaizumi Hajime. So done."

"H-hey, what do you mean?"

Makki looked down at him. "If that was it, then you really need to DTR before I give you further advise," he deadpanned. "Or else, I'm afraid I'll develop a tendency to bang my head on the wall while talking to you,"

"W-waitㅡ Makkiㅡ"

"I'll take this with me, eh?" Makki grabbed the milkbread, then headed straight towards his room.

"I thought we're still talking?" Iwaizumi called. "What the fuck are youㅡ"

"I'm going to video-call my boyfriend, so don't you dare disturb us, if you know what I'm talking about," Then he was gone, and Iwaizumi was left alone in their cramped living room again, the TV still on.

He sighed, then he grabbed a pack of Marlboros from his bedside drawer before climbing up the rooftop patio, waiting for a phone call or text message that would never come.

Not until the next morning.

 

✉     ✉     ✉

 

"Eat," Ushijima said. A command.

Oikawa started, looking up from his plate. He stared at him across the table. "Waka-chan," he sighed, "Why did you bring me here?"

Ushijima brought Oikawa in a diner downtown, fifteen minutes away from Oikawa's dorm. The food was great, and the place was familiar. It also brought back good memories from their good old days, so.

He stared back hard, then his eyes roamed Oikawa's face, down his neck and shoulders. He lost weight. Ushijima didn't like it. It looked unhealthy for him. "Because I want you to eat," he said simply. "So eat."

Oikawa looked away, slightly pushing his pasta plate away from him. "I don't need you to feed me. That isn't your obligation anymore."

"And whose obligation is that?" His eyes flashed. "That prick earlier?" He asked. "If he has the obligation of taking care of you then I don't think he's doing a good job," he glanced down at his sagging shoulders, then his teeth clenched at the poor bandages around Oikawa's knuckles.

Oikawa folded his arms across his chest, hiding his hands from view. "Can you just get to the point?".

"You eat first, Tooru. Then I'll talk."

Oikawa scowled at him. But Ushijima knew that they both knew each other well. So after a long and deep sigh, Oikawa picked up his fork and began to eat. Ushijima relaxed a little, satisfied with the image of Oikawa eating.

For a long while, they just ate silently, Ushijima kept stealing glances from the guy in front of him. "Your hair's longer," he commented.

Oikawa's face was passive as he chose to ignore him, chewing lightly.

When they're done, Oikawa was the one to break the ice. "Can we get to the point now?" He asked, looking stern, arms folded again.

Ushijima almost smiled. He missed this version of Oikawa. The cold, skeptical brat. Even if it was towards him he was skeptical about. A year without seeing this guy made Ushijima missed him so much he would accept any version of him right now. But before his mouth curved, he composed himself, trying to be serious. "You know why I dragged you here."

"And you know why I let you," Oikawa didn't miss a beat.

 _Sharp as ever,_  Ushijima thought. And he knew his thoughts and words could be sharper, so he has to keep going if he wanted his sharp tongue back. "I saw the video." He said. "Why did you pick a fight with the theatre guys? I thought I told you to never pick a fight, especially with your actors,"

"Oh?" Oikawa said, brows raising. "I don't remember,"

He did. Of course he did. But he wouldn't admit it. "What happened to your hand?"

"Punched a hole on our kitchen window. I wished that was your face. Would be worth it,"

Ushijima half-closed his eyes, "God, Tooru. Why did you do that? You're such anㅡ"

"Asshole? Moron? Jerk?" Oikawa placed his hands on the table, leaning closer. His composure was already slipping slightly. "I know," he said. "I fucking know,"

Ushijima blinked. Oikawa just cursed. This was bad. "Tooru," he pleaded.

Oikawa glared.

He leaned back, exasperated. He looked around. Luckily, they were in a faraway corner booth, away from the eyes of the many people, so their ongoing little scene would remain private. It took Ushijima a minute to gather the words he would say next. But Oikawa wasn't the only one on edge and slipping. He was, as well.  _God, he was._  "I want you back," he said lowly, as sincere and genuine as possible. Because it  _was_  the truth. He wanted Oikawa back.

It worked. At least a little bit. Ushijima saw the imperceptible shift of emotions in Oikawa's eyes. He knew him too well; of course he'll never miss even that small change.

Oikawa's nose flared, eyes red-rimmed. "Why the fuck are you saying that just now?" He said. "You're making me feel guilty. I left Iwa-chan to come with you because I want to tell you to  _stop_. This is all stupid,"

"Will you listen to me when I say these five months, eight months ago?" Ushijima's fists clenched. "I know you. You hate me. And I just want to give you time to thinkㅡ"

Oikawa quickly stood up, trembling. He snatched his scarf from his chair and stomped his way out the diner, Ushijima moving fast to pay the bill and catch him outside. He caught him before he can cross the street.

"I swear to God I'll hit you if you don't leave me alone right nowㅡ"

 _"Listen to me!"_  Ushijima growled, stunning Oikawa. Some passers-by, especially the pensioners were starting to look at them. He gripped Oikawa by the arm and dragged him in the side walk, near a dark alley that smelled strongly like cat pee.

Hours, minutes, days of holding back. He can't take it any longer. Ushijima was just as  _weak_. Especially for this guy in front of him. "I'm sorry!" He cried, gripping Oikawa by the shoulders. "I'm fucking sorry! I don't even know how to start but  _God_ _ㅡ_  I tried to forget you, alright? I fucking tried to butㅡ" Ushijima choke on his words and sobs, "But I.. can't," he said. "I really  _can't."_

Oikawa looked aghast. He can't find any words to say. He can't seem to find the will to move either as Ushijima shifted to put his forehead on Oikawa's shoulder, crying dry tears. Oikawa was rooted in place; Ushijima was trembling slightly.

"I know I fucked up." Ushijima continued, "And I might already be late. I know that," his voice cracked, "But I'm sorry.. I'm sorry. Not a day had passed that I wasn't thinking of you. I'm sorry. I regret everything, please, don'tㅡ Don't let me go like this.. please.."

And it  _was_  fucked up, maybe. And unfair. So, so  _unfair_. But the gratification and absolution Ushijima felt when Oikawa put his palms on Ushijima's shoulder blades was blissful and satisfying.

So they stayed there, just a little bit longer, locked in their own bubble of existence, as the real world of lies, regrets and broken heartstrings revolved around them.

 

* * *

* * *

 

_**29 September 20XX** _

_**Tuesday** _

"Hi! It's Oikawa Tooru! You've reached my voicemail! So, it's only two things; either I don't have my phone with me right now, or I don't want to talk to you. If you fall under the latter category, don't bother leaving a message, cuz, like, fuck off. Sorry for the cursing."

_Beep_

 

ㅡ

 

_Today, 08:28 PM_

"Hey. It'sㅡ It's me, Iwa. Aren't you home yet? Call me back, yeah? I'll be waiting."

_Beep_

 

 


	3. Have a little faith in me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [♬♪](https://youtu.be/oMbOkw8L_kc) / [♬♪](https://youtu.be/E-mMtg-Zp4Q)  
> 

 

**CONVO VIA: SMS <LINE>**

**SIM ACCT OWNER: Oikawa Tooru**

 

_**29 September 20XX** _

_**Tuesday, 11:11 PM** _

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Tooru

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Tooru

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Arent you home yet?

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ :

 

 **Me** : mattsun

 

 **Me** : i just got homw

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Are u ok?

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : I heard from Makki what happened

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Tooru

 

 **Me** : it's okk

 

 **Me** : i'm okk don't worry

 

 **Me** : :---)

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Are u sure

 

 **Me** : yes

 

 **Me** : have a little faith in me

 

 **Me** : and ukno waka-chan won't do anythinhg like wat ur thinking

 

 **Me** : so trust me, its okK!

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : You know what i might believe you right now

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : If only i dont know ur not answering Iwa's texts or calls

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Yet you answerd mine

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : So you cant fool me dumbass

 

 **Me** :

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : I know how u are when ur distressd ok?

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : But that behavior of urs wont fuckinh work on me. U know u wont get rid of me that easily

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : So spill

 

 **Me** : mattsun

 

 **Me** : mattsun

 

**Me:**

 

**Me:**

 

 **Mattsun** ✔ : Do u want me to call instead?

 

 **Me** : non iyts ok

 

 **Me** : idon want u hearibg me like this

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Tooru are u fucking crying?

 

 **Me** : no

 

 **Me** : but i might

 

 **Me** : then my reputationm will b ruined

 

 **Me** : shattered dreams

 

 **Me** : what will my fans say eh?

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : God tooru ur the only one i know who can actually joke around after what happend

 

 **Me** : well what do u want me to do

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : For starters u can at least text Iwa right now to let him know ur home and fine

 

 **Me** : i will do that im just composing myself okk

 

 **Me** : thats y im texting u riggt now

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Im sure Iwa will be ok with it even if u call him sobbinh like a baby

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : In fact i think hes expecting u to call him sobbing like a baby

 

 **Me** : well, his expectations werr ruined bec im not a baby

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : U shouldve tried saying that to me 16 yrs ago u know

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Bec for me u always are a snivelling baby

 

 **Me** : f**k you mattsun

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Anyway

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : I wont call u if thats what u like

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : But spill. Cmon. What the hell happened?

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ :

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Tooru

 

 **Me** : i think you already know pretty much what happened

 

 **Me** : waka-chan and i dated for 8 mos after all. thats quite enough time to get close to ur bestfriend's boyfroend

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Ex boyfriend

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Ushijima and i were close enough until u two fell apart because of HIM

 

 **Me** : mattsun dont say it like that

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Tooru

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : U broke up with him because hes fuckinh possessv

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Of course its going to be like that

 

 **Me** : ikno but i think its partly my fault. we're just not meant to be ok

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : The fuck

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Why are u defending him?

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Ushiwaka said something didnt he

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Tooru

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : What did ushiwaka tell you?

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Im being serious righy now so spit it out

 

 **Me** :

 

 **Me** : mattsun

 

 **Me** : he wants us to get back together

 

 **Me** : he apologized for everythinh

 

 **Me** : said he regrets it and understands y i hate him

 

 **Me** : but he said hes sprry

 

 **Me** : and he wants me back..

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ :

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Then?

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : What did u say?

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : You refused, right?

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : I know that Iwa and u still arent exclusive but u said no to ushiwaka right? U like Iwa. U should like Iwa. You told me u like Iwa

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : No matter how sorry and regretful ushiwaka is, u have Iwa now. U know that, tooru

 

 **Me** :

 

 **Me** : ikno

 

 **Me** : ikno mattsun ikno

 

 **Me** : i didn say anything back to waka-chan ididn answer

 

**Mattsun ✔ :**

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : WHAT

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : WHY THE FUICK DID U DO TGAT

 

 **Me** : waht the hell do u want me to say yES?

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : USHOULDVE TOLD HIM NO UPFRONT GOD TOORU

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : UR JUST GIVING HIM FALSE HOPE

 

**Mattsun ✔ :**

 

**Mattsun ✔ :**

 

 **Mattsun ✔ :**  Wait a moment are u having second thoughts?

 

 **Me** :

 

 **Me** : idon kno

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Oh my god help me

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : This is wrong tooru

 

**Me:**

 

 **Me:** wrong?

 

 **Me** : u said so urself iwa-chan and i arent xclusive yet

 

 **Me** : and did u kno he hasnt even said he likes me back ever?

 

 **Me** : amd i said that to him a million times over amd over, wen wer high in sex wen wer sober wen hes asleep wen hes awake

 

 **Me** : heck i even tell him i like him in my dreams and he hasnt even said it back simce we started fucking

 

 **Me** : now is it wrong for me to be moved by waka-chan bec hes sorry and regretful?

 

 **Me** : if im being honest with myself ive been waiting fpr waka-chan to say thpse things to me ages ago

 

 **Me** : i wamt him to beg for my forgiveness

 

 **Me** : is it wrong to want for an absolution mattsun?

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Tooru calm the fuck dowm

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Ok Im sorry for saying its wrong. God

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : But ok hes sorry he regrets every fucking fucked up thing he ever did in the past

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : But tooru he wants to get u back

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : And u are swayed with that fact

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : And that is what is wrong

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Because u have Iwa now

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Dont u get it?

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : TOORU DONT IGNORE ME NOW U FUCKER U HAVE TO FIX THIS UP

 

 **Me** : idon kno mattsun

 

 **Me** : i kno i loved waka-chan before u kno that

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : I thought u already moved on

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Or do u still have feelings now

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Be honest

 

**Me:**

 

 **Me:**  i dont kno

 

 **Me** : that's the truth i don kno i just

 

 **Me** : im shook tonight ok

 

 **Me** : i need to think

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Damn

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : I want to help you in this one

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : But u know its gonna be up for u to decide

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : So what happened then?

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Did he feed u at least? Did he make you eat something?

 

 **Me** : yea

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Good

 

 **Me** : good what goood? nobody should force me to eat wtf

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : If we see each other more often im going to force more food down ur throat with how thin u are

 

 **Me** : :///

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Them what happened? Cmon Tooru spit it out

 

 **Me** : nothinh we just talked for a long time in a nearby park after

 

 **Me** : then he drove me home afterwards

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Basically a veryu boring date

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Very detailed story i liked it

 

 **Me** : :---(

 

 **Me** : don be sarcastic im gonna tell u evrrything when i see u in person okkk!

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : :-/

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : He still got that sleek Harley of his?

 

 **Me** : yeah

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Still scary looking and all?

 

 **Me** : yeah ://

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Still tried to kiss u?

 

 **Me** :

 

 **Me** : mattsun u sound like a highschool girl waht the hell

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : DID HE

 

 **Me** : yeah

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : WAHT THE FUCK

 

 **Me** : i turned my head

 

 **Me** : so he kissed my cheek

 

 **Me** : what do u think of me mattsun :/

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : FUCk

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : You shouldve punched him just once u know

 

 **Me** : ://

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : What did he say before leaving?

 

 **Me** : nothing

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Did he say he will see u again?

 

Me: idk i forgot? maybe. he didnt text me after

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : DONT EXPECT HIM TO THE FUCK TOORU

 

 **Me** : my head was spinning uajwjjsssjxkllsla

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : You know what im actually worried for Iwa right now

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : You think the kunimi story is gonna repeat itsefl? That fucking sucks

 

 **Me** : the hell im gonna let that happen

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : U keep an eye on both of ur boys

 

 **Me** : u make me look like a player :--(

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Thats not what i mean but well its ur mess

 

 **Me** : (┳Д┳)

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : I swear to god everytime im having migraines its because of u

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Go to sleep now Tooru

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : And for fucks sake pls call Iwa back. Or just text him ur alright

 

 **Me** : i will

 

 **Me** : gopdnight mattsun

 

* * *

* * *

 

_**29 September 20XX** _

_**Tuesday** _

 

"It's Iwa. Please leave a message."

_Beep_

 

ㅡ

 

_Today, 11:59 PM_

"Iwa-chan. It's me, Tooru.

"I-I'm fine. Everything's fine. Don't worry about me, I'm going to be okay.

"See you soon, yeah? Miss you,"

_Beep_

 

* * *

* * *

 

**CONVO VIA: SMS <LINE>**

**SIM ACCT OWNER: Oikawa Tooru**

 

_**30 September 20XX** _

_**Wednesday, 09:01 AM** _

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : <ATTACHMENT: 3 PHOTOS>

 

 **Me** : what is this

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : I just discovered something funny

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : You still remember Mikuchi Rika?

 

 **Me** : no

 

 **Me** : mattsun its too early for guessing games

 

 **Me** : i still havent had my coffee yet for goodness sake

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Hey listen this is interestinh

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Have u viewed the pics?

 

 **Me** : yea

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : No u havent

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : If u have, u would recognize Mikuchi Rika

 

 **Me** : can u get to the point who the hell is that

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Just look at the pics first dumbass

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Well?

 

 **Me** : oh

 

 **Me** : shes that girl

 

 **Me** : the one who blocked me in iwa-chan's fone

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Yes !

 

 **Me** : it looks like she's dating someone new? based on the pics

 

 **Me** : good for her

 

 **Me** : but wait ithink her new guy is familiar?

 

 **Me** : where'd u even get these?

 

 **Me** : and whats ur point mattsun (。_。)

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : I dont know it just popped on my feed

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : I dont want to tag you so i just took a screencap

 

 **Me** : her new bf looked fine for her

 

 **Me** : they suit each other well heh (￣◇￣;)

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Now I got curious

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Bec who the hell will fall for that bitch huh?

 

 **Me** : iwa-chan apparently

 

 **Me** : she's iwa-chan's ex, makki said

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Well technically but not really

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Anyway I looked into that guysprofile

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : <ATTACHMENT: 2 PHOTOS>

 

 **Me** : suzumo jun? his name felt weird to pronounce lol

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Look at the tagged pics

 

**Me:**

 

 **Me:** wTF?

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : I KMNOW

 

 **Me** : is that waka-chan?

 

 **Me** : what is he doing tjere why do yhey have pics together in a wedding

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Apparently rika's new bf is brother of waka's ex gf

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : See the long haired blondewith the bangs? I think thats wakas ex

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : And i dont think the brother is fond of waka

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Bad blood or somthng i dont know

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : His sister had one status telling him to fuck off in her relationship?

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : <ATTACHMENT: 1 PHOTO>

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : I think thats january this year

 

 **Me** : the hell then why do they have pics 2gder in a wedding?

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : I think its a family gathering so its mandatory for waka and the brother to get along just in front of the parents

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Thats what i assume

 

 **Me** : Anyway did u work in fbi or somethng? how the hell did u find all these out wtf

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Its callwd curiosity + thorough rsearch

 

 **Me** : it's stalking (─‿─)

 

 **Me** : suzumo jun.. suzumo hori

 

 **Me** : omg

 

 **Me** : i remembered waka-chan told me his ex's name is somethih like hori

 

 **Me** : its a small world wTF

 

 **Me** : she looks like a barbie doll

 

 **Me** : but im way prettier heh

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Interesting right?

 

 **Me** : hm yeah...

 

 **Me** : but mattsun im pretty sure this guy's rly familiar

 

 **Me** : the brother

 

 **Me** : this suzumo jun

 

 **Me** : i think ive seen him somewhere already in person!

 

 **Me** : but i cany remember?

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Well hes a new face to me

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : But in the meantime lie low

 

 **Me** : why?

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : I dont know just.. lie low

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : I have a feelinh u gotta lie low thats why im telling u this

 

 **Me** : ok?

 

 **[ ~~Me:~~** ~~how will i lie low like how is that even possibl~~ ㅡ  **]**

 

 **Me** : idc abt them anyway

 

 **Me** : dont u have class?

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : I do

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Have u contacted Iwa?

 

 **Me** : ...yea

 

 **Me** : I left a voice msg last nighy. he called me earlier

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Hm ok

 

 **Mattsun**  ✔ : Laters then

 

✉     ✉     ✉

 

"I thought you don't have class today," Oikawa yawned from the couch, sprawled and bedraggled.

It was quarter to 10 in the morning and Oikawa was still in his pj's, head hanging upside down from the edge of their stained couch.

Tsukki was busy tidying up, ready to go out. "I have work at the gas station," he said, pulling a shirt on his head, covering his bare torso. "What about you? I thought you have AM classes?"

"I'm sick. Can't you see? Ugh." He paused as Tsukki rolled his eyes. "What time's your out?"

"Dunno," the blond shrugged. "Don't wait up. Eat with your boyfriend."

Oikawa stayed silent. Tsukki didn't know about Ushijima yet, that's why Oikawa can still enjoy his own internal monologues without real-life interruptions and nagging's from his roommate. But he was fairly sure sooner or later, Tsukki will come at him with curious questions, having heard from Matsukawa or maybe from Yachi, because that girl sure knew everything.

"Aren't you gonna see each other? It's Wednesday. Usually you go out with Iwaizumi every Wednesday, right?"

Oikawa just closed his eyes, mumbling a  _yeah_. Then, "We'll see each other tonight." It was true, though. He had a short and clipped phone convo with Iwaizumi the moment he woke up. It was plain and nonchalant, their conversation. It was as if they were both tip-toeing around the topic of what happened yesterday; like the very mention of Ushijima himself was walking on thin ice, and one wrong move might lead to a spiderweb of cracks on the surface. And it's obvious they're both afraid to take risks now, which was not surprising at all. That's why all Iwaizumi had asked regarding the topic was a simple "Are you sure you are fine?" and a mumble of "I really missed you," before their convo shifted into planning to eat together tonight after Iwaizumi's laboratory classes.

And that was enough for Oikawa, for now. Besides, his mind was still muddled at the moment. He wasn't even sure if he was ready to keep an interrogation rolling when it started.

"Good," Tsukki deadpanned now, getting his duffle bag lying on the floor, beside the couch. He scooped Oikawa's iPhone along, its screen facing down the floor. He momentarily frowned at it before chucking it at Oikawa's chest. "Why do you have a picture of that coke dealer?"

Oikawa opened his eyes. "Eh?" He squinted at his phone, the photo Matsukawa sent him frozen on the screen.

Tsukki was still scowling down at him. "That guy's one of them, right? Those dealers we saw with Kunimi-san last sem," he paused, rolling his eyes when Oikawa didn't respond. "Those guys at the café," he pressed, "He's one of them, right?"

A light bulb seemed to flicker on inside Oikawa's mind. He sat upright, yelling a squawk. "Kei-chan!" He gasped. "You're absolutely right! Oh my god I've been thinking about where I saw this moron!"

Tsukki, looking unimpressed and mildly confused, shook his head slowly. "Whatever," he said, and with a final shrug, he took off.

Oikawa stared down hard at his phone after their door banged close. He frowned at the picture of the young blond man with piercings and tattoos all over his face and body. He looked somehow striking, might be a shady person or a drug dealer as Tsukishima implied. But, "Why would you go for that Mikuchi Rika, eh? She's a bitch, you should know that," Oikawa mumbled, squinting at his phone.

The picture didn't talk back. Oikawa sighed, and flopped back down their creaking couch again, letting his iPhone fall on the floor, its screen thudding against the hard wood.

 

✖

 

"The total is two hundred yen," The unfamiliar cashier snorted, unimpressed with Oikawa's newly-bought item.

Oikawa looked up at the haughty girl, raising a brow. "I bought a CD here last week," he pointed out, wanting to scrub the girl's skeptical face. So what if his item was only two hundred yen? He internally rolled his eyes.

The cashier with the bob-cut hair and mauve lips didn't retort, looking bored.

Oikawa's lip twitched. "Where's Suga-chan, anyway?"

Bob-cut girl stared. "It's his off,"

Oikawa raised his brows. "I see," he said, scooping up his item: a single knock-off vintage charm. "Tell him I said hi," Oikawa winked, and the girl continued to stare, unabashed.  _A lipstick lesbian, she seemed,_ Oikawa concluded, realizing his wink didn't make her blush.

Pulling his hood up to cover his head, Oikawa sauntered slowly, exiting the familiar record store. Tsukki wasn't with him this time, so he got his own alone time. Besides, he thought he needed the pure solitude. He wanted time to think on his own.

_Ooh-wee-ooh-wee-ooh!_

His phone was ringing.

"Yup?" Oikawa answered, not bothering to check the caller ID first.

"Oikawa," a familiar voice answered. Reflexively, Oikawa let out a small smile. He didn't realize how much he missed his voice. Though he heard it just this morning.

"Hey," he said, still smiling, "Iwa-chan," he glanced down at his wrist, "Is it your break?"

"One hour, yeah," Iwaizumi said from the other line. "Where are you?"

"Um. Downtown. Went to  _Urban's,"_

A pause. "Who are you with?"

Oikawa blinked, glancing ahead to check if it's green light for them to cross the lane. "No one," he said, trying not to sound so defensive. "Why?" He asked slowly, walking along the swarm of people crossing the street. "Did you think I'd be withㅡ"

"I mean," Iwaizumi quickly said, "I just thought Tsukishima would be with you,"

 _Is it really?_  Oikawa's mouth contorted. Then, "Nah. Kei-chan has a shift today at the gas station,"

"Hmm," Iwaizumi said. "Have you eaten lunch?"

Oikawa nodded, humming. "You?"

"Just about to."

Their words were still careful yet lighthearted. A little awkward and still clipped. But maybe, that's the way it's supposed to be. Or at least until they see each other tonight to actually  _talk_.

Oikawa decided to take a detour on his way back to the dorms, cutting through alleys and hidden short roads just to breathe in some new scenery. It was after a total of fifteen minutes talking to Iwaizumi while walking back when he realized his phone was about to shut down due to low battery.

"Iwa-chan," he said, halfheartedly cutting Iwaizumi midsentence. "My battery's going to die. I'll just text you as soon asㅡ" His phone vibrated, signalling his phone's last breath. "I get home," he muttered. He stared down at his iPhone, silently cursing it.

When he looked around, he blinked.  _What_ _ㅡ_ _where am I?_  It took him three seconds to realize he took a slightly different route back. He might've known this area. He and Tsukki took this way once, like a-year-and-a-half ago? But Oikawa blinked now; he didn't realize this route would be so much different today than what it was before.  _Where the hell is that park that's supposed to be near this alley? I wouldn't miss it._

Frowning, Oikawa trudged on the narrow alleys and almost desserted streets. But it took him a moment to realize that he, indeed, was utterly lost.

"What the hell," he muttered lowly to himself. "I don't even have a GPS," he stared glumly at his dead phone.

Five heartbeats later, he heard some raucous laughter nearby.  _Great_ , he thought.  _I'll just have to ask for directions._

He whirled around, looking for the source of the noise and laughter. He found a group of guys that looked about his age huddled and loitering around a nearby shop with its front windows broken, the commercial facade thick with dust.

Oikawa had a half-moment of hesitation, balking when he saw that the atmosphere around this area was not very welcoming, and the group of people he just saw were not your ordinary college hipsters. They were the kind of clique who were lounging around with their scary motorcycles and dark leather jackets. It was wrong to judge, maybe. But you cannot blame Oikawa's steps from faltering when he realized that these sunken faces were not just scary-looking. They were also terribly  _familiar_.

His palms suddenly felt cold when he recognized the shock of dirty blond hair and the striking face. He may not remember Oikawa, yeah, but the girl in his arms sure did.

Before his legs can obey him to turn around and walk away, said girl whipped her head around in Oikawa's direction, freezing him.  _Fuck_.

Rika smiled, slow and icy. Then, "Hey!" she called out, turning the spotlight on Oikawa.

The guys around her turned to take a look, then Rika sauntered closely, still smiling. "My, my," she laughed. "We were just talking about  _you_ , Tooru-kun. Perfect timing, really." she paused, her eyes looking behind Oikawa, as if checking if he has any other companions. Seeing he was alone, the bitch's sly smile grew wider. "But really, it was a surprise you know this place. Mind if I ask you what you are doing here, faggot?"

Oikawa almost rolled his eyes. "Is that the best insult you can think of?" He lightly flicked his fringes away, hiding his distress. "Nice try, but I'm not insulted,"

Suddenly, a strong arm suddenly looped around Oikawa's shoulders. He smelt strongly of stale cigarettes. "Rika," the man owning the arm looped around Oikawa's shoulder purred. "Is this the pretty Oikawa Tooru you're talking about?"

Oikawa gritted his teeth, body still frozen.

"Hmm," Rika nodded, smiling. "He's also that faggot who stole your sister's boyfriend,"

 _What?_  Oikawa blinked, knuckles clenching. "The fuck are you saying you bitchㅡ!"

It took him a moment to feel the pain, bruising and throbbing at the back of his skull. Because suddenly, Oikawa was slammed on a nearby concrete wall, a hand pinning his neck. Oikawa stayed still. He couldn't breathe, but his eyes were burning.  _Don't lash out, Tooru. Don't._

"You do not talk to girls like that," The man spoke slowly, eyes glinting.  _Suzumo Jun._ Even his face was horrid upclose. "Understand?" he paused. "So, you're Ushiwaka's bitch, then? Your boyfriend and I had a lot of misunderstandings in the past." he said. "And also.  _We_  have met before, haven't we, Tooru?"

The guy was even taller and broader than Oikawa himself. He should be terrified, really. But Oikawa just stared. "I don't think so," he easily lied, now Jun's face vivid in his mind from their brief encounter last semester. I don't know what you're talking about," he said. "Ushijima and I broke up a long time ago,"

Jun smiled, cold and menacing. Then his head tilted, curious. He slowly leaned down on his ears. "You know what, I prefer girls." His mouth skimming Oikawa's earlobe, whispering. "But I think I like your face," a thumb brushed Oikawa's lower lip, making his nose flare in disgust. "You're such a pretty faggot, aren't ya?"

Oikawa's knuckles were white. He was internally calculating how much force, agility and effort he would have to exert in order to run away. Becauseㅡ he seriously can't fight off all these gits. They were a total of ten, excluding Rika, and one of them was playing with a baseball bat. He was contemplating whether he should just scream. Should he scream? No, he concluded.  _That would make me look pathetic._

Jun suddenly laughed out loud, spit showering on Oikawa's face. "Look at your face!" He said. "You're seriously thinking about escaping, aren't ya? God, I like headstrong ones."

 _"Jun,"_  Rika warned nearby. "Stop fooling around,"

Jun smirked, "But where's the fun in that, babeㅡ?"

Then suddenly, Oikawa's savior appeared. Trembling and stealthily tip-toeing himself out of the scene. Oikawa almost laughed out loud himself because, God. Why did he always meet the most unexpected people?

"S-suga-chan!" He exclaimed desperately, and he vividly saw how the silver-blond guy jumped, petrified and trembling as he paused from fleeing. Oikawa was silently praying  _please don't run please don't run please save me god please please_  repeatedly, hoping Sugawara would get what was happening here: that Oikawa was being cornered by ugly-looking thugs.

When Sugawara turned his head, his face was unreadable. Then he squeaked, "O-Oikawa-san!"

Oikawa was so thankful he could cry. Immediately, Jun released his neck, and Rika's group swiftly dispersed, murmuring angry words and scoffs. Then Oikawa moved quickly, running towards Sugawara and pulling him by the wrist, running away from the demented group.

It was only after a minute, when Oikawa's trembling knees almost buckled and Sugawara took the lead, desperately pulling a pale-faced Oikawa by the hand.

By the time Sugawara finally led them out into a boisterous part of the city where people were more visible, Oikawa collapsed, sitting himself sprawled on the sidewalk.

"A-are you okay, Oikawa-san?" Sugawara asked.

Oikawa, biting his bottom lip and looking like he might cry, said, "Do you have, water or something?"

"Ohㅡ" Sugawara produced a bottle of water, and within seconds, Oikawa gulped the whole content.

After a moment of silence, Sugawara was the one to speak up. "I-I was just passing by when I saw some kind of commotion happening," he explained, probably giving Oikawa some slack and filling up the tensed silence himself. "I didn't realize it was you who's being mugged until you called out to me." He paused. "I'm actually s-surprised you still remember my name," he said lowly.

Oikawa stared at him. He was still sitting on the sidewalk, and Sugawara joined beside him after a few moments. His hands were still trembling. "Being mugged would be so much kinder," he whispered. Then he groaned, "God, I thought they're gonna burst my head open with that baseball bat!"

Sugawara blinked, horrified. "In broad daylight?! Th-that's murder!"

 _I doubt they'd care about that, if they were given a second chance, seeing how risky and threatening they actually are._ But Oikawa just groaned, standing up. Sugawara steadied him, eyeing his stance. "But really. Thank you for not running away. I thought you're going to pretend you don't know me.. though you really don't know me..  _technically_.."

For a long time, Sugawara stared at him. Then he smiled andㅡ wow. Oikawa was almost knocked off his feet again. He felt his heart warmed staring at Sugawara's smiling and sympathizing face. For a moment, Teru's ㅡ his sister's ㅡ eyes flicked in his mind. Then, he blinked, and the moment was gone.

"It's okay." Sugawara said, eyes crinkling. "I'm glad I helped." He paused. "Say, do you wanna drink some tea? Or are you heading home? Your hands are still cold. Tea might help."

Oikawa glanced down at his wristwatch, seeing he still has time to spare before his dinner date-slash-interrogation with Iwaizumi. So he nodded. "I'm not much of a tea person," he said weakly. "But I guess I could try," he smiled.

"Brilliant!" Sugawara said, then he took Oikawa's arm to steady him again, face soft and tranquil and warm. As if a previous close-call disaster didn't happen at all.

 


	4. Hey, angel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- bec daisuga is life: [♬♪](https://youtu.be/F5ynsMXEz70) / [♬♪](https://youtu.be/nX1VeFBo9AQ)  
> \- bec ushioi is ugh: [♬♪](https://youtu.be/uyTxM7W2r3Q) / [♬♪](https://youtu.be/F1fn6lJHHSo)  
> 

 

"Sugawara-san," a voice near Sugawara's ear hissed. "Those guys are here again,"

It was five seconds before the words actually register in Sugawara's brain. It jolted him awake from his slumber. "What?" He sat bolt upright, seeing one of his female classmates staring at him.

She pointed at Sugawara's chin, whispering, "You got some droolㅡ"

Blushing, he wiped his chin with the sleeve of his sweatshirt. "Sorry. Um. What do you mean by those guys are here again?" He asked in a hushed voice, seeing their lecture was still on-going, a powerpoint presentation on the roll while they're having a conversation.

His classmate blinked, her eyes reflecting the light coming upfront, the only thing illuminating their room. "I mean I went to the comfort room, and those guys who're always cornering you are literally camped by the door outside, waiting for you to come out." She paused. "Seems like they ran out of allowance again,"

Sugawara paled. "What,"

She shrugged. "That's what they always do right? Mooching off you."

Sugawara gulped. "Th-they're my cousins," he confessed in a timid voice.

Her eyes roamed his face. "You look nothing alike." Then she went back facing upfront, where the lecture was still droning on.

 _Well, thank God, we look nothing alike_ , Sugawara silently admitted, staring at the door of his classroom. It was ten minutes before the bell which will signal their dismissal. Ten minutes before the twins can barge in that door and demand for additional allowance. What would it be this time? Concert ticket? Field trip? Newly released album? Sugawara bit his lip. Or maybe, they just ran out of cigarettes.

If he has the money, why not? He would gladly give some to his cousins everytime they demand for it. But no. Unfortunately, his monthly paycheck from all of his part-time jobs were just enough to support his own monthly expenses. Plus, he also needed to send money to his mother and sister back home.

Being a full-tuition University academic scholar helped. But still, living with his aunt and cousins here in Tokyo was close to being a Cinderella man ㅡ that's why being the proper A+ scholar via studying hard wasn't the only thing in his plate. It also included all of his part-time jobs (three in total), which, actually, were the sole reason why he was drained and tired everytime.

So, as much as he wanted to be a generous person and give his cousins what they wanted everytime they cornered him in his classes and work, he has no choice but to hide. Especially today. Hide, because 1) he actually has no extra cash from his food allowance to give out anymore (he's been living off stale bread and leftover food in the fridge for a week now) and 2) because he knew that if he wasn't able to produce any money, he'll just be subjected yet again to a minor scene of humiliation like what happened at the convenience store last month when Maruo wasn't able to get anything from him, and 3) his mom and sister needed this money more, so, nope. He'll be goddamned if his savings will be taken away just for a VIP concert ticket.

The twins were a year younger than Sugawara, but he never expected them to treat him like an older brother or a senpai. He knew the odds were slim, more that their own mother calls him "dirty faggot" when they're all in the house. Not that Sugawara minded, though. It almost never stung anymore. And truth be told, he'd been called worse.

He shook his head now, forcing himself out of this self-pity.  _It never helped,_  he reminded himself. So instead of wallowing his mind with depressing thoughts, he willed himself to think of an escape route.

They were in Building 6, 3rd floor. Two exit doors. Three windows. The twins would most likely man up both exits. And when he tries to run (of course he will try to run), Sugawara was afraid they'll drag him by the hair the moment they realized he was escaping again. And nobody touches Sugawara's hair.  _Nobody_. That was the only redeeming thing he has on his own, apart from his old sweatshirts (with a lot of holes in them).

"Excuse me," he called out lowly to his other classmate. "What time is it?"

"4:22,"

Eight more minutes.

Slowly and quietly, he stood up, backpack slung on his shoulders ㅡ and went to open a single window at the very back of the room. A small ray of afternoon sunshine filtered in and Sugawara almost gasped, closing his eyes, waiting for his professor's voice inquiring what the hell is he doing there?

Four heartbeats came. And the lecture droned on.  _Okay_ , he thought.  _That was a close one. Just be quiet in going down, Koushi. You can do it._

It was ridiculous, maybe. But nobody knew how desperate he was. That's why he just gritted his teeth as he stealthily snaked his way out the window, balancing himself on the sill. Luckily, the outside area of the building was hidden in view by the Volleyball Gymnasium nearby, so there was a small chance of some student or faculty member noticing him scaling down a building in broad daylight.

Sugawara was never afraid of heights, and given the situation, it was obvious he can scale. It started back when he was a child, actually. From concrete and bamboo posts to tree trunks to high fences. And now a high-rise building. ("Sugawara Koushi, everyone," he muttered to himself.)

Or maybe he was just that fearless. He loved being in high places. Loved the wind and altitude hitting his face. The calmness he felt when he's alone. So maybe being ten meters above ground wasn't an issue to him at all. But more likely, the issue here was that he was halfway down when the bell rang.

"Shit," he cursed. "Double time, Koushi."

Panic surged in his veins, and he could almost feel his cousins' frustration right then as they kept looking for him.

That's why three seconds later, when he heard a sound of laughter just four meters below him, and an angry and horribly familiar shout of "Sugawara!" from the room he came from, he clenched his teeth and swung his leg to scale down faster and ㅡ

Three meters above, he realized he pulled something on his ankles. And the next thing Sugawara knewㅡ he's falling down, gravity cradling him like a baby.

He waited for the ground to hit. He closed his eyes to ready himself to roll his body, just to lessen the impact.

Butㅡ some nanoseconds later, instead on the ground, he found himself falling ㅡ on top of somebody else.

There was a chorus of indignant yells. A shocked grunt. And an explosion of bursting pain on Sugawara's right ankle.

 _"D-Daichi!"_ Somebody called near Sugawara.

"Where the fuck did he come from?!" Another voice shouted.

Sugawara's head was also spinning, but somehow, he managed to lift himself from being sprawled face first on something hardㅡ a broad chest. Sugawara blinked, and he found himself crouched on all fours, hovering above a guy with black, short-cropped hair. Said guy was not moving below him, eyes half-closed and dazed.

 _Oh my God._  "Hey! Wake up! Are you okay?!" Sugawara panicked. "H-hey! Please, wake up!"

"D-Daichi!" Sugawara started at the voice again, accompanied with hurried and panicked footsteps. Then when he realized what position he was in, his ears turned pink, quickly shifting to extract himself completely from the guy underneath him. He kept himself nearby, though. He was scared, but he lingered.

"O-Oi," he shook the guy's shoulder cautiously, afraid some bones were broken. "Are you okay?"

Then slowly, his eyes opened completely. The guy's face was unreadable as they stared at each other for mere seconds. Then he blinked.

"Are you hurt?" Sugawara said, frowning deeply.

The guy didn't answer, still dazed, but his arm slowly reached out, fingers grazing Sugawara's hair andㅡ

A body slammed Sugawara's, jerking him out of the way. "Daichi!" A scary-looking bald guy yelled. "Captain! Are you dead?!"

Daichi, the guy Sugawara knocked off, groaned. Then he gingerly sat upright, the bald guy helping him out. "I'm alright, Tanaka," Daichi said. "W-what happened? Something fell from thㅡ"

Tanaka whipped his head around to glare at Sugawara. "This guy! This guy happened! He fucking fell from the sky and knocked you out!" He shouted, pointing Sugawara. "What the fuck are you playing at?!"

Sugawara gulped, backing away. He now realized how absurd his situation would be if he tried to explain it. But he was outnumbered, all around him were tough-looking guys with the same varsity jackets andㅡ He jolted. These were the Volleyball team. He swiveled his head around, looking forㅡ

"Oi!" Another guy said. This one's not that big. Actually, he was fairly small. But his stance made Sugawara shrink. "We're asking you a question! Do you know whom you almost injured?! How will you take responsibility if our Captain broke an arm!? And we have an upcoming match next weekㅡ"

"Noya!" another guy hissed, this one's much, much taller. Possibly the tallest among this group. "Take it easy, you're scaring himㅡ"

"Well, would you take responsibilty if Daichi got injured, Asahi?!"

And just like that, the guy called Asahi shrunk as well, ruining his tallest-and-toughest-guy image.

"L-Look, guys," Sugawara stammered, still looking around for a familiar pretty bespectacled face, "I'm sorryㅡ I was just scaling from the third floorㅡ and I just kind ofㅡ twisted my ankleㅡ"

"KOUSHI!" An angry voice above them shouted. It was coming from the third floor window. "YOU FUCKING FAGGOT I'M GOING TO KILL YOU WHEN I GET HOLD OF Yㅡ"

Sugawara's face flushed and contorted in panic and humiliation, and without thinking, he scrambled to stand up, snatching his backpack from the dusty ground as he bolted through the bodies surrounding him, running and escaping the scene.

An arm almost caught him, but a force pulled it back, with a voice saying, "Tanaka, enough! Let him goㅡ!"

"But Captainㅡ!"

_"Enough!"_

Sugawara's ankles were screaming in pain. And the gravel underneath him scrunched as he ran away, limping and looking pathetic. _Why do I have to hoard all the bad luck in the world?!_ He thought.

And yes, maybe he was unlucky. Maybe he's got all the rotten luck in the expanse of Japan. But that moment, as he was limping away, he didn't realize what ㅡ or whom ㅡ he really left behind. None of them also knew that, that's not the only time their paths would intersect. Over and over again.

 

✖

 

The sun was already setting when the throbbing on his ankle subsided. It still hurt when he walked, but not so much anymore. Maybe he'll get it wrapped up in the infirmary later on.

Sugawara was sitting on the ground, his back leaning on the wall beside Gym 4, the one where the pep squadron practice their routines. It was silent, saved from the squeaks of sneakers against polished wood and the repeated thuds of a ball being slammed. Sugawara blinked. He was supposed to be in Gym 4, right?

Right then, a ball rolled to his direction. He picked it up, and he raised a brow when he recognized the equipment.

Still grunting because of his ankles, he limped his way to the back entrance of the Gym. He took a peek, confirming his guesses, then he smiled.

A Volleyball hit the wooden floor again, the thundering noise echoing althroughout the court.

 _"Waah,"_ Sugawara marveled, sauntering slowly. "So this is your home, hm."

A guy with a mop of chocolate brown hair slightly wet from sweat whipped his head around to see who the intruder was. For a second there was shock, then Oikawa Tooru's face broke into a grin. "Suga-chan!" He greeted. "What are you doing here?"

Sugawara smiled, glancing down at the ball he was holding, "I was supposed to ask you that question," he said. "I ran into your teammates on the way here. Why aren't you with them?"

Oikawa blinked. "Really?"

"Er, no. I mean, yes. But not really." He said.

Oikawa tilted his head sideways, confused.

"I mean I just.. bumped into them, ha ha." Suga laughed uneasily. "But we didn't have the time for niceties and introductions,"

"Hmm," Oikawa said, smiling slightly. "Well, I am still suspended from any club or varsity team activities, you see. You know, with the, video and all. I'm sure you already watched it." He pursed his lips.

Sugawara didn't, but he raised his brows.

"But I can't  _not_  practice for three more weeks!" Oikawa reasoned. "And, I just.. need to have some release." He shrugged.

"I see," Sugawara said, smiling as well. "That's why you are hiding in Gym 4 in case someone sees you in your own court,"

Oikawa laughed. "You won't rat me out, Suga-chanㅡ wait. Are you okay?"

"Eh?"

"You are limping,"

Sugawara didn't move. "No, I'm not,"

"Yes, you are! What the hell happened? Is it your ankle? Let me seeㅡ!"

"Noㅡ Oikawaㅡ it's perfectly fineㅡ"

 _He is so persistent_ , Sugawara was thinking five minutes later when Oikawa made him sat on a bench as he procured a box of first-aid kit from the gym's storage room. At first, Oikawa offered to give him a piggy-back ride to rush him to the school infirmary, seeing his ankle was red and swelling. But Sugawara assured him that nothing's broken and he just pulled something; just needing it to be wrapped up.

Sugawara ended up telling him what happened, though. And somehow, Oikawa burst out laughing when he discovered how did Sugawara actually "bump" into his teammates on the way here.

"Godㅡ I'd like to see Ryuu's faceㅡ!" Oikawa was shaking in fits of laughter.

"It's not funny!" Sugawara pouted, examining the perfect bandages on his ankles, "They're all scary! I actually thought your Captain is going to clock me in the face as soon as he sat up,"

Oikawa snorted, still smiling. "Nah, Dai-chan won't do that. He's the only sane person in the whole team, to be honest with you. Maybe that's why he's Captain," he paused. "One day I'm going to introduce you two to each other!"

"E-Eh?" Suga said, surprised at the idea. "It's unnecessary to do that!"

Oikawa stood up, packing up the kit, "Why? Don't you wanna say sorry? I bet that hurt you know, having someone from the third floor fall on top of you. Even if nothing was actually broken, and even if he played it cool,"

Sugawara pouted once again. "You think so?" He looked up at Oikawa.

"I  _know_  so," And Oikawa padded back to the storage room to return the kit.

 _He's so cool,_  Sugawara smiled at Oikawa's retreating figure.  _I wished I could be as cool as him._

It's been three days since they officially met each other because of a certain incident which included some "hateful people in his insignificant life" as Oikawa put it. He didn't give out many information, but one thing was certain: Oikawa's love life was way too complicated. Also, he's gay. Like Sugawara himself. Surprise.

He had been an understanding buddy. Offering time and tea might be the only thing he did for Oikawa that day after he saw him with those thugs/muggers, but the lighthearted talk and warm drink seemed to calm Oikawa down before they parted ways, exchanging numbers and email addresses. And it's easy talking and being with Oikawa. It made him miss his little sister back home.

When Oikawa emerged from the backroom, he was wearing a frown on his face, fiddling with his phone.

"What's the matter?" Sugawara inquired, standing up.

"Nothing, Iㅡ Do you have something to do, Suga-chan. Where are you headed? I'll walk you there,"

Sugawara blushed, surprised of having someone to actually offer him that. "Ohㅡ no, no! It's okay! I can go to  _Urban_  myself!"

"Oh, you have a shift there? C'mon, then. I'll walk you to workㅡ"

Sugawara didn't know how to decline more, "No, seriously. Oikawa-san. I'm going to be fine, trust meㅡ" he paused. "Go on and change clothes then I'll get goingㅡ Seriouslyㅡ you just helped me with the bandagesㅡ"

Oikawa crossed his arms. "You actually still need to put ice on that. D'you want me to carry you? Let's go right now,"

"Whaㅡ Noㅡ" Sugawara stuttered.

Then suddenly, "Tooru," an unfamiliar deep voice sounded.

Sugawara whipped his head to look at the newcomer, confused. Then slowly, he looked at Oikawa ㅡ who suddenly became very rigid.

It was a tall guy. Probably a bit older. He's quite goodlooking but somehow, he looked scary.

It was Oikawa who spoke first, turning to look at the guy. "Waka-chan," he said weakly. "How the hell did you get inside the campus?"

The guy sauntered closely, ignoring Sugawara, who flushed, shrinking bank. When the guy was only a meter away from Oikawa, he held up his hand, showing a random uni badge ㅡ the university entrance card. Sugawara frowned.  _What's happening? Is he not a student here?_  Then suddenly, he recognized the different color scheme of the varsity jacket. Purple.  _Shiratorizawa University,_  it said. Sugawara balked, but he remained standing in his place.

"What do you want?" Oikawa deadpanned.

"We need to talk," Shiratorizawa guy said calmly.

 _Huh?_  Sugawara blinked. That's not a good line.  _Uh-oh. Maybe I need to get the hell outta here..._ Sugawara started to move, limping away to exit the gymㅡ

"Suga-chan," Oikawa snapped. "Don't move an inch. I told you I'm going to walk you to work,"

Sugawara's eyes were wide as saucers. "O-Oikawa-san," he said. "It's okay, really. My ankle doesn't hurt anymㅡ"

Oikawa gritted his teeth. "Sugaㅡ"

 _"Go,"_  Shiratorizawa guy's eyes flashed at Sugawara, making him blink.

"Eh?"

"I said  _go_ ," the guy snapped. "We're about to talk, and you're intruding. Go,"

Whoa, wait. That was justㅡ Plain  _rude_.

Something inside Sugawara boiled. "Are you talking down on me?" He said slowly to the new guy.

The guy didn't answer, just stared back. Probably surprised at Sugawara's newfound boldness.

Sugawara limped closely at the two of them, clenching his teeth. He filled his lungs, then looked up straight at the rude guy. "I don't know the whole story here, so I'm not in any position to intrude, just like what you said." He paused, his eyes momentarily flicking to Oikawa's shocked face, then back to the rude guy. "I have no idea what he is to you. But Tooru  _is_  my friend. And I know you guys need to talk privately so I really need to take my leave. But." He paused, eyes flashing. "If somehow I discovered you did something to upset him even more, I may not be good in English but I make noses bleed, do you understand?"

The guy stared. Then he snorted, laughing lowly. "Who the hell do you think you are?" He stepped closer.

"Waka-chan!" Sugawara heard Oikawa warned.

Sugawara didn't shrink this time. Instead, he held his ground, his smile feline. And slowly, he closed the space between the rude guy and him by stepping closer, leaning up to whisper something in his ear.

When he pulled away, rude guy's face was passive, unreadable. Then Sugawara turned to look at Oikawa, who mouthed, What did you just say? He shrugged, flashing a wide smile. Then, "I'll get going now." He announced. "Tooru," he nodded, and limped his way to exit Gym 4, leaving Oikawa with a statue of the rude Shiratorizawa guy.

 

✉     ✉     ✉

  

When Ushijima regained his senses, he immediately asked, "What the fuck's wrong with that guy?"

Oikawa blinked, having no idea what Sugawara did.

"Is he really your friend?" Ushijima demanded.

Oikawa's eyes flashed. "Why do you care? Are you going to pick my friends now as well?" Sugawara was a sweet guy. But Oikawa's going to admit, he always did surprising things. Like now. He had no idea that underneath that cute and blushing face was a cunning personality. Oikawa really liked his choice of friends.

"That's not what I mean," Ushijima grumbled, then he paused, raking his eyes all over Oikawa's body.

"What?" He snapped.

"I really don't like the sight of how much weight you're losing,"

Oikawa snorted, padding towards his duffle bag to pack up.

"Is there a shortage of food in your dorm? I thought that Iwaizumi is supposed to feed yㅡ"

"No one tells me when do I eat," he snapped, whirling around. "And seriously, what do you want again? I'm exhausted,"

"You act as if I'm doing something wrong," Ushijima snarled lowly. "You two are not yet official, am I right?"

The words dropped like stones.

"I am," Ushijima smirked, pausing. "Your new boy can't take responsibility? Man, he has some ballsㅡ"

 _"Stop,"_  Oikawa whispered, his eyes hollowed. "Stop. Please. I already forgive you even if I had no reason to. But don't make me regret it and push you awayㅡ"

"You're already pushing me awayㅡ!"

"Because you're saying those things against him!" Oikawa exploded. "Please. Don't make feel likeㅡ"

"Like what?" Ushijima urged. "Like what, Tooru?  _Like what?!"_

Oikawa hesitated, "Like. I don't know! You confuse me!"

A long pause. Then, "I confuse you," Ushijima said slowly, eyes tender. Slowly, he walked closer to him, the distance between them disappearing. "That means we still have a chance, right?"

Oikawa dragged a hand on his face, exhausted. "We're going in circles hereㅡ"

Ushijima was fast; Oikawa had forgotten how fast he was. So when his lips crushed his own, all he ever managed to say was a tiny gasp before he was pinned on the wall, Ushijima's one hand cradling the back of his head for support. At first, Oikawa didn't kiss back. He even had his eyes opened in shock at the sudden turn of events as Ushijima desperately molded their mouths together, finding heat.

But there was once a time when Oikawa loved this guy before. And no matter how much he tried to suppress it, the heat came back, taunting him.

"Please," Ushijima pleaded between slick drags of his lips, "Tooru, kiss me backㅡ"

And Oikawa became weak; tears streaming down his face as he kissed him back with equal force and passion. He didn't know what he was doing, confusion bubbling up in his mind.

In between kisses, Ushijima was saying his name like a prayer, over and over again, as their teeth clanked, their tongues and spit almost becoming one. Then his mouth travelled down Oikawa's neck as he mumbled "mine" against his skin, making Oikawa sob as he sucked blood to the milky surface.

It was after a couple of minutes when both of them pulled away, panting and sweaty. Oikawa still had his eyes closed, and he felt the other guy touched their foreheads together, chests still heaving.

"Tomorrow. 7 PM on the dot. Back to where we first met. I'll wait for you there." He paused. "Tooru," he cradled his cheek softly, desperately. "Please. Choose me. I want you back."

Oikawa didn't reply. He just closed his eyes, breathing, feeling helpless and defeated. "Iㅡ," he said, voice cracking.

"Leave everything behind for me. Let's start again," Ushijima said. "I'll wait for you, okay?" Then he shifted, swiftly pressing another heated kiss on Oikawa's mouth.

Oikawa can't move. Somehow, he felt the pressure being lifted from his body, then by the time he opened his eyes, Ushijima was already gone, leaving a trail of purple hickeys behind, right on Oikawa's neck.

 

* * *

* * *

 

**CONVO VIA: SMS <LINE>**

**SIM ACCT OWNER: Oikawa Tooru**

 

_**03 October 20XX** _

_**Saturday, 06:11 PM** _

 

 **Iwa-chan❤:**  Oikawa

 

 **Iwa-chan❤:**  Let's watch a movie tomorrow night. Makki won't be here

 

 **Iwa-chan❤:**  I'll cook

 

 **Iwa-chan❤:**  Before you can ask, yes, I can cook.

 

 **Iwa-chan❤:**  You decide what movie

 

 **Iwa-chan❤:**  Tooru

 

**Iwa-chan❤:**


	5. I don't think it's me you want to choose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [♬♪](http://eternal-hiraeth.tumblr.com/post/51612131330/he-is-we-our-july-in-the-rain-this-melody-will) / [♬♪](https://youtu.be/K4e_0VvTqv0)

 

_July_

_2 years, 3 months ago_

 

"Hey, Oikawa. That guy's here again. Thought he had stopped showing up entirely, huh."

Oikawa Tooru whipped his head up so fast his neck hurt a bit with the force. Fifty percent of him was surprised and relieved even if he kind of knew who it was already because,  _It's him again!_  while the other fifty was feeling as resigned as always, like all the other times Oikawa came to find this guy showing up at random places, waiting for him.

He was his team's opponent, he knew, so Oikawa despised him with that information alone, no matter how prejudiced it sounded. But still. He can never get to tame his heart from beating so loudly whenever he came around. He tried, though. Taming it. He has been trying since this guy started following him (borderline stalking, really) after they accidentally met each other at a certain bar Saeko-neesan and her foreigner friend Cindy brought him to.

Their first meeting was a blur to Oikawa. Literally. Maybe because he was drunk, or maybe he just didn't care so much about anyone at the moment. But never would he thought that they would see each other again. And worse, from the other sides of the net, in an official match. It surprised him, truly. And sometimes he thought the fate weavers were mocking him.

Ushijima Wakatoshi was leaning on a wall near the exit gates of Korihito College, wearing a sports jacket with his hands tucked inside its pockets. His head was hanging low, which, from Oikawa's angle, gave him a brooding kind of look. Morose, even.

Oikawa and his teammates were currently exiting the said school. They'd just won a practice match, apparently, and his teammates were chatting about eating somewhere before going back to their respective dorms.

Then, "Hmm. Seems like you won't be eating with us, Oikawa," one of his senpais slapped him lightly on his back, continuously walking past his rooted body. He had stopped walking, he realized, and somehow, all his teammates were seemingly not expecting him to follow. Some were giving him grins. Some wolf-whistled. He just rolled his eyes.

Tanaka Ryuu, Saeko's younger brother, sniggered, putting an arm around Oikawa's shoulder. "I really thought he had given up on you, Tooru. Say, why don't you try asking him about their practice routines? And other secret defenㅡAGGGGH!"

"Oikawa. We have practice tomorrow, okay?" Sawamura Daichi, a second year, appeared by his side, smiling knowingly as he dragged Tanaka by the ear.

 _"_ _ㅡ_ _Oi, Daichi! It fucking hurts_ _ㅡ_ _!"_

"Um okayㅡ" Oikawa paused. "But whyㅡ?"

"See you tomorrow, then," Sawamura clapped a hand on his back as well, still clamping Tanaka's ear as the bald guy screamed his protests.

After a while, when all his teammates were gone, he whirled on Ushijima, glaring. "Well? What are you doing here? Again?"

Ushijima pushed his body off the wall he was leaning on, "Long time no see, Tooru." He smirked. "I missed you, too."

Oikawa's mouth twitched a fraction, his arms folding across his chest. "Were you out of town?"

Ushijima blinked. "What? No."

Oikawa lifted a brow. "Then where have you been the past two weeks?"

For five long seconds, Ushijima just stared. Then he took a couple steps closer to Oikawa, minimizing the distance betweem them. "I thought you hate it whenever I show up,"

"I do. I hate it. I hate you."

"Then why does it seem like you terribly missed me when I was away?"

"I didn't," Oikawa said quickly, nose high up. "I'm surprised, is all. I thought you've finally given up. Since I  _firmly rejected you when you asked me out_  like, a month or so ago."

Ushijima looked away idly, his cheeks lifted. His eyes scanned an edifice near them. "Gracious," he muttered, then he looked back at him. "I told you I'm not that kind of guy who easily gives up. Especially when I've already set my mind about something,"

Oikawa cocked his head lightly on one side, face apathetic. "Your tenacity irritates me,"

"And your childish yet smug attitude challenges me,"

"Your team is my rival,"

"Don't care," Ushijima shrugged.

"You're not my type,"

"Fucking liar," his teeth flashed, snickering.

"You have a girlfriend,"

And Ushijima paused, the grin slowly fading from his face. Then,  _"Had,"_  he corrected. "I had a girlfriend. That is why I've been away. Need to end things and such. Cut up some threads."

Then Oikawa gaped. What the hell. He never thought things will be this.. deep. Or maybe he was joking? This guy must be joking.

Ushijima must've noticed his shock and uncertainty so he just smiled lightly, flicking Oikawa's nose hard enough to make him balk away. "Why are you so shocked? I told you I like you. And I'm serious."

Oikawa was still scowling, rubbing his nose. He was ready to retort, but when he saw the tenderness in Ushijima's eyes, he just. Halted. So he chewed his tongue, thinking of another way to answer. But then the moment had passed for his chance to retort, so Ushijima spoke again.

Oikawa knew this guy in front of him was strong and fierce. Yet at that moment, his voice was as soft as the twilight sky above them. "We were falling apart already," he said. "And I think it's unfair to stay together when.. when both of us are like this." He paused. "She told me she was just waiting for me to speak up. To end it all. So I did. And here I am."

Oikawa tried to muster an impassive face, but his eyes blazed in surprise and rage, giving it all away. "You think it's courageous? Dumping someone for me? What do you even want me to think? What do you even want me to do?"

The other guy didn't even lose a beat. "I want you to fall in love with me."

Oikawa's eyes widened a fraction bit. But he ground his teeth; he clenched his fists. He didn't say anything.

"I want you to fall in love with me," Ushijima said again, throat bobbing. "Like how I fell in love with you since you asked me whether I believed in UFO's or not." He paused. "I want you to fall in love with me as much as  _she_  hasn't, as much as  _I_  haven't, all those months ago,"

Oikawa's nose flared, his arms now resting on his sides. He balled his fists, trying to calm down. "What the hell," he said, his insides boiling in an inexplicable emotion. "Who do you think you are?" He said through gritted teeth. "What am I to you? Your fucking social experiment? Your  _toy?_  Your  _test?"_

"My salvation," Ushijima said, smiling sadly.

Oikawa could hear his own heart beating. His breathing stopped, and everything spun.

"Call me a dramatic prick, an asshole, whatever you want," Ushijima paused. "But you're my salvation. You made me feel something when I thought I have no ability to feel anything towards anyone at all."

Oikawa didn't know what happened next, but suddenly, Ushijima blinked, his mouth parting in surprise. "Tooru," he said, "What theㅡ Why are you crying?!"

Crying? Oikawa didn't even remember consenting his eyes to cry. But there he was, sniffling loudly. "You're a prick," he said, an arm raised, trying to cover his face. "A prick. An asshole. A moron. A bastardㅡ"

Warm, calloused hands wrapped around his wrists, lowering them to expose his face. But then his cries were suddenly muffled by Ushijima's broad chest, and his arms were circling around him. "Fucking shit, I didn't expect you to cry. You're a fucking babyㅡ"

"Damn youㅡ" Oikawa said through Ushijima's now damp shirt. "If you show up here looking so sad like that, why don't you just go back to her andㅡ"

"Sad? I'm not sad. I'm  _nervous_  because of you. And shitㅡ stop crying alreadyㅡ" Ushijima said, and Oikawa felt his hands cradling the back of his head. He was tall, but Ushijima was an inch or so taller than him.

After a minute, when Oikawa's tears and snot were all transferred to Ushijima's shirt, the guy asked, "So does this mean you were moved by my words? I knew it will mㅡ"

Oikawa tried to shove him away but Ushijima held him in place, chuckling softly. Then he sighed. "Tooru," he said, staring directly at him. "I wanna fucking kiss you right now. Would you mind?"

Oikawa's mouth opened slightly to let out a sarcastic answer, but he felt Ushijima's hand twitched, muttering an  _"Oh, fuck it_ _ㅡ_ _"_  and just ㅡ dove in. Sealing their mouths together in an unexpected kiss.

Oikawa closed his eyes, slowly, slowly. And he couldn't make himself care that they were still in front of another school, and possibly being ogled by many suspicious eyes. He just let himself drown with the other guy's lips, his own arms looping around Ushijima's neck.

That had been their very first kiss with each other. Oikawa may not remember the exact sensation he felt because, that was ultimately followed by a hundred more kisses, all more sensual and nerve-racking than the first. But if there was one thing he can clearly remember in their first kiss, it might be the taste and smell of it. Because his first kiss with Ushijima Wakatoshi tasted and smelled a lot like peppermint vanilla ice cream.

 

✖

  

Oikawa has been staring at the tub of peppermint ice cream for three minutes straight now.

Iwaizumi thought he was just remembering something linked to it before, but he immediately dismissed the idea, thinking it was too much and quite sentimental.

But Oikawa was nothing if not sentimental. He cries easily whenever they're watching sappy TV dramas, and he always gets moved in poetic lyrics of a song, or a book prose. Still, Iwaizumi shrugged it off, and just continued deep-frying the marinated chicken he drenched in spiced breading. There was pasta and sauce already prepared on the small coffee table. He didn't know if Oikawa can eat Western style dishes given his stomach condition but Oikawa assured him spaghetti or carbonara were alright. Which was great, really, because it was one of Iwaizumi's specialties, and he was sure it'd be impressing.

Not that his number one goal right now was to impress. Maybe, yeah, that'd be a bonus, because not a lot of people knew that Iwaizumi can cook Western cuisine and really, who would've thought he can actually concoct something sumptuous aside from  _onigiris_  and mixed rice? His top aim for tonight though, was to make Oikawa eat. It's been weeks since he started losing so much weight again. At first, he thought it was normal and intentional, given that he played a lot of Volleyball. But then he heard Matsukawa one lunch chastising Oikawa about his unhealthy frame nowadays, so he thought,  _ah, he's not on a certain diet, after all._

So he made a mission after that. Since then, when they eat together, Iwaizumi always made sure he finished everything on his plate. Sometimes he was successful; a lot of times, he wasn't. In some nights when Iwaizumi was being sneaky, he even put his own shrimps and some scoopfuls of rice to Oikawa's bowl when his attention was diverted. Some nights, he was satisfied when Oikawa's plate ended up being clean, but some nights, they didn't see each other at all because of classes and practices and hectic schedules, and Iwaizumi was fairly sure those were the nights when Oikawa would go to bed without eating at all.

It was  _not_  easy, keeping up with a guy like him. Moody, careless, smug and a certified baby. If Iwaizumi was the same as before, he might've thought of leaving this guy a long time ago. But, no. Iwaizumi couldn't understand it himself. He couldn't make himself go. No matter how dangerous this game he was playing, he didn't understand why can't he make himself stop caring and just ㅡ walk away.

Maybe what he said to Makki a few days ago was true, no matter how silly it sounded to him right now.  _Never_ , he had said.  _It was never like this._

Even with the looming threat of fucking Ushijima still lingering around them, Iwaizumi chose to play it cool after his outburst on their very first encounter. He knew Oikawa was expecting an interrogation about what happened the night he let fucking Ushijima have his way with him. But,  _Keep it cool,_ Iwaizumi reminded himself.  _The more you tighten your leash around his neck, the more he'll just thrash and run away._

So an interrogation didn't happen. Instead, they had an all-night sex parade when they saw each other again. Sex so rough and intense and wild all at the same time. It was Iwaizumi's way of saying  _I missed you I missed you I missed you_  and  _You're mine you're mine you're mine_  and  _Don't go please don't go_  with every thrust of his hips to Oikawa's. They used restraints that night; for Oikawa's wrists tied on the headboard and for his thighs and shins bound together, legs bent and opened all throughout the night, magnificently exposing Oikawa's clenching hole for him to fuck senseless.

And it was mindblowing, of course. The whole. Damn. Time.

Oikawa finally managed to put the tub of icecream back inside the fridge after several moments of staring morosely at it. Iwaizumi thought it had already ruined their night, but he was relieved to see Oikawa smile as they set their pasta and chicken bowls with a couple cans of beer on the coffee table, as the series Oikawa picked started.

It was an American series set in '80s Indiana town which started when a boy goes missing. Iwaizumi found it okay. Oikawa found it amazing, with the high sci-fi theme of the story. While they watched, Iwaizumi made sure Oikawa was properly eating, adding more chicken fillet to his bowl. Sometimes Oikawa would protest, but Iwaizumi would hover the chopsticks with chicken fillet in front of his mouth and he would have no choice but to eat it like a good little boy.

Around 8:30 PM, they were halfway through the second episode. Oikawa already emptied three beer cans and Iwaizumi was on his fourth. Somehow, Oikawa ended up between his legs, his spine touching Iwaizumi's chest. When he started skimming his nose on Oikawa's shoulder, the other guy immediately melted in the gesture, head tilting back to give him more access.

It took only three minutes for the series to be entirely forgotten. And as Iwaizumi pushed Oikawa down their couch to ravage more of the skin on his neck and collarbones, he saw something that made his stomach drop. Abruptly, he stopped, pushing off Oikawa. His breathing was ragged.

"What's wrong?" Oikawa asked, confused. He fixed his glasses on his nose. Then after a split second of hesitation, he seemed to get what's happening, and swiftly clapped a hand on his bared neck, covering the purple bruises there. "Iwa-chan, it's not what youㅡ"

"Who did that to you?" Iwaizumi said, his voice low. The question was rhetorical. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to hear Oikawa's explanation. But he asked nonetheless, hands trembling.

Oikawa visibly gulped, internally panicking. "Look. Iwa-chan. Calm down. Pleaseㅡ I'm sorryㅡ"

 _"Sorry?"_  He growled, then he stood up. "You're  _sorry?"_

Oikawa couldn't manage to stand up, so he just looked up at him, eyes pleading for him to understand. "Iwa-chanㅡ"

"Well I guess you  _should_  be sorry," Iwaizumi laughed without humor, "He can't give  _those_  to you without your further permissionㅡ"

"But I'm still here!" Oikawa finally stood up and now he's screaming in Iwaizumi's face. "I was confused, okay?" He said, "And I'm sorry! It's fucked up! I know  _I_  fucked up that time but I'm still here!  _I chose you_ _ㅡ_ _"_

Iwaizumi stepped back, fingers raking his hair in a distressed manner. "Still here?" He laughed darkly again, throwing his head back. "Wait a momentㅡ Let me guess what happened. You guys fucked each other at my back and afterwards, he told you ㅡ no, that fucker  _begged_  you ㅡ to choose him over me." He paused, eyes shining, " _Still here?_ What, do you supposedly have a secret rendezvous tonight that you need to attend? It's okay, go aheadㅡ it's not yet 12 midnighㅡ"

He felt Oikawa's frustration as he grabbed a fistful of Iwaizumi's shirt, shaking him awake. The thing was, he  _was_  awake. He was livid. He'd never been this fucking livid and mad and burning before. "Listen to me!" Oikawa pleaded, now crying. "I'm sorry! I'm sorryㅡ I truly amㅡ but I don't want him okay? I am  _here_  in front of youㅡ"

Iwaizumi forcefully hauled himself away from Oikawa's hold, panting. He wasn't crying, but his eyelids burned, and his eyes were redrimmed. "Do you think just because you're here, it makes all the fucking difference?" His voice was jagged, as if he was the one screaming. He couldn't breathe. "No, Tooru. That's not how it works. That's not how you choose me," he said. "You choose me when you're not in loved with him anymore. When you're not thinking of memories of him when you find a random piece of your past." He laughed again, shaking his head. "You choose me when you can restrain yourself in letting him kiss you and give yourself to him like thatㅡ"

"Iwa-chan," Oikawa sobbed. "I did  _not_  fuck himㅡ"

"Did you kiss him back?" Iwaizumi looked away, voice hoarse.

Oikawa's breathing hitched, his breathing uneven. "I was confusedㅡ"

Iwaizumi closed his eyes, not saying anything. Then, "I don't think it's me you want to choose,"

And Oikawaㅡ He sobbed. Tremors racked his chest, heaving and gasping for air. "You're not supposedㅡ to push meㅡ awayㅡ" he cried, and  _fuck_ , Iwaizumi can't lookㅡ can't listen, "You're not supposed toㅡ let me goㅡ"

"I don't want to," he whispered. "I don't want to let you go, Tooru, but," he paused. "I'm trying. I'm seriously trying here. But we can't work this out if you won't let  _him_  go."

Oikawa has no answer to that. He flopped back down the couch, trying to muffle his sobs through his fists. He has his glasses now in his other hand.

Iwaizumi felt like his heart was contracting every hitch Oikawa's breath take, that's why after half a moment of indecision, he dragged a hand on his face, grumbling, "I need a smoke," and went to exit the dorm.

He didn't know how long he was gone. But by the time he came back,  _Stranger Things_  was already in episode three but Oikawa was nowhere to be seen.

 

* * *

* * *

 

**CONVO VIA: SMS <LINE>**

**SIM ACCT OWNER: Oikawa Tooru**

 

_**04 October 20XX** _

_**Sunday, 09:57 PM** _

 

 **Iwa-chan❤:**  Where are you

 

 **Iwa-chan❤:**  Tooru where are you

 

 **Iwa-chan❤:**  Im sorry for what I said. Come back now. You didnt even bring your jacket and wallet where the fuck are you

 

 **Iwa-chan❤:**  Please tooru its already 10pm you dont know the way around this area

 

 **Iwa-chan❤:**  Im sorry okay? Please come back now

 

* * *

* * *

 

_**04 October 20XX** _

_**Sunday** _

 

"Hi! It's Oikawa Tooru! You've reached my voicemail! So, it's only two things; either I don't have my phone with me right now, or I don't want to talk to you. If you fall under the latter category, don't bother leaving a message, cuz, like, fuck off. Sorry for the cursing."

_Beep_

 

ㅡ

 

_Today, 10:15 PM_

"Tooru. It's me. Where the hell are you? Come back now pleaseㅡ I'm sorryㅡ I wasn't thinking earlierㅡ I don'tㅡ

"Please, tell me where you are at least. Iㅡ Did you go to him? I'm not mad anymore. But please, just tell me where did you goㅡ"

_Beep_

 

* * *

* * *

 

_**04 October 20XX** _

_**Sunday** _

 

"Hi. It's Shirabu Kenjirou. It seems like I'm busy at the moment. You can just leave a message. I'll call you back later. Thanks!"

_Beep_

 

ㅡ

 

_Today, 10:23 PM_

"Shirabu-san. It's me.. Oikawa Tooru. It's been a while, yeah? But.. well.. I'm calling to actually ask you a favor. I need to talk to you, please. Can you call me back as soon as possible? It's very important. And it's about your senpai, Waka-chan. I know you care about him. I care about him, too. But. Not in the way your thinking anymore.

But, please. I justㅡ I need help. I'll be waiting okay? Thanks."

_Beep_

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 _329 st catherine._  Shirabu read the message again and again just to make sure he had given the right address to his cab driver. It was the address of a bar named  _Pharaoh_  along St. Catherine, where he was heading now.

After ten more minutes of finding the right street, the cab stopped in front of vibrant looking edifice with shrubs of azaleas and bougainvilleas decorating the perimeter.

"Are we here?" Shirabu inquired his driver.

"Aye, sir. Pharaoh's the name, aye?" He jerked his bushy chin towards the signage upfront which clearly said,  _Pharaoh_.

Shirabu blinked. "Oh. It doesn't look like a bar," he commented.

His driver chuckled. "Ar'ya student? Watcha looking for there? Adderalls? You ain't lookin' like you smoke pot or hit coke, do ya?"

Shirabu gaped. "No, sir. I just. I'm kind of. Looking for a friend. He's.. here."

"Ah, I see. Well, goodluck, young man." The old driver said and Shirabu let out a nod and a tight smile as he gave him a wad of cash.

Shirabu was nervous as hell. It was his first time going inside a bar, alone at that. But,  _Ushijima-senpai is here_ , he thought.  _Oikawa-san told me senpai needs help. So I'm sure he's somewhere here._

No one asked for his ID at the entrance, so he just stepped inside and, boy. Shirabu almost gagged at the smell that hit him as soon as he went through the double doors. It was a mix of alcohol, sweat, cigarettes, and a scent which strongly smelled like something he didn't want to think of. He crinkled his nose, coughed a bit, but he puffed his chest out, praying to all the gods that he didn't stand out like a sore thumb.

He didn't know what to expect. But,  _Pharaoh_  was.. a bar. It was exactly how a bar should look like. Somehow, he felt anticlimactic. But, he shook his head. Now's not the time for dillydallying.

For a moment, he just stood there near the entrance, sweeping his vision all around the bar, looking for Ushijima.  _Where are you, senpai? Where are you?_ He filled out his lungs then, and started to actually move and look for him. After a few minutes of looking, he almost gave out. He also checked the comfort rooms, to no avail. No signs of him everywhere.

Until his eyes swept over the very back portion of the bar which was just a long counter, with a bartender behind.

There was a slumped figure there, sitting at the darkest corner. And,  _Oh shit,_  Shirabu thought, walking quickly towards the figure,  _Senpai!_

He gazed down at Ushijima's slumped figure, his head buried on his arms at the table. It seemed like he was sleeping fitfully, then Shirabu's eyes swept over a tall decanter of something colored brown beside him which was halfway empty, and a glass as well. Shirabu sighed.

"Are you his friend, kiddo?"

Shirabu looked up. It was the bartender, who was a man probably in his early thirties. "Ahㅡ yessirㅡ I'm here to get himㅡ"

"Good, good," the bartender said, scowling. "Go get that boy outta here. He needs to rest. He's been upfront the benches waiting for someone. Said he's sure he's gonna come and choose him. I let him stayed there until nine but no one fucking came. Hauled him up here myself, thanks to me cuz he's gonna freeze to death outside if I just let him be. Then he's just like that since he sat there. Grumbling and drinking and scowling like a motherfucker. Go take him home, kid. Captain's fucking hammered."

Shirabu didn't know what to say. "H-he was waiting for someone?"

The bartender raised a brow. "D'you really know Ushiwaka or you just wanna shag this guy?"

"W-what? No! I'm his setter! He's my team captain inㅡ"

"A'right, a'right. Just take him home, goddammit. And I don't know who exactly he was waiting for. But I heard it's his past lover or some fucker. I have no idea." He paused, sighing. "But I'm telling you, tonight's the first time I saw Captain cried like that. He never cries, this guy. But, boy. He didn't bawl, but he fucking  _cried_. Real man, our Captain, I'm telling ya. I'm not being sarcastic."

Shirabu stared down at Ushijima. Past lover?  _I never thought he was serious with Suzumo-san. Who's this_ _ㅡ_  Shirabu blinked. Then he scanned again his convo in his phone with Oikawa.

Oikawa Tooru.  _Of course_. He's so dumb. Why didn't he think of him? Of course this was all about the great Oikawa Tooru. He should've known since he received that voice mail from him. But.. why? Why was Ushijima still hung up on him? Oikawa was  _not_  the best guy out there. He might be an excellent setter, unlike Shirabu himself who was as mediocre as one can be, but.. Why him?  _Why why why_ _ㅡ_ _?_

"Oi, kid. Are you still taking him home? Some of my other guests are eyeing him already. You better take him outta here nowㅡ"

"I got him," Shirabu said, hauling Ushijima up, supporting his weight. "I'll take him back to his dorm. Thank you so much, mister!"

The bartender waved a hand. "Just tell him to pay his tab the next time he comes back here,"

"Will do, sir!" Shirabu grunted under Ushijima's weight, still knocked out and hammered. "Thank you very much!"

"Erㅡ do you need help carrying him, orㅡ?"

"It's okay, sir, I got himㅡ"

After a lot of grunts and difficult maneuvers through the crowd while Ushijima was on his back, Shirabu finally managed to hail a cab and haul Ushijima and himself at the backseat of their ride home.

"Whoah," Their driver said. He was fairly young. "You guys homo?" he grinned, eyes shining. "Wild youth nowadays! Students!"

Shirabu's face was passive as he shifted Ushijima's head on a comfortable position. "Got a problem with that?"

Their driver was unfazed, still grinning. "Nope! I like dudes who like dudes as well! Now, where to, boss?"

 


	6. Goodnight. I love you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- chap playlist: [♬♪](https://youtu.be/KveMHTSmXCo) / [♬♪](https://youtu.be/WYRJ-ryPEu0) / [♬♪](https://youtu.be/H8ofhjI6ODc)  
> 

 

It was already 12:13 AM. And essentially, this was how Iwaizumi's evening went since Oikawa left:

     • Matsukawa texted Iwaizumi that he can't also contact Oikawa himself.

     • Tsukishima texted the same thing, also confirming that his roommate hasn't come back to their dorm yet.

     • Yachi left a short voice mail, apologizing for not knowing Oikawa's whereabouts.

     • No one in Iwaizumi's or Oikawa's circle texted him back such good news.

     • Oikawa hasn't texted or called back at all.

     • Iwaizumi smoked all of his stale Marlboros.

     • Iwaizumi scoured the whole parameter around his dorm building for one hour straight, looking for a certain six-feet man-child.

     • Iwaizumi stopped sending text messages and voice mails to Oikawa and almost threw his iPhone on the pavement in front of the nearest 7-11.

     • Iwaizumi almost punched an innocent (yet nosy) old man.

     • Matsukawa texted again at midnight, asking for news. Iwaizumi didn't bother to reply.

     • Oikawa still hasn't contacted him back.

     • Twelve minutes past midnight, Iwaizumi decided to come back at his dorm, drained and cold.

The only sound his ears could hear was the faint echo of his footsteps as he climbed the stairs towards their floor, not bothering to take the lift.

He almost didn't want to come back. Somehow, Iwaizumi wanted to stay at 7-11 instead. He kept thinking it's because he liked the cold and freezing feeling of being outside and exposed to the elements, but truth was, he knew it would be much colder inside his empty dorm room. Walls and heater and all.

Iwaizumi didn't want to think.

But how?

How could he  _not?_

How could he not think at at time like this?

He's gone.  _He's gone and I pushed him away and he might've gone back to that fucker and he's not even wearing any jackets and shit, please, where in Jesus' name is he_ _ㅡ_ _?_

Heaving a deep sigh, he lifted up his head, heading towards their door and ㅡ stopped. Iwaizumi Hajime stopped. Breathing. Thinking. Functioning. Even his own world stopped revolving.

Because there he was. The one he was looking for all night; Oikawa, all six-feet plus of him, with his quirky smirks and his brown eyes and big hands and smart mouth; Oikawa, now sprawled, sitting in front of Iwaizumi's door, a few meters away from him; Oikawa, with just his disheveled hair and jeans and thin sweatshirt and hipster glasses; Oikawa, who now noticed him standing alone in the dark, so he gingerly got up the floor, dusting his jeans from motes and dust.

Oikawa. Nose pink from cold. Waiting for him. In front of his door. At 12:30 in the fucking morning.

 _You came back,_  Iwaizumi wanted to say. But he didn't, not trusting his own voice. He just stared at him, dumbfounded and disbelieving.

Oikawa fidgeted, face unreadable. "I left my jacket," he said.

 _Dumbass_. Iwaizumi stepped closer.

"It's cold, so." Oikawa continued. "And. My bag and.. wallet, too. I left it here."

 _Idiot. Moron._  "D'you want it back?" Iwaizumi finally asked in a small voice. He paused walking, now just half a meter away from him. "Your jacket, and.. things,"

Oikawa's jaw clenched, throat bobbing. "Probably," he answered in an equally soft tone.

Iwaizumi stared, and Oikawa stared back. "Where have you been?"

Oikawa shrugged, looking down at his feet. "Places,"

"I looked for you, just.. around here. You can't go that far without money, so.." Iwaizumi hesitated, "I'm worried,"

"I know," He looked up again. "I just received all the messages."

Iwaizumi didn't reply for a moment. Then he whispered, "I thought you went back to him,"

One heartbeat. Two. Three. Four. Oikawa looked away, "Why would I do that?" He grumbled.

He didn't really want to answer that, actually.

"I'm the one who made a mistake," Oikawa said almost nonchalantly, "And I'm not that shallow. Neither are you. So.. I just . . . "

Oikawa obviously prepared an apology speech for this moment. And maybe those words he was saying were just the preamble. But Iwaizumi wasn't sorry for cutting it immediately. He's not even interested in hearing the rest of it anyway ㅡ he heard enough.

So Oikawa's words just trailed off when Iwaizumi reached out his arms. Slowly, gingerly pulling Oikawa into a warm and tight embrace. He didn't realize but his own body was trembling. But he didn't care anymore; he just buried his face on the junction of Oikawa's neck and shoulders and instantly, he felt  _relieved_. He'd never felt so relieved and safe like that in a long, long time.

"I'm sorry," Iwaizumi breathed against Oikawa's skin. He felt the soft pressure of Oikawa's arms circling around him as well. "I'm sorry,"

For a long moment, they stayed like that. Cocooned in each other's arms, mumbling repeated  _I'm sorry_ 's in front of Iwaizumi's door. He might have a lot of things to say right then, but he just chose to settle for a simple I'm sorry. Maybe because he felt so tired and weak to talk and discuss but mostly, he just didn't want to ruin the moment.

So, "I'm sorry," he said again. And he felt Oikawa kissed the side of his head, as if saying the words back through his lips and embrace.

 

✖

 

There were no more added words. Just silence and the lazy movements of their hands and body, as if taking their time for the whole night.

As soon as Iwaizumi's bedroom door clicked shut, he stepped closer to Oikawa, his palms touching the angles and panes of his face.  _Here_ , as Oikawa said earlier. He was  _here_.

Iwaizumi's hands went South, just above his jeans, but before he can wander further, he stepped back again. "Strip,"

His voice wasn't commanding. It was soft and yielding, but it was heavy enough to make Oikawa obey. He stripped slowly, his eyes not leaving Iwaizumi's.

When Oikawa was already standing vulnerable and stark-naked in front of him, Iwaizumi smiled slowly. "Beautiful," he said.

And Oikawa, his face still calm even with his own length hard and already leaking, sauntered closer. "I know," he said, and before Iwaizumi could smirk, he added, "Your turn."

Iwaizumi obliged, taking his time. He was more than half hard as well, but he felt himself twitched when Oikawa's hands wandered on his pectoral muscles, fingers trailing against his skin.

"What do you want to do?" Oikawa asked lowly, the lights dancing in his eyes as he gazed at him.

Iwaizumi blinked slowly, contemplating.

"Do you want to tie me up on the bed again?" Oikawa teased, smiling. "Or you can make use of those toys under your bed on me," his tongue darting out, licking his lips. "We can be as creative as you want,"

Iwaizumi pushed Oikawa's fringes away from his face, kissing him tenderly. When Oikawa whimpered as a plea, Iwaizumi pulled back a bit. "I'd like that," he said, fingers still combing Oikawa's hair. His smile was sly. "I'd like you to give me a show, just touching your dick and stuffing your ass with your fingers and other things until you come, moaning my name."

Oikawa, finding it humorous, giggled. "Kinky," he said. "And filthy. I think I'll do it,"

Iwaizumi swept his eyes on Oikawa's face. That face he always saw even behind his closed lids. "Not tonight," Iwaizumi continued, "Right now.. let's take it slow, yeah?" He said. "Let's do this right,"

And Oikawa paused, pulling back further to gaze completely at Iwaizumi's face. His eyes were shining.

"Do you like that?" Iwaizumi asked, smiling. He pecked the side of Oikawa's mouth.

"Yeah," Oikawa nodded, blinking back tears. "I'd like that," he said. "I'd like that." Ecstatic with joy, he kissed Iwaizumi, his arms snaking around his neck, bodies colliding. Chest to chest. Skin to skin.

Iwaizumi kissed back. His lips so soft and sweet and sensual. Their tongues moved together in sync, languid and perfect. He can still feel Oikawa's tears as they moved down the mattress, his touch soft and careful yet devoted, skimming every part of Oikawa's body. So different than his usual rough plays and hard kisses. Yet, the sensation they were feeling right now was more..  _otherworldly_. Iwaizumi's heart was pounding the whole time. But it was pure grace and bliss. It's devoid of everything but passion. Passion and heat and feelings and emotions.

They made love for the very first time that night. No one said anything about it, but truthfully, words were not really needed anymore. They just knew they did, no matter how complicated their situation was.

And for the first time in his life as well, Iwaizumi felt at peace. As if everything was where it's supposed to be.

 

✉     ✉     ✉

  

"Sleep," he heard Iwaizumi's low voice murmured in his ear.

He was sated; Oikawa was still fully naked under the sheets as Iwaizumi kissed his forehead. He was lying on his side, and if he opened his eyes, his view would be of Iwaizumi's chest and collarbones. But Oikawa couldn't open his eyes. He was so tired tonight he was ready to slip away. It was two in the early morning, so even without considering his satiated mind and body, it was almost time to sleep anyway.

He felt Iwaizumi tucked him closer, lips still touching his hair. He smiled a bit, mind floating to cloud nine.

 _He made love to me,_  Oikawa thought. And if that was not enough reason to completely fall hard for this boy beside him right now, then damn all the deities existing in this world. Because Oikawa  _was_  falling. Has been since the very first day he texted him. And now Oikawa hit the bottom so hard he couldn't get up. And there's no turning back.

Slightly, he opened his eyes.

"I told you to sleep now," Iwaizumi murmured. "It's late,"

Oikawa mumbled a groan, eyes closing again. He was on the verge of unconsciousness.

"Hmn?" Iwaizumi brushed a strand of hair from his face.

 _Goodnight_ , he wanted to say but he might be too tired to form the words.  _I love you._

Then he fell asleep. And after a few moments, Oikawa dreamt. Not of colorful visions of swirling rainbow skies. Not of pictures of tomorrows with certain happiness and joy. Instead, he dreamt of Iwaizumi's voice. Just his voice, telling him all the things he needed ㅡ and wanted ㅡ to hear for a long, long time...

A deep sigh. A brush of fingers on his face.

"I want to make you smile and laugh. I want to take you out on movie dates and in some other places you like. I want to ride the Ferris Wheel and rollercoaster with you in an amusement park, and see you smile at every game booths we'll play and win. I wanna listen to you talk about anything the whole day. About school, about films, about your studies, about Volleyball. I want to buy you cheap beers and expensive wines in small diners and posh restaurants while we eat steak which costs some ridiculous amount of yen. Or maybe we'll just end up in some coffee shop while I watch you read books as you sip coffee and I'll just stare at you, afternoon light hitting your beautiful face.

"I wanna be with you as you roam the shelves in that music store you like downtown, picking all the CD records you want. I wanna watch you as your eyes light up when you heard a cool new song, or a cool old one. I wanna stargaze with you as you point out and recite all the constellations which you all had memorized. I wanna listen to all of the music playlists you made; while we make love, while you read stories out loud for me, while we're on the car for a roadtrip out of town. I wanna give you flowers even if you claimed on not liking them; too sappy and feminine, you said. Even if your eyes always shine at those sunflower bouquets everytime we pass by that flower store.

"I wanna buy you coffee in the middle of the night, and I'll try my hardest to stay awake, watching you edit clips and video scenes at two in the morning. I wanna keep texting you. I wanna keep hearing your morning voice when you answer your phone at the crack of dawn. I wanna cook breakfast for you every mornings, with milk bread because I know you can't live without it. I want to hold you everytime there's a thunderstorm. And I want to sleep beside you so you won't have any nightmares at bay.

"I want to be the one who protects you every single day. I want to shout to the whole world that you're mine, and you're mine alone, and you're here beside me, and you came back, and you'll stay. I want to hear you laugh; I really want to hear your laugh, because I like the sound of it. It's my favorite sound in the world. I want to see your smile. I want to see you play Volleyball, because, you shine, like a literal star, whenever you play and serve and jump and toss, and you're beautiful.

"God, you're beautiful every damn time, did you know that? I want you to know that. When you're asleep. When you're awake. Even under duress, you're still the most beautiful thing I've ever laid my eyes on, ever since the first day I saw you. Maybe I had wanted you then, and I just didn't realize it at first, and that it was just sheer luck that I had really met you for real. And I might be the luckiest bastard ever, if that is.

"I want to say all those things to you. I want to see the smile and blush on your face as I say that to you, and I'll assure you it's all true, and I'm not lying. That you're beautiful, and you have the most beautiful heart, ever."

Iwaizumi paused again, fingers continuously playing with Oikawa's hair as he spoke in low whispers and murmurs, eyes gazing down fondly at the sleeping boy beside him. "I wanna make love to you again, Tooru. Do you think it's selfish of me to want all these things? When I can't even admit that I'm . . . "

Iwaizumi kissed Oikawa's forehead. "I'm sorry," he mumbled. "You didn't do anything wrong. I know it's hard for you to let him go. I know that, and I didn't understand. But I'm sorry," he said. "I'm sorry. I really am."

Oikawa would never know however, that those words were not just a dream. But just like any other things he saw and heard right after he lost contact of the main world of corporeal and substantial things, he might likely soon forget it. Like the wind scattering one's blurry vision of a concrete memory.

 

* * *

* * *

 

_**04 October 20XX** _

_**Sunday** _

 

"This is Ushijima Wakatoshi. Leave a message."

_Beep_

 

ㅡ

 

_Today, 10:32 PM_

"Waka-chan. It's me. Tooru.

"I know you're waiting but. I'm not coming. I really hope Shirabu-san already came and get you.

"I'm sorry. I'm really really sorry. But I can't leave Iwa-chan right now. Not for you, not for anyone.

"He's not the perfect guy. He has a lot of flaws, as a matter of fact. He's always impassive. Always calls me  _Trashkawa_  or  _Shittykawa_. We can't even last an hour without insulting each other. Sometimes I think we  _hate_  each other. But then bottomline, I'll realize it's just the way we are.

"I love him. I really do. We haven't said that to each other yet but, I will. Soon. Maybe tonight. That's why it's hard for me to let him go just like that. Becauseㅡ It's absurd for me to envision myself without his insulting yet sweet messages everyday.

"I don't understand it myself. But it's painful; the idea of letting him go. I know he has a lot of issues. But I also do have mine. And for the past weeks we've known each other, he accepted all of me without considering his own life and being. He was just always there when I need him. And he never leaves. Even in my darkest moods and I push people away, he stays. Everybody knows how I am, but he understands, and he never leaves.

"So I'll stay with him as well. I won't leave, because that's what I want. That's what I need.

"And I know he'll do the same for me.

"I hope you find your own true happiness as well. Like how I found mine.

"I sincerely hope you forget about me, and all our painful memories. I hope someday when we see each other again we'll be able to chat for a while, without all the pain and bittersweet memories in mind.

"I'll never forget you, Ushijima Wakatoshi. I loved you before. You know that.

"So please. Let yourself be free.

"Goodnight, then. And goodluck."

_Beep_

 


	7. First thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [♬♪](https://youtu.be/iP9zhCA9AfQ) / [♬♪](https://youtu.be/FYkYHhlXH9U)

 

Oikawa Tooru hated Monday mornings.

In fact, he usually slept in every Monday mornings last semester, just wanting to avoid it entirely. It was fine, honestly. Since he has no AM classes every Monday. But, that was last semester. And he was sure he enrolled some minor subject on a Monday morning schedule.

So the moment he opened his eyes, fully knowing what day was it, he just stared at a very familiar beige ceiling thinking,  _I'm going to effing kill myself._

But then the events of last night hit him like a ton of bricks and, wow. Okay. Maybe the fact that today was Monday wasn't entirely the worst thing on his plate right now.

Nope, he had other things to worry about.

But, damn. The smell of breakfast wafting inside the room was enough to make his stomach growl. Immediately, he got up the bed to look for his clothes which were usually just strewn around the room somewhere but he couldn't find them anywhere. No boxers, no jeans, no shirt, no nothing. Sighing, he took the whole lot of Iwaizumi's comforter and draped it over his head and whole body, shivering from the cold as he padded his way outside the room.

Iwaizumi ㅡ cladded only with his boxers, hair mussed with sleep ㅡ raised a brow when he saw Oikawa. "Coffee?" He said, sipping from a mug. He was prepping the small coffee table with bowls of white rice and eggs and meat loaves.

Oikawa crinkled his nose. "I hate instant coffee. Tastes like bile," he said as Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. "Where's my clothes?"

"In the hamper. They're all dirty. Wear some of mine when you took a shower later. Sit down first and eat."

"I think I need to take a shower firstㅡ"

"Sit down," Iwaizumi said lightly, but it was a command.

"Iwa-chan. I'm wearing nothing," he deadpanned.

Iwaizumi raised both of his brows. "Tempting, but breakfast first. Now come here."

Oikawa snorted, but he obliged anyway, wearing nothing but the comforter draped on his body.

For a while, they just ate. And for a second, Oikawa thought that maybe Monday mornings are not so bad after all.

"What," Oikawa suddenly said, flicking his eyes to Iwaizumi. "Stop staring,"

Iwaizumi blinked. "You look good. Your cheeks have color."

Oikawa's answering smile was a little bit saccharine. "Maybe I'm pregnant?"

Iwaizumi snorted.

He chuckled, sipping some shitty instant coffee from Iwaizumi's mug. Then, "I have AM classes, you moron," he segued. "Why didn't you wake me up?"

"I  _did_  wake you up," Iwaizumi said as-a-matter-of-factly. "But you sleep like the dead, so it's not my fault. Besides, it's already late," he jerked his chin towards the wall clock.  _10:26 AM_

"The exact reason why you're a moron," Oikawa glared, stabbing his meat loaf. "Where's Makki?"

Iwaizumi fiddled with his phone. "I think he's still at Matsukawa's. He'll come back tonight probably. He practically lives there anyway."

"And you're okay with that?" Oikawa prodded. "You always have the dorm all to yourself. You're always alone. That's sad."

Iwaizumi chewed his food carefully. "I'm not sad. You're always here, so it's fine." He said, face straight. "You're all I need, so."

Oikawa blinkedㅡ and almost choked, coughing. His ears were pink, but his hair hid them in view.

"Are you okay?" Iwaizumi said. "Water?"

"No, noㅡ It's okay." He said, still recovering from Iwaizumi's words.  _This boy,_  he thought.  _Even his words make me fall deeper._   _How can he look so impassive?!_  "Look, Iwa-chan," he tried to divert the conversation in a more serious tone. "About last night..."

Iwaizumi paused. He looked up at him. "Yeah?"

"Do you.. wanna talk about it?" Oikawa tilted his head. "I mean," he laughed nervously, "It's okay if you don't. It's just. You know,"

"It's okay." Iwaizumi said, nodding. "Finish your breakfast first. Then we'll talk."

"O-okay," Oikawa said. He was suddenly nervous. Palms clammy and heart jittery. That's why when they both ended up inside Iwaizumi's room again twenty minutes later, Oikawa was ready to combust. Iwaizumi threw a set of clothes at him to use which he quickly wore. At least the scent was familiar. Comforting. It smelled a lot like Iwaizumi everyday, minus his cologne and deodorant.

"So." Surprisingly, it was Iwaizumi who broke the ice, sitting in front of him. Both on top of the mattress. "Talk."

"Iㅡ" Oikawa started, opening his mouth. Thenㅡ

Iwaizumi help up a finger. "Wait a moment. I just have a few things to say." He said.

Oikawa gaped.

"If you're going to apologize, drop it. We're both at fault here, and we both got mad, and we both got hurt. So apologies are eliminated already."

Oikawa opened his mouth, about to protest. "But Iwa-chan. I need you to know thatㅡ"

Iwaizumi clamped his hand over Oikawa, cutting his words. "We're both sorry, aren't we?"

Oikawa blinked. Then he nodded, Iwaizumi's hand still on his mouth.

"Right. So no need to elaborate. Second," Iwaizumi continued, releasing Oikawa's mouth, "As you pointed out, you're  _here_. You chose me. And to me, that's all that fucking matters."

Oikawa blinked. "Don't you want me to expㅡ"

"I don't wanna hear any explanations regarding what happened in your  _other_  rendezvous last night."

Oikawa blanched.

Iwaizumi paused. Then, "Okay, that's it. So, talk."

Oikawa glared. "You just basically told me to shut up." He snorted. "What am I supposed to say now?"

The other guy shrugged.

Oikawa flopped back down the pillows. He sighed. "You know what, I have a lot of other things to say, actually. But you ruined my momentum. Now I don't know where to start."

"Is that my fault?" The pout was obvious in Iwaizumi's voice.

Oikawa grinned, staring up at the ceiling. "Quite," he admitted. "We should do something about your jealousy, you know."

"The fuck. Who says anything about jealousy?"

He looked up at Iwaizumi's scowling face. "Well. that's  _my_  theory. I think you're kinda jealous everytime I say his name. And you don't want me to explain because that involves a lot of, you know. Things about  _him_  as well."

When Iwaizumi didn't reply, Oikawa sat upright, grinning. "Am I right?"

"Are you picking a fight with me?"

The grin instantly faded from Oikawa's face. "Sorry," he muttered, looking down. After a few seconds of pouting, though, he perked up. "I have an idea! Let's play a game!"

"What," Iwaizumi deadpanned.

Oikawa put both his hands on Iwaizumi's cheeks. "It's okay, it's a fantastic game. Ever heard the First Thing game?"

"No,"

"Of course not! I invented it, like, five seconds ago,"

"Tooruㅡ seriouslyㅡ"

"Iwa-chan! Wait. Here's the mechanics: you say a random thing to me then I'll have to give you the first thing that comes to my mind when I heard it. One-worded. No follow up questions. Just pure honesty is needed." Oikawa grinned.

"Why the fuck do we have to play this game?" Iwaizumi scowled.

 _Because I want to know more about you, and I can't think of any other ways to do it without being nosy and looking like I'm weaseling and intruding my way into your life._  "Because it's fun, and I invented it. I'll start it, okay? We have to hold each other like this," And he held one of Iwaizumi's hands, Oikawa's own palm facing down. "When my hand's on top, I throw the random thing. Then we invert position when you give an answer, followed by a random thing for me. Simple and easy, right? Capiche?"

Iwaizumi didn't look so impressed. "This kinda looks stupid."

Oikawa ignored him. "Okay, so. Um..." he thought of the first random thing which came to mind, "Volleyball,"

"Oikawa Tooru,"

That was fast. Butㅡ Oikawa blinked. "Eh?"

Iwaizumi raised a brow. "What? First thing that came to mind, right?"

Oikawa looked down at their connected hands, now his hand was at the bottom, palm facing up. His ears were pink.  _It means I am the first thing in your mind when_ _ㅡ_

"It's my turn, I believe?" Iwaizumi said, frowning. "Color,"

"Purple," Oikawa blurted out. Then, "America,"

"Obama; Music,"

"Panic! Duh; Summer,"

"Festivals; Bedsheets,"

"Sex," (Oikawa bit his lip. Iwaizumi rolled his eyes.)

They went like this for fifteen minutes, and Oikawa could tell both of them were having a good time. Just being carefree and honest. Untilㅡ

"Movie," Iwaizumi said as a random thing.

"Titanic," Oikawa grinned.

"What the fuck. You like that?" Iwaizumi inquired.

"Who the hell doesn't?" Oikawa's nose was up in the air. "Book,"

"The Periodic Table of Elements, Fifth Edition,"

Oikawa snorted.

"Fuck off," Iwaizumi deadpanned. "Hm. Peppermint icecream,"

"Waka-chㅡ " Oikawa suddenly realized what ㅡ  _who_  ㅡ he was about to say, and abruptly stopped his mouth, and just settled to, "Censored,"

Iwaizumi, however, was no fool. And to be honest, Oikawa thought he should've said the name instead, because, seriously,  _Censored_  was far too general;  _Censored_  was too dangerous;  _Censored_  was a no-no. And Oikawa just knew, that he was. So. Dead. He gulped.

"Censored?" Iwaizumi said, voice low. He was still calm. For now.

Oh, shit. "No, I meanㅡ"

"Censored," Iwaizumi repeated, pulling up his phone. "Transitive verb. To be examined in order to suppress or delete anything considered objectionable or things which are considered to be offensive, immoral and harmful to society." He looked up. "That's quite a mouthful, don't you think?"

Oikawa pursed his lips. Then, "I'm only joking," he almost whimpered. "It's  _not really_  censoredㅡ"

Slowly, Iwaizumi stood up, disconnecting their hands. "I propose another game,"

Oikawa looked up, nervous. "What?"

"I have another game in mind,"

Oh, shit. "What is it?" Oikawa's voice was small.

"I don't have a name for it yet. But the mechanics are easy: we pick a random thing which reminds you of that fucker ㅡ "

"You're  _so_  rudeㅡ "

"ㅡ and we'll do something which will  _erase_  your fond memory of him in that particular thing, and we will replace that into something of  _ours_."

Oikawa blinked at him, not really following.

"Peppermint vanilla ice cream, for example." Iwaizumi flashed a wicked smile, then he dashed out of his room. A few seconds later, he came back with a tub of icecream and spoon in hand. He sauntered slowly towards Oikawa, kicking the door shut in the process.

"Iwa-chan," Oikawa warned, "IㅡI don't think I get what you're thinkingㅡ"

Iwaizumi sat down the mattress again. He opened the icecream tub, ignoring Oikawa's words. "Let's be honest about it," his eyes flashed, "What do you really remember about peppermint vanilla icecream?"

Oikawa looked like he might cry. "My first kiss with Waka-chan tasted like peppermint vanilla icecream," his words were quick and small.

Slowly, Iwaizumi inhaled through his nose. "That would be a problem, you know. Because Makki's favorite icecream flavor shifted to peppermint vanilla." He paused. "So, you'd be seeing a lot of this flavor everytime you're here. Now do you see our problem?"

"Oh," Oikawa opened his mouth. "Well. That could be arranged. It's easy, really. I'll just try not toㅡ"

"Therefore," Iwaizumi continued, as if Oikawa didn't say anything. "What I'm saying is, we can actually do something about that." He scooped a spoonful of icecream and put it in his mouth, tasting, savoring.

Oikawa's head spun.

"You wanna change that first thing you remember in peppermint icecream into  _my name?_  Associated with  _Censored?"_  Iwaizumi paused, one side of his mouth curving upward. "For real, this time. Not just, an amateur kiss, you know."

Oikawa gaped, not hearing the words correctly.

Iwaizumi tilted his head, waiting. "Well?"

And Oikawa smiled slowly, eyes glinting. Then he said slowly, "We are  _so_  dirty." And one second later, he already had his shirt off. Then, he paused. "Are you going to take the lead or I have toㅡ" And Oikawa gasped, Iwaizumi dragging him closer.

 

✖

 

It took them an entirety of a minute until Oikawa was lying fully-naked again on Iwaizumi's new sheets. Iwaizumi was still fully clothed, though. A spoon and icecream tub in each hand. Oikawa said it's okay to tie him up but, "Hmm, no." Iwaizumi had smirked. "I want you to control yourself as you squirm,"

Oikawa tried to relax as he breathed, his legs and arms sprawled on the bed. "We can just do this on the floor," he panted, thinking about the new bedsheets under him. "I don't care much as long as youㅡ"

"Shh," Iwaizumi said, kissing Oikawa's mouth lightly. "It's okay. I want you to feel comfortable, yeah?"

Oikawa smiled andㅡ He let out a gasp at the cold feeling on his left chest and nipple.

Without warning, Iwaizumi started spreading icecream on Oikawa's chest; smirking as he marvelled on how Oikawa's dusty pink nipples swell, growing harder. "Your nipples are really sensitive,"

 _"A-ahh!"_  Oikawa moaned at the sensation, squirming.

"Easy," Iwaizumi said, and spread the icecream farther more. On his stomach, on his navel, then on his hipbones. Oikawa hissed when Iwaizumi lingered the spoon on the skin covered by his trail of soft hairs leading down.

"Iwa-chan," Oikawa's eyes were shut. "P-pleaseㅡ  _Ahh_ _ㅡ_!" He cried out.

Immediately, Iwaizumi dragged his warm tongue from Oikawa's navel up, up, towards his chest. His mouth sucked Oikawa's right nipple. Tasting the peppermint and Oikawa's own body flavor.

When Iwaizumi bit his nipples lightly, Oikawa gasped.  _"Ah_ _ㅡ_ _shit_ _ㅡ_ _"_

Iwaizumi smirked, continuously licking Oikawa's torso clean. Oikawa's thrashing became worse when his tongue darted on his hipbones, his length twitching, begging for attention.

"Hm," Iwaizumi said through hooded eyes. "I think we're done with your upper part, aren't we? Shall we proceed?"

 _Oh my God._  Without realizing, Oikawa's mouth was already slacked open, still panting. His hands were thrashing, gripping the headboard.

"Open up," he said to him. Oikawa obliged, wanton and waiting, then he bent and opened up his legs further, exposing his clenching hole, wanting to be intruded.

Slowly, Iwaizumi slathered more ice cream to the inside of Oikawa's thighs. When he was already satisfied, he leaned closer, holding Oikawa's legs open so he could suck the creamy skin of his thighs. Up, up, sucking and licking and using some amount of teeth.

Oikawa was now a panting mess. Precum dribbling from the head of his length to his stomach, staining the new bedsheets. His mind was spinning, and he thought he can't take the foreplay anymore. "Iwa-chan," he begged. "Please, j-just fuck me alreaㅡ  _AHH_ _ㅡ_ _!"_

Oikawa thought he knew all of Iwaizumi's antics by now. But then he was surprised when he felt deft fingers opening his hole up, then a warm mouth blowing air into his entrance. Oikawa _moaned_ in ecstasy.

When Iwaizumi's slick tongue lapped his hole, Oikawa swore he could've come then and there. The teasing was superbly mindblowing. He didn't know rimming would be  _this_  insane. He threw his head back, screaming against a pillow. When one of his hands was about to reach out to his own length, he gasped when Iwaizumi's palm was already there, wrapping around his length, his thumb expertly swiping the leaking head.

The feeling of Iwaizumi's mouth on his hole and his perfect hand around his dick was divine. He was ready to come a few moments after but thenㅡ Iwaizumi paused. Then he pulled away.

Distracted, Oikawa looked. And saw Iwaizumi's own length sprang to life. God. It was barely noon. And Oikawa could feel all his energy zapping out already.

It only took them a few minutes for Oikawa's hole to be stretched out. The night before was intense as well, so they didn't need much time prepping out.

But when Iwaizumi was about to tear off the foil, Oikawa gasped, "Iwa-chan, stop."

He paused, looking at Oikawa.

"It's okay." Oikawa's voice was ragged. "You don't have to ㅡ use theㅡ condomㅡ It's fineㅡ"

Iwaizumi hesitated. "Tooru," he said, "You'll upset your stomachㅡ"

"Justㅡ help meㅡ take it all outㅡ laterㅡ"

"Fuck," Iwaizumi cursed, nodding, licking his lips. "Yeah," he said, "Okayㅡ"

The feeling of raw skin to raw skin was exquisite. At first, Iwaizumi started off slowly. But when they both found the right rhythm and pace with the perfect position for Iwaizumi to squarely hit Oikawa's prostate again and again, they found it too hard for them to take it slow this time around.

"Ungkㅡ unghㅡ Ahhgㅡ  _AHHGH_ _ㅡ_ _!"_  Oikawa was screaming, traces of saliva trickling out his opened mouth as Iwaizumi pound him again and again and againㅡ

Their movements became sloppy. And Oikawa could feel an orgasm building up as his prostate was being abused over and over. He felt Iwaizumi's dick twitching inside him, pounding his immeasurable depths and God, he  _loved_  it so much.

"Tooruㅡ " Iwaizumi grunted, continuously ramming into him. "What are you ㅡ feelingㅡ ?"

"S-So goodㅡ" Oikawa sobbed. "I could feel youㅡ inside meㅡ Iwa-chanㅡ it's ㅡ  _so good_ ㅡ don't stopㅡ UNGHH ㅡ pleaseㅡ"

Then Iwaizumi reached out, his hand gripping the length of Oikawa's dick again, the other hand he used to lace their fingers together. The tender gesture was the one that sent them both over the edge. Oikawa saw stars. A million of them, floating in front of him. He felt his own come spurted on his chin. Then instantly, he felt Iwaizumi spilled his inside of him. Gobs and gobs of it that some amount were already dripping back from his hole to the bedsheets.

Oikawa was tired as hell, and he wanted to sleep. He always wanted to sleep right after he came. But he needed to clean up immediately this time, considering their icecream mess. But he was so tired.. his eyes were closing again...

Vaguely knowing what's happening, he felt arms lifting him up, carrying him towards the bathroom as he still felt Iwaizumi's fluids dripping from his hole to the floor.

"Iwa-chanㅡ" he whispered. "I can'tㅡmoveㅡ"

"I'll take care of it." A feathery kiss on the forehead. "It's okay. I'm here. I got you."

 _I'm here,_ he said.  _I got you._

 _He's here,_ Oikawa thought. _He's here._

 


	8. Angels and boggarts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [♬♪](https://youtu.be/6B9J3lEyffA) / [♬♪](https://youtu.be/OVO4LhrOFiY)

The thing about being poor was, well, it _sucked._

Not that Sugawara Koushi minded it that much because truth be told, he's already used to it. But sometimes, especially at times like this, when his phone alarm was blaring a Nirvana song at six in the morning when he just pulled an all-nighter the night before because of a major exam, he would curse and grimace because, _Ugh_. Damn being poor and having no money to rent out a dorm.

But his internal morning tantrum would only last for half a second. Mainly because 1) at least his alarm was Nirvana, and Nirvana was— _is_ —hella rad for heaven’s sake, and 2) pouting and stressing about the idea of being penniless will just lead him to no good, and 3) it’s not worth his time, anyway. He better be getting up right then instead of wallowing himself up in depressing thoughts like that.

So that’s his usual routine, then. Wake up from Nirvana. Get up. Make breakfast for his aunt and cousins out of whatever ingredients available in the fridge. Text his mom and sister back home while he’s brushing his teeth and prepping out for work or class (usually work first; his classes were mostly at night shift). Then finally head out.

Somewhere along the process, there may be some occasional acts of pretense of not hearing anything about what his aunt and cousins were saying over breakfast. Not because Sugawara was being rude and uncouth but usually, his aunt's and cousin's words were only nasty remarks about him. Sometimes about the breakfast he made. Sometimes about his stupid silver-dyed hair. Sometimes about his lowly multiple day jobs. They’re a piece of work, really, these relatives of his, but he wouldn’t complain. Not ever, because, who was Sugawara to complain? He’s barely twenty. Currently living under his aunt’s roof. Currently eating their left-over food. So, no. Complaining was never an option. No matter how infuriating and degrading his relative’s words were, Sugawara must endure.

"Maruo. You don't have classes today, do you?" Sugawara heard his aunt asking one of his cousins while they were eating the breakfast Sugawara prepared. He was already loading the washing machine with his dirty clothes as they talked, so that when he came back later today, he'd just have to hang it dry.

"I don't," Maruo slowly replied, scratching his nose. "But I have something toㅡ"

"I'm going out," Auntie said. "Clean the whole damn house for once,"

"Mom! I said I have something to do! Jesuo doesn't have classes as well, why don't youㅡ"

"Oi shut the fuck upㅡ! I'm going out today as well! And I already cleaned my room last weekㅡ"

"Last week? _Last_ weekㅡ?"

Sugawara winced at the volume of their conversation over breakfast. He glanced at his phone. 7:25 AM. He still has thirty-five minutes to spare before his shift at _Tokyo Blends_ , a popular coffee shop near his uni, but dang, he didn't want this conversation between his aunt and cousins to shift about _him_. So slowly after he set the washing machine, he tip-toed all his way back to the small living/dining room, getting his backpack and sneaking out into the foyer.

He was tying his shoelaces when Jesuo, the meaner one between the twins, brought up his name.

"Why the fuck do we need to clean the house? Why don't you tell Koushi! He _never_ cleans the house!"

Sugawara's nose flared. If they were fighting about something ridiculously small such as cleaning their own den, then what the hell. He really needed to get out of this house right now. And he _does_ household chores, excuse them.

"Where the fuck did that faggot go? Mom! Tell him to clean the house before he goes out!"

"Yes! He's just probably selling weed, Mom, that's why he always had more moneyㅡ"

 _Bastards_. Sugawara gritted his teeth, fingers moving quickly to lace his sneakers.

"WHATㅡ? Koushiㅡ Is that true?" Auntie shouted from inside. _Ah, shit._

Sugawara exhaled from his nose, not bothering to answer. He straightened up, mumbled an "I'll be going," to no one in particular andㅡ

He was almost out the door when a bowl of rice just came flying, hitting him squarely at the back of his skull with a painful _whack!_

"You bastard," he heard Auntie. She was the one who threw the bowl at him. "Don't you have manners, hah? Didn't your useless, illiterate mother teach you good manners at least? I'm just being patient with your behavior you faggotㅡ"

_Endure. Never complain. Focus in your study and work._

But there was only so much Sugawara could take. Everyone has limits, apparently.

And after hearing the words _useless, illiterate mother_ , Sugawara snapped.

Ears ringing, eyes flashing, he snatched the now empty bowl from the floor and threw it back at them with so much force he heard it crashed and cracked when it hit something somewhere behind Maruo.

All three of them were gaping at him, shocked at his unexpected outburst. Sugawara never fought back before. _Endure. Never complain_. He clenched his fists. But, no. Not this time.

" _Never_ insult my mother like that," he seethed.

His aunt gasped, but none of them said anything.

Sugawara waited for them to crack but something in his eyes might have frightened them because they never did. Jesuo was glaring, but he didn't utter a word.

"I'll clean the whole house when I get back," Sugawara said as calmly as he can while putting so much venom into it. "You don't have to say such things. You just have to ask politely, goddammit." He paused. "And for your information, I don't sell drugs," his eyes flicked to Jesuo, "But I know a lot of people who do, since your stash seems to be running out."

Then without further ado, he swiftly pulled his hood down to cover his rice-splattered head and went outside the apartment, gritting his teeth and blinking back tears.

 

✉     ✉     ✉

 

It was 7:45 in the morning and Sawamura Daichi had already ran at least two miles since the crack of dawn. It was exhausting but it was exercise and training so he's not really complaining. He enjoyed it, actually. The circulation of air to his lungs. The sweat trickling down his temples from the heat of the morning sun despite the harsh cold of October. The mild popping of his joints while he ran. The feeling was familiar. It made Sawamura's blood sing.

When he decided his morning jog was already over, he stopped by the coffee shop in the ground floor of his dorm building. His shared flat was located on the fourth floor.

"Plain hot black coffee Americano?" The barista incredulously repeated Sawamura's order.

He blinked. "Um yeah?"

"Name, please."

"D-Daichi,"

" _Super_ plain hot black coffee Americano ㅡ Daichi," The barista raised a brow.

"Is there a problem with my order?"

She looked up at Sawamura. "Nothing, sir!" Then she mumbled, "I just thought Koushi said _most_ of them order double shot espresso at the morning rush,"

Sawamura knitted his eyebrows because, honestly. He has no idea what was she talking about.

Then, "Oi," someone behind the female barista said. "Koushi said _most of them,_ and he's not most of them. And double time, idiot! People are waiting!"

The barista in front of him _tsk_ ed, murmuring, "Where's Koushi, anyway? He's late," but she quickly finished Sawamura's order nonetheless. Face calm, he took his coffee gratefully, then he hurried to exit the coffee shop.

He was sipping his scorching black coffee while slowly climbing the stairs up to his dorm, idly checking his Facebook. Nothing particularly piqued his interest, as usual. Maybe except for this new guy who dropped a new album.

Sawamura was a man of normalcy and steadiness. He’s _not_ a  goody-two-shoes, that much he knew, but he’s definitely not as proactive as most of his friends. He’s twenty-two. Civil engineering major. Captain of Tokyo University’s Volleyball team. Currently on his fourth year. He’s as level-headed and matured and righteous as he thought he should be. But sometimes, it would cross his mind that maybe, his lucidness might appear so bland and downright boring that he usually came out so, well, _unattractive._

 _Maybe the barista noticed it,_ he thought, smiling rather begrudgingly. Well he can’t blame her, really. Who orders plain black hot Americano for their coffee? Sawamura shook his head. Pensioners, surely.

 

✖

 

At first, Sawamura thought it was just an apparition. But when he blinked again, several times, he realized it wasn’t.

There’s someone sitting on the narrow concrete ledge of the rooftop.

He didn’t go straight to his dormitory as he had planned. Rather, he climbed up the roof deck of their five-storey multi-function building complex to breathe some morning air. Still, Sawamura thought it was too early for him to see something like _this_.

"Excuse me," Sawamura called out nervously. "What are you doing?"

The figure (he couldn’t make out whether it was a guy or a girl) shifted its head sideways, but not enough for Sawamura to fully see its face. The hood covering the person’s head made it impossible, actually.

"Hey," Sawamura tried again, throat bobbing. "You’re not goin’ to jump, are you?"

The person stirred again, body shifting. "Can you leave me alone, please?" The voice cracked, and then there was a mild sound of sniffles. Sawamura gulped. He still couldn’t recognize the gender of the stranger.

Sawamura was not really good in pep talks and such. Even in their matches, it was usually Oikawa who has the last words before the game starts. Sawamura didn’t mind, really. Because as aforementioned, he wasn’t really a very persuasive person. Which kinda sucked with the situation he’s in at the moment because he'd never talked anyone out of suicide before.

So he thought fast, mind reeling. "Look," Sawamura began, walking up to the stranger ever-so-slowly. "Whatever it is you’re thinking.. don’t do it. Sir. Ma'am. Bro. Come on. Whatever you are. It’s not too late. Even Harry took seven books to defeat Voldemort. We all know you, too, can save the world."

The stranger half-laughed and half-cried. "What house d'you think I'll get sorted to? I wish Slytherin. Or Ravenclaw," A pause. "They’re the best houses."

Sawamura blinked. Oh. The stranger’s a _he_. And something about his melodic voice _was_ familiar. It made Sawamura's nerves tingle in a good way. "No way," he argued. "Gryffindor is still the best. They’re all bravery and shit, right? And I believe you _are_ in Gryffindor, too. So come on, turn around. I’ll pull you over,"

Suddenly, the guy was shaking—of suppressed laughter. But he didn’t move from his position, feet still dangling over the ledge. "Did you seriously think I’m trying to jump?"

Sawamura wasn’t convinced. "That's what they all say. Then when I leave you alone, I’ll probably hear you from the news the next day and believe me, man, I’m too young for that burden. So come on up. I’m not gonna leave you here until I got you from there."

"You just said I’m a Gryffindor. Bravery and all. A Gryffindor never backs down from life."

"Exactly. So just hurry up and give me your hand—"

"What do you think your boggart will be?"

"I— What?" Sawamura was dumbfounded.

"I haven't much thought about it in the past but I think mine will be the same as Hermione's."

Okay. So Sawamura have seen all the Harry Potter movies. He can understand a decent amount of English. But he didn't know what this guy was talking about anymore. He's pretty sure Hermione's fear wasn't revealed in the film.

"Like, it's reasonable enough that a failing grade is her boggart. But I don't think it's simply a failing grade. I'm sure it's actually _rejection_ she's afraid of." He paused, shifting his head sideways as if to make sure Sawamura was still there. "Not much of a book reader, are you?"

"No," Sawamura confessed, a little bit embarrassed.

"Figures," the guy muttered.

"But. Like. I've seen the movies. All of them."

Sawamura heard the guy laughed lightly, as if he wasn't dangling over that ledge right now. "Of course. They're pretty cool, yes? The movies."

"Right," Sawamura said, pausing. Then an idea sparked. "You know what. We can watch them. The movies. Like. _Right now_."

No response.

"Yo, manㅡ"

"Where?"

"A-At my dorm? Downstairs. I live on the fourth floor," he paused. "And. I had. Um. Figures. Like Nendoroids, you know? I can show them to you."

"Hmm,"

"So. Come on. Give me your hand. I'll pull you back in," Sawamura held out a hand and waited.

There was faint hesitation in the hooded guy’s movement as he stood up from the ledge. Then unhurriedly, he turned around, the wind whipping all around them, pushing his hood away and revealing his face.

The recognition was immediate. One second the guy was merely a stranger then the next second Sawamura's mind was short-circuiting with nerves.

He knew this guy. _Of course_ he knew this guy. How could he ever forget a face of an angel?

His beautiful ash-blond hair was shining from the sun, though he realized since the hood was finally down that white sticky grain-like thingies were caught in his hair and— _Are those actually rice bits?_ Sawamura wondered the _what's, how's, when's,_ and _why's_ but right now, his eyes were marveling the angel's face. And that pretty little mark just near his left eye. _Fascinating_ , Sawamura thought. _I never thought we will meet again._

It took him a moment to realize the angel's lips was moving. He was talking. To him.

" . . I know you,"

Sawamura was a bit dazed. _I know you, too._ "What,"

"I said I know you," Angel said slowly. "We met before whenㅡ"

"When you fell. From the sky. I mean from above. Like the building. Above."

Slow blink. Then Angel Boy laughed, sniffling lightly. "Can you help me up?"

Then _oh._ He was still practically dangling from the other side of the railing. Sawamura was talking him out of committing suicide by talking about Hogwarts houses and boggarts. Sawamura quickly snapped out of it and hauled Angel Boy up and over.

There were grunts and _oompfg'_ s and more grunts; they stumbled, all right. And the momentum knocked them both so hard Sawamura ended up falling on top of the flustered angel. But at least they were safe.

Sawamura quickly pushed off him, face red.

"Thanks," Angel Boy meekly said, breathing hard as he looked up at Sawamura.

"No problem," Sawamura said, staring down at his slumped figure on the ground. "Uh. I'm sorry for being so blunt but. What the hell are you doing in there?"

Angel Boy stared. Then he smiled. "This is funny, but I'm seriously not trying to jump. I know that's what you're thinking."

"Then what the hell are you doing?"

"High altitude calms me down, so."

"Calms you down?" Sawamura frowned. "Are you having panic attacks or something?"

He laughed, like bells tingling. "No," he said. "It's complicated. But thank you, sir. For being concerned."

Maybe it was really complicated, Sawamura inwardly thought, taking note of the fresh tear tracks on the other guy's cheeks. He blinked. _"Sir?"_

Head tilt. "Your two years older than me." He paused, holding his arm up for help. "Right? Sawamura-senpai?"

And. Sawamura wasㅡ He's infatuated, really. Hardly, so. He'd never met anyone who can make honorifics sound so polite and sweet and charming all at the same time. He was so fucked.

But then he cleared his throat, holding Angel Boy's hand to haul him up the ground. Now they were standing a meter apart from each other, face to face. "I see you recognized me," Sawamura played it cool like how a real senpai would have.

"Oikawa Tooru is my friend. Surprisingly." he shrugged, biting his full bottom lip. "And of course I know you, Captain."

Man. This guy wanted Sawamura to combust, apparently.

"And.. your teammates made sure I remember you all in our last encounter."

"I'm sorry about that, reallyㅡ"

"Mm, it's okay." Angel Boy shook his head. "It's my fault really." He said. "It just scared me at first," he laughed. "But I guess you guys really mean no harm. And besides," he paused, smiling. "No Gryffindor will mean any harm, right?"

Wow. His words.. How could his simple words make his heart pound and melt and pound and melt like this? Sawamura looked down, breathing a laugh, unable to form a coherent response.

"Well then. Let's start all over again, shall we?" Angel Boy suddenly said, making Sawamura lift his head to look at him directly. He thrusted out a hand at him. "Sugawara Koushi. Twenty. Slytherin. Legal Management major. I want to be a legal lawyer in the near future to protect all the good people in need."

Sawamura stared, dumbfoundingly beguiled. Then a corner of his mouth curved up. And he clasped the other guy's waiting hand. _Koushi. Sugawara Koushi. He wants to become a lawyer to protect people.. Quite fitting for an angel like him_. "Sawamura Daichi," he said firmly. "Gryffindor, I guess. Just a regular guy, I guess."

Sugawara laughed, throwing his head back. "You can call me Suga, I guess. Everyone does."

And Sawamura nodded. He preferred Angel Boy more. But Suga is much shorter, so. "Suga," he said. _I want to know you more,_ he thought. _More._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- i already have [twitter](http://twitter.com/outofstyle95) yay if ur kinda interested, so. let's be friends :"> hehe luv uuuu


	9. The Maccabees and sushi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [♬♪](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_tR5cCtGtE)

 

**CONVO VIA: SMS <LINE>**

**SIM ACCT OWNER: Oikawa Tooru**

 

**_13 October 20XX_ **

**_Tuesday, 11:18 AM_**

 

 **Me** : suga-chaaaaaaaan

 

 **Me** : ey

 

 **Me** : ey

 

 **Me** : oi

 

 **Me** : y are u ignoring me

 

 **Me** : u already read my texts

**Me** : alllelsjaahKdsk

**Me** : asslskjdhdjlll

**Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  Hi

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:** Im wrokinh

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  Working*

 

 **Me** : urban?

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  No

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  Tokyo blends

 

 **Me** : oh

 

 **Me** : u work there?!

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  Yes?

 

 **Me** : ooh i used to hang out there until last sem

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:** Why did u stop? Our coffee's good

 

 **Me** : ikno!

 

 **Me** : iwa-chan's friend owns silver owls huehue

 

 **Me** : so

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  Oh I see

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:** Silver owls is awesome tho

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:** I also bought a book there once, sipped some of their frappe

 

 **Me** : good, right? i love their caramel macchoato

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  Yes but my opinion is invalid I work at d competitor x)

 

 **Me** : hmm whatevs

 

 **Me** : u have lots of day jobs suga-chan

 

 **Me** : i thought legma majors do have lots of readings to do

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  I do

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  I do dem at nite

 

 **Me** : ooh

 

 **Me** : ur like my dormmate!

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  Ur dormm8's an all-nighter?

 

 **Me** : no lol kei-chan rarely stays up late doing plates and shit. i AM the night owl tho

 

 **Me** : idon even kno how he survives his course

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:** Plates, so archtecture?

 

 **Me** : nah haha he's not good at freehand drawing. he's civil engrng

 

 **Me** : he's good at math tho like srsly. he's basically my tutor at statistics last sem huehue. im shit at numbers huhuh

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:** Oh. Me too hehe

 

 **Me** : i mean u two have lotsa parttime jobs

 

 **Me** : i wonder how u manage to find time to sleep

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**

 

 **Me:** udon take adderalls do u?

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  Sometimes..

 

 **Me** : that's toxic suga-chan! (￣◇￣;)

 

 **Me** : itook once and my boyfriend almost clocked me in the face

 

 **Me** : the after effects are draining it almost killed me lol

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:** I know

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  I dont take it always don't worry :) I still have day jobs after all

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:** Anyway aren't u with ur boyfriend or someone right now?

 

 **Me** : iwa-chan is busy at the moment </3

 

 **Me** : so pls bear w me hehe

 

 **Me** : y? are u super busy? :---(

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:** No i just finished wiping up the tables. And its almost noon. Fewer ppl come at noon

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  I just wonder y u have lots of time to spare

 

 **Me** : well i have a.m classes fu*k a.m classes but it was cut shortly. conference and shit

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:** Hahah!

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  Tbh I thought that big guy last time is your bf

 

 **Me** :

 

 **Me** : ?

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:** The one from shiratorizawa?

 

 **Me** : oh

 

 **Me** : that's waka-chan

 

 **Me** : well he /was/ my bf

 

 **Me** : (￣∀￣')

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:** Seriously?

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  Then dang. Why do u always get the fit ones

 

 **Me** : bec i'm fit as well? (‾︶‾)

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:** Wow haha

 

 **Me** : do i sound so conceited? everybody says im conceited lol

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:** Well.. u are

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:** But i'm not gonna burst ur bubble u ARE fit

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:** And it doesnt sound so offensive and annoying idk?

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:** I honestly think it's good. U don't fish compliments bec u already know ur place

 

 **Me** : aw stahp

 

 **Me** : ikno that already (*^﹏^*)

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  Lol. Daamn ur really somethng oikawa-san

 

 **Me** : whoa whoa whats w the honorifics again?

 

 **Me** : u just called me tooru last week wth

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  Hehe ok sorry

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:** But what happened with ur ex tho? Are things settled now?

 

 **Me** : hmm yeah i gues..

 

 **Me** : he didn't contact me anymore after i left my last msg

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  Damn so dramatic

 

 **Me** : well i'm a film major what do u xpect huehue

 

 **Me** : anyway ithink he got it

 

 **Me** : ijust hope he move on fast enough

 

 **Me** : waka-chan is a good guy ukno

 

 **Me** : he can be terrifying and possesive but

 

 **Me** : he's my first love

 

 **Me** : he's my first everythinh

 

 **Me** : so i hope he can find his own happiness soon

 

 **Me** : bec i have my own happiness now

 

 **Me** : (✿´‿`)

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  God u sound so inlove its giving me the creeps

 

 **Me** :

 

 **Me** : am i that obvious?

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:** Obvious what?

 

 **Me** : tgat im in love?

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  Well

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:** Arent u?

 

 **Me** : i am tho

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:** Then no need 2 backpedal

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:** If u love someone go for it

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  Show them

 

 **Me** :

 

 **Me** : u sound like a big sister im shocked considering our one yr gap

 

 **Me** : imma cryy

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  Oh shut it

 

 **Me** : but ukno what i think u should see iwa-chan

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  It's a small world i can bump into u two at campus

 

 **Me** : lol thats ironic

 

 **Me** : did ukno we texted each other at line for several wks first before we saw each otger face to face?

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  Seriously?

 

 **Me** : yeah its a long dramatic story but ugh i love it wouldnt change a thing, really

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  Wow

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:** Seems like your on tenterhooks in love with him

 

 **Me** : head over heels even

 

 **Me** : even if he has big forehead lol!

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:** Hahahahahah! For real?

 

 **Me** : not rly but yeah hagagaghahhaha

 

 **Me** : but he has nice musclez tho like ugh those arms

 

 **Me** : and u'll drool when u see his pectorals

 

 **Me** : he always tell me he doesny work out that often but ikno he's lying (─‿─)

 

 **Me** : do yOU work out, suga-chan?

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  I take d stairs

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  Does dat count?

 

 **Me** : idk srsly

 

 **Me** : depends on the stairs and how many floors i guess

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:** Hahaahahahah! Is he film major too?

 

 **Me** : pfft no

 

 **Me** : he has little to no artistic bone in his body lol he's chem engineerinh

 

 **Me** : u can usualy see him at the labs

 

 **Me** : mixing sugar spice and everything nice

 

 **Me** : it looks like nothing touches or faze him

 

 **Me** : its like his face's default mode is grumpy or passive ukno what imean?

 

 **Me** : but really he can be super super super sweet

 

 **Me** : toothrotting sweet

 

 **Me** : im clingy but he's even more clingy when its just the two of us

 

 **Me** : it's ironic but somehow we're each other's opposites despite some of our common denominators

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  Hmm

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  He's like ur gravity

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  Keeps u grounded

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  Yet sweeps u off ur feet everytime

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:** Right?

 

 **Me** : wow

 

 **Me** : i thought ur single are u in love as well? hagagagaa it seems like ukno a lot abt feelings

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  Well

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  And um, no. Im single

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  This is so embarrassinh?

 

 **Me** : ???

 

 **Me** : the hell

 

 **Me** : y would u be?

 

 **Me** : u look pretty as well! 9/10

 

 **Me** : and we pretty beings should stick 2geder┌(˘⌣˘)ʃ

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  >////<

 

 **Me** : and oH

 

 **Me** : oH YOU BISH

 

 **Me** : i ALMOSYT FORGOY

 

 **Me** : DAI-CHAN MENTIONEDF U TWO MET AGAIN

 

 **Me** : UDIDNT TELL ME Y

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  Oh haha well

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  Yeah. We met. Again.

 

**Me:**

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**

 

 **Me** : well??

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  Um did he say something

 

 **Me** : what?

 

 **Me** : something abt what?

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  Idk abt me?

 

 **Me** : what

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  What?

 

 **Me** : what what?

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  What do u mean what

 

 **Me** : koushi

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  No

 

 **Me** : i didnt even say anything yet

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**

 

 **Me** : do u like dai-chan?

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  What?

 

 **Me** : what what

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  What

 

 **Me** : dont what what me

 

 **Me** : dO YIU LIKE DAICHI??

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** : Haha

 

 **Me** : don't haha me

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  Lol he's my senpai

 

 **Me** : sO AM I BITCH

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  This is really embarrassing

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  How did u know oh my god

 

 **Me** :

 

 **Me** : wtf ur not that subtle urself lol

 

 **Me** : "did he say something abt me"

 

 **Me** : man im crying hahhahaaahaah

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  Don't laugh at me its embarrassing

**Me** : lol what do u mean im not laughing at u its just

 

 **Me** : hahahahhhahgaHAHAHA

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  I like him but thats it. I just think he's cute

 

 **Me** : u should see his pectorals as well u wont think he's cute he's a beast hahahahha

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  God, Oikawa stop it

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  This is inappropriate

 

 **Me** : hagagggahaha inappropraite my ass

 

 **Me** : he sed ur cute

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  Shit srsly?

 

 **Me** : hahagagGAGAGGGAHA

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  Hey don't make fun of me :(

 

 **Me** : lol im sorry! i wish i cud see ur face rn hagagag

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  I thought he's str8

 

 **Me** :

 

 **Me** : uh idk rly

 

 **Me** : he had a girlfriend before

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  Oh

 

 **Me** : yeah but idk lol

**Me** : do u want me to ask if he likes bois as well??? (‾︶‾)

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  NO

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:** NO OIKAWA PLS DONT

 

 **Me** : lmao im kidding but he srsly sed ur cute.

 

 **Me** : but i cant say if he sed it bec he thinks ur cute cute or he just sed it bec its the truth?

**Me** : bois like dai-chan can be dense and speaks their mind in their own will

 

 **Me** : so i cant rly figure him out

 

 **Me** : lol

 

 **Me** : u still ok there? :---)

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  Yeah it's just a crush, oikawa. No big deal. I had a lot of crushes on straight people before

 

 **Me** : lol same!

 

 **Me** : but ukno what i thought iwa-chan is str8 before

 

 **Me** : idk if im just dumb or he's just rly good in passing as straight lol

 

 **Me** : anyway do u want a pic of dai-chan to jerk off to? HAHAHAAHAGAG

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  Ur kidding

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  Now this is rly inappropriate

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:** Dont

 

 **Me** : <ATTACHMENT: 1 PHOTO>

 

 **Suga-chan** **❄** **:**  I h8 u

 

 **Me** : hahhaahhhahhahahaaha

 

 **Me** : suga-chan?

 

 **Me** : lol

 

 **Me** : did u die?

 

 **Me** : hahahagagagag

 

 **Me** :

 

 **Me** : hey

 

 **Me** : srsly

 

 **Me** : come on its just a pic he's not even naked lol

 

✖

 

"Yo, Suga,"

Sugawara turned slightly at the sound of his name, momentarily taking his eyes off from the coffee he's making. "Yes?"

"It's your break, take your lunch,"

He blinked. "Oh. Okay," then he turned back to what he was doing.

Maui, another student part-timer, always reminded him to take his break. He was grateful for it, considering the girl and him were not that close. Or maybe it's just that Sugawara always forgot to take all his breaks and it's downright pathetic to not be aware of it. Oh well.

"Suga," Maui called out again. "Hurry up and clock out,"

"Okay!" He said, already washing his hands. "I'll be quick!"

"Don't be," Boss called out from the front counter. "Take your time you idiot. Eat something, will you?"

Sugawara smiled. "Okay," he said. Then he hurried towards the locker rooms to hang his apron. He was checking his phone for the time when Maui called out again from the kitchen.

"Suga!"

He sighed, closing his locker. "Okayㅡ okayㅡ I'm comiㅡ"

"Suga!" The girl dashed in the locker room, wild-eyed and grinning. She strode over him and shook his shoulders. "Suga! You didn't tell me you know Oikawa Tooru!"

Sugawara blinked. "Ah, eh?" He said. "I mean, yeah, but, how'd you know?" He paused. "He's not there outside, is he?"

"He's there outside!" Maui practically squealed. "And he's with his friends! God, why didn't you tell me you're friends with those boys?!" Her eyes were shining.

"Ahㅡ Maui-san. Calm down, geez." Sugawara sighed. "Well, I suppose you can take their orders. It's my break, soㅡ"

"Suga!" Maui pressed impatiently. "They're waiting for you. They said you guys are having sushi together at Sato's,"

What. He blinked again, dumbfounded. "Where the hell is Sato's?"

The girl rolled her eyes. "You're a sophomore, aren't you? How come you don't know Sato's?"

"Because I haven't been there?"

"Oh, shut it." Maui clucked her tongue. "The point is, I didn't know you  _have_  friends. And Oikawa Tooru at that," She glanced at the door, as if checking Oikawa out. "With his horde of good-looking friends." She wiggled his eyebrows. "Seriously,"

Sugawara snorted as he glanced at the door, biting his lip. Well, it's Oikawa, so he supposed he'll have no problem with him. But Sugawara assumed he's with his other friends and his boyfriend, which was going to be awkward. He didn't know those people.

 _And worse,_ he thought,  _Sawamura-senpai was there._ He can't face him with Oikawa around. Oh my God, he can't.

"Well?" Maui snapped him out of his reverie. "What are waiting for?"

"Uh, I don'tㅡ"

The girl snorted. "Get the fuck outta here, you're friends are waiting," then she forcefully pushed him to exit the door, earning a yelp from Sugawara.

"Mauiㅡ!" He cried. "Don't push meㅡ"

"Suga-chan!" A voice called out.

Sugawara composed himself, face tomato red. "O-Oikawa-san!"

Oikawa was leaning at the side of the front counter, where Boss was manning the shop. She was looking at Oikawa with a skeptical expression. Near Oikawa were three guys just looking around the cafe.

The first guy was tall, leaning on a nearby concrete post, looking bored with his arms folded across his chest. He has black spiky hair and half of it seemed to cover half of his face. The second guy was small, distinctly small actually, and he was sipping their macchiato. His hair was cool, with the golden dye and dark roots and all.  _It adds character,_ he marveled. The third guy was.. intimidating. He exuded a mild aura which either says  _I-don't-care-who-the-fuck-you-are-but-get-outta-my-way_ or he was just resigned and bored. Guy 3 was the most charismatic, perhaps, if you opted Oikawa out. And vaguely remembering Oikawa's description of his boyfriend, Sugawara assumed Guy 3  _was_  the Iwa-chan.

"What's with the honorific again, seriously?" Oikawa pouted, detaching his hips from the side counter and hooking his arms around Sugawara's shoulders. He hauled him up, leading him towards the exit doors of the cafe, the other three guys following behind. "Anyway. It's your break, right? Let's eat lunch!"

Sugawara was not usually a bashful person. He can talk alright with new people and strangers, considering his court-reading debates in his classes. But right now, he found himself being tongue-tied and red-faced and embarrassed in front of these good-looking people.

While they were crossing the street (Oikawa still has his arms slung around him), Guy 3 spoke. "Tooru. Do you really wanna eat at Sato's?"

"Yeah. Why? I'm feeling sushi today."

"Sushi. I've eaten sushi last night," Guy 1 with the bed hair said. "Suga, d'you eat sushi?"

"Ahㅡ ehㅡ "

"Everybody eats sushi, Kuroo." Small Guy 2 supplied. "Where's Makki and Matsu?"

"They're already at Sato's." Oikawa said.

"Ah, is that so . . "

Sugawara's mind was reeling. What the fuck was happening? It's as if  _click_ , then Sugawara was already one of them. They already even know his name!

The minutes passed and they kept chatting as they walked to this diner called Sato's. Even the small Guy 2 (Kenma as they called him) was mildly chatty, though he was all hums and mumbles. Iwa, or Iwa-chan for Oikawa, was mostly grunts and remarks. But Sugawara was surprised when he saw him plucking a fallen leaf on Oikawa's hair or brutally pinching his nose like it was a normal gesture he was used to do. Their relationship was simple and easy. Normal as breathing. Somehow, Sugawara was jealous of it.

He was still flustered, though. Damn Oikawa Tooru for not even telling him he will come barging in his lunch break with these cool friends of his.

But the awkwardness started to gradually vanish when they stepped into the diner. Because that's when Oikawa made the introductions. And it's funny, really. Because. It just happened.

"Yo, guys. This is Suga. Made a new friend downtown. Be nice."

"Sugawara Koushi! Legal Management major. I want to be a legal lawyer in the near future to protect all the good people in need!"

Iwa smirked. "Cute," he said. "Bokuto will like you,"

"Wow." A pink-haired guy, Makki they called, said. His chin was propped on his palm. "I thought you guys are cousins." He mumbled. "Aren't you related?"

"Um, me and Oikawa? No. Why?" Sugawara meekly said.

Makku shrugged. "I thought beauty runs in the blood." He paused, winking. "But I guess Oikawa's too much conceited to be related to any of us,"

Something flew in front of Makki's nose and landed on another guy's face.

"OI," The one called Matsu growled. "Shut it, youㅡ"

"Sorry, sorry," Oikawa said, chortling.

"You fucker. Don't play with your food like thatㅡ" Iwa snapped at him.

"Iwa-chan, that's just once!"

"Sorry for that," Matsu turned to him, wiping his face. "Are you feeling okay, though?

"Ahㅡ eh?" Sugawara blinked.

"Is this cool? Aren't you feeling awkward or anything?"

"Iㅡ" Sugawara laughed nervously.

"I mean," Matsu said again, "I know Tooru kind of just pulled you here, didn't he? That must be what happened,"

Sugawara was so thankful someone actually know what's happening. "Yes!" he said, eyes wide. "I was so surprised! He didn't tell me anything! But I swear we are friends for, like, several weeks already?"

"Figures," Matsu smirked, looking at Oikawa and Iwa bantering. "He's like that," he shrugged. "But everyone's cool here, I tell you. We don't do drugs or something," he assured.

"Really?" Sugawara sighed. "Shame," he sounded so crestfallen.

There was a pause. Then Matsu roared with laughter along with Kenma who's apparently listening. "I like this guy,"

"But seriously, how'd you guys meet?" Kuroo suddenly piped in. "I just heard Oikawa's bringing someone new and that's it,"

"Oh," Sugawara blinked, feeling uneasy with the story. "Um. I spotted him being jumped on by some scary looking guㅡ"

"He works at Urban!" Oikawa suddenly shouted, two heads away. "Suga-chan works at Urban and I'm always at Urban and that's how I know him. Cliche, cheesy story. The end, ha ha."

There was a pregnant pause. The air was heavy. Sugawara took note of how Oikawa kept averting his eyes fom Iwa while the guy was practically drilling holes at his face. Thenㅡ

"Is that how you met?" Iwa asked Sugawara himself. It was polite enough but man, it sounded like a threat.

Sugawara gulped, seeing Oikawa imperceptibly widened his eyes at him.

 _Damn you, Oikawa Tooru. Why didn't you tell them?!_  "Ah," Sugawara laughed nervously. "Yeah! Of course! What I mean to say, is... ah, I always see him around campus, you know. Like, Volleyball, you know. He plays a lot, yes? A lot of it. And.. like, his teammates are actually scary looking, right? Especially when they play. Like, man. They're scary. I always see them with Oikawa before. So, like, yes. They're scary.."

Everyone around the table was looking at Sugawara.  _Did I overdo it? Oh, shit_ _ㅡ_

"I see," Iwa mildly raised his brows, glancing at Oikawa but he didn't say anything more.

Few more seconds ticked, and then, "His Volleyball teammates huh," Makki finally drawled as Sugawara sipped from his red iced tea. "Well, speak of the devil, because, isn't that Captain-kun himself?" he jutted his chin towards the door of the diner as the entrance bell dinged.

Sugawara indignantly sputtered his iced tea, feeling panicked and flustered again.

"Ahkㅡ" Matsu handed him some tissue. "Are you okayㅡ?"

 _What the hell_ _ㅡ_

Oikawa's ears perked up like a mad dog. His eyes glinted. "Ahㅡ Dai-chan!" He stood up from his seat, calling Sawamura Daichi out and waving his hand like a child.

"Tooru," somebody greeted near Sugawara's left. "Yo, Iwa. Matsukawa. Hi, guys."

"Dai-chan!" Oikawa practically bounced in his seat. "Suga-chan and you know each other right?"

A pause. "Ahㅡ who?"

Oh, fuck it. Sugawara shifted, tilting his head so he can show Sawamura his face. "Hi!" He waved. "Fancy meeting you here,"

Andㅡ Sugawara mustered a cool and sweet smile, really. But he didn't expect Sawamura's reaction at all.

"Ahㅡ Iㅡ I don'tㅡ Heyㅡ!" Sawamura stuttered, ears pink. It's kind of cute. But why was he embarrassed? "Suga," He finally said. "So you really know Tooru, after all.."

"Do I look like I'm lying?" Sugawara raised a brow, pursing his lips.

"No.. well.. I.."

Abruptly, Kuroo cleared his throat as he stood up to offer the guy the space in front of Sugawara. "Dude, are you alone? You can just join us, you know. We're still eating,"

Sugawara thought he's going to refuse. He  _hoped_  he was gonna refuse.

He did not.

It took Sawamura a few seconds to decide and hesitate, but eventually, he took the seat gratefully, and Kuroo sat in front of Kenma.

Sugawara did not know what to do. So he just did what everybody was doing and they resumed eating and mildly chatting across the small tables they arranged together to make everyone fit.

The serving in Sato's was fast, so in mere minutes, Sawamura was also eating and talking with them.

It's amazing, honestly. The camaraderie of these people. It showed off in the most normal way and it just.. made Sugawara smile that even in the most simple things like eating lunch, these people were being real and candid and pure. It made him wonder how will their camaraderie will be as an actual team of sort.

That idea lessened the jitters he was feeling at Sawamura's presence. He looked good today. A few and simple layers against the cold. Nothing special. Still. He looked  _good_.

So eventually, everything calmed down. The only thing Sugawara was bothered about was the fact that he just realized he was indeed surrounded by couples. It was given that Oikawa and Iwa were a thing. But he was fairly sure Makki and Matsu were also dating. (He caught Matsu's hands playing with Makki's fingers under the table.) Kuroo and Kenma were being slightly touchy with each other as well, though they're a bit faster with their moves. So naturally, that just left him withㅡ

" . . but I can't really last two chapters, seriously . . " Sawamura was saying about how he started reading the book one of Harry Potter because of Sugawara himself, thank you very much. It's adorable and he's  _so_  flattered, the inner bitch he was.

He just watched Sawamura talked mostly. Grinning and giggling at the right cues. He tried not to mind Iwaizumi pushing some more sushi in Oikawa's plate as he wiped some syrup on the brat's chin with his thumb. He also tried to ignore Makki picking all the meat at Matsu's plate and replacing it with carrots while the other guy was fiddling with his phone. And he was so not seeing Kuroo occasionally putting meat in Kenma's mouth.

Nope, Sugawara refused to register all these things in his head. Mainly he just smiled at Sawamura's words, eating sushi while hearing the mild clanking of cutleries and chopsticks around him while The Maccabees was playing on the background.

He almost laughed. The world was mocking him, wasn't it?

So he did what he thought the world was telling him, then he plucked up some courage, clearing his throat.

"Say, Sawamura-senpai," he started.

The guy choked, coughing a bit. "Yes?"

"Do you want to, say, grab a coffee some time?" He said casually.

Sawamura stared. Oikawa was obviously listening because he stared as well. Iwa lightly slapped his boyfriend, warning him to leave them alone.

"W-with whom?" Sawamura finally said.

Sugawara blinked. "With me. Obviously." And huh. He felt boldness and bravery coursing through his veins right now. He's unstoppable.

"Oh," Sawamura said, throat bobbing. He breathed a laugh. "I was. Wow. I'mㅡ shocked."

Another blink. "Shocked? Why?"

"I was contemplating on ways on how to ask that very same question to you. But you beat me to it."

And Sugawara's brain turned to mush.  _Oh my God. And here I am trying to come up with a response when you actually said you're straight but_ , "Wow," he laughed. "Slick, ain't I?"

Sawamura's cheeks lifted, looking down at his plate. Then he looked up back at him. "Are you finished? You wanna walk around somewhere?"

Sugawara bit hit bottom lip, tilting his head. He caught Oikawa gaping at their conversation. He smiled. "Yeah, but. I have to come back at one thirty,"

And Sawamura nodded when he glanced down at his phone, "Twenty minutes, tops." He stood up. "C'mon,"

And it just happened, really. The continuation of their... friendship. It's not complicated, either. And just as normal and easy as breathing.

They left, eventually, after paying for their share and after everyone encouraging them and saying they don't mind and  _no, it's not rude_  and  _just go._

They did, so.

And everybody gaped behind. Especially Oikawa.

"That bitch," he laughed disbelievingly, stabbing his plate. "I raised him properly,"

"Did you hear him when he just asked him to grab a coffee?" Makki's eyebrows were gone to his hairline. "Damn, he's so something. And to think we're all surrounding them, huh. He's a cunning one."

"Well, he's LegMa major." Kenma shrugged.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kuroo said.

Kenma shrugged again. "That he's cunning. And Oikawa's choice of friends is great."

"I second the motion," everybody else except Oikawa said.

"Anyway," Matsukawa started, his eyes flicking to Makki. "We have news,"

Makki glanced at him momentarily.

"Hah," Iwa snorted. "Who's pregnant?"

"Me," Makki said, not losing a beat. "And Issei and I are getting married and we're moving in together. It's hard to raise children on your own."

"Fuck you, dude." Kuroo laughed. "Are you serious?"

It's Matsukawa who answered. "No," he said. "But we're really moving in together."

Gaping mouths. Silence. The Maccabees continued to play softly from the speakers.

"Well, that's good." Iwaizumi said nonchalantly after a moment. "I actually used to dream of having a dorm to myself." he shrugged. "When are you going to move out?"

Makki snorted. "Excited to get rid of me? I dunno, next week, I guess?"

"Hmm..." Kuroo said, eyebrows lifting. "That's a big move. I surely thought Bokuto and Akaashi are the ones who will do that first among us. Are you really serious? Or there are hidden cameras around here? Is this a prank?" He swiveled his head to look around.

"Kuroo, shut it." Kenma rolled his eyes.

"Well, that's good. I'm just gonna look for another roommate." Iwaizumi said.

Everybody apart from Iwaizumi glanced briefly at Oikawa, who was already pursing his lips to hide a smile.

"That's cool," Oikawa finally said, a little too loud than usual. "Great even." He looked imperceptibly at Iwaizumi who was saying something to Matsukawa at the moment. "Really great."

 


	10. True American.

 

**CONVO VIA: FACEBOOK <FB_MSSNGR>**

**PROFILE ACCT OWNER:** **Iwaizumi Hajime**

 

**GROUP CHAT NAME: ❀MOTHERF▼CKERZ❀**

**GROUP CHAT MEMBERS:**

⊙ _Akaashi Keiji_

●  _Bokuto Koutarou_

●  _Haiba Lev_

●  _Hanamaki Takahiro_

●  _Iwaizumi Hajime_

●  _Kozume Kenma_

●  _Kuroo Tetsurou_

 

_**15 October 20XX** _

_**Thursday, 11:08 AM** _

 

_Bokuto Kotarou sent an image to ❀MOTHERF▼CKERZ❀._

 

 **Bokuto_Kotarou:**  Hey hey heuyyyy

 

 **Bokuto_Kotarou:**  Whats up my friends?

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:**  is that pic u sent atm?

 

 **Bokuto_Kotarou:** Yeag

 

 **Bokuto_Kotarou:**  Keiji and i are eating ivce cream

 

_Bokuto Kotarou sent an image to ❀MOTHERF▼CKERZ❀._

 

_Bokuto Kotarou sent an image to ❀MOTHERF▼CKERZ❀._

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:**  where are u two?

 

 **Bokuto_Kotarou:**  Tokyo dome city

 

 **Bokuto_Kotarou:**  Hehehehe

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:**  omg!

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:**  y didnt u tell us uwere planninh 2 go in an amusement park

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:**  ive been wanting to go der for a long time now! aksdaskljh :(((

 

 **Bokuto_Kotarou:**  What the fuck man why dont you say that to matsu

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** I did!

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:**  but he always has exams </3

 

 **Bokuto_Kotarou:** Then say I told u beforehand

 

 **Bokuto_Kotarou:** You be willimg to thirdwheel our date? Gahah poor kidf

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:**  i h8 u

 

 **Kozume_Kenma:**  or maybe your boyfriend just doesn't want to go

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:**  hey u pudding

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:**  y are u like that my boifreind likes theme parks hes just busy

 

 **Kozume_Kenma:** i didn't say anything abt not liking theme parks

 

 **Kozume_Kenma:** I mean maybe he hates rides and sappy cliche dates

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:**?????

 

 **Kozume_Kenma:** theme park dates are sappy and cliche u gotta admit

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** mmmmm i havent bin in one i wouldn't know :((((

 

 **Kozume_Kenma:** pshh poor guy

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** hey u pudding

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** y u soundin so high and mighty today

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:**  heh and why kenma did tetsu and u already went to tokyo dome alrdy?

 

 **Kozume_Kenma:**  not yet

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:**  heh see so dont get toomighty on me kitten

 

 **Kozume_Kenma:**  we've been to disneyland at chiba

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:**  wat

 

 **Kozume_Kenma:**  the year before the last

 

_Kozume Kenma sent an image to ❀MOTHERF▼CKERZ❀._

 

_Kozume Kenma sent an image to ❀MOTHERF▼CKERZ❀._

 

_Kozume Kenma sent an image to ❀MOTHERF▼CKERZ❀._

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:**  hOW COM I DIDN'T KNOW THIUS

 

 **Bokuto_Kotarou:** HahahahaGAGAGA

 

 **Bokuto_Kotarou:** Ohi remember that time. It was your bday then right pudding hajajaja

 

 **Kozume_Kenma:** makki you'd think I'll be saying these without basis at all?

 

 **Kozume_Kenma:** yeah it was my bday

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** the fuUUck im jealous I h8 u kenma!

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro** : I want togo to diisney land too!SFSDFHnjgghj

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** but waiyt the year before the last meant 2yrs ago right?

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** im freshman that yr u were still in hs that time?

 

 **Kuroo_Tetsurou:** Yeah i brought kenma to Disneyland w/ my first paycheck on college

 

 **Kuroo_Tetsurou:** It was still a bestfriendly date LOL

 

 **Kuroo_Tetsurou:** Remenmber that time I wasn't able 2join studio practice for our first gig?

 

 **Kuroo_Tetsurou:** And my xcuse was it's my highsch bestfriend's bday

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** omg I remember that you bought us all keychains after lol

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** fuck dats so obvz and romantic im jealous how com u just bcame official dis yr?

 

 **Bokuto_Kotarou:** Hahahhahjadhahaha bec theyre both idioits

 

 **Kozume_Kenma:**./.

 

 **Kozume_Kenma:** fix ur typing problems first before you call me idiot bokuto

 

 **Kuroo_Tetsurou:** LOL

 

 **Bokuto_Kotarou:** If Im not havimg a good time withj keiji right now im not gonna let that fuckin slipl, pudding hahahahha

 

 **Bokuto_Kotarou:** But im in a good moodf so

 

_Bokuto Kotarou sent an image to ❀MOTHERF▼CKERZ❀._

 

 **Bokuto_Kotarou:** Crepes everyome?

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** anyway speaking of kenma's bday

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:**  its 16th this month yeah?

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** wait wtf that tomorrw

 

_Haiba Lev sent a sticker to ❀MOTHERF▼CKERZ❀._

 

 **Haiba_Lev:** Nice!

 

 **Haiba_Lev:** Happy bday kenma

 

 **Haiba_Lev:** Even if were both sophomores, I think of u as a senpai heheh

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** hahaAhahahahjk

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** but srsly whats the plan tomorrow?

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** are we going clubbin again?

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** because clubbin sounds like the best idea right now wOOO

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** oikawa and matsu will definitely join us plus oikawa's cute barista friend hihi

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** the more the merrier hiihjihi we can even let Iwa's father join like come on bring it ON hahaj right iwa i see ur online wOOA

 

 **Iwaizumi_Hajime:** His name is Sugawara

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** oh uh my dad's name is minami

 

 **Iwaizumi_Hajime:** I mean Tooru's barista friend, the fuck. His name is Sugawara Koushi

 

 **Haiba_Lev:** Hahahahha damn

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** hah oh well lmao he's a cutie

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** anyway wat now where's kenma wath are we planninh 2 do tomorow nite

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** kenma u fucker

 

 **Bokuto_Kotarou:** Didn't kenma tell you already?

 

 **Bokuto_Kotarou:** He said he'l borow my place tomrow

 

 **Bokuto_Kotarou:** This is Akaashi

 

_Bokuto Kotarou sent an image to ❀MOTHERF▼CKERZ❀._

 

 **Bokuto_Kotarou:** I think he's planning somethinh on his bday

 

 **Iwaizumi_Hajime:** Wait a moment your place? Like, your flat?

 

 **Bokuto_Kotarou:** The one in diamond. My condo yeah

 

 **Haiba_Lev:** Sweet

 

 **Haiba_Lev:** We havent been in ur place since last year i think? Was that last year?

 

 **Iwaizumi_Hajime:** Yeah, that's last year.

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:**  but woAh wait a moment why would kenma need ur place

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:**  kuroo do u know any of this?

 

 **Kuroo_Tetsurou:** What no Kenma didnt tell anything

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:**  oh mygodf

 

**Kozume_Kenma:**

 

 **Kozume_Kenma:** yeah

 

 **Kozume_Kenma:** true american tomorrow nite it is

 

 **Kozume_Kenma:** i was having second thoughts on telling you I thought everyone was busy

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** keNMA U GREAT FUCKEER

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** NOBODYS BUSY FOR BEER AND VODKA LOL

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** I fuvkin love it everyone's fridy nights r free, RIGHT GUYS? Its kenmas bday WOOOOOKJIOJ

 

 **Haiba_Lev:** YEAGH

 

 **Haiba_Lev:** Though Im not particularly good at Tru american its ok, theres beer and vodka

 

 **Kuroo_Tetsurou:** Thumbs up see you tomo night!

 

_Bokuto Kotarou sent an image to ❀MOTHERF▼CKERZ❀._

 

 **Iwaiuzmi_Hajime:** I'll tell Tooru first

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** WOOOJKAKS IWA MAKEW SURE TO BRING UR BOYFRINED TOMORROW CUZ IM GONNA REIGN AGGAIN

 

_Hanamaki Takahiro sent a gif to ❀MOTHERF▼CKERZ❀._

 

_Hanamaki Takahiro sent a sticker to ❀MOTHERF▼CKERZ❀._

 

_Haiba Lev sent a sticker to ❀MOTHERF▼CKERZ❀._

 

* * *

* * *

 

  **CONVO VIA: SMS <LINE>**

 **SIM ACCT OWNER:** **Iwaizumi Hajime**

 

_**15 October 20XX** _

_**Thursday, 11:12 PM** _

 

 **AKAASHI:** Ey Iwa

 

 **AKAASHI:** Yo

 

**AKAASHI:**

 

**AKAASHI:**

 

 **Me:** Ow

 

 **Me:**  How's Tokyo Dome City

 

 **AKAASHI:** OUTRAGWEOUS

 

 **Me:** That's a big word

 

 **AKAASHI:** Bec it is

 

 **AKAASHI:** Oikawa and you are goin tomorw nite right?

 

 **AKAASHI:** Its kenma's bday

 

 **AKAASHI:** U know kenma throws a beer and vodka party just once in a bluemoon u better come

 

 **AKAASHI:** And true american dude true american

 

 **Me:**  I'm shit at true american anyway

 

 **AKAASHI:** Hahhahaha fuck u its time to woo your boy with ur magnificent drinking skillz

 

 **Me:**  Fuck off

 

 **Me:**  And I already told Tooru. He likes to go, actually

 

 **Me:**  But I don't want him to drink. And were playing a drinking game

 

 **AKAASHI:** Wtf dude when did you become a protective boyfriend hagah oikawa's not a girl don't be a killjoy

 

 **Me:**  No, you don't understand he literally can't drink or else his stomach will act up

 

 **AKAASHI:** Will act up?

 

 **AKAASHI:** Oh

 

 **AKAASHI:** I see

 

 **Me:**  Yeah. But he told me it's okay as long it's not hard brandy or tequila, but beer and light vodka is good

 

 **AKAASHI:** Oh

 

 **AKAASHI:** Then were good! Its just beer and sobieski

 

 **AKAASHI:** SOBIESKI, man. Last time we justhad aristocrat

 

 **Me:**  I feel like drinking rubbing alcohol with Aristocrat

 

 **Me:** Still I don't know

 

 **AKAASHI:** Man, come on

 

 **AKAASHI:** Your boyfriend likes to partay don't kill it

 

**Me:**

 

 **Me:** He's not

 

 **AKAASHI:** Not what?

 

 **Me:**  My boyfriend

 

 **AKAASHI:** Srsly

 

 **Me:**  Yet

 

 **Me:**  He's not my boyfriend yet.

 

 **AKAASHI:** Oh

 

 **AKAASHI:** Im surprised haha

 

 **AKAASHI:** I thought oikawa's the one who will finally break ur walls lol

 

 **AKAASHI:** Lol but seriously tho

 

 **AKAASHI:** Man up

 

 **AKAASHI:** DTR

 

 **AKAASHI:** U know our views in life isnt so different bfore

 

 **AKAASHI:** And I told u just have to man up and let loose just dont think

 

 **AKAASHI:** If u feel like oikawa's the one den go grab him junior

 

 **AKAASHI:** Ur already fuckng each other what more do you have to lose

 

 **Me:**  Him

 

**AKAASHI:**

 

 **Me:** I'll lose him if things go shit

 

**AKAASHI:**

 

 **AKAASHI:** Shit, man

 

 **AKAASHI:** I nid to screencap that I was fucking moved

 

 **Me:**  Fuck you

 

 **AKAASHI:** No but srsly just dont think

 

**Me:**

 

 **AKAASHI:** Dont think of her anymore

 

 **AKAASHI:** Oikawa's different from her

 

 **Me:**  I know

 

 **AKAASHI:** And its, like, 3 yrs?

 

 **Me:**  2 yrs and 10 months

 

 **AKAASHI:** Fuuuuick

 

 **AKAASHI:** High school senpais are the worst

 

 **AKAASHI:** Where's the bitch now anyway?

 

 **Me:**  Ohio

 

 **AKAASHI:** Thats in america right

 

 **Me:**  Yeah

 

 **AKAASHI:** Sucks big time

 

 **Me:** Why are we even talking about her wtf I'm over it

 

 **AKAASHI:** Um bec shes the one who screwed u up ever since? Lterally and psycholgicaly I suppose

 

 **Me:**  It's nobody's fault, it's just me

 

 **AKAASHI:** Ive heard that same line million times bfore don't give me that card

 

 **AKAASHI:** Just go dtr, iwaizumi hajime, my maan. I heard uve given makki a hard time bec of that lol!

 

 **Me:**  Psh

 

 **AKAASHI:** And what happened to ushiwaka? Im shook abt that in all fuckin fairness. Any news?

 

 **Me:**  None. Its been a week or so. Tooru would tell me otherwise

 

 **AKAASHI:** Nice nice

 

 **AKAASHI:** Just come tomorw nite, capiche?

 

**Me:**

 

 **AKAASHI:** Oh and anywy

 

 **AKAASHI:** I heard makki and matsu's movin in together

 

 **Me:**  Yeah

 

**AKAASHI:**

 

 **AKAASHI:** I supose u know ur guy has been waiting for u to ask him since u are already lookin for a new rummate now, yeah?

 

 **Me:**  Yeah

 

 **Me:**  I know that

 

 **Me:** But fuck. We haven't even talked about being official yet. Moving in together is too much

 

 **AKAASHI:** Ah sucks

 

 **AKAASHI:**  What do u do?

 

 **Me:**  I try to ignore all his moving-in-together insinuations

 

 **Me:**  For now

 

 **Me:**  Fuck Makki and Matsu really. It's their fault

 

 **AKAASHI:** Shit man dat probably hurts

 

 **AKAASHI:** Oi dont pin the blame to the more sensible couple

 

 **AKAASHI:** Its not their fault their rlationship is more honest dan urs, so

 

 **AKAASHI:** Not to sound offensive but we all know its true

 

 **Me:**  I have no choice have I?

 

 **AKAASHI:** Lol

 

 **AKAASHI:** U have, hajime

 

 **AKAASHI:** U have

 

✉     ✉     ✉

 

8:17 PM. There was a loud rapping at the front door of Akaashi's unit. _Right on time,_ he thought, looking at Kenma who was also beside him arranging the many cans of beer on top of the wooden table in the middle of his fairly enormous living room.

Kenma, the birthday boy, blinked, but he continued setting more beer on the flat, massive table. The beer cans surrounded an empty tall bottle of Aristocrat vodka looking all high-and-mighty towering all the cheap Danaka Lights surrounding it.

"Kou," Akaashi called out, not taking his eyes off the masterpiece he's doing. "Can you get that?"

"Roger, babe!" Bokuto chirped and seconds later, Akaashi heard the door being swung open and a whoop of shout and a chorus of Happy Birthday resonated through the whole flat.

 _"Happy birthday to you..."_  Makki was the one holding the round, red cake. Matsu and Oikawa were holding vibrant-colored balloons. Iwaizumi was smiling a bit.

Kuroo was guffawing from the couch, and Kenma was scowling and blushing beside Akaashi, who can't help but laugh himself.

When the song ended, everybody laughed and cheered.

"Blow, blow!" Bokuto yelled, referring the candles topping the cake.

"That sounds fucking wrong," Kenma said, but he blew the candles anyway.

"Happy birthday, little kitten!" Oikawa practically bounced, hugging and kissing Kenma on the cheek.

"I thought Iwaizumi said you can't come?" Kenma said, cringing but not pulling away.

Oikawa huffed, "I wouldn't miss this!" He said, throwing an accusatory glare at Iwaizumi who looked away. "And oh, Suga-chan said happy birthday and sorry! He has a shift so he can't come." He paused, "Also, I heard you're playing True American! I love Americans!"

Kenma lifted a brow. "But do you know how to play True American?"

"No, but I love Americans!"

Bokuto chuckled, interrupting. He has red cake icing on his mouth and an open beer can on one hand. Akaashi snatched it quickly. "It's a drinking game. The best drinking game ever invented in the human history."

"Basically it's Candy Land and drinking game combined, so." Makki piped in. "Fifty-percent drinking game, fifty-percent Candy Land."

"According to New Girl, it's seventy-five-percent drinking game, really." Kuroo drawled from the couch.

"Actually," Akaashi sighed, looking at the empty beer can he snatched from Bokuto. "The series said it's ninety-percent drinking game. Just Candy Land themed, and the floor is molten lava."

"Right," Matsu said, obviously still confused. "I'm pretty quick in picking things up but can someone explain it thoroughly?"

"I think it's brilliant!" Oikawa said, eyes shining. "I love Candy Land, and I love Americans! It's gonna be exciting!"

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes at Oikawa's enthusiasm but his mouth has a beginning of a smile. Akaashi took note of that. "Let me explain. That wooden table in the middle is the Castle. In the middle of the table sits the King, which is the vodka," Iwaizumi paused, eyebrows scrunching. "But where the fuck is the vodka? I thought we're having Sobieski?"

"Lev is outside getting it," Kenma assured.

Iwaizumk shrugged. "Okay, well," he continued, "So Sobieski is the King and those Danaka Light's are the Pawns of The Secret Order, who has to protect the King."

Oikawa giggled.

"I'm fucking serious here, Trashkawa."

"I know. It's just cute."

Akaashi snorted, choosing the moment to interrupt. "Anyway. The Castle is where all the main alcohol is. You just gotta traverse the whole game area ㅡ which is divided into four zones as you see ㅡ without ever touching the floor because it's molten lava and you'll fucking die.  _Obviously_. Then when you pass by the Castle, you grab a beer. You can't have more than three beers with you, anyway. Then after all the beers are gone, first one to reach the King vodka, drink from it, then finish all his own beers, wins the game.  _Capiche_?"

Matsu raised a hand. "What happens when we fall on the lava?"

"Is that a question?" Makki asked, exasperated. "Of course you'll die! Obviously."

"You chug a beer to re-enter." Akaashi supplied. "Anymore questions? Oikawa?"

Matsu raised a hand again. "How do we traverse the game area?"

"Numbers, quotes, things-in-common," Kuroo said, grinning, standing up from the couch. "Why don't we get started already?"

Matsu looked alarmed. "Wait a fucking moment, how do weㅡ"

Abruptly, Makki punched his guts lightly. "It's okay babe," he stage-whispered. "This is fun!"

"Wooh! FUN!" Bokuto yelled.  _Oh no,_ Akaashi thought. He has a bad feeling for his whole flat. He mournfully looked at all the several small couches and chairs and tables strewn in four different divisions in his living room. It was going to be a mess itself but he was sure it's gonna be worth it.

"Wait a moment, guys." Kenma said. "We can't start without the vodㅡ"

Suddenly, the front door flew open, revealing a grinning Haiba Lev on the threshold, holding up a tall and splendid bottle of Sobieski.

Makki, Bokuto and Oikawa whooped.

"And finally," Kuroo smiled slowly. "The King has arrived,"

Matsukawa visibly gulped, the same time as Makki yelled, "Okay, lovely, lovely! Now all the raised questions will be answered as we go along the game itself! We'll learn by playing!" He paused, smiling like a maniac. "Now, grab a beer everyone!"

Everyone followed, even Kenma and Matsukawa and Iwaizumi. Lev scurried on mounting the mighty King on its rightful place by replacing the empty bottle of Aristocrat vodka on the table, then he grabbed a beer can for himself.

"Why are you the leader?" Matsukawa scowled at Makki, "How did they even  _let_  you?"

Makki stuck his tongue out. "Because they love me and I'm born to be a leader," he said.

It's technically the truth, Akaashi silently agreed. Even with Makki's tendency for mischief and reckless adventures, he has this smug and confident air of being a rightful leader. Also, he's funny when he's drunk. Makki was always in character.

The boys were now all excited. Their eyes were glinting and even Oikawa was practically bouncing at the balls of his feet though Akaashi was fairly sure the guy didn't know what will happen.

"Okay.." Makki said, smiling slowly. Then he shouted, "One, two, threeㅡ JFK!"

Then Akaashi shouted, "FDR!" along with the other boys while pushing hips and shoving shoulders to scamper and climb at random couches. He heard someone squealing and he saw Oikawa and Matsukawa stumbling to mount the tables. When everybody stilled, Makki slitted his eyes and staged-glared at them from a monoblock across Akaashi's zone.

Then, "Nice," Makki grinned. "You okay there, babe?" He finger-gunned at Matsu, who rolled his eyes.

"I see," Makki said, then without preamble, he was suddenly shouting again. "One, two, threeㅡ!"

Akaashi slapped a one at his forehead with his fingers, but so was Iwaizumi. Everyone's numbers on their forehead was paired with one or two of them exceptㅡ

"Oikawa!" Makki laughed. "Gentlemen, the only one with a three. Step one furniture forward, babe. Okay, steady, brilliant." He straightened up, looking proud. "That was  _numbers_ ," he explained. "When the next player shouts  _one, two, three,_ you'll slap a number from one to five on your forehead. The one who doesn't match anyone moves one step forward. Okay? Okay."

Akaashi noticed Matsu about to open his mouth, probably to ask a question, but then three seconds after Makki's explanation about numbers, he was screeching again.  _"And I'll tell you what I want what I really really want_ _ㅡ_ _"_

 _"I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want_ _ㅡ_ _"_ Kuroo sang,  _"I wannah_ _ㅡ_ _I wannah_ _ㅡ_ _I wannah_ _ㅡ_ _I wannah_ _ㅡ_ _I wanna really really really wanna zigazig uh_ _ㅡ_ _!"_  He finished the song as he hopped a monoblock and a couch, moving two steps forward. "Who doesn't love Spice Girls?!" He shouted as he stopped by the Castle, grabbing a chilled beer can. It opened with a hiss. "To Spice Girls!" he cheered, raising his can then taking a swig.

"I know that song!" Oikawa practically stomped. "I didn't know you have to complete it!"

Bokuto laughed, sprawled from a table. "Now you do," he burped. "Tha's  _quotes_. You gotta complete a quote or a lyric for you to step two furnitures ㅡ  _hic_  ㅡ forward."

Akaashi frowned. "Oi," he called out. "How many cans did you already sneak outㅡ"

"Okay!" Kuroo said, "My two things are.. hmmm... hairclips and kitten!"

"Kenma!" Akaashi shouted, completely forgetting Bokuto's beer cans. "One thing in common is Kozume Kenma! I fucking love this game," then he moved three furnitures forward, dodging a hip bump from Lev that might've sent him towards the molten lava floor.

"Seriously," Kenma deadpanned. "Fuck you, Akaashi," he sipped from his beer.

"Whoa-ho, pudding. Your boyfriend was the one who threw the question. I just answered," he paused, looking at Oikawa and Matsu who were the noobs, "That was the  _things-in-common_. You literally have to pick the thing in common based on the given shits the player says. Then when you're right, you move three steps forward."

Oikawa and Matsu nodded solemnly, seeming to get the hang of the game already. "Aye, aye, captain!" Oikawa cheered.

The game  _was_  fun. Even Kenma was enjoying it. Basically, the gist of it is to get drunk and hammered as much as possible while hopping on furnitures and completing quotes and song lyrics. You also need sheer luck, apparently, for the numbers, and sheer wit for the things-in-common.

Oikawa was surprisingly good at it as much as Matsukawa sucked. Nonetheless, everyone was drunk and enjoying themselves, so it's a win-win situation no matter how much of a loser you seemed to be.

"Okay, okay," Makki said fifteen minutes in the game. "Shut the fuck up guys, it's me'turn." He hiccuped. His ears were pink. He emptied his beer can in one chug before speaking while opening a second one.  _"All..."_  he paused, looking at every single one of them. Then,  _"All... eyes on me when I walked in, no question that this guy's a ten_ _ㅡ_ _"_

Oikawa fucking squealed, hopping two furnitures ahead.  _"Don't hate me cuz I'm beautiful! Don't hate me cuz I'm beautiful!"_  He got a beer from the castle and raised it. "I love you, Keri Hilson! That's like, the theme song of my life," He blew a kiss before chugging his beer.

Lev groaned. "Why do you guys like English songs so much?"

Kenma scrunched his face. "You're Russian. You should've known more English songs than those two,"

Akaashi chuckled at their bantering, and the game ensued. At one point though, Bokuto tried to push him to the lava, twisting his nipple and stealing a kiss as numbers were slapped on their foreheads. "You fucker!" He shouted at his boyfriend, chortling. They fell down the floor together, grappling. And both have to chug a beer to re-enter.

"Okay, shut up, shut up, it's the birthday boy's turn!"

Kenma, ears pink and body swaying, exhaled. "With great power..."

"COMES WITH GREAT RESPONSIBILITY!" Everyone shouted all at once, moving one furniture forward altogether.

Kenma shrugged, then without ado, shouted "One, two, three!" And everyone scrambled with numbers. It was Lev who moved forward.

Akaashi didn't know how many minutes had passed. But he was already tipsy and he could feel the alcohol hitting home. Still, Oikawa looked worse. Giggling and more hyped than ever. He began stealing beer cans even if it's not his turn.

"Oi, youㅡ you're fucking drunk already ㅡ Makki ㅡ can you get Oikawa out the game? He's already hammeredㅡ!" Iwaizumi complained.

"OI JACKASS!" Oikawa shouted in a slurred manner. "THE NIGHT S'YOUNGㅡ! SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

Kuroo giggled, "Man, you're drunk. That's your boyfriend,"

Oikawa whirled at him, almost falling off the couch he's on top of. Iwaizumi, who's a furniture behind, grabbed his hips to steady him. "Oi. D'you wanna die, hah?" He threatened Kuroo. "I'll fucking push you to the lava m'self if you don't  _shut_  that holeㅡ"

"Okay! Okay!" Akaashi interrupted, easing the tension out. "Geez. It's just a game, guys! Chill! If you can still play, go on play!"

"AMEN!" Oikawa cheered, chugging a beer again, and Iwaizumi looked unimpressed but he had no choice. Kuroo shrugged, grinning.

 _Fucking stubborn brat,_ Akaashi thought. _He's worse when drunk._

A few more minutes later, the Castle was already clear of all beer pawns. The King stood there, tantalizing and beautiful in the midst of them all. All of them were one, two, or three steps further away from grabbing the King and winning the game. Everyone looked serious. Tension suddenly filled the room.

"Okay," Makki said. "It's the last one. And it's gonna be Issei's turn," he paused. "Again, guys. No pushing. No biting. No nipple twisting. Abso-fucking-lutely not. Anyone who breaks the rules will be disqualified and will not be the True American,"

"Well, we all can't be the True American," Bokuto grumbled. "Like, we're all Japanese,"

Kuroo snorted. "Lev's Russian."

"I love Americans!" Oikawa cheered from a table, then he started singing the American National Anthem. Kuroo and Bokuto sang along. Their lyrics were wrong, their accents horrid, so Akaashi interrupted halfway the song.

"You idiots!" Akaashi said. "Shut the fuck up! It's Matsukawa's turn! Go on, Matsu. You can do it!"

Matsu gulped, sipping his beer. "Y'guys ready?"

"Bring it on," Kenma whispered.

"It's a quote..." Matsukawa smiled. "Let your plans be dark and impenetrable as night..."

Crickets. Even Akaashi frowned.

"The fuck, man," Kuroo said. "That was so anti-climactic,"

"The fuck, dude!" Matsu lashed out. "That's  _The Art of War! Sun Tzu!_  Don't tell me you don't know that?"

They stood unimpressed. Dumbfounded.

"Let your plans be dark and impenetrable as night, and when you move, fall like a thunderbolt!" Matsu whined. "Seriously?"

"Dude, I seriously think you should stop talking." Iwaizumi said.

"Oh my gㅡ"

"Right!" Makki rescued. "Shut up, all of you! It's my turn! One, two, threeㅡ!"

And everyone scampered for numbers. Then suddenly, Lev was stumbling a step forward towards the castle, the only number one slapped on his forehead.

"I WIN!" He roared. "You fucking losers! I'm the True American! It should fucking be True Russian! Russia's the best! I LIVE FOR YOU RUSSIA!" Then he uncapped the Sobieski and took the first swig out of it, wincing and coughing but grinning all the way. "The best, man. I love it!"

And just like that, Haiba Lev was the True American.

 

✖

 

Somehow, the boys ended up sprawled on the living room carpet after they pushed all the furnitures aside. Akaashi was leaning on the coffee table while Bokuto's head was on his lap, and Lev's head pillowed on Bokuto's stomach. Iwaizumi's head was on Oikawa's lap as well while his back was leaning on a random couch. The brat's fingers were combing Iwaizumi's short hair and occasionally bending down to whisper sweet nothings on Iwa's ear.

Matsukawa and Makki were also on the carpeted floor, side by side. And Kuroo and Kenma were piled on top of one another on the nearest long sofa.

They were passing the Sobieski bottle all around, but Akaashi can't tell who drank the most out if it.

Somehow, a guitar appeared across Iwaizumi's stomach, his head still on Oikawa's legs. He was plucking simple guitar notes and riffs. Lev and Kuroo singing along if they knew a note.

It's not even 10 PM, but Akaashi was ready to pass out. Alcohol. So much alcohol.

Then suddenly, Iwa's fingers stilled. And then he started plucking a tune. Two turns in and Akaashi recognized it. Then Bokuto whooped weakly, "Woo, I fuckin' love Shrek!"

And Iwa smiled before mustering his best English.  _"Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me, I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed,"_

Akaashi smiled, and then everyone, apart from Oikawa and Matsu started snapping their fingers along the beat. Even Kenma and Makki knew this number. They used to sing it in their first few gigs.

Akaashi was  _so_  drunk, indeed. But all of them had this song memorized and he almost didn't need to think of the lyrics. He just hoped his accent was not so bad as he continued the song.  _"She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an L on her forehead,"_

Then Bokuto started dropping some beats. Beat-boxing along Iwa's guitar plucking.

Kuroo sang,  _"Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming, fed to the rules and I hit the ground running,"_

Iwaizumi.  _"Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb,"_

Lev.  _"So much to do, so much to see, so what's wrong with taking the back streets?"_

Then Akaashi was grinning, hyped up all over again.  _"You'll never know if you don't go. You'll never shine if you don't glow,"_

All of them sang the chorus. It was easy and fun and light-hearted. It left a nostalgic ache at Akaashi's chest, thinking back to their first years together. When they finished, Oikawa, Matsu and Makki clapped and whooped, triumphant grins on their faces. It was enjoyable, really. The mood. Akaashi almost wished the night won't end.

"Wow," Oikawa laughed. "I'm impressed, really!" He bent down, kissing Iwaizumi on the mouth.

After a moment, they were silent again. The Sobieski was back at Akaashi's hand. The remaining inch-tall contents of it sloshing inside as he slowly moved the bottle.

"Yo, guys." Someone said lowly. It was Kuroo. "One year, two years more, then we're all gonna graduate."

Silence.

"I'll miss you all." He continued. "Seriously. Don't fucking care if I'm being sappy. But. I'll miss our nights like this. I'll miss uni and gigs."

Akaashi smiled sadly, not saying anything. He laced his fingers with Bokuto's.

"And Sato's and Akaashi's studio," Makki said weakly.

"And Silver Owls and FIFA nights," Lev said. "Man, I'll miss Kuroo's homemade tacos. They're the best."

"Y'all fucking saps." Iwaizumi grumbled. "But I'll miss True American, really. I'm a third year now, so. Two more years. Some of you will graduate next year." He snorted a chuckle.

"Well," Lev sighed. "If they managed to pass all the fucking requirements, that is." He said, and everyone laughed because it's true. And it's bittersweet, goddammit. Because even if they will miss it all, they can't stay like this forever. And as scary as it seemed, everyone has to move forward.

"You better not die before fifty, you bastards," Akaashi said, laughing. And Makki chucked his shoe at him, raising his middle finger. "To Kenma, the birthday boy!" He shouted, raising the Sobieski bottle above his head before downing all the remaining alcohol in one swig.

 

✖

 

11:59 PM. Akaashi was sitting inside his bathtub, trying not to vomit. Sobieski vodka was treacherous. He felt fucking betrayed. Then he heard someone humming on the other side of the plastic curtain of his bathroom. Weakly, he reached out, peeking outside. Only to seeㅡ

"Oikawa?" Akaashi frowned.

It's Oikawa. Sitting like a princess on the covered toilet seat, a pack of Cheetos on hand. His lips were orange, eyes bloodshot and hair disheveled.

"Man," Akaashi blinked fast, shaking the drowsiness out of his head. "I thought you and Kenma were in my room, sleeping."

"I was hungry." Oikawa said simply. Then he giggled. "Why are you at the bathtub, Akaashi? Are you going to take a bath?"

"Yeㅡ uhㅡ what? No! I'm.. dizzy. I'm kinda drunk, so. I need to sober up first,"

"Oooh," Oikawa nodded, as if he understood. "So you easily get drunk, huh?" He paused. "I'm feeling fine, though. I'm not drunk at all!"

"Okay," Akaashi said, glancing down at Oikawa's mismatched shoes. "Where's your boyfriend, though?" He said, gingerly getting out the tub and standing in front of him. "Where's everyone?"

Oikawa hiccuped, throwing the empty pack of Cheetos on the floor. "I don't know.. I think they're still drinking at the living room. My boyfriend though..." He paused. Then suddenly, he giggled. "Boyfriend?" He asked. "Are we even official? We haven't talked about that yet. I thought after everything, we can finally, you know. DTR. But," he sighed.

Akaashi halted. In front of him was a drunk and honest Oikawa. He suddenly felt so sorry for hearing those words out of this guy. Somehow he looked... _sad_.

"But you know what," Oikawa grinned, tilting his head back to look at Akaashi. "Maybe we can DTR once we moved in together! It may be kinda weird to move in before being official but I kept throwing hints at him that it's okay for me and I'm just waiting for his word but," he paused, mouth twisting. "He still hasn't asked. But It's been a few days, so. Maybe he's just thinking about it, y'know? Because movin' together is big and I'm just waiting for him, and I hope he doesn't make me wait cuz, like, I feel so stupid hoping andㅡ" he paused, filling his lungs. "It's okay, I think. I'll wait for him."

Akaashi stared. Then suddenly, he crouched down, so his eyes were on the same level with Oikawa's. He took the other guy's hands between his palms. Then, "Oikawa," he started. "Can you do me a favor?"

Oikawa blinked slowly, head tilting sideways like a kid.

"Can you.. not expect too much from Iwa?"

Then Oikawa's face changed. From playful to.. empty. His face became blank. "Why?"

Akaashi sighed. "Because.. I don't know, fuck. Just.. don't get your hopes up, okay? Iwa is a good guy. But he.. he's got some issues and I honestly think he needs to sort those all out first beforeㅡ"

Then Oikawa snorted a laugh, his breath smelling strongly of Danaka's and Sobieski and Cheetos. He laughed harder, like he was insane, the sound echoing on the enclosed walls of the bathroom. Then he shifted, pulling his hand from Akaashi to wrap his arms around the other guy's shoulders. He was shaking, Akaashi noticed as he hugged the guy back.

"I know," Oikawa laughed against Akaashi's neck. "I'm so stupid but I know..." Then he slumped forward, consciousness slipping away from him.

Akaashi lost his balance under the guy's weight, and he ended up lying on the bathroom floor, Oikawa on top of him.

He shouted for help, all right. And seconds later, his boyfriend and Iwaizumi came running.

"Your boyfriend just fucking passed out while we're talking," he wheezed at Iwa. "Man, he's heavy."

Then Iwaizumi brought Oikawa back to bed beside an already sleeping Kenma, pulling his shoes and dusting the Cheetos off his chin and lips while staring at the brat's sleeping face.

 

###### author's notes;

\- i still hadn't played true american personally (yet), so i used google and new girl (the american series, yes) and a chapter of xcalliex's story (at watty tho) entitled _winter_ as references in the game mechanics and highlights.  
\- here's the chapter song, which is also the song they sung after the game: [♬♪](https://youtu.be/L_jWHffIx5E)


	11. After-party conversations.

 

The moment Makki and Matsukawa started making out on the couch, Iwaizumi heard Akaashi's voice shouting from the bathroom. The guy was asking for help about Oikawa, whom, he thought has already gone to bed beside Kenma.

Iwaizumi and Bokuto rushed to Akaashi's aid and he wasn't surprised at all to see Oikawa sprawled and unconscious on top of a red-faced Akaashi.

"Your boyfriend just fucking passed out while we're talking," Akaashi wheezed. "Man, he's heavy."

 _Tell me about it_ , Iwaizumi thought as he hauled Oikawa up and brought him back to bed.

Oikawa really looked like an oversized nine-year-old. And aside from the fact that he reeked of alcohol and was sleep-mumbling things that wasn't supposed to come out of a child's mouth, his whole being really looked like a lovely Renaissance-angel painting. Not taking note of that demented mouth.

He didn't want to come back at the living room to find Makki and Matsukawa going on it so he got some six-pack of Danaka Lights in the fridge and headed straight towards the adjacent balcony of Akaashi's kitchen.

It was silent out there, saved from the gentle sounds and noises the city emitted. There was also an old, dusty radio in the corner which he switched on. It was borderline ancient. He remembered seeing one back home in Tochigi at his parent's bedroom. It's kind of a relic. And Iwaizumi smirked when he found out it was still working. There was static every now and then but the radio was fine. He fiddled with the stations until he found the one which plays a lot of Western music. The DJ also rambled less, so.

The chilly air of October was hitting Iwaizumi's face like a bitch. It was cold, all right, but the warmth seeping through his body because of the beer and the cigarette he just lit was giving him enough tolerance for the cold. He looked at the glimmering lights of Tokyo City. It was beautiful; the landscape below him seemed to be mirroring the night sky full of stars above. He tried to name some constellations he could see but he gave up when he can only recognize the Big Dipper and nothing else. He wasn't Oikawa after all. He couldn't name all those interconnected stars like a champ. Who the fuck can tell the difference between  _Orion_  and  _Cassiopeia_ , anyway?

He blew a puff of smoke up, tilting his head and closing his eyes as he felt the slow drag and burn of the nicotine in his lungs. He always told people he started smoking in college. Well it's true, really. It was a one-time habit for when he was bored at parties and got nothing better to do. It's just mainly a stress-reliever. A sort of escape. Like, an illusion from the cloud of smoke he'd puff out every drag and exhale.

But then he never told people who really taught him how to smoke.

He was a High School student back then. Curiosity wasn't a sin at all but at times, it would lead you to it. Iwaizumi was perplexed with the idea of the burning stick and all, so she taught him how it works. And Iwaizumi wasn't attracted by then. But when he saw how her mouth curved and her eyes closed like she was a living memento of pure sex and god and bliss, he thought,  _Wow. Is she real?_

Maybe the attraction was not that intense at first. He  _was_  drawn, undeniably so. Maybe it's because she was pretty and striking and just a total badass. She was poison, really. And at the age of fifteen, he knew it already. But Iwaizumi was just a teenager. He was trapped. He was the firefly drawn to the light. But— _light_. She was light and grace combined. She's proud yet kind and humble. She was Iwaizumi's first kiss. She was even his first sex.

The thing was, she thought she already knew herself. She thought she was unbreakable. But then all her strings and cogs snapped and broke. And he took Iwaizumi with her.

It's sad, really. The fact that there has never been a love story. Not that Iwaizumi was asking for one—that memory was enough for him.

A cough broke Iwaizumi's reverie, snapping him back to reality.

"It smells like cancer here," Oikawa stood leaning at the sliding door. "I can smell it all the way inside."

Iwaizumi's eyes raked all over him. He looked like a wreck. His brown hair disheveled like a haystack; his jeans and sweater rumpled like a homeless. Even his voice was weak and groggy. But,  _huh_. How can he looked so— "I thought you are asleep." Iwaizumi said. "You  _are_  asleep."

"Ughhhhh," Oikawa groaned, stepping closer. "I  _was_  asleep."

Iwaizumi lifted a brow. "You're still drunk. Are you okay?"

Oikawa nodded, shifting to perch on the railing. "Mmh. I took some water— _ack_! Iwa-chan!" he whined as Iwaizumi stopped him from mounting the concrete. "Why'd you do  _thaaat_?"

"You're still intoxicated, dumbass. D'you wanna fall over? We're twenty-four meters from the concrete ground. When you realized you shouldn't have sit on the railing, your skull will be busted open by then."

Oikawa pouted but he didn't protest when Iwaizumi pushed him to sit on a mono-block chair beside him.

For a moment, there was only silence. Then, "You should go back to sleep." Iwaizumi said, taking a long drag out from his Marlboro.

Oikawa huffed mildly. "I kept waking up anyway." He paused. "I'll stay with you here for a bit."

Iwaizumi glanced at him sideways, leaning back his chair. He flicked the cig with his fingers, the grey ashes slowly falling on the tiled floor. "You hate it when I smoke."

"Mmmh," Oikawa said, shifting to put an elbow on his armrest and propping his head on his knuckles. He craned his body so he was looking at Iwaizumi in full view. "Not that much." He said. "You look sexy when you do that thing."

"What thing?"

A slow smirk. "That thing."

Iwaizumi couldn't help it. He ducked his head, breathing a low laugh.

"Are you blushing?" Oikawa pursed his smile.

He shook his head slowly. "Compliments from you when you're drunk is so…"

Oikawa waited, "What? Honest? I'm always honest," he slurred. "And I'm  _not_  drunk. You are drunk."

 _Raw. It's like you're stripping my body naked to see my soul._ He took a drag instead of saying those words. He averted his eyes towards the sky.

"How'd you do that?" Oikawa spoke again.

Iwaizumi glanced at him, seeing his curiosity. He blinked. "I won't teach you how to smoke."

"It looks cool,"

"It's not,"

"Why do you do it, then?"

"I don't do things with a basis regarding whether it's cool or not, Tooru,"

The brat grinned at him. Then, "That's so cool." He marveled.

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. Seriously.

"But. Iwa-chan is always so cool." Oikawa shifted, leaning back his chair and closing his eyes. He giggled. "I always tell Kei-chan and Yachi how cool you are."

Iwaizumi looked at him, frowning. "You shouldn't do that,"

"Why?" Oikawa opened his eyes. "I'd brag you to anyone I know. I'd tell them you're mine and how cool you are because that's the truth." A pause. Then he giggled.

Iwaizumi became rigid. He was staring at him. At his half-lidded eyes and pink chapped lips and sharp and angular jaw _. I'd tell them you're mine,_ he had said.  _Mine_. "Tooru," Iwaizumi said, his voice a faint sound.

Oikawa still caught it, though. He tilted his head sideways, waiting.

"Have you shotgunned before?"

Oikawa smiled, breathing a huff of laughter, the drunken moron. "What do you mean?"

Iwaizumi cast his eyes downward, vacillating. Then he flicked his cig again with his fingers then muttered, "I'll corrupt you for a bit,"

Quickly, he took a long drag from his cancer stick, sucking all the flavors it can give. Then abruptly but not gruffly, he pulled Oikawa's body closer, guiding the brat's chin as he slanted their mouths together—but they were barely touching. He pushed down Oikawa's lower lip, opening his mouth for a bit.

It was only a split second of imagery but the sight of Oikawa's heavy-lidded eyes and pale face and delicious mouth even when he's mildly shocked as Iwaizumi pulled him closer made something inside his chest thrum and buzz. It's heavier than the nicotine itself. He bet it was even more addictive than weeds and E.

And then, slowly, Iwaizumi exhaled and Oikawa caught the hang of it, breathing in the cloud of smoke.

" _Whaat's thaat?"_  Oikawa asked when Iwaizumi reluctantly pulled back, still in a daze.

Iwaizumi smirked, his thumb gliding over Oikawa's bottom lip. "Don't let anyone else except me shotgun you,"

Oikawa blinked slowly, "D'you always do that to people?"

Iwaizumi shrugged, not denying it. "Before, yeah." _One-night-stand's._

A pause. Then, Oikawa snorted, moving his head away from Iwaizumi's touch.

It was funny, Iwaizumi thought. Oikawa's petulance and jealousy when he's drunk. "Hey," he bit back a smile, shifting closer. "Didn't you like it?" He nuzzled his face to Oikawa's.

A pout. "I do," Oikawa said truthfully. "It's weird. But I smell and tasted like you."

"Like cancer?" Iwaizumi laughed lowly, ghosting his mouth on the shell of Oikawa's ear.

Oikawa breathed out a shaky laugh, and when Iwaizumi pulled his body to make him straddle his lap instead, his movements became languid and suddenly, Oikawa's legs were already on either side of the other guy's hips.

Iwaizumi tilted his head back, meeting Oikawa's mouth with his own. Both of them tasted like Marlboro and alcohol. Their kisses were slow and sloppy and hungry. There were teeth and tongue and a lot of moans. When Oikawa dipped down his mouth to suck on a patch of skin on his neck, Iwaizumi felt himself twitch, and then he was slipping his fingers inside Oikawa's shirt and  _ah, shit_. Oikawa started moving his hips on top of his in filthy circles when Iwaizumi rubbed his already-swelling nipples.

But, "Tooru," he groaned in-between kisses. "W-we can't. Not—right now—"

"Why?" Oikawa sounded breathless, now sucking Iwaizumi's collarbones.

" _You know why,"_

He stilled. Then, "I want to go home now," Oikawa sounded like he might cry.

Oh, goodness. Iwaizumi pulled back, holding the brat in arm's length. "Oi," his voice was hoarse. "Are you okay?"

Oikawa shook his head like a child, pouting. His mouth looked inviting as ever. "Let's fuck," he whined.

Iwaizumi stared. Then, he breathed a low laugh, shaking his head as he pulled Oikawa in for a simple kiss, still perched on his lap. "There, there," he said, patting his cheeks. "I won't fuck you till you're sober, Shittykawa."

"I  _am_  sober!" Oikawa said in a loud voice. "Who told you I'm not?!"

Iwaizumi breathed a shaky laugh again, already feeling tipsy himself. He shifted, gently pushing Oikawa off so he can stand up. "It's one-thirty, let's sleep."

"I'm not drunk at all,"

"If you say so, Tooru."

"I'm telling the truth!"

"I know. And did you just stomp like a girl? Because, Jesus,"

"Iwa-chan, I—" Oikawa paused.

Iwaizumi looked at him, searching his face. "What?" he said, stopping from pulling the other guy inside the flat, towards the kitchen.

"That's…"

Iwaizumi blinked, the alcohol slowing his mind in interpreting what was happening, but then after a few seconds, he finally realized. "Something about The Cranberries?"

Oikawa lifted his gaze from the old radio to stare at Iwaizumi. His eyes were shining but then he smiled sadly. "I just. It's. That [song](https://youtu.be/Zz-DJr1Qs54),"

Iwaizumi waited.

"My mom and I used to dance to that song when I was a kid and…" His voice trailed, and his eyes cast downward.

Iwaizumi counted one to ten before speaking. "Do you miss her?"

Oikawa looked up at him. "Of course,"

"Does it hurt?"

A sad smile again. "Not so much anymore," he said slowly. "I know she's okay. I just. It's so," he ducked his head lightly. "I think you're right, after all. I'm really drunk." His voice cracked halfway his first sentence. "I'm not a baby, you know."

 _Not a baby, huh_ , Iwaizumi suppressed rolling his eyes for the umpteenth time that night, but then he filled up his lungs before holding out his hand towards Oikawa, palm up.

Oikawa stared at his outstretched hand. "What,"

"You said your mom and you used to dance to this song, yeah?" He said. "C'mere. Before the song ends."

Oikawa gaped. Then, "Iwa-chan. Are you my mom?"

 _Haah_? Pushing his tongue on his inside cheek, Iwaizumi's hand began to retract. But before his hand fall, Oikawa swiftly grabbed it, taking a step and pulling his own body closer.

"We'll sleep right after this song, okay?" Iwaizumi said, placing Oikawa's hands on his shoulders; he placed his own on both sides of the other guy's hips then they began to drunken-waltz. (Or drunken-sway. Whatever.)

Oikawa didn't immediately respond but he felt him nodded, his chin propped on Iwaizumi's shoulder. "See," he said. "I'm right."

"What about?"

"You keep frowning when I say you're cool. Yet here we are. You're so cool I just wanna kiss you right now. I told you we should've fucked." A pause. "You're so cool  _and_  sweet,"

Iwaizumi scowled.

Oikawa bit his shoulder, laughing lightly. "Don't scowl," he said, though they can't see each other's faces right now.

He tried to school his features. "I'm not."

"Mm hmm,"

For a few seconds, they just listened to The Cranberries in the radio. It was melancholic and nostalgic as it was supposed to be, but Iwaizumi's heart was on his mouth.

"Iwa-chan," Oikawa called out in a small voice.

"Hmmm," he answered.

"Iwa-chan,"

"Hmmm,"

A pause. Then, "Iwa-chan,"

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, yet he responded. "Hmmm,"

A pause. "I love you."

Andㅡ

Abruptly, Iwaizumi's heart dropped. Without realizing it, he gradually stopped dancing.

Oikawa pulled back, looking at him with heavy-lidded eyes. His smile was lopsided, playful. For a moment, Iwaizumi thought he misheard it. Butㅡ

"I'm in love with you," Oikawa whispered again, smiling sadly. "I'm  _so_  in love with you it hurts."

Iwaizumi opened his mouth. But no words came out.

Oikawa laughed. "Why'd you have that  _faaace_?" He slurred. "Don't you believe me?"

_No, Tooru. I believe you. I really believe you._

"Well," Oikawa pouted again, giggling. "S'okay. I'm just saying." He grinned, then he shifted closer, dancing and swaying in time with the song again. "Let's just dance, yeah?"

He didn't know what his face looked like. Did he look scared? Shocked? Surprised? Torn? He didn't know. All he knew was the lyrics of the English song crooning while they danced under the moonlight. It's not enough to calm Iwaizumi down. But at least, it managed to block all of his thoughts from flooding out his mouth.

_"..Unhappiness where's when I was young and we didn't give a damn; 'Cause we were raised to see life as fun and take it if we can..."_

"Iwa-chan," Oikawa whispered.

This time, Iwaizumi didn't reply.

"S'okay." He continued. "It's okay if you don't want to move in with me. Just," he laughed shakily. "Really it's okay. And.. it's also okay if, you still can't say you like me back. I'm perfectly fine with that." He sighed. "I just want you to know, yeah?" A pause. "I'm so in love with you. I'm so, so in love with you."

_"...Does anyone care? Does anyone care? Does anyone care? Does anyone care?.."_

"So, I just." A breath of exhale. "Don't ever leave me. Please don't break my heart," His voice cracked. "Yeah?"

Iwaizumi closed his eyes, tightening his grip on Oikawa's waist.

"Iwa-chan?" Oikawa breathed.

And this time though, "Hmm," Iwaizumi replied.

 _I'm also in love with you_ , he liked to say.  _I love you more than a million galaxies and universe and starlight._

 _I love you._ The words were almost out. He'd like to say it back.

But he didn't.

 


	12. Fireworks.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _'Cause I don't know who I am  
>  When you're running circles in my head_   
> 

 

"So, what you're saying is, you actually told Iwaizumi that you  _love_  him?"

Oikawa mournfully stared at Sugawara over the counter, his cheek propped on a palm.

Sugawara slowly blinked. "And.. so what? I mean, what's the catch?"

Oikawa gaped. "Suga-chan, I don't think you understand. I. Told him. I. Love him. Last. Night."

Sugawara blinked again. "So what? Don't couples say that to each other every time?"

This time, Oikawa groaned, losing all the hope. He buried his face on the counter between them.

It was Saturday. It's not yet snowing but the temperature dropped overnight, mildly easing the throbbing pain between Oikawa's brows because of the hangover from last night. It was approximately twelve hours after the party at Akaashi's. Kenma's twenty-first birthday bash was a blast as everybody remembered and, yes, it was, indeed. Except the last part when Oikawa decided to become a full-fledged idiot.

Not that idiocy was actually the point here. No. It was recklessness. And an up-surging amount of bottled-up feelings, emotions and words. It might've been leaning towards boldness  _and_  idiocy, yeah. But Oikawa could blame Sobieski and Danaka Lights for that.

Somehow though, it was a relief. But mostly, it was a mess. He had told Iwaizumi last night the three words. And, no. Scratch that ㅡ the five words.  _I'm in love with you._ Oikawa knew that was fucking different. At least for him. Loving someone was easy. It was being  _in-love_  with them that's messy.

Sugawara looked confused now. "I'm sorry! I just. I don't think that's a problem you should be crazy thinking about,"

Oikawa straightened up, glaring at him. "If I don't have a vicious hangover, I might've punched you already."

The other guy shrugged, unaffected. "You won't, honey."

"I will, honey."

"You won't,"

"I will,"

Sugawara straightened up and put his hands on his hips. For the first time, he looked intimidating. "You're here, badgering me at my work at two in the afternoon. Having escaped your boyfriend before he even got to see you. Whining about the fact that you just said  _I love you_  to said boyfriend last night when you were drunk, dancing to Cranberries." Sugawara paused. "You're a ninny. So, no. You can't punch me."

Oikawa moaned, defeated. He buried his face again on the crooks of his arm, body hunched over.

"And for the record, that's a great moment! Midnight. Cranberries. Drunk-waltzing. Whoa. I wanna trade places with you." A pause. "Only with a different boy,"

A light snort came out of Oikawa.

"But, Tooru, seriously. What's the problem?" Sugawara sincerely asked. "I don't think it should matter whether he said I-love-you back. Actions speak louder than words."

"But that's just it," Oikawa turned his head sideways, seeing the passers-by outside Urban. "I feel like he doesn't want to say it back. Ever."

Silence. Then a sigh. Suddenly, fingers were threading on Oikawa's hair. He closed his eyes.

"Why don't you two talk?"

"He doesn't talk, Suga-chan, I told you. At first it's okay. The fact that he knows everything about me and I know nothing about him. I thought it's going to be okay, as long as, I  _feel_  him, you know? But now.. it's.. different."

"Different?"

"He's a close book. And I'm an open one. And I know he has a lot to say but. He just. Doesn't want to let go."

Sugawara's fingers stilled. "Hmm..."

Oikawa didn't reply. His eyes were still closed.

"I thought he already won you over that Ushiwaka guy? That's a tough one, and you told me you felt like Iwaizumi's not going to let you go, no matter what."

Oikawa's ears rang.

"I don't think you should worry yet. I mean, where will his efforts go if he really doesn't like you, after all? There must be a reason why he can't say it back."

"It's not just the words, Suga-chan." He whispered. "I want his.."

"We all know what you want."

Silence.

"But. Tooru. You also have to understand that some people are afraid of labels and commitments."

Still, no response.

"Give him some time,"

Oikawa stirred, snorting a laugh.

"Like what you said. He's a close book. That means we don't know anything yet. I'm not siding with anyone right now, okay, but even if he is acting unfairly, and you are being a ninny, well. I think both parties are blind. So the best way to fix it all up, is to talkㅡ"

"Do you think I pressured him?" Oikawa abruptly roused up, eyes wide. "With the  _I love you_ and moving in together and all?"

"Maybe," Sugawara raised both brows, surprised at his mild outburst, "But to be honest, I think the feelings are mutual. But something is blocking him. If you know what I mean?"

"No," Oikawa stared morosely.

Sugawara sighed. "Well. Give it a rest first. If you're still embarrassed about seeing him eye to eye, then try to lie low for now. But don't let him feel like you're avoiding him. Clear?"

"But I  _am_  avoiding him,"

"Exactly," Sugawara's eyes were soft as he slapped Oikawa's cheek lightly. "Don't be a stranger to each other. You'll work this one out. I know you will."

The brat hang his head.

"Now go away. I have to work,"

Oikawa gingerly shrugged his brown parka on, one of Tsukishima's actually. "Anyway, are you and Dai-chan doing okay?"

Sugawara blinked, and then redness spread in his cheeks. He looked flustered. "Ahㅡ y-yes! Why do you ask? We're doing fine! I mean, we're good! Did he say something? Like, anything? Seriously, why do you ask?"

Oikawa stared; his face a mixture of petulance and apathy. "Nothing," he deadpanned. "Text me when you guys already did it,"

"W-what!? Tooruㅡ!"

"Bye," and without glancing back, Oikawa lifted a hand, exiting the glass doors of Urban.

 

✖

 

His phone rang as soon as the wintry air slapped his cheek. Shit, it  _was_  cold.

 _Iwa-chan_ ❤, the caller ID said.

For a moment, he stared at it as he listened to his ringtone. "What?" He said to his unanswered phone. "Will you finally tell me you like me back?"

_"Ooh-wee-ooh-wee-ooh!"_

He huffed. "Incubus, is what you are. INCUBUㅡ!"

"Tooru?" His phone said; his finger had accidentally slid.

He yelped, surprised. Quickly, he put the phone on his ear, face flushed. "Y-yup?"

"Tooru, where the fuck are you? Are you okay? You're shouting something." Iwaizumi said, confusion and worry lacing his voice.

Oikawa looked around, looking for a place to be. It was cold standing immobile in the sidewalk. Eventually he found an old telephone booth. "Ah, that's nothing, heh heh."

A pause. Then, "Where are you right now?"

"Um, outside?"

"I can tell. It's cold out, you're teeth are chattering.

Oikawa pursed his lips, leaning towards the glass booth. He closed his eyes, feigning calmness. "Yeah," he sighed. Then, "I'm sorry I left early... I.. had.. Saturday.. classes. An emergency one."

Silence.

 _Idiot, he knew you were lying._  "So, I, umㅡ"

"Is it about last night?"

 _Oh, crap. Not now. I can't cry inside a telephone booth._  "What..? What do you mean?"

"About.. last night? About what happened.. and.. what you said.."

Oikawa panicked. "Oh!" He faked a loud laugh. "Oh, gosh. Is it about something I said when I was drunk?"

One heartbeat. Two heartbeats. "Iㅡ"

Oikawa groaned, "Ah, man. That sucks. I can't, like, remember anything. Didn't Mattsun tell you I'll barely remember anything when I get drunk?" Laughter. Giggle. He blinked back dry tears. "One time a year ago, I almost stripped naked at a party and the next morning I can't remember a thing andㅡ"

"Tooru," Iwaizumi interrupted. "I—" he paused, like he was being careful with his own words. "Where exactly are you?"

"Just, around campus. Y'know." Giddy. Happy. His heart bled. "How 'bout you?"

"I'm.. back at the dorms.. I.."

"I see!" Oikawa nodded, smiling. "Well then. Hangover's a bitch. I'm sure Makki got it worse, yeah? Where's he? Is he there?"

"Uh, heㅡ"

"Oh. Oh, shit I forgot. He's gonna move in today with Mattsun, right? Aren't you gonna help them?"

"I.. Noㅡ"

"Well, then, I guess they should just hire some people for the move out and all. I mean, everyone's heads are fucking pounding this morning, yeah? Hah ha,"

Silence.

Oikawa laughed half-heartedly, clutching his chest. At this point, he was already sitting on the little floor area of the booth, having felt his knees buckled the moment he faked a laughter. "Well, that's their fault anyway," he continued when Iwaizumi hasn't responded. "I mean, they scheduled their moving in right after a party, so." He paused. "And well, moving in together is quite ridiculous and too early, don't you think? Personally, I'd rather live alone, yeah?"

There was mild static on the other line, but Oikawa can hear a tiny exhale. "Tooru, I'm really sorry aboutㅡ"

 _Stop, please. I don't want to hear an apology._  So, "ㅡWHAT? YACHI? ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?"

"Whatㅡ?" Iwaizumi said.

"Look, Iwa-chan. I think Yachi wants something from me. She's saying something and Iㅡ WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR ㅡ WAIT A MOMENTㅡ Iwa-chan, I'll call you later, yeah? See you around! Miss youㅡ"  _Click_.

It was expectedly painful, the sting.

He didn't want an  _I'm really sorry_. He didn't want an excuse.

But if playing dumb and hiding his feelings will take them back to what they used to be ㅡ happy, carefree, not awkward ㅡ then maybe this pain will be worth it.

He hid inside the telephone booth for an hour, his head between his knees.

 

✖

 

Four days after Kozume Kenma's birthday party, the troop ended up having a movie night at Matsukawa and Makki's flat in order to "christen" it, in Bokuto's words. Truthfully, there's no need for such a thing. The apartment wasn't even newly leased out. (It was Matsukawa's old flat, after all.) But Kuroo initiated a taco night (popcorn for Kenma, pizza for Akaashi and Bokuto) for them all. They haven't actually hung out together at Matsu's place before so the place was sort of new. Even Sugawara came, surprising everyone with boxes of take-away sushi's andㅡ

"SUGA-CHAN! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!" Oikawa was the first to cry out, looking aghast at the purple bloom on Sugawara's temple and arm.

"It's okay," Sugawara reassured. "It's just an accident,"

"Man," Bokuto said, having met the Silver-haired angel for the first time, "That's obviously not an accident. Whose fucker did that to youㅡ?"

"No one! Seriously, I just slipped,"

"Did Dai-chan see that already?" Oikawa asked, skeptical.

Sugawara fidgeted, but he didn't answer.

"Spill." Kenma said, and Sugawara sighed, giving in.

It  _was_  an accident. He slipped going down their apartment building's staircase while running away from his aunt and cousins' harsh words.

All of them were surprised at Suga's relatives, apparently. No one knew until then that Sugawara was a real-life Cinderella.

"Shit," Akaashi said. "That fucking sucks. Why don't you move out?"

Sugawara just shrugged. "Waste of money for the rent,"

Oikawa's face fell; he really liked to help the guy, but how—?

"I was looking for a roommate," Somebody proposed. Oikawa went imperceptibly rigid. Everybody stopped breathing, seemingly surprised at the words as well.

It was Iwaizumi. "I was looking for a roommate," he said again with a straight face, serious. "You can just crash in my place until you can save up," He paused. "Really, it's okay."

For him, it was okay. But. Sugawara stole an uneasy glance at Oikawa. The brat's face was cast downwards; he could only see shadows.

"I—," Sugawara started. "I really appreciate it that you're concern but, seriously—"

"I think it was a good idea," Everybody gaped. Sugawara gaped. The moon and stars and dead air surrounding them gaped. This time, the speaker was Oikawa. "It's perfectly brilliant," he lifted his face, smiling brightly. (Matsukawa's left eye ticked.)

"Perfectly. Brilliant?" Sugawara's eyes questioned Oikawa.  _Honey, stop this right now._

 _Honey, shut the fuck up._ "Yeah, perfectly brilliant," Oikawa said, still grinning. Iwaizumi was looking at him. "Iwa-chan seems to be lonely because he's always alone in his dorm these days. I think it would be a good idea if you move in with him."

"Dude," Lev frowned. "Isn't that weird? You  _are_  the one who should be— _augh_ —" He doubled over; having Kuroo elbowed him squarely in the ribs.

Oikawa ignored him, looking at Sugawara. "Anyway, did you bring any movies?"

The conversation steered away from the awkward topic and everybody seemed to be catching up with the strategy which was to simply  _shrug it off_. But apparently, it's not an easy topic to shrug off. Oikawa could still feel a lot of eyes glancing at him every now and then. Somehow, he felt suffocated. It irked him to death that they were this worried when Iwaizumi and he were doing sort-of-okay these days. The  _shrug-it-all-off_  strategy was applied between them as well; it's a tedious yet painful process, but it's effective, so. Everything's in fucking order, Oikawa seemed to think. So why can't everybody just  _fucking_  ignore it?

Three days ago was awkward, of course. It's not easy picking up the pace. When life's bullshitting you so hard the past few days that you have had panic attacks inside telephone booths without anyone else knowing, that's when you'll start formulating ideas that were borderline pathetic but at least will salvage your crumbling relationship with the person you mostly dear. The new foundation wasn't sturdy. But at least it was whole again.

"Tooru," Oikawa heard his best friend called out to him in a low voice. Matsukawa followed him towards the kitchen when he got up for water.  _This kitchen,_  Oikawa remembered. This is where he first heard Iwaizumi's voice. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

"What?" he deadpanned.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Matsukawa asked.

Oikawa drank water slowly. "I was drinking water," he finally said.

Matsukawa ran a hand on his face. "Don't use your smart mouth on me, jackass. I'm serious."

"So am I," Oikawa said, looking at the drinking glass in his hand. He sighed. "It's okay, really. I'm okay."

"Oh?" Matsukawa said, mocking. "You're seriously okay with everything?"

Oikawa didn't answer, just continued leaning his hips on the sink.

"See. I'm right."

"What's your point, Mattsun? Say it now cuz the movie's rolling,"

A pause. "Why are you lying to yourself?"

And. Wow. The question made something inside Oikawa's chest catch. Internally, he sighed. He really couldn't keep secrets with Matsukawa.

Shortly, Oikawa laughed. "What do you want me to say?" His voice was weak and lifeless. "That I'm  _mad?_  That I'm mad because I told him I love him and he can't say it back, and that I'm mad that he can't just," his voice cracked. "He can't just have the consideration to think what I'd feel about him inviting someone else to move in with him?" He paused, breathing a lungful of air. "Is that what you wanna hear?"

Matsukawa stared. He opened his mouth and—

Oikawa turned around. "I told him already, yeah." He nodded, staring at the sink. "But.. he didn't.. he can't say it back, not yet. I also told him it's okay, if he doesn't want to move in together and—"

"I'm sorry," Matsukawa whispered.

He didn't want an  _I'm really sorry_. He didn't want an excuse. "Stop,"

Something was different in his voice. Even Matsukawa paused.

"Just drop it, Mattsun," Oikawa pleaded. "Please."

And, "Okay," Matsukawa agreed. "Okay."

 

✉     ✉     ✉

 

At the end of the night, Akaashi drank enough beer to be tipsy and Iwaizumi ended up the one to be driving everyone home. Since the farthest ones from Matsukawa's place were Oikawa and Iwaizumi, eventually, it just became the two of them inside Akaashi's car.

It was nearly 11 P.M., and both of them were silent. No one reached out to turn on the stereo.

The silence was deafening. Iwaizumi can't take it anymore. "Are you okay?"

A pause. "Yeah."

Oikawa was curled up like a cat on the passenger seat. Iwaizumi wanted to reach out, really. But he was afraid one of them will snap. But.. he wanted to say something. Anything.

So, "I'm sorry," Iwaizumi whispered, flooring the brakes gently at red light. There were no pedestrians crossing the lane, but the physical pause was helping his mind run.

"For what," It wasn't a question. It's like a dead statement.

Iwaizumi pursed his lips. Then at green light, as he put on gas once more, he murmured, "About earlier," he said. "I was dense. I should'veㅡ"

"It's okay. I'm over it,"

Iwaizumi blinked. "What do you mean?"

"That I'm over it. It's okay," He shifted, his face burying in his nest of limbs and jackets. "I want to sleep. Wake me up when we gotㅡ"

Iwaizumi gripped the steering wheel hard. "Don't be selfish. I'm trying to talk it all out and you're just going to back away. Can't you see the effort I'm putting in?"

He felt Oikawa went rigid, but he didn't answer so he continued. "Tooru. I'm talking to you. Hear me out, okay? Don't be selfish. We can't fix this if we just ignore it,"

Then gradually, Oikawa sat upright, his eyes dark and shining all at once. Then, "Selfish?" He snorted a laugh. "Of course, after all I'm the one being  _selfish_ ," he grinned, shaking his head.

"We don't have time for mockery and sarcasm, Tooru. Please, not tonight." Iwaizumi said through gritted teeth. "Can you stop being childish and grow up for onceㅡ?"

"Childish?" Tooru asked incredulously, his voice rising. "You're telling me I'm acting immaturely?"

"Well, aren't you?" Iwaizumi countered.

"So you're saying being in-loved with you is just me being childish and immature?"

Iwaizumi felt his breath hitched slightly. "I didn'tㅡ"

"Why?" Oikawa said. "Does it make me any less human to admit that I'm so insanely in-love with you?"

Iwaizumi breathed deeply. He didn't answer.

Oikawa maliciously grinned. "There you are. I thought you wanted to talk? But whenever we talk you're always like this."

"Because whenever we talk, you always lead the conversation to inconsequential things."

"Inconsequential things? You call my feelings for you inconsequential?" Oikawa looked away. Iwaizumi's throat tightened. "Am I that trivial to you?"

"What the fuck, Tooru, noㅡ"

"Then why?" He whipped his head to look at him, cheeks glistening.

 _Oh, shit. This is wrong._  "I," Iwaizumi started, but he exhaled through his nose, embarrassed of his lack of explanation.

Oikawa's face contorted in his peripheral vision. "Fuck this!" His voice cracked.

"Tooru, I'm soㅡ"

"I don't want your apology! I don't want your excuses! I don't want your lame reasons!" Oikawa screeched. "Don't you see? I'm fucking tired! I'm fucking tired of being stupid and dumb and immature and selfishㅡ"

But.

_No._

Oikawa wasn't the only one who's tired.

"That's exactly the reason why you're fucking selfish!" Iwaizumi exploded. Oikawa was momentarily stunned. "You thought you're the only one who's tired and trying and hurting! Why can't you consider me as well?"

"Oh, you want me to answer that?" Oikawa laughed darkly, bitter and without humor. "You wanna know why? Because I don't know anything about you! Don't you realize how we've always been? How you've always known everything about me yet I've never known any motherfucking thing about you?" Oikawa paused, his face flushed with anger.

"That's not true," Iwaizumi gritted his teeth again, lying. "That's not fucking trueㅡ" He knew it  _was_  true.

"Okay," Oikawa said, nodding. His jaw clenched. "Go on, then. What's your story? Details. Semantics."

Iwaizumi tried to come up for a retort, but he couldn't find one.

"Go on," Oikawa said again, taunting. "Tell me everything right now. Tell me the exact reason why you're so afraid and you can't let go and everytime you look at me, there's always lingering fear of being brokeㅡ"

No, not that. Not those walls. He's not ready for them to fall down. "Shut up," Iwaizumi whispered menacingly. "You don't know anything."

"That's why I want you to tell me!" Oikawa said, exasperated. Then, "Give me a reason right now or else, stop the car."

A heartbeat. "Don't be fucking ridiculousㅡ"

"Tell me the reason now or if you don't, I swear to all the gods and saints, I'm going to fucking jump off this car right nowㅡ"

"Shut the fuck upㅡ!"

 _"Stop the car right now_   _ㅡ_   _"_

"Motherfuckingㅡ"

"STOP THE CAR RIGHT NOWㅡ"

 _SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEECH_   _ㅡ_

Abruptly, the car stopped. It almost took Oikawa less than a second to unfasten his seatbelts, grab his backpack, and get out of the Toyota, slamming the car door behind him. He didn't look back even once as he walked away.

Iwaizumi was fuming as well, but he didn't also look back for Oikawa in the rearview mirror.  _Fucking hell, fucking hell, motherfucking hell,_  he kept reciting in his mind to block out his thoughts.

He floored the gas and drove straight on but it was only less than five minutes till he can't hold it all up anymore and he was already executing a wide, illegal U-turn.

 

 


	13. Hey moon, please forget to fall down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- [♬♪](https://youtu.be/-fwKqGNW8Ns)  
> 

 

 **SIM ACCT OWNER:** **Oikawa Tooru**

 

_**21 October 20XX** _

_**Wednesday** _

 

"Hi! This is Oikawa Tooru! You've reached my voicemail, so it's only two things; either I don't have my phone with me right now, or I don't want to talk to you. If you fall under the latter category, don't bother leaving a message, cuz, like, fuck off. Sorry for the cursing!"

_Beep_

 

—

 

_Today, 10:21 AM_

"Tooru. Where are you? I just saw one of your classmates; I think he's with you in Multimedia. Said you are absent this morning? He's looking for you. What happened? Are you sick? This is Yachi, by the way."

_Beep_

 

—

 

_Today, 11:12 AM_

"It's Kei. Are you holding up? Call me when your cold got worse."

_Beep_

 

—

 

_Today, 11:45 AM_

"Oi. Are you okay? I saw Yachi; she said you didn't show up in your class this morning. Did you just ditch or are you actually sick?"

_Beep_

 

—

 

_Today, 11:48 AM_

"Oi. The fuck are you doing? Answer my texts or call me back. This is Mattsun, you fucker."

_Beep_

 

—

 

_Today, 11:51 AM_

"Oi. Tsukki said you have cold? It's not serious, is it? Call back."

          _Beep_

 

—

 

_Today, 02:59 PM_

"Oi. What the fuck happened last night? Tsukki said he thinks you had a row with Iwa again?"

_Beep_

 

—

 

_Today, 03:12 PM_

"What d'you mean no need to worry? What do you take me for, huh? D'you think I'm stupid? Did you already eat? And please pick the fucking phone up; I'm worried."

_Beep_

 

—

 

_Today, 03:31 PM_

"It's Kei. Is Tylenol okay for you? You can't take certain antibiotics-shit, right? And you did eat the soup I left, right? What do you wanna eat? I'm going home before I go to my shift at the gas station,"

_Beep_

 

—

 

_Today, 04:59 PM_

"Yo. Matsukawa said you can't go to practice tonight? The hell, dude. We're holding tryouts later! It's Ryuu."

_Beep_

 

ㅡ

 

_Today, 05:23PM_

"Tooru. It's Yachi. I told them you're sick. You don't have to practice tonight. I'm just going to—"

_Message was cut off._

 

* * *

* * *

 

**CONVO VIA: SMS <LINE>**

**SIM ACCT OWNER:** **Oikawa Tooru**

 

_**21 October 20XX** _

_**Wednesday, 05:24 PM** _

 

 **Me** : yachi don't bother

 

 **Me** : tell ryuu i'll go practice

 

 **Me** : im omw

 

 **Yachi-san♥** **:** What? :O But Tooru !??

 

 **Me** : what now

 

 **Yachi** - **san♥** : Mattsum sed tsukki sed ur not feelin well?

 

 **Me** : im ok now

 

 **Me:**  srsly

 

 **Yachi-san♥** **:**  ???? O.o

 

 **Yachi-san♥** **:**  Mattsun sed tsukki sed u and iwaizumi-kun had a row?

 

 **Me:**  so?

 

 **Me:**  am i supposed to sulk just bec iwa-chan and me aren't talking?

 

 **Yachi-san♥** **:**  Oh

 

 **Yachi-san♥** **:**  So its tru ? :(( </3

 

 **Yachi-san♥** **:**  What hapend ? :(((

 

 **Yachi-san♥** **:**  Tooru ?

 

* * *

* * *

 

 **SIM ACCT OWNER:** **Iwaizumi Hajime**

 

_**21 October 20XX** _

_**Wednesday** _

 

"This is Iwa; leave a message."

_Beep_

 

ㅡ

 

_Today, 05:17 PM_

"Iwa. Is it true? Issei said you and Oikawa had a fight?"

_Beep_

 

* * *

* * *

 

**CONVO VIA: SMS <LINE>**

**SIM ACCT OWNER:** **Iwaizumi Hajime**

 

_**21 October 20XX** _

_**Wednesday, 05:39 PM** _

 

 **Me** : Is he okay?

 

 **MAKKI** : wat

 

 **Me** : Tooru. Is he okay?

 

 **MAKKI** : so its tru ? oh dayum

 

 **Me** : Answer me Makki. Is he ok?

 

 **MAKKI** :

 

 **MAKKI** : i..dnt know?

 

 **MAKKI** : i min, idk for sure. but i heard hes got, like, cold or flu or somth

 

 **Me** : Fuck

 

 **MAKKI** : dnt blame urself for that. its not ur fault he caught some flu. its probs the wether

 

 **MAKKI** : he mightve stayed outside the cold longer than he should hav last nite

 

 **MAKKI** : but w8 wat hapend last nite?

 

 **Me** : We had a row. A serious one

 

 **MAKKI** : 1-10 how serious it is?

 

 **Me** : I don't know fuck

 

 **Me** : Did he take some meds? Is he eating?

 

 **MAKKI** : how would i knw thay? ://

 

 **Me** : I can't contact him right now. I think he blocked me on his phone

 

 **MAKKI** : the fuick? srsly wat happend? sPILL

 

 **Me** : Can you ask Matsu how is he doing

 

 **MAKKI** : :/// do i look like an owl to u i dnt deliver msgs for free

 

 **Me** : Makki please

 

 **MAKKI** :

 

 **MAKKI** :

 

 **MAKKI** : ://

 

 **MAKKI** : apparently hes ok

 

 **MAKKI** : he still went at his vball practce tonite

 

 **Me** : I thought he caught some flu

 

 **MAKKI** : ƪ(˘o˘)ʃ

 

 **MAKKI** : ok so now tel me wat hapend

 

 **Me** : We had a fight

 

 **Me** : I think it's my fault

 

 **MAKKI** : how so ?

 

 **Me** : It just is

 

 **MAKKI** : wel u ARE dense, so

 

 **Me** : I know. Fuck

 

 **MAKKI** : so wat the fuck hapend?! issei wont answer he just glared at me wen i askd wat hapend bet u and oikawa?

 

 **Me** : He's mad at me. I know tgat

 

 **MAKKI** : wAT DID U DO WAHT HAPEND

 

 **Me** : We were talking at first then suddenly were screaming at each other

 

 **Me** : I dont know, Makki he just snapped

 

 **Me** : He's suddenly screamng and demanding why am I like this

 

 **Me** : Then. Fuck. I just lost it then I'm also shouting and I called him selfish and childish and

 

 **Me** : Makki I made him cry again. Fuckl

 

 **Me** : I made him cry again and I promised to myself before Im not going to let that happen and its just

 

 **Me** : He didn't want to drop it and swore he'd jump off the car if I didn't give him any valid reason

 

 **Me** : Is any reason valid why I became so fucked up like this?

 

 **Me** : It's a mess, goddammnit

 

 **Me** : I was afraid hed literally jump off the car while I was driving so I just floored the brakes

 

 **Me** : He took off and he didnt look back

 

 **Me** : I left him and continued driving

 

 **Me** : But when I came back I cant find him anywhere. I scoured the whole area

 

 **MAKKI** : goddamn iwa

 

 **MAKKI** : but how did u find him at the end?

 

 **Me** : I didnt

 

 **Me** : I think he took a different route. I cant reach his cell bybthen it was off

 

 **Me** : I was worried Makki I wasn't able to sleep last night

 

 **MAKKI** : damn

 

 **MAKKI** : damn, iwa

 

 **MAKKI** : idk wat to say ur so fucking moronic

 

 **MAKKI** : u shouldnt have left him alone its abnormally fucking 8°c last nite ! it was ur fault he's sick after allwth

 

 **Me** : I kmow, fuck

 

 **MAKKI** : do me a favor and fix that up iMMED8LY

 

 **MAKKI** : and also dnt show ur face near issei or the blond roomm8 that tsukki

 

 **MAKKI** : god idk if i can stop them from breaking ur nose after wat happend

 

 **Me** : I deserve it

 

 **MAKKI** : i knw, but still

 

 **MAKKI** : (-┏)

 

 **MAKKI** : just pls lie low. bleedng christ

 

 **MAKKI** : ill find a way to talk to oikawa. ill ask akaashi for help

 

 **MAKKI** : its gona be ok !

 

 **Me** : I hope so Makki

 

 **Me** : Because God I fucked up

 

 **MAKKI** :

 

 **MAKKI** : （)´д`(）

 

* * *

* * *

 

 **TŌRU**   **OIKAWA**  @tōru_oikw • 22 Oct

pic.twitter.com/GhJLhghGkob

**[ 437 RT's | 998 ❤ ]**

**|**

**|**

**♔TŌRU NATION♔**  @tōruoikawa_nation • 22 Oct

 **@tōru_oikw**  Gud morning tooru-senpai have a nice day!

**[ 6 RT's | 16 ❤ ]**

**|**

**Minah♬**  @toorustacos0206 • 22 Oct

 **@tōru_oikw**  senpai i saw u today u look fine as always but pls take care of urself huhuh

**[ 0 RT's | 2 ❤ ]**

**|**

**JIIIIN // IA**  @_tr_0ikw • 22 Oct

 **@tōru_oikw @toorustacos0206**  Y WAT HAPPEND IS HE SICK

**[ 0 RT's | 0 ❤ ]**

**|**

**♔TŌRU NATION♔**  @tōruoikawa_nation • 22 Oct

 **@_tr_0ikw**  he has cold since yesterday but we think he's getting better now

**[ 0 RT's | 1 ❤ ]**

**|**

**JIIIIN // IA @** _tr_0ikw • 22 Oct

 **@tōru_oikw @tōruoikawa_nation**  HUHUH ilove u senpai pls take care of urself

**[ 2 RT's | 6 ❤ ]**

 

* * *

* * *

 

 

 **SIM ACCT OWNER:** **Oikawa Tooru**

_**23 October 20XX** _

 

 _Iwa-chan_ ❤

CONTACT UNBLOCKED ✔

 

* * *

* * *

 

 **SIM ACCT OWNER:** **Oikawa Tooru**

_**24 October 20XX** _

 

10 Missed Calls from:  _Iwa-chan_ ❤

2 Unopened Voice Mails

17 Unread Messages

 

* * *

* * *

 

**SIM ACCT OWNER: Oikawa Tooru**

_**25 October 20XX** _

 

8 Missed Calls from:  _Iwa-chan_ ❤

1 Unopened Voice Mail

13 Unread Messages

 

* * *

* * *

 

**CONVO VIA: TWITTER <DM>**

 

  ⬅   **HJM IWZM**

           @iwzmhjm

 

 

Tooru

Why aren't you replying

Please talk to me

I'm sorry

It's all my fault

I miss you

**[ HJM IWZM | @iwzmhjm ]**

25/10/XX, 07:17 PM

 

if youre just goin to apologize

and nothing else then dont bother

**[ TŌRU OIKAWA | @tōru_oikw ]**

25/10/XX, 07:32 PM

 

Please

I'm going to tellyou everything

Just give me time please

Where are youi right now

**[ HJM IWZM | @iwzmhjm ]**

25/10/XX, 07:32 PM

 

Tooru

**[ HJM IWZM | @iwzmhjm ]**

25/10/XX, 07:34 PM

 

* * *

* * *

 

 **Koushi Sugawara**  @Koushi_S • 25 Oct

Atm. Sshhhhh. Our bby's not feelin good? #Baseball pic.twitter.com/HjkaLkhjgY

 **Tagged:**  @tōru_oikw, @daichi_swmr01

**[ 19 RT's | 27 ❤ ]**

**|**

**|**

**MAGGIE♀♂**  @misplace2712 • 25 Oct

 **@Koushi_S** hi cutie (holy fuck tOORU PLAYNG BSEBALL WAHT IS AIR)

**[ 1 RT's | 11 ❤ ]**

**|**

**Rocha** @cackRoch • 25 Oct

 **@Koushi_S @yonahfutaba** ayyy new papi look :3 the who????

**[ 1 RT's | 4 ❤ ]**

**|**

**♔TŌRU NATION♔**  @tōruoikawa_nation • 25 Oct

 **@cackRoch**  A close friend of toru-senpai's + sawamura-senpai (Tokyo uni vball team capt)  **@TokyoUniversity @TokyoUVolleyballOfficial**

**[ 5 RT's | 12 ❤ ]**

**|**

**Yna✘**  @fvckmet00ru • 25 Oct

 **@tōruoikawa_nation** WER IS THAT PLACE AND OMG? ISHIP THEM? IM SO

**[ 0 RT's | 16 ❤ ]**

**|**

**JIIIIN // IA**  @_tr_0ikw • 25 Oct

 **@fvckmet00ru @tōruoikawa_nation**  mINOUE BOWLINH ALLEY AND ARCADE CENTRE AT ST BERNADET THANKL ME L8R STALKERS KBYE

**[ 45 RT's | 58 ❤ ]**

 

 


	14. It's just you and I, tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [♬♪](https://youtu.be/d32VfZ5Pf0w) / [♬♩](https://youtu.be/1TffpkE2GU4)

 

_WHACK!_

"Do you think heㅡ"

_WHACK!_

"Like, should take itㅡ"

_WHACK!_

"Easyㅡ"

_WHACK!_

Having his arms folded across his chest, Sugawara leaned his back on the counter top of Minoue's ratty front desk. It was past nine in the evening, and the bowling alley-slash-gaming centre was now empty. Near him was Sawamura Daichi, and both of them were watching Oikawa from a distance, hitting flying balls with his mighty baseball bat.

Secretly, Sugawara found it cute. Even as he downplayed it, Sawamura was restlessly worried for the brat. The emotion was etched on his face; he looked troubled.

Everybody almost was, these days, to be honest. Troubled for Oikawa, that is. It's not a secret within their circle that something happened, but everytime Sugawara will ask Oikawa about it, he'll quickly divert the topic somehow. Within the small timeframe of their friendship, Sugawara already got to know that this wasn't Oikawa's usual behavior. The guy  _loved_  venting out. So the moment he pushed people away, that's when you'd know things were already getting serious.

"Suga," Daichi tried again, wincing as another  _WHACK!_  resonated throughout the walls from Oikawa's baseball bat. "I really think he should take it easy tonightㅡ"  _WHACK!_

"It's okay," Suga said, sighing through his nose, craning his neck to see the brat in a distance. Aluminum-netted walls rattled from the other side of the alley. "He's been keeping it all up for days. He should let it all out,"

"There's something wrong," Sawamura reasoned, frowning. "But I don't think I can convince Coach to let him take an off day from practice againㅡ"

"Oh yeah?" A woman appeared beside them. She was blonde and chesty, with short hair and wild eyes ㅡ the kind of girl you'd never wish to fuck up.  _Well_ , Suga thought,  _that's Tanaka bloodline for you._  She looked at Sawamura. "Yo, Daichi," She said, hands on hips. "Tell the fucker my name. He won't object that way. Say I said Tooru's not feeling well again,"

"Saeko," Sawamura sighed, "It's not  _that_  easyㅡ"

"Just tell the fucker my name," Saeko glared.

Sawamura stared; he gulped, slightly intimidated. He paused. Then, "Ah. So Ryuu was telling the truth. He said Ukai and you areㅡ"

"Darling," Saeko whipped her head to look at Sugawara.

"Yes, boss!" He chirped, and Saeko threw a set of rattling keys at him.

"Lock the doors, will you? I gotta go. Make sure you send that brat home safely," she flicked her head towards Oikawa.

"Y-yes, boss!" Sugawara said, and watched his senior exit through the double doors of the arcade. For a moment, there was only silence and some occasional  _WHACK_ 's and the thrumming of air conditioning system. Then he looked at Sawamura again. "Your coach and my boss had a thing?"

Sawamura shrugged, not so interested.

Saeko managed the place. She didn't own it, not by a long shot, but she's everybody's superior here. It was a small world, after all. Having learnt Saeko-neesan was actually the sister of Daichi's scary bald teammate was surprising, but somehow it's fitting. She was also Oikawa and Sawamura's close friend, so.

"You think Tooru's gonna tire out soon?" Sawamura said wistfully, walking further inside the arcade.

Suga followed. "I don't know, really." He said, looking at Oikawa over his shoulder before he disappeared from view. "Let's give him more time alone,"

"Okay," Daichi said, looking around and matching Suga's pace. They now walked side by side, silently overlooking the massive game machines and screens. It was quite a long moment of silence, and by the time Sugawara realized the occasional  _WHACK_ 's have stopped, they were already in the bowling alley section. The lights were still on, yet no one was there, except for them. It should be eerie, really. But Suga suddenly felt fidgety.

He cast a look at his company sideways. "Uh.. so.."

Sawamura stepped ahead, hands in his pockets. Then he turned around, looking at Suga face to face. They both stopped walking.

"Do you already have an answer?" Sawamura said promptly, staring at him right in the eyes.

He looked away, embarrassed of being openly stared at, especially with the now-fading bruise on his face. "I,"

"Suga," Sawamura tried again. "C'mon. Move in with me."

Sugawara looked at him, scandalized. "S-senpai,  _I told you_ ㅡ"

"What's the matter?" Sawamura said. "Don't you want to get away from your cousins?"

Suga looked down. "You make it sound so easy," he mumbled. "And besides, I don't want to be a burdenㅡ"

"You're not a burden," The other guy quickly said. "It's the complete opposite, really."

Suga still won't look at him, scuffing his sneakers against the floorboards.

He heard Sawamura sighed after a minute, then, "I don't understand the problem, yet it's probably okay with you if it's Iwaizumiㅡ"

Suga swiftly looked up, eyes wide. "What? N-no! I refused his offer! And what do you think of me? Tooru's my friend! He's really nice, I wouldn't do that to him. And I'm not that insensitive with their situation soㅡ"

"How about  _our_  situation?" Sawamura suddenly interrupted, immediately shutting him up.

Sugawara has swallowed his tongue, so Sawamura continued, "How about our situation, Koushi?"

Suga's heart was going to combust. But at least he managed a weak "S-senpai,"

Sawamura just stared, his jaw set, his will obviously unyielding. Sugawara pursed his lips. It seemed like this guy wouldn't take a  _no_  as an answer this time.

"Senpai," Suga said again. "We just.. barely know each other. We just met  _this_  month. Don't you think it's tooㅡ?"

"Does it make any difference?" Sawamura said, not backing down. "Some people fall in love within twenty-four hours, you know."

Sugawara might cry. He could feel the tears coming. Only, he didn't know what emotion this was. "I-in.. love..?"

The other guy's face was red, but he didn't backpedal. "Yeah," he nodded, chin high. "I think it's obvious by now. I like you, Sugawara Koushi."

Sugawara can't feel his skin. His tongue was gone again.

Sawamura breathed a short laugh. "Is it that surprising? I thought it was obvious the moment I met you."

He swallowed, hands trembling. He clasped them together in front of him. "I thought.." he whispered. "I thought you're just being... kind. And I'm just... overanalyzing things."

Head tilt. "You're not," Sawamura said. "Overanalyzing things, I mean. I really do like you no matter how much little time we've known each other." He said. "I'd very much like to know you more,"

Sugawara bit his lip, willing the threatening tears to stop. Then, he spoke very carefully. "Does that mean you like to know me more as a friend..? Or, like, romantically.. and.. stuff..?"

Sawamura looked confused but, "Romantically and stuff," he said firmly.

"That will make you gay, though." Suga's words were cautious. "I mean, I  _was_  convinced at first, but you're just.." He paused. "Are you sureㅡ?"

Sawamura blinked. Then, "Oh," he said, his one hand touched his chin, looking down. "I haven't considered that," he mumbled, but then he looked back at Suga again. "Are  _you_  gay?" He asked bluntly.

Sugawara's trembling hands covered his mouth, and Sawamura seemed to panic. "Shit, I'm sorry ㅡ Is that rudeㅡ?"

Sugawara blindingly shook his head, eyes shining, but when he lifted his hands from his mouth, he revealed a small smile on his face. "Sawamura-senpai," he said, "I can't believe you're so naive." He paused, laughing lightly.

Sawamura visibly relaxed, shoulders drooping lower. "Does that mean..?"

Suga smiled again through pursed lips. Then he sighed, looking at something by the corner ceiling.

When Sawamura momentarily glanced at it as well, he blinked.

"We're being recorded," Sugawara giggled, referring the CCTV. "Do you think it's wise for me to confess to you right now?"

Sawamura opened his mouth to say somethingㅡ But nothing came out.

Suga laughed, throwing his head back like a carefree child. He didn't notice the other guy staring at him, looking helplessly beguiled. "I'm joking! Those cameras aren't working," He paused, calming down. "We're really alone right now, don't worry."

The other guy sighed through his nose, his ears pink. Then he crossed his arms on his chest, eyebrows disappearing from his hairline. "I don't believe you,"

Suga rolled his eyes, still smiling. "Trust me, Captain," he said. "I work here, don't I?" He assured.

Then, just like that, something in the air around them has shifted. It went along with the way Sawamura's pupils exploded, and the way he mildly licked his lips.

Sugawara's stomach dropped, but something in his chest coiled. Was he nervous? Why would he be nervous?

Sawamura stepped closer; bringing his hands back inside his pockets again. "Hmm," he finally said. "I still don't believe you."

Suga nodded slowly, staring directly at the guy in front of him. "Oh, really, Captain?" He goaded. "What do you want me to do for you to believe me that we're definitely alone here in the alley? Those cameras  _are_  broken, you know."

Sawamura stepped closer once more; they were now only a foot apart. "I don't know," he said lowly. "What can you do, Koushi?"

It took Suga to realize that the thing coiling inside his chest weren't nerves at all. It's quite the opposite, and dang, he's feeling bold and reckless again.

But why did he have to restrain? This guy liked him, too.  _He likes me! Sawamura-senpai likes me!_ So, the second Sawamura opened his mouth again, Suga justㅡ grabbed his face and kissed him squarely on the lips, open-mouthed and all.

Both were waiting and ready; it actually shocked Sugawara to feel the other guy captured him by the waist the moment they kissed. The contact made him pliant against Sawamura.

The captain was a great kisser. Even if the kiss was simple and vanilla, it left Suga a lingering feeling of  _more, more, more_  when they broke apart. Both were panting, and Suga smiled against each other's breaths.

"Do you believe me now, Captain?" Suga panted.

There was a pause. Then Sawamura completely let go, his face calm yet his chest was still heaving. "That's merely a kiss," he commented.

And,  _oh?_ Sugawara raised a brow, head cocked on one side.

"I mean," Sawamura continued. "All people kiss. They wouldn't really mind seeing two blokes kissing in the recordings."

Suga stared, profoundly shocked inside. His throat bobbed, then he flicked some stray silver fringes on his face. He took a deep, deep breath, then said, "Okay." He nodded, smirking slightly. "Reasonable enough. But, you still don't believe me?"

Sawamura pursed his lips, an unrecognizable light dancing in his eyes. "No," he said slowly, his voice rough and low. "I still don't believe you,"

Suga nodded again. Then with a cunning smile on his lips, he stepped one, two, three paces away, bringing himself in the center vision of the camera above them.

He took his time. Slowly, slowly, he peeled his scarf from his neck, tossing it on the floor. Then next was his ratty sweatshirt, which was also discarded next to the scarf. Suga never left Sawamura's eyes as he stripped his torso bare. When he was done, he asked lowly, "You still don't believe me?"

Sawamura sauntered towards him slowly, licking his lips. "I'm afraid, no." He said. "I'm having a hard time believing you, to be honest."

"Hmm," Suga said, eyes dark with lust. "That'd be a problem, I think." He concluded. "But still negotiable, maybe." Then his hands touched the button of his jeans, fingers deftly moving andㅡ

"Let me," Sawamura was suddenly there, breathing his neck. His palms were touching, roaming Sugawara's chest. When his fingers grazed his pink nipples, it quickly hardened. Suga screwed his eyes shut with an  _ah!_

Sawamura let out a small smile, leading Suga on a nearby billiard table to lean on. Suga was blind, but when he realized he was clutching the edge of some sturdy table, that's when Sawamura dropped to his knees, hands flying quickly, unbuttoning Suga's jeans and pulling his zipper down, down, down. He impatiently lowered Suga's pants along with his boxer briefs, and when his length sprang free to slap on his flat stomach, Suga himself groaned.

"S-Sawamura-senpai," he said, moaning at the cool temperature around his throbbing length. "For sure you already... believe me," He panted.

Sawamura smirked, appreciating the view in front of him. "Maybe I will," he said, still playing along. "If you moan for my name."

Suga threw his head back, desperate for heat and contact. Then, "D-Daichi!" He said.  _"Daichi... please..."_

Sawamura's eyes darkened, and boy, his rationality shattered. In one quick, fluid motion, he took Suga in his mouth, precum already dribbling from the slit.

Sugawara fucking screamed, and he used his own fist to cover his mouth.  _Oh my God,_  he mewled as Sawamura bobbed his head up and down, up and down.  _Daichi!_  Sugawara liked to cry in pleasure.

Then with a pop, Sawamura pulled back, looking up at Suga with hooded eyes. "Koushi," he said, voice raw. "I wanna hear your voice. Don't stop yourself; scream." Then he reached out to pull Suga's fist away from his mouth.

"B-butㅡ Daichㅡ  _AHH!"_  He cried out, Sawamura swallowing him whole again.  _"Ahhh...! oh my God.. Senpai...! Daichi..! Ahhh.. Oh my.. God... Angh.. Nghh...! Your mouth... so... hot... in..side..."_

Sawamura hummed in appreciation, sending the vibrations in Suga's length.

"I'm going... to... come..." Suga panted, saliva dripping on his chin. He arched his back. "D-Daichi...! Senpai..."

And again, with a pop, he released Suga from his mouth, right before he climaxed.

Suga almost sobbed,  _"Senpai! Need... you!"_  He mewled.

"I know," Sawamura breathed, "I know, baby," and his one hand flew to wrap his palm around Suga's length which was glistening from his own saliva. His other hand steadied Suga's leg when he shifted to  _dive in_ and lap his tongue on Sugawara's clenching hole.

 _"OH MY GOD!"_  Suga partly screamed and partly sobbed in pure libido and ecstasy, fresh tears combining the dripping saliva on his chin.  _"Senpai! So..! Good! So... Good.. Aungh.. Hmngh.. Daichi.. Senpai!"_

A few thrusts of Sawamura's palm around his length plus his tongue slurping and lightly intruding his hole, Sugawara came hard, his semen spurting on the floor, and some on Sawamura's cheek and lips. It was dirty, but it  _was_  fantastic.

At some point, Suga passed out. But when he opened his eyes, he was already fully clothed, his head lying on Sawamura's arms. When he looked around, he realized they were on top of a billiard table.

"S-senpai?" He whispered lowly.

"Just sleep some more," Sawamura said, kissing the top of Suga's head.

_Is it all a dream? What are we doing?_

"It's not a dream," Sawamura mumbled, he might've spoken out loud. "I gave you a blow job and you came on my face," he paused. "Never knew you're a screamer,"

Suga's eyes widened, and he buried his face on Sawamura's shoulder, shy and flustered. "T'was my first time,"

Sawamura paused, then, "Shit, seriously?"

Suga nodded weakly.

"Geez," Sawamura said. "I could be dense and naive, but not in this department, at least," he chuckled lightly. "Hey, don't be embarrassed." He kissed his head again, sighing. "It's good I didn't fuck you all the way,"

Suga blindly pinched they guy's nipple. "Watch your mouth," he mumbled.

Sawamura laughed lowly. "And just to clear things out, this means you like me as well, right?"

Suga managed to nod, face still buried on Sawamura's shoulder.

"Good," the other guy said, "And I thinkㅡ"

A sound of a loud crash somewhere roused both of them up to a sitting position on top of the billiard table. They stared at each other.

"Have you locked the entrance doors?" Sawamura asked calmly.

"Shit," Sugawara cursed, eyes wide. "Tooruㅡ"

And without ado, they both rushed towards the scene.

 


	15. A leap back to the past.

 

Iwaizumi stood in front of a large edifice along St. Bernadette. It was cold, and puffs of his breath were coming out of his nose while his mouth was clamped shut. He was clutching a paper bag of Silver Owls and inside was two Venti cups of hot caramel macchiato.

 _Minoue's Bowling Alley and Game Centre_ , the looming dark signage ahead of him said. The entrance also said **CLOSE** but when he finally pushed the double doors open, they gladly creaked to let him in. 

Inside was dim, but he knew Oikawa was here. Not only because of the Twitter thread he’d seen but also because he could actually hear him. Well, not _him_ , technically, but he could hear some _WHACK_ 's coming from a distance.

 _Baseball_ , Iwaizumi thought. _He's blowing off steam through baseballs._

And surely, there he was. Inside one of the aluminum net-enclosed booths, standing poised, a baseball bat in his hands. There was a _WHACK!_ as he squarely hit a ball flying towards him—he _was_ surprisingly good, really—and suddenly, he paused. Oikawa's back was facing him so he couldn't fully see his face but the way his shoulder tensed and his whole body stance told it all. He felt his presence.

"Why are you here," Oikawa said. It's not a question; his voice was calm and a little bit out of breath. Nonetheless, Iwaizumi was at least sure there was no strong hatred in it. But the resignation was there.

Iwaizumi swallowed, shifting his weight to his other leg. "I miss you," he said, voice real and honest. "I'm sorry."

Oikawa still wasn't facing him. A sigh. Then, "Iwa-chan," he said. "I'm holding a bat right now."

He even spread his arms wide, even if Oikawa can't see. "Go on. I deserve it," he said evenly. He’s not joking.

Then immediately, Oikawa turned around, now positively frowning. He didn't say a thing. Neither did Iwaizumi.

Ten seconds passed, and Iwaizumi's arms fell to his sides again. He kept looking at Oikawa, his eyes pleading. "Please," he said. "We need to talk."

Oikawa stared. Then the bat in his hand clattered to the ground. For a moment, Oikawa looked like a real child in Iwaizumi's eyes. His hair was now unkempt and disheveled, damp from his sweat. The sleeves of his sweatshirt hoodie suddenly became too long for him, and his shoulders actually sagged along with the atmosphere around them.

"We don't need to," Oikawa said in a low voice, almost lifeless. "Talk, I mean." He paused. "This is my entire fault. Just.. my petulance and all," he shook his head slowly. "I shouldn't have—"

"No, I want to," Iwaizumi pressed, interrupting him. "I _need_ to." he said. "I'm going to tell you everything. It's my decision." Iwaizumi didn’t like the bags under Oikawa’s eyes; they didn't look healthy at all. Just a few days in and they were both a wreck. Wow. How pitiful of them.

Suddenly, Oikawa filled up his lungs, his mind obviously reeling. Then he nodded mutely. _Okay_ , he seemed to say. _Okay_.

Then Iwaizumi stepped forward to meet him, ushering him out the booth and towards the back exit of the building, which led them straight to a dimly-lit alley.

They ended up sitting side-by-side near the double doors which mainly serves as one of the fire exits of the whole building. There was a rickety metal staircase which was attached to the wall and Iwaizumi gingerly pulled Oikawa towards the landing.

He rummaged inside his paper bag and silently handed Oikawa the Venti cup of still steaming coffee. The guy just looked at it for a second but he took it afterwards. It was only a few degrees over ten tonight, and Oikawa was never the one for the cold so he looked grateful for the coffee.

It was silent. Then, “Where’s Suga and Sawamura?” Iwaizumi grumbled, breaking the ice.

Oikawa imperceptibly flinched, scrunching his nose good-naturedly. “They’re probably sucking each other off somewhere inside,”

Iwaizumi wasn’t fazed, since he and Oikawa had probably done more scandalous things together. But he frowned, “I thought Suga’s more of like a…”

“Demure angel?” Oikawa snorted. “Everybody has their dark sides you know,” he laughed lightly.

Iwaizumi didn’t respond. Secretly, he was just listening to Oikawa’s laugh. He hasn’t heard it for a few days.

Seconds passed, and it took him a while before he realized Oikawa was silent again. “How are you?” Iwaizumi said.

He felt the other guy shrugged, feet dangling from the landing. “Never been better,”

A pause. “I’m sorry. I heard you got sick,”

A shrug. “I always get sick, Iwa-chan. It’s old news.” Oikawa paused. “You?”

 _Me?_ He thought. _Oh, nothing bothersome. I just spent a lot of my time the past few days wondering when you will unblock me in LINE until you did._ “Worried. Troubled. But Makki kept me out of Matsukawa’s sight at all times so I’m still fully intact.”

Oikawa frowned, but he hummed an “I see.” He paused. “It’s not your fault—”

"I left you in the cold with no one to drive you home. Of course it's my fault." Iwaizumi said, his words bitter and heavy.

"I got out of the car myself," Oikawa reasoned.

"That's not a valid point. I shouldn't have let you."

"I could've jumped out the window if you didn't let me. You know I would do that."

"Jesus Christ, Tooru—"

"Can we just—" Oikawa said, exasperated. “Stop it, okay? It’s a moot point, anyway, it’s all over.”

Iwaizumi didn’t respond, fear freezing him with the word _over_.

Oikawa bit his lip. “Look. Iwa-chan.. I,” he started; his eyes were fixed ahead, “I know I said that I don’t wanna hear apologies and lame excuses and anything else unless it’s.. the thing I want to hear from you.” He paused, breathing in. “But I _was_ wrong.” He sighed. “Maybe hitting those baseballs helped me to concede; it just shook me awake. It’s really petty of me. And childish, and selfish. You’re right. I hadn’t considered your side. The one who must apologize is actually me, okay?” He turned his head to look at him. “So whatever you’re going to tell me right now, it’s fine. _Don’t_. I’m not going to force you to spit it out and open up. You’ve waited long enough for me to come around before, so I think it’s just fair for me to wait for you as well.”

Iwaizumi shook his head slowly. "It's fine. If I'm going to tell this to you one day, I might as well tell it now."

Oikawa looked like he wanted more to protest but he didn't say anything right after. He looked down at his coffee, watching the warm steam rising out of it. "I don’t want you to feel obligated in telling me your past just because I got mad and we fought. Every couple fights.” He paused. “I mean, you know. It’s normal in a.. relationship. Or whatever you call _this_.”

“I know,” Iwaizumi said. “But still.”

Oikawa pursed his lips. Iwaizumi counted one to ten, just watching him. Then Oikawa nodded. “Well. If that’s what you want," he whispered, and then he looked back at him. "Go on, then."

Iwaizumi stared ahead, his gaze towards the graffitied walls of brick across them. Then with a deep breath, he started. “I was twelve when I met a girl.” He paused. “We’re at a party thrown by some kid who graduated in college and wants to get hammered before he completely moves out. Tochigi was pretty fine, but still, Tokyo’s where everything is, particularly if you want to live the life. But when one actually got to get out of there, no one really looks back anymore.

“But we’re twelve-year-olds. It’s pretty funny. I remembered hiding behind a bush just being curious with all those flashy lights from the big odd Victorian house. Then my friend pulled me with him, he said it’s fun, but I gotta drop the bug net. You know those kinds of net when we’re younger?” He looked at Oikawa. “The ones you use to literally catch bugs? It’s like my missionary sword before. I have those wherever I go until High School.” He looked ahead again, a small smile on his face…

 

*   *   *

 

_"Look, are you sure Tekko is in there?" twelve-year-old Iwaizumi Hajime whispered whilst hiding behind the bushes in front of a flashy looking Victorian house exactly ten houses away from their village church._

_"Of course!" His friend named Hiro squeaked. He's twelve as well. "I heard them the other day. They said they're all gonna be here." Hiro paused, looking at him. "Don't you want to meet new friends?"_

_Iwaizumi bit his inside cheek._ Of course _he wanted to meet new friends—but the thought actually daunted him. And besides, the vibrant lights flashing from the house were scary. The English songs wailing inside were scary. He could even smell the unmistakable whiff of alcohol and sweat and cigarettes it was all scary._

_"I don't think they allow kids to enter," Iwaizumi said weakly._

_"Hajime!" Hiro squeaked again. "Are you scared? C'mon now!"_

_Iwaizumi shifted, gripping his bug net like a missionary sword. "I'm_ _—_ _"_

_"I'm going to find them inside, okay?"_

_"Hiro-san. Are you serious?"_

_Hiro stood up, chests puffed out. "Those are just some college kids, you know."_

_"Exactly. They're all college kids in there. We're not even fifteen, Hiro-san! And have you tasted alcohol? They're terrible!"_

_Hiro whirled at him. "How'd you know?"_

_"Dad drinks_ sake _sometimes." He shrugged._

_"Psh. Whatever. Look. I'm still going in. If you want to come along, drop the net." He pointedly looked at Iwaizumi’s bug net. Then without further ado, he stomped inside the house, standing out like a sore thumb._

Dumbass _, Iwaizumi thought. But a few seconds later, he dashed inside as well, leaving his precious net hidden in the bushes._

_And that was how it started. Not that Iwaizumi can remember it clearly, but somehow, he could still recall the sensation. There were lots of sweaty bodies. It was so loud he can’t hear a thing. He kept grunting and saying “I’m sorry!” to no one in particular while he traversed the floor area until—_

_“I’m sor—oompgh!” he grunted, his face colliding on a soft surface. It smelled like lavender._

_“Hey, watch out you motherf—oh.” A voice said. It was a girl’s. “Hey, kiddo. Watcha doin’ here?”_

_Iwaizumi looked up. “I—I was— Looking for— I mean—”_

_The girl was older than him. She crouched down, her palms propped on her knees. Now he could see that she has brown eyes and long brown hair that falls to her shoulders. “What does a nine-year-old doing here?”_

_Iwaizumi was offended. “I am twelve!”_

_She raised her brows. “You look nine, kiddo.”_

_“I’m not a kiddo.”_

_“Sure you are, kiddo.” The brunette winked, smiling. “But seriously,” she stood up straight, and Iwaizumi has to crane up his neck to look at her face. “What are you doing here? Are you looking for your sister? Perhaps your brother? Do you have a brother?” She grinned, eyes glinting._

_Iwaizumi looked around. “I don’t.” He admitted. “I’m looking for my friends.”_

_Brunette tilted her head. “You have friends here?”_

_Iwaizumi didn’t answer. The girl laughed. She has a nice laugh._

_“Your other nine-year-old friends sneaked in didn’t you? Because this party isn’t supposed for you toddlers. There’s no way your momma will let you in,”_

_“I am twelve! I’m old enough!”_

_The girl smirked. “Well, I_ am _seventeen, and I’m_ not _old enough,” she sighed. “Oh boy, you shouldn’t stay here,” She looked around. “We’re playing beer pong any minute now, and I don’t think you want to get surrounded by drunken, puking morons.”_

_Iwaizumi frowned. “But I need to see my friends first,” he said._

_The girl rolled her eyes. “You’re so cute. I’d do you if you’re older.”_

_He blinked. “What do you mean_ do _me_? _”_

_She pursed her lips, hiding a smile, then she crouched down again. She’s tall, even for a girl, so their height difference was funny. Now she’s close. Very close. He could even smell her breath. It reeked of alcohol. Her eyes were becoming unfocused. “What’s your name, anyway?”_

_“Er, Iwaizumi.”_

_“I mean your first name.”_

_“Hajime.” He said reluctantly. “Iwaizumi Hajime.”_

_“Oooh.” She licked her lips. “Nice name. Quite fitting for a hotshot.”_

_Hotshot? He frowned. “I don’t—”_

_“Well then, nice to meet you, kiddo.” The girl said, still smiling. “I’m Okida Aiko.” Then immediately—she grabbed his face and kissed him squarely on the lips._

_It_ was _awful, but Iwaizumi can’t move. He was shocked. The girl’s lips were moving but his were immobile. When they broke apart after mere seconds, Iwaizumi’s mind was spinning. The girl named Aiko was grinning._

_“You haven’t kissed anybody before?”_

_His eyes were wide as he looked up at her. He shook his head slowly._

_She laughed, throwing her head back. “Well, you’re twelve. But now you have.” She said. “Well then, I’ll get going to play beer pong with my friends,” She moved to turn away from him, but she paused and looked back momentarily. “Bye, hotshot,” she winked. “Let’s meet again after a few years.”_

 

*   *   *

 

“ . . . I never realized it until later when I grew up a few more years but all those people in there were either stoned or drunk. It was wild. Everything was wild. Including her.

“She’s really pretty,” Iwaizumi’s voice was steady—honest and true. “Her face was glowing. She’s seventeen back then, five years older than me. I wasn’t able to understand everything she said to me that night, especially when she said she’s seventeen and she’s not old enough. I didn’t realize what she meant by that until now that I thought about it.”

Oikawa stirred. Then he spoke carefully. “That’s why you’ve been.. hooking up with brunettes before. You still miss her. Even now, _I_ have brown hair—”

“That’s not it,” Iwaizumi quickly said. “I mean, before, yeah, maybe. But it was just a coincidence that you—”

Oikawa held up his palms, smiling lightly. His eyes were sad. “It’s okay. I don’t mean it badly. Go on, continue, Iwa-chan.” He said. “Aside from being pretty, what was she like?”

Iwaizumi stared, then, “She’s a sad soul. Always drunk and stoned, I’d notice later on. She’s pretty, yeah. But she uses her beauty to hide and cower away from everything.”

He paused. “When kissed me before she led me out from the party and called me a hotshot, I bet she didn’t realize that’s my first kiss. Not that she ruined it, cuz truthfully I was glad. I never forget that ever since. I imprinted on her.

“Eventually, the years flew, and I grew up. Friends rarely came by, maybe because of how I often look—grumpy and scowling. I assume you know what I mean, yeah?” He huffed a breath of laughter. “But that was High School. And if that sort of face will save you from awkward and strange conversations in University, when you were fifteen, it would just lead you to occasional thugs from other High Schools cornering you on your way home from school. When I asked them once what the fuck’s their problem, they just spat and told me my glowering face pisses them off so much. Funny, yeah? I’ll never forget one fucker in particular. He’s a mad one, Kentaro…”

 

*   *   *

 

_“Oi,”_

_Iwaizumi was passing by the nearby deserted playground when he heard the snarl. When he turned, he found four guys smirking and glaring at him. Their school uniforms said they’re from a different High School._

_Iwaizumi inwardly grunted. “What?” He said, face impassive._

_A guy spat on the ground. He has shaved blonde hair. It’s ridiculous. “You’re Iwaizumi Hajime, aint you?”_

_“So?” Iwaizumi said cautiously, assessing his situation. Four on one? he thought. Ah, shit, these cowards._

_“Dipshit,” The mad-looking guy snarled again. “I really fucking hate your face.” He said, then, “Oi, you three. Hold him.”_

_Ah, shit—_

_Iwaizumi panicked, not knowing what to do. The guys were advancing now but his feet was frozen and he can’t run and—_

_“You shitheads,” A voice drawled. “Four on one?” A shadow appeared near the ruckus, just behind the piled culverts and rusty benches. “That wouldn’t be entertaining, cowards. You just woke me up from my nap.”_

 

*   *   *

 

“You know what, truthfully I was scared. I never got into a brawl before, so it scared the shit out of me.” One side of Iwaizumi’s mouth curved up. He paused. “But then she came.

“It was funny when I thought about it now. I looked like a fucking damsel in distress. She just came out of nowhere near the park where we’re currently at. She had a baseball bat in hand; the real one they use at major leagues. It’s scary. Even Kentaro and his pawns ran away when she started swinging the wicked thing like fucking crazy, afraid she’d really bust their brains out of their sockets.

“After that encounter, we became good friends. I didn’t know if she remembered me at all, but from then on, I told myself I’ll follow her like a fucking queen forever. She studies some art-related shit in a nearby college, and she always said she’ll make it out here. She’s a dreamer, that girl. Wants to be some writer or something. She writes poetry and stuff. Likes E. E. Cummings and some other English shit. She saves up money to study extra lessons downtown. She’s an artist, like you.

“To be honest, I never knew how we ended up being friends with one another. I got close with her crowd as well, and maybe that’s why I got left out in my own school. I never got the chance to befriend kids my age. I’m always with her, always with them. After classes, I hang out with them in that old diner near their University. It’s just a fifteen minute ride with the bicycle, so it never mattered to me. I was always there, just talking and laughing and being myself with these crazy, stoned college kids while they smoke, exchange yen for drugs, steal things and other stuff.”

Oikawa fiddled with a piece of lint on his own jeans. Iwaizumi watched him as he continued. “They’re _that_ kind of crowd. But it never occurred to me that I’m in the wrong one. Because I never thought anything about them is wrong. I wasn’t the one to judge, not really. And they treat me like an equal, not like a kid I used to be. Especially her. She’s my best friend.”

Oikawa smiled a bit. “Wow,” he commented under his breath.

“She’s got a boyfriend, though. Lots of them, actually. She’s _that_ kind of girl.”

“You seem disappointed, _hotshot_ ,” Oikawa teased, pointing it out.

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, mustering a light smile, but he continued. “She taught me how to smoke. She even slept with me just for the sake of it. I think we’re both high that night. And I was sixteen. Just a horny teenager. And truthfully, I thought, _I’ll never get the chance next time, so what will I lose?_ She never minds sleeping with other people, so what’s the matter in having sex with me?”

Oikawa was quiet again.

Iwaizumi didn’t cease. “Problem was, her boyfriend that time’s off his knocker. Possessive. He got bonkers when he knew. My mom lost it when I came home with a busted lip and black eye because of him. Then my grades failed for a while. And I lost contact with their crowd.

“Eventually I came around, and that’s about six months later. She changed boyfriends. A new one. And the past fight was deleted in everyone’s memory. Everything came back to what it was before.

“Except that she became worse. I was already graduating when she started losing it. Often times, I spotted her alone, just staring off into space, mumbling things like, _Can I really do it?_ I always see her with cut lips and bruised face. Every time I asked her where she got it, she’ll just shrug it off and joke around. A lot of days during those times, she always sought me to talk about confusing, random, and trivial things…”

 

*   *   *

 

_“Aiko-san,” Iwaizumi said at the girl while she stared off into space._

_“Hajime,” Aiko said softly, his elbows leaning on the concrete railing. They were near the riverbanks, just off the highway. They were alone._

_Iwaizumi looked at her. She’s wearing a long-sleeved shirt, even if the temperature was increasing. He noticed a purple bloom on one of her wrists, covered by some kind of cloth bracelet. “Are you okay?”_

_The girl smiled faintly, her face bathed by the orange sunset far ahead. “I never asked before. But what was your mom like?”_

_Iwaizumi blinked. “Pretty. Like you.”_

_“Like me?”_

_He nodded. “And kind.”_

_“I see..” she paused. “Should all mothers be pretty? And kind?”_

_Iwaizumi frowned. “Maybe. Why? How about your mom?” A pause. “Isn’t she kind?”_

_She laughed. “Oh, she’s kind. And pretty as well.”_

_Iwaizumi stared, not responding._

_“Say, Hajime. Why don’t you get yourself a girlfriend? Or a boyfriend?”_

_He didn’t hesitate. “I don’t need one.”_ You’re here, so.

_She smiled. “Don’t ever change, kid.” She said. “Don’t ever change.”_

 

*   *   *

 

“I’m not an idiot,” Iwaizumi said. “I tried to confront her boyfriend that time but then she stopped me, and I demanded her to explain me what the fuck’s going on.

“She never got to tell me. I never got to know the entirety of it. I just know she was being abused, and no one’s giving a fuck about it, except me. It went like that for one more month. And when I decided I can’t let it go any further, I realized, I’m too late.”

There was a pause again, and then Iwaizumi breathed deeply. “There’s this house party that time, and I went just to see her, and maybe convince her again to run away. I’m already graduating anyway, and we can go to Tokyo or Osaka or wherever she wants, just to get away to all of them. But she always refused, saying I was naïve. And yeah. Fucking hell, I’m naïve, but what more can I do? What more can I offer?

“That night, the others were playing Seven Minutes in Heaven. It’s practically a making-out game. Like, you can do anything inside a closet for seven minutes with whoever was partnered with you. I was looking for her, assuming she’s playing with her boyfriend as well. It’s a Middle Schooler game, but they’re all high anyway, and when you’re in college, it just means a blind quickie in a closet so there’s that.

“Apparently, I can’t find her. _She’s not with us_ , one of his guy friends said. She’s hiding away at the second floor from him. _Fighting since this afternoon_ , he said.”

I looked for her, and eventually, I found her in one of the storage closets. She’s crouched there, crying, but when she saw me, she stopped. I pretended not to notice. I got in the closet with her, and we’re just sitting side-by-side, listening to the noises from the party on the other side of the closet door.

 

*   *   *

 

_He crouched down carefully, not saying a word. Was she asleep? No, she wasn’t. But her breathing’s kinda unsteady._

_“Aiko-san,” Hajime whispered. “Everything okay?” He can’t see her face._

_But she answered. “You know what I think Hajime?” Her voice was low and coarse. Was she crying?_

_He waited for her next words._

_“I think.. the world is selfish. And sad. And crazy.” A pause. “Not that it’s a bad world. It’s just the way it is. It’s not the world that it bad. It’s the people in it.”_

_Iwaizumi didn’t respond. He could hear her labored breathing. And it was shallow, too shallow._

_“It’s a pitiful system, yet natural and necessary.” she continued. “And if you don’t wanna drown, you’d have to learn how to swim.”_

_Iwaizumi frowned. “Oi,” he said. “Stop talking things like this, you’re creeping me out.”_

_“I envy you,” she said. “You’re almost a clean-slate and could still start anew. I wish I could be skeptical and doubtful and cynical. But,” she huffed a laugh. “I was never those things,”_

Because you love wholly. Easily. Fully. It scared me at times. But that’s one beautiful thing you got.

_“You told me you don’t need someone,” She continued. “I wish you stay that way, you know. But we’re too young, and can be fooled.” A pause. “But before that, I want you to build up your walls. Strengthen it and never let someone in.”_

_Iwaizumi stared ahead, at the crack of light through the closet door. “But when will I let it all fall down?”_

_She just smiled, and said, “You never. The right person will take it all down for you.”_

_Iwaizumi frowned. “Aiko-san—” He halted, feeling wetness on his hand from the floor. When he looked closely, his eyes widened. Blood—?_

*   *   *

“I panicked when I realized it’s blood. She’s unconscious. And I quickly yelled for help.” Silence.

Iwaizumi continued. “She was two months pregnant. Apparently that’s what she and his asshole of a boyfriend were fighting about. I think she’d like to keep it, but he was always forcing her to take some pills.

“I never got the chance to see her again after that. She was hospitalized but no one was allowed for visits. Then a month after, I just learned her family moved to America. _Good for her, then_ , I thought. _You could now run away. Run away and build your own walls.”_

Oikawa wasn’t saying anything. He was a statue, but his face was unreadable.

“It’s not like I experienced it firsthand. But, her words were impactful for me.” He continued. “Not that it’s a dying wish either, because as far as I know, she’s living well in Ohio. I haven’t tried to contact her. I think it’s better off that way. After all, I’m part of that past I’d like for her to forget. Even my friends now don’t know everything about her. Eventually, some of them resorted into thinking she’s some bad bitch who fucked me up.” He paused, scoffing a laugh. “It’s partly true, but I can’t just open up to explain about her. To explain that it’s not relationships I’m afraid about. It’s opening up to people I’m scared of.

“At first, it was for myself. I was afraid to _believe_. Afraid to get _hurt_ , Afraid to let all my walls go down. Because, what if what she’s saying was true? Because what if the world is just full of bullshit like what I have witnessed? I know it’s all in my head, and it’s fucked up, but when once in your life, you have experienced bathing with blood in a closet with someone who told you to be _strong_ and _selfish_ and _cynical_ as you could be, that unreal feeling vanishes, and you’ll mistake the unreal for real. The real for unreal. And the trust in people fades, eventually.”

After a while, Oikawa sighed. “What about now?” he asked.

Iwaizumi looked at him.

“You said _at first_ , you were all those things. What about now? Do you still feel the same? With me?” His eyes were sad yet understanding.

Iwaizumi filled up his lungs. Then, “It’s different with you.” He said. “If before I’m afraid to get hurt by anyone by letting my walls fall.. With you, I wouldn’t mind.” He paused, looking at Oikawa. “I wouldn’t mind even if you crush me in pieces then step all over me, I wouldn’t mind, really.”

Oikawa’s lips were pursed, eyes shining.

 “But, you look so much like her. Not physically, no, even if both of you have the same brown eyes and hair. It’s just that.. the way you give yourself… it reminds me of her. You also give yourself wholly. It’s in your nature, and you’re just bare and naked and open.” He paused again. “It’s not that your walls are down—you have no walls _at all_.”

Oikawa looked down, confused. “What does that mean?”

Iwaizumi sighed. “I care about you. So much, and it bothers me, just the thought of anybody hurting you, especially myself.”

“But you won’t do that.” Oikawa caught his hands. “You wouldn’t hurt me. If you care so much about us, this _will_ work.”

Iwaizumi looked down at his hands. “This, exactly, is what I’m afraid of now.” He said softly. “You have so much faith in me above anything else,”

“Iwa-chan, I—”

 _CRASH!_ A noise from inside the building made surprised them both. Oikawa jumped, his eyes wide.

“Holy fuck—” Iwaizumi scrambled to his feet, and so did Oikawa. Both of them quickly climbed down the landing, back to the fire exit, leading them to—

A guy with a baseball bath in hand came to full view, near the baseball booths. They both paused, and the guy saw them.

The fucker frowned, “OI JUN!” He shouted. “THERE’S SOMEONE OUTTA HERE!”

What the fuck, Iwaizumi thought. He caught Oikawa’s wrist; it was cold and clammy. When he looked, Oikawa was as white as sheet.

“Oh, wow,” A new and unfamiliar voice drawled. It came from a new guy entering their scene. Iwaizumi was startled. _Who are these fuckers?_ “I thought we can freely loot this place tonight, tsk, tsk. Didn’t expect to see someone else here, eh?”

Iwaizumi felt Oikawa flinched, like an automatic reaction.

But Fucker Number 2 continued, “Oh, shit.” He said. “Oikawa-san!” He laughed gleefully, clapping. “What a beautiful fucking surprise! I’ve been looking for you for ages! Did you miss me?”

“Who the fuck are you?” Iwaizumi snarled.

Fucker Number 2 looked at him, surveying his face. He tilted his head then looked back at Oikawa who was not saying anything. “Oh. I see. I thought when you said you’re not Ushiwaka’s bitch anymore you were joking,” He laughed. “Well, this became boring,” He paused. “But still. You look fine. Quite peachy. You lost some weight, eh?”

“Fuck off,” Oikawa finally said. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Then slowly, the guy smiled, devilish and lazy. His pupils were dilated. “To have fun, of course. And _you_ will be entertaining me tonight.”

 

 


	16. Threats and taxis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [♬♪](https://youtu.be/2AROtrrkjxM) / [♬♪](https://youtu.be/JdWvElP3a_U) / [♬♪](https://https://youtu.be/06ruzN27AHg)

 

Oikawa was petrified.

But well, he should be. The guy— _Suzumo Jun_ if he remembered correctly—was smiling manically, eyes glinting in malice in front of them. He was not just your typical scum of an asshole. He's vicious. Almost crazy. And Oikawa knew in experience that any threat that would come out of that mouth was not an empty one. He always learnt from his past.

Not that he directly threatened Oikawa and Iwaizumi already. But somehow, it seemed like it. His face and stance said it all. And when Oikawa saw that taunting grin again, in a flash, the sickening memory of Jun's mouth ghosting his ear came back. And maybe that's one of the reasons why Oikawa  _was_  petrified. But still, no. To be honest, he's not that petrified because of Jun. Mostly he's terrified because Iwaizumi was there.

He knew that among the two of them, Iwaizumi was the more protective one. That he could give, so he knew he's not the only one feeling like this right now. But somehow, that was  _exactly_  the problem. The situation can go out of hand in a nanosecond.

Oh, Christ. It's going perfectly fine three minutes ago. Why did this bastard have to show up? And looting an arcade? What are they, kids? Oh, shit.  _Where's Daichi and Suga?_

"What the fuck are you saying, asshole," Iwaizumi's snarl brought Oikawa back to Earth; he was still panicking. He winced at Iwaizumi's grip on his wrist.

Jun raised both of his eyebrows, mocking them. "I mean what I said. I wanna have fun. Don't you wanna have fun? Especially with Tooru." He caressed his name on his tongue; he looked at Oikawa, his eyes roaming his face shamelessly. The guy licked his bottom lip, shaking his head slowly. "Ah," he sighed. "You really fucking made me question my preferences since that day."

Oikawa could almost hear Iwaizumi's teeth grinding together. But then he looked at Oikawa. "How'd he know you?" His voice was low, careful.

Oikawa opened his mouth. "I—I'm not—don't—know him—"

"You don't!?" Jun laughed, his face incredulous. "Hey, man. It's either you're a terrible liar or you have a shitty memory. You saw me with Mikuchi last month, I think? We we're about to have fun that day but then that granny-haired friend of yours showed up. Shame, eh?"

 _Oh, fuck,_  Oikawa internally winced. But Iwaizumi didn't say a thing. He was smart. He got it.

Oikawa was about to say something when Jun faced his other friend near him and reached out to take the bat.

"Whatcha gonna do? Don' you wanna wait for Rika—?"

"I don't fucking wait for anybody," Jun drawled, rolling his shoulders. "If I wanna have fun, I'd have fun."

Oikawa breathed a shaky breath. Was this guy serious?  _He's mad,_  he concluded, eyeing the bat in his hand. He felt Iwaizumi pulled him closer.

"I thought we're just gonna loot the place?" The other guy frowned. "And I heard Ted shoutin' they saw some more people over the—"

"Oi," Jun deadpanned. "Do you want me to test this bat on your skull first? I busted brains before."

The guy opened his mouth; he stepped back, looking uneasy. "Man, I'm jus' saying—"

"Tooru! Iwa!" A voice approached them beyond the glass double doors that divided the baseball booths from the alley. Sugawara! Oikawa didn't know if he'd rejoice or not. He watched Jun's friend scampered away.

"Are you okay—?!" Suga's voice was breathless, and then he came into view, pushing the double doors open with Daichi behind him. "Some people broke in and some of the glass cabinets were shattered and—" Sugawara's voice abruptly halted when he realized they have an audience. Sawamura immediately pulled him back by the hand, glaring at Jun.

"Broke… in?" Jun slowly turned around to face them, his face genuinely confused. "We didn't break in. Technically. The main entrance was unlocked, ya know."

Sugawara's eyes widened, his face heating up.

Jun laughed, his breath wheezing. His boisterous laughter echoed through the enclosed walls. "Man," he said, "I just remembered, cuz, you know, I have a very good memory. You're that guy, eh?" He looked back at Oikawa. "This one's that fucker who ran away with you the last time." He paused, looking at Suga; he gave him a once-over glance. "Why do all of you fags have to be so…?"

"Hey," Suga snapped hotly. "I already called the police so you and all of your asshole friends are all d—"

Jun groaned, throwing his head back. He raised his bat in the air, looking exasperated. "I told you, angel," He widened his eyes in exaggeration. "We did  _not_  break in—"

"You smashed the registers and cabinets open,  _you motherfuckers_ —!" Suga said, advancing. Oikawa's eyes widened in shock, but thankfully, Sawamura was already there, pinning Suga to him and refraining the guy from attacking Jun. The latter  _was_  either high or drunk or actually mentally-bonkers, they didn't know. But Oikawa was sure he  _was_  dangerous, especially with that bat in his hand.

Sawamura grunted with effort, but he managed to haul Suga away, just calming down when they were already near Oikawa and Iwaizumi. Oikawa himself wanted to run. Fuck it, he's scared. He'd never backed down from a brawl or a fight before, but there was something about Suzumo Jun that made the hairs on his nape stood up.

He knew they can take this guy in numbers, even with the bat and all. But that's only if he's alone. Oikawa knew his other minions were somewhere here. And if a fight started, he's sure they'd just pop out and the four of them would be outnumbered. Also, Oikawa's certain they didn't use  _just_  baseball bats. Maybe it was in his imagination, but he could almost see a glint of something metallic from Jun's back pockets.

Iwaizumi's eyes were eyeing the back exit which they came from. But they all can't leave the alley for these thugs to ransack. He was just hoping Sugawara was telling the truth about already having called the police.

Jun barked a loud laughter again. "Fucking feisty," he wheezed. "Smashed the fuckin' register, dear God," he paused, smiling. "Well, like this?" And he strode towards the double-doors and—

He swung the bat he was holding. Then suddenly, shards and bits and pieces of the glass double doors were raining on him. Oikawa jumped at the sudden noise. It was crazy. This guy  _was_  deranged. The four stood shocked and scandalized when they heard more laughter and raucous voices coming, probably more thugs wanting to see what their leader was up to.  _Shit._

"I'm gonna get fired," Suga said weakly, staring wide-eyed at the ongoing ruckus.

"We gotta get out of here," Sawamura whispered lowly. "We can fight, but—"

" _No,"_  Iwaizumi interjected. He looked at them. "We can't fight. Aside from being outnumbered, Suga will lose his scholarship and you two will be kicked out from the team,"

Oikawa whipped his head, looking staggered. "This  _is_  self-defense—"

"And we can't take them all," Iwaizumi gritted his teeth. "Too many. We'll have to run—"

"Oi" Jun drawled again, facing them. His chest was heaving. "Don't think about running, fuckers. I'm goin' to shoot."

Shoot? Oikawa stopped breathing. No, he must be joking. He can't carry a gun—

The mad guy patted his back pocket lightly, smiling wickedly. "I love pistols, you know. Safe from inspections,"

Oikawa took a step back, dazed. Iwaizumi's hand moved from his wrist to his palms, interlacing their fingers together _. Don't move,_ he seemed to say.  _We can't take risks with this deranged man. Don't. Move—_

Jun guffawed, seeing their nervous faces. "Ah, this is fun. Look how fucking scared you all faggots—"

"Jun," a voice said. It came from the other side of the wrecked doors. It was sickeningly familiar. A female's.

Slowly, Jun turned around, his face a mask of irritation. "Oh. Hullo. I see you made it here."

"One of the boys texted me," a slender shadow stepped through the jagged remains of the doors. Glass cracked underneath her high-heeled boots. "Said you're starting to have fun,"

Jun snorted. "Well. That's my main goal, eh? And look what I found here, Rika." He jerked his thumb towards Oikawa's direction. "Oikawa Tooru," he paused. "And company."

The brunette girl was already staring blankly at them, showing no signs of recognition. But when her eyes landed to Iwaizumi, Rika's red lips curled up in a smirk. "Nice company, I see."

"I know!" Jun stated proudly. "So I thought I should have fun with them tonight!"

"Jun," Rika said again, her glinting eyes all-too-familiar. She crossed her arms against her chest. "You're high, and Ted says the police might be coming. Someone reported, apparently." She inspected a yellow nail.

The guy stared for a long time, unimpressed. The he grunted. "Whatever," he said, turning to walk away. "Where the fuck are they?"

Rika shrugged, "At the alley," she said. "I'll follow shortly, go on."

Then Jun moved to exit. But before he completely turned away, he paused. He pivoted his head to look at Oikawa. And Oikawa just. He staggered back. Iwaizumi glared.

"Jun," snapped Rika. And Jun kept his devilish grin on his face even as he walked away, chuckling lowly.

It looked like a promise. Or a threat.  _I'll get back at you_ , he seemed to say.

When Rika was the only one left, Oikawa suddenly felt an upsurging hate bubbling from his chest. "You—!"

Rika tilted her head, smiling so beautifully. "Hi, Tooru-kun," she said sweetly. "Hello Tooru-kun's friends. And why, I missed you, Hajime-kun."

"Fuck off, Rika." Iwaizumi started, glaring.

The brunette raised both hands defensively. "Sorry!" she laughed. "I didn't mean to make a fiasco here, especially if I know you're involved, Hajime-kun." She paused, and then she moved, sauntering slowly over them. "But at least I stopped that mad guy, hm? Did he threaten you with the pistol? Did you try to run? At least he didn't fire. He wasn't joking about that."

Then, "Look," Sugawara's voice trembled in rage. "I don't know who the fuck are you but I don't care either way. Who's gonna take responsibility here, you stupid bitch?!"

Rika stopped in front of Sugawara, inspecting his face. "I know you," she raised her brows. "But well, I don't care. Why, do you work here? Tsk, tsk."

Before Sugawara can slap the smirk off her face, Sawamura was struggling to restrain him again.

Rika chuckled, walking closer Oikawa and Iwaizumi. "Are you gonna have me arrested?" she smiled at Iwaizumi.

Iwaizumi didn't answer. Then after a heartbeat, "I might as well. You're threatening my friends."

She continued to smile. Then she tapped a finger on his cheek. Iwaizumi didn't even flinch. "Hm." she said. "Oh, but you won't. I know you." She smiled.  _Bitch_ , Oikawa seethed. "Well then, see you soonest," she winked.

Then she stopped in front of Oikawa, and all her smirks and humor was gone. He wanted to clock her face just once.

Slowly, she leaned closer. Oikawa went rigid, but he felt her lips on the shell of his ear.

"Remember what I promised before in the University week?" she whispered. Oikawa didn't breathe. "Wait for that, Tooru-kun."

Then she pulled away, face hidden by the shadows. Oikawa was a statue. His mind was reeling. From somewhere, they heard the sirens. But before the police came, Rika was already gone.

 

✖

 

"I just don't understand why we let them be," Sugawara was pressing his fingers on his temples. His right knuckles were bruised, having punched one of Jun's guys back at the alley, on their way to check on Oikawa and Iwaizumi. "Especially that bitch. I could've dragged her by the hair until they cuff her."

It was past one in the morning. And they were outside the police building, just sitting on the front steps of the station. They just had given their statements to the officers. The video footages from some CCTV's helped. Apparently, what happened was already not uncommon, especially when the case was intertwined with the said gang. The police were after those guys for weeks now, having just raided a convenience store before.

Sawamura sighed now, looking at Iwaizumi. "You know her, right?"

Oikawa looked away.  _Of course he knows her. Intimately._ Iwaizumi didn't respond.

"I'm gonna get fired." Suga sighed, looking back at the station where Saeko was being briefed shortly about the situation.

Oikawa looked at him. "Saeko wouldn't do that. It's not your fault. Entirely. You know."

Sugawara groaned. Then he stood up, stretching his limbs and yawning. "Well, it's a rough night," he announced. "You should all go home." The three stood up as well.

"How 'bout you?" Oikawa asked.

Sugawara shrugged. "I need to wait for further.. instructions,"

Oikawa looked at Sawamura.

"I'll wait for him, of course." Sawamura said.

Oikawa nodded, too drained to tease. He looked at Iwaizumi.

"Let's go," Iwaizumi caught his hand. And together, they stepped down the low steps, looking for a cab to hail.

 

✖

 

Their first five minutes at the backseat of the taxi was unnervingly silent. But at least Iwaizumi was still holding Oikawa's hand so that's a breather.

It was a crazy night. It was nobody's fault but still.

When he can't take it anymore, Oikawa shifted. "Iwa-chan," he whispered.

Iwaizumi has a hand raised, idly covering his eyes. His elbows were propped on the window.

"Iwa-chan," he tried again,

Then, "I'm trying not to be mad now, Tooru." He finally said.

Oikawa bit his lip, looking away.  _I'm sorry…_

"Why didn't you tell me about that fucker?"

He chewed his tongue before answering. "Because I know you'd be like this." He reasoned. "I'm sorry, but we're okay now, yeah?" His voice was small.

Iwaizumi didn't answer immediately. Then he lowered his own hand covering his face, took a deep breath and lifted Oikawa's hand to kiss his knuckles. "I know. I just—"

Then Oikawa was kissing him. Iwaizumi was caught off-guard but he shifted and pulled Oikawa closer afterwards.

"I miss you," Oikawa whispered. "I'm sorry," he pleaded, kissing his neck. His lips stayed there.

"I know," Iwaizumi combed his hair gently. "I missed you, too, Tooru, god—"

The crack in Iwaizumi's voice sent shivers down Oikawa's spine. Then he was kissing him again, and whispering  _I miss you_ 's and  _I love you_ 's between their mouths. He didn't care, no. Oikawa would say  _I love you_  a million times to him over and over again. He wasn't scared anymore even if he wasn't able to say it back yet.

Because somehow, it was enough. Somehow,  _I love you_  was the way he tightened his grip around Oikawa, just to make him feel that he  _was_  terrified of ever letting go.  _I love you_  was the way he dragged his thumb over his lips, and the way Oikawa felt his damp cheeks.  _I love you_  was his feeling, his emotion and this unspoken and sacred oath shared and bonded through kisses and tears.

Somehow, it was enough. It should be enough. Because that's how it was. It's love.

Then, "I love you," Iwaizumi murmured.

And Oikawa just. He's dying. He's dying, and he knew it. But. There's no pain. This was bliss.

"You—" Oikawa's face crumpled in an effort to not break down upon those words.  _"Asshole—"_

And Iwaizumi laughed lowly. He pulled Oikawa closer. Closer, closer until there's no more space and they both can't breathe anymore. "I'm in love with you," he said again, his voice low and clear and firm. "I was about to say that before those bastards came. But then they just have to ruin our night."

Oikawa curled on his chest, an ear pressed against the other guy's heart. He shook his head, smiling. "It's not ruined," he said. "It's still perfect, somehow."

Iwaizumi kissed the top of his head. "Stay with me tonight, yeah?"

Oikawa smiled, closing his eyes. "Hmm," he hummed a reply, nodding his head sleepily. "Hmm."

 


	17. Harbour lights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [x](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GL1ns-_Uw5M) / [x](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aatr_2MstrI)

 

**CONVO VIA: SMS <LINE>**

**SIM ACCT OWNER: Oikawa Tooru**

**_05 November 20XX_ **

**_Thursday, 09:11 PM_ **

 

 **Boyfriend** ™: Oi

 

 **Boyfriend** ™: What time are you going to be done

 

 **Me** : for tonight?? umm

 

 **Me** : idk :---(

 

 **Boyfriend** ™: Why don't you know?

 

 **Me** : bec the new supposed director changed a whole new bunch of actors alsjaajajsssjshh

**Boyfriend** ™: Which means?

**Me** : :/

 

 **Me** : wc means new sequence of scenes and new edits (;´ຶДຶ `)

 

 **Boyfriend** ™: You're not the director anymore how come that’s still a big prob for you

 

 **Me** : bec iwa-chan

 

 **Me** : im now the editor waht the f*ck

 

 **Boyfriend** ™: I thought Yachi is helping you

 

 **Me** : she is

 

 **Me** : she's here actually

 

 **Me** : and kei-chan

 

 **Me** : but still

 

 **Me** : ;w;

 

 **Me** : anyways its okK

 

 **Me** : don worry abt me  (´▽｀)

 

 **Boyfriend** ™: What bldg are you guys in

 

 ✉      ✉      ✉

 

"Tooru," a voice broke Oikawa's reverie. He turned to look. It's Yachi. Oh. He had forgotten he was supposed to be working right now. He glanced down at his phone again, pursing a smile at his number one favorite distraction.

"I've finished layering the subtitles in those first scenes," Yachi sat down beside him, MacBook in one hand. The comfy office chair (the ones they sneaked out from the faculty in replacement of the bulky mono-blocks here in their org room) whined under her small weight. She plugged in an external hard drive in her Mac, her fingers tapping impatiently.

"Hm, ‘kay, thanks," Oikawa said, thumbing his iPhone. He heard Yachi sighed a bit dreamily.

"If that's not Iwaizumi-kun you're texting with that stupid, soppy grin on your face then I'm an ugly, green toad."

“You're an ugly, green toad, then.” Oikawa snorted, putting his phone away after replying Iwaizumi the building number and org room they’re in.

The girl scoffed. “Liar,” she muttered, “You’re lucky I like you or else I wouldn’t be here helping you with these.”

Oikawa pouted, looking offended as he got back to his own work. He fixed his glasses on his nose. “You know I don’t have many friends whom I can turn to.”

Yachi snorted again. “You have a _boyfriend_ ,” she pointed out, seemingly affronted. “Why do you even bother me and Kei-chan at this hour? It’s past nine, did you know that? And where’s Mattsun?”

Oikawa sighed loudly. “They don’t know a single stuff about filmmaking, the morons.” _Click, click, tack, tack,_ his keyboard and mouse sounded.

“And what about Tsukki?” Yachi threw a crumpled candy wrapper on the said guy’s face in front of them, who was currently absorbed in his own designated task. She earned a glare and a _tch_ from him, but he ignored her regardless, adjusting his headphones on his ears.

Oikawa’s eyebrows went up. “We have the same music taste. He arranges the scores for me,” he paused. “And besides, he’s free tonight. That’s a rare case, so.”

“That’s a much easier task! And more entertaining,” Yachi slitted her eyes.

“But darling,” Oikawa smiled sweetly at her. “I can’t settle with you and your Taylor Swift-centered music taste,”

Yachi snorted, looking a little miffed. “But anyway,” she segued, “You’re looking a little good these days.”

“I _always_ look good,”

“No, seriously,” Yachi giggled. “You know what I mean. I also noticed you’re already eating properly. Which is good, you know.” She paused. “And, uh. Tsukki might or might not have told me something about you and your hot stuff being official or—”

“You nosy kids—we’re not yet—er, official.” Oikawa mumbled. “And also,” he paused, kicking Tsukishima’s legs again. “What the hell are you playing at, you traitorous bastard, I told you we haven’t talked about it yet—”

Tsukishima irritably put his headphones down his neck. “Kick my shins one more time and I’ll kick your face—”

“It’s not Kei’s fault!” Yachi piped in, “But come on, Tooru. Spill some details—!”

“There’s nothing to spill what the hell—?”

It’s true. Well, half of it. It’s been a few days since The Disastrous Night at Minoue’s Arcade and also the night when Iwaizumi finally, finally voiced out his story and feelings about Oikawa. It’s not a very good night overall, given the fiasco Suzumo Jun and that Rika bitch caused for all of them but still, for Oikawa, the night still ended pretty much in his terms. They still haven’t talked about _it_ , yet. But somehow, things felt lighter. It’s seemed they’re just both waiting and anticipating for the right time to break the ice. Unlike the tension and angst they felt towards the subject before, now, it’s much easier. Oikawa can breathe; Oikawa felt truly and legitimately secured. It’s a bit silly but a wonderful feeling nonetheless. He’s become patient now because the insecurity was gone.

Also, looking back, that might’ve been the most memorable taxi ride he’ll ever have in his entire life. He didn’t want to recall all of it with Yachi and Tsukishima nearby in fear of losing his cool and looking flustered but wow. Just remembering the passing idea and those three words can make him blush any damn time. He can’t help it, all right. And Yachi and Tsukishima can fuck off. He’s blushing right now as they continuously bantered.

“—hate you! You said you’ll tell me everything right after!”

Oikawa snorted. “I never said anything about that and besides, you didn’t tell me before that you gave Waka my phone number—”

The girl gasped. “That was ages ago! You know I hated myself for that! And that is _so_ off the tangent!” Yachi whined and—

There was a knock. Then the entrance door slid open as a head poked in. For a second, Oikawa was expecting Iwaizumi with his glare but then a different face came into view.

“Uh, excuse me? But Megumi-senpai asked me to bring you these?”

The new guy has dark-colored hair. It might have been dyed, as his undercut was a hundred shades darker. His eyes were large and hooded and drooped slightly. Oikawa was a bit familiar of him, having always seen him around their set in the past few days. He was one of the prod/theatre-guys.

“Ah, Miya-kun!” Oikawa grinned, a bit disappointed inside but, whatever. “Come in, come in! What’s that you got?”

The guy called Miya stepped in the room, bringing a paper bag of Tokyo Blends. “Megumi-san said you and your friends will be needing these,” he said, smiling lightly.

Oikawa laughed, seeing the guy placed the paper bag on the table. “Well, yeah. We’re a bit behind the schedule. But these guys will be leaving a little later.” He said. “Tell Megumi I said thanks! Thank you as well,”

Miya smiled. Hm, this kid was also a charmer, Oikawa could tell. “No prob,” He shrugged. “Though I don’t know what would you guys like so I just bought three hot Cafe Misto and—”

“I _love_ Café Misto,” Yachi suddenly squeaked. When Oikawa looked, he almost snorted. Her ears were pink, her mouth quirked into a small smile. “I always order Café Misto in Starbucks,” she said. “You have good taste.”

“Oh,” Miya blinked. “But these are from Tokyo Blends—”

Yachi smiled shyly, reaching out to grab the steaming coffee. “It’s totally ok—”

Tsukishima beat her into getting his coffee first, long limbs and all. “I don’t like Café Misto,” he deadpanned. “But I have no choice.”

Oikawa chose to ignore this as he sipped his own coffee but Yachi kicked the blond’s shins. “Rude!” she said. Tsukishima didn’t say anything but he stared up at Miya.

“Ah,” Miya said apologetically yet he was still smiling. “I’m sorry about tha—”

“Have I seen you before?” Tsukishima said unexpectedly. Oikawa paused a finger on the enter key, looking at Tsukishima then at Miya. Did they know each other?

“Uh.” Miya shifted. “I’m sorry?”

Tsukishima stared. “It’s just.. I think I’ve seen you before?” He looked at Oikawa. “We’ve seen him before.”

Oikawa gaped. “Eh?” _We?_ “When?” He looked up at Miya. “Miya-kun. I’m bad with remembering names and faces. Have I seen you around before?”

“Like, aside from the set?” Miya asked.

 _“No,”_ Tsukishima interrupted. Oikawa frowned at him. “I mean, seriously, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen you before but—”

_Knock, knock._

Oikawa whipped his head around so fast to see who’s at the door. Then with a grin, his eyes shone with delight as he saw that face with the expectant scowl. “Iwa-chan!”

Oikawa didn’t notice but Miya imperceptibly went rigid. Tsukishima slitted his eyes.

“Hey,” Iwaizumi invited himself inside the room, his face relaxed, becoming passive.

“Hullo, Iwaizumi-kun,” Yachi greeted. “Came to send some moral support?”

Iwaizumi shrugged, sauntering towards them. “Something like that.” He stopped behind Oikawa’s chair, hand buried in his pockets. “Oi,”

Oikawa tilted his head up to its maximum stretch, then he smiled again, his face upside down. “Hello,” he said.

Yachi rolled her eyes at the background and Iwaizumi paused, but he grunted and reached down to pinch Oikawa’s nose. The gesture was supposed to be harsh and evasive but it came out as soppy as it was. Oikawa didn’t care. Like anything else unimportant nowadays, they can all fuck off.

“Ah,” Miya shifted uneasily from his spot, momentarily forgotten. “Oikawa-san, I think I should go now,” he smiled.

Oikawa looked at him. “Ah, oh. Okay. Thanks again for the coffee, Miya-kun!”

Miya bowed slightly, polite yet languid, and turned on his heel to exit the scene.

“Bye-bye, Miya-kun!” Yachi called out. Then when he was gone, she sighed. “I forgot to tell him my name.”

Tsukishima scoffed but he looked at Oikawa again. “I really think we’ve seen him before.”

Oikawa tilted his head slightly. _“We?”_

Tsukishima didn’t elaborate. He just shook his head and went back to his laptop.

“Who’s that guy?” Iwaizumi asked as he settled on as seat beside Oikawa. He didn’t sound so curious at all, just gruff. But Oikawa knew this guy. He _was_ curious.

He pursed a smile, shaking his head. “Just one of the theatre guys from the set. Miya Atsumu. He’s a good guy.”

“He’s cute,” Yachi said thoughtfully. “Those eyes…”

Tsukishima and Yachi stayed later than promised but around eleven, Yachi knocked off her half-a-Venti of Café Misto (which, apparently, she didn’t like at all) on the table. The contents were almost spilled on their MacBook and Oikawa decided that was their cue to go home.

Oikawa stayed behind with Iwaizumi, his hard drives full of half-finished layered scenes.

Yachi had winked at Oikawa before entirely leaving, insinuating _something_. He understood, okay. But he didn’t think anything steamy will happen right now even with Iwaizumi together in a cold, dark room. Not when his to-do-tasks were still piled up higher than the Tokyo Tower.

And he was right, a little gratefully so. Iwaizumi didn’t even try to distract him. He seemed to understand the situation so he mostly he just sat there, watching him continue his work. Sometimes he’d conjure a little chat just to break the silence but mainly, he looked contented with the silence.

“Your favorite film,” Iwaizumi suddenly said against the dark room. He’s lounging now on an old red couch in the right corner of the room, watching the blurry scraps of video clips Oikawa was flashing on the projector. “It’s Titanic, isn’t it?”

Oikawa smiled, staring ahead at a particular scene. He was standing, arms leaning on the table as he surveyed Yachi’s work in front of him; it’s quite impressive. “How’d you come up with that?”

He saw Iwaizumi shrugged in his peripheral vision. “We played First Thing before, remember?”

Oikawa faintly blushed at the memory, gnawing the skin of his lip.

Iwaizumi continued, unfazed. “When I’d said film, the first thing that came up to your mind was Titanic.”

Slowly, Oikawa rubbed his tired eyes behind his glasses, hiding a smile. Well, he loved Titanic as much as any theatre-loving gay dude but, “Mm,” He shook his head slowly. “It’s not.”

The other guy shifted in his seat. “Then what is it?”

Oikawa hummed. “I’ve got lots but. I think it’s Star Gate. Or Star Wars.”

There was a pause. Then he heard Iwaizumi snorted.

“Why?” Oikawa said a little defensively.

“I don’t know it’s just.. It’s been so long since we first texted and met and each other. I almost forgotten you’re insane about space shit and stuff.”

It’s Oikawa’s turn to snort. “Space shit and stuff, huh.” he shook his head slowly. “If I remembered correctly, you said I’m cool because I like space shit and stuff.”

“Well, yeah,” Iwaizumi conceded. “It’s kinda cool. I also find it cute. Your eyes always have this.. kind of sparkle when you talk about space shit and stuff, you know? Your face fucking glows. It’s beautiful.”

It’s one-fifteen in the morning and the room was dark. Two seconds ago, he was sure that it’s a new moon tonight but when Oikawa shifted to look directly at Iwaizumi, he was surprised to see that the guy’s face was bathed in pale moonlight and shadows. Dark silhouettes twisted and curled on his arms, on his neck. His face was casted in white and grey and black stripes. And he was staring back at him already, lounging and all, albeit a bit sleepily.

His whole image was dark. Somehow, it reminded Oikawa of a scene in a noir film: dark, grunge and cynic. But then again, this _was_ Iwaizumi Hajime. And that fact plus his genuine words alone made all the difference in the world.

_Your face fucking glows. It’s beautiful._

Forget about being reminded of an ominous, grungy, monochromatic scene. Oikawa was seeing the fucking aurora borealis.

He’s fast, athletic agility and all. In a few seconds, he was off the edge of the table and was already marching towards Iwaizumi, his chest full of warmth and nerves.

He placed both of his palms on each side of the couch’s armrests, and with little-to-no purpose at all, leaned down to meet Iwaizumi’s unsuspecting mouth.

Oikawa didn’t always initiate such moves, and if he did, he was sure the moment will continue to a different and steamy scenario.

But it’s somehow different now, because the kiss was nothing if not chaste and sweet. Their lips lingered, hungry, but Oikawa managed to pull an inch away, taking a few breaths.

“You have things to do,” Iwaizumi said lowly. And Oikawa gripped the armrests tightly, feeling the guy’s knuckles beneath him skimmed the skin of his cheekbones.

He half-closed his eyes. “I know,” _God, I know._

“I’m sorry,” Iwaizumi breathed against the air hovering between their mouths, mild amusement laced in his voice. “I shouldn’t be distracting you right n—”

“I told Yachi and Kei-chan you’re finally mine.”

It slipped.

The words slipped, and he can’t take it back now. But no, he didn’t want to anyway.

He could feel Iwaizumi lashes against his cheek. Then, “I’m already yours, since, a lifetime ago. If anything, I feel stupid for wasting time before I come around.”

Oikawa didn’t know how he could still be breathing and standing right now. His innards, heart and brain and lungs included, have long exploded. He paused, though, composing himself. “So.. does this mean…?”

Slowly and gingerly, Iwaizumi straightened up in his seat. He shifted his body so Oikawa was now sitting across his lap. “I’m Iwaizumi Hajime,” he said, smiling slightly. “And I’m head over heels in love with a guy named Oikawa Tooru since God knows when but I’m pretty sure it was fucking ages ago. I don’t know how the hell it happened, considering the guy is a conceited brat but I don’t care anymore. I just know I’m crazy about him and I promise I’ll never break his heart nor ever let him go.” He paused. “And I was wondering if, you know, he has some spare time to notice a guy like me, so I can take him out on dates and maybe call him my boyfriend after a few.”

Oikawa could feel the tears coming. He was not made for this kind of confessions after all. Whether he’s ready or not to admit it, Oikawa Tooru _was_ a crybaby. But he pushed past his tightening throat and shaking hands, and with quite a few nods and sniffles, he managed to croak, “I think the Grand King would want to make some schedule arrangements just to make room for you and your massive forehead.”

Iwaizumi laughed lowly. “Is that a yes?”

“Yes,” Oikawa answered. “It’s always a yes for you, Hajime.”

He didn’t see his face but he felt his sigh of satisfaction when Iwaizumi wrapped his hands around him so tightly and Oikawa sighed as well, burying his face on the place where his lover’s heart beat while an unfinished film was playing lowly behind them.

 


	18. Of first dates and impromptu drives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter playlists; [side A](https://open.spotify.com/user/ellesanmiguel/playlist/0ovk2qt7RL78TZu9dWAXL0), [side B](https://open.spotify.com/user/ellesanmiguel/playlist/0etMlimY3bslzbmCEReCSY)

 

" **YOU KNOW WHAT** , Iwa-chan, one would have really thought that a full-grown twenty-one year old man like me will never ever shed a tear over this movie."

Iwaizumi was busy making a dish out of some fancy steak and rice when he started hearing Oikawa commenting from his couch. He didn't reply and just busied himself with cutting the vegetables and some more side dishes that will go along with his special menu for tonight. He rolled his eyes though, taking the advantage of being unseen while his back was turned.

"I mean," Oikawa continued, his voice sounding loud and petulant, wanting to make a point, "I've already watched this for the fifth time and I think I can already go on the sixth without the subtitles running but," he paused, heaving a sigh. "I really don't think I can give Woody and Buzz away just like that."

"He's a grown-up," Iwaizumi murmured lowly to the tomatoes but Oikawa caught it anyway.

"Well, me too!" Oikawa said and without seeing him, Iwaizumi knew his nose was already high up again in the air, looking childishly haughty.

He silently smiled while washing the lettuce next with tap water, but he didn't offer a reply again and just merely shrugged.

In the back of his mind though, Iwaizumi kind of refused. About Oikawa being a grown-up and all. The guy just cried over Toy Story 3 and okay, Iwaizumi thought it was a bit sad and he kind of felt this twinge of emotion inside him but nope, he was the  _real_  grown-up here. So, no tears. At all.

But truth be told, Oikawa was as matured and smart as he claimed to be, no matter how conceited and frisky he looked, especially to outsiders. His feelings just ran him mostly, that's why he could be so fragile and immature sometimes. He knew this inside fact since the beginning, back when they were still only texting each other in LINE. At first it was surprising. Then it became confusing. Then the feeling turned to excitement, to anticipation, and then to unconscious fascination of the brat himself. It's a whirlwind of emotions but he's glad. He couldn't imagine it any other way.

And now they're here. And he's cooking dinner in his kitchenette while Oikawa was watching the TV. Iwaizumi's space was a bit cramped, like all other student apartments around the area but somehow, they made it work. They always made everything work, even with their bumping and overlapping University schedules and all. Even with their extra-curricular activities breathing down their necks, wanting more time and attention. And even with the Christmas season just around the corner and their families kept reminding them to go home as soon as possible for the winter hols. Even if it meant another month-long separation and added anxiety for the both of them.

Okay. Iwaizumi might or might not be feeling anxious over the fact that he and Oikawa would have to stop seeing each other although temporarily for Christmas break. Oikawa was giving him an unnatural feeling and he was sure it can be unhealthy but, godammit. One reassuring look over his shoulder to make sure the guy was still in his couch and this was not a dream or some kind of hallucination at all was enough to make him think that maybe, having such brain disorders if that really was it was not so bad anyway. Then he'd feel shitty about himself and think that his thoughts were being more harebrained and selfish than usual but then Oikawa will call his name and  _agh_ , son of a bitch. No one told him it's difficult to fall this deep in love.

"Iwa-chan!" Oikawa was saying, his body splayed lazily on the couch, "What's taking you so long? You need to feed me now!"

"Shut the fuck up, you're not the one cooking!"

Nothing changed, thankfully. Well, aside from that glorious feeling constantly residing now in his chest ever since they became official a week ago. Oikawa still wasn't living with him. Iwaizumi had asked though, and to his surprise, Oikawa declined, though he assured him that it's not because he didn't want to but because he actually realized that the one who's not yet ready for that was himself.

"I'd like to," Oikawa had explained to him a few nights ago while they're having some dinner again at Sato's. "But..after all, there are a lot more things to settle for that. And right now, I'm not yet ready. Besides," he grinned. "What would happen with Kei-chan? I need to find him a girlfriend first."

Iwaizumi had frowned. "I thought he's gay?"

Oikawa stared. "Well. No one knows. But d'you think he can keep his hands to himself when I'm his dormmate  _and_  he's gay? I don't think so. Don't look down on my charm, Iwa-chan!"

And "Asshole," he had said blithely, rolling his eyes.

The point was, Iwaizumi was happy. Not because Oikawa declined his offer but because the issue was already not so much of a big deal anymore and Oikawa was actually becoming more and more sensible and levelheaded than before. They're really growing-up together. It made sense and it felt nice. He will make Oikawa move in with him, though, he had promised to himself secretly. Someday.

But he had other ideas right now. And it seemed silly and childish of him but he hasn't taken Oikawa out on a real date yet so this could be a bit reasonable just for tonight.

Thirty-minutes later, when he was done wiping out and prepping the small rectangular kitchen table, he proceeded to look for a perfectly good handkerchief inside his dresser. When he suddenly put it in front of Oikawa's eyes from behind the couch, the guy went rigid for a second before a slow smile broke on his face.

"Oh, damn," Oikawa said, still smiling blindly. "You are so not doing this right now."

"I am so already doing it now," Iwaizumi calmly replied, leading his boyfriend towards the small table.

"Christ," Oikawa said, "It's not something kinky is it? Because I'd really prefer to eat first before we do more, er, strenuous activities for ton—"

"Can you just shut your mouth first?" Iwaizumi said scathingly, but his face was already heating up. Maybe he should've thought about this more. After all, this was a bit too much, was it? Like, it's not  _that_  much, money-wise, yeah, but for his personality, it seemed to be too sweet and soppy. But was it? When he chose to be with Oikawa, he kept discovering some parts of himself that he didn't know before. He even suspected a brain disorder and he was in the verge of thinking that that's perfectly okay for the sake of being with the guy so, he didn't know already what was rational and irrational of him.

When he let the blindfold fall from Oikawa's eyes, Iwaizumi pursed his lips. He fidgeted, waiting for Oikawa's reaction.

The brat was silent though. His mouth was opened slightly as he was staring at the fancy dishes prepared in front of him. It's not really that much but you could see the effort in the way the wine goblets, bouquet of sunflowers, candles and fancy cutleries were laid out before them. There was even a bottle of good old champagne near the sink, so you couldn't deny the feat. Then with a subtle push of Iwaizumi's thumb on his phone (which was currently connected via Bluetooth with one of his old-but-still-working speakers), a slow beat began to sound from somewhere. Iwaizumi bit his lip, waiting.

Oikawa was still not saying anything. His eyes were focused on the bouquet of sunflowers.

"Well," Iwaizumi cleared his throat. "It's not, like, you know. It's not that much, but. With our classes and all, I couldn't find a way to take you out on some fancy restaurant downtown. And well, this is cheaper," He paused, then when he realized what he had said he added quickly, "Not that I don't want to, you know, uh, spend so much money for you but I just thought you'd appreciate this more and— _argh_ —that's not right. I mean, I'm sorry, what I mean to say is—"

Iwaizumi thought he already ruined it because with his mouth and rotten luck, he could ruin everything.

Not this time, it seemed. Because there was a greater percent of chance that Oikawa didn't hear everything he just said for the past minute because one second, Iwaizumi was stammering like an idiot, then the next, he was already stumbling back, having Oikawa unexpectedly jumped in his arms.

Iwaizumi planted his lips on Oikawa's shoulder, smiling, "So.. I take it you liked it?"

He felt him sighed deeply against his neck, and Iwaizumi rubbed a palm on his brown hair. "I really fucking hate you, Iwa-chan,"

He chuckled. "I love you, too, Trashkawa."

And it's surprising, really. How casual and easy and genuine it sounded. He looked calm but Iwaizumi didn't think he'd get used to that constant thrum of  _something_  inside him when they were both so open like this. He could almost see Makki and Bokuto rolling his eyes at them because,  _huh_. Took them long enough.

It's quite an interesting night. When Oikawa recovered, he can't keep his fist away from his mouth. His ears were pink and he still looked a bit shaken. Maybe that's a good thing, then.

The food was fine. Really fine, as expected of him, even if the cuisine was odd compared to their usual meal of white rice and raw meat. Their little conversations over the light champagne were also easy and not awkward at all, just like their bantering everyday. And Oikawa was so giddy about the sunflowers he kept sniffing it until he sneezed.

"You fucking idiot. Just put those down and finish your food first!"

"Hey, you gave it to me so this is mine now. I can do whatever I want with it!"

Idiot. A really big idiot was what Iwaizumi got for a boyfriend. But he's not complaining.

"But you know what," Oikawa said again after some few sips of champagne. "You still need to take me on a real date. I mean, this is really, really,  _really_  nice and sweet, Iwa-chan. But don't you want to see me in fancy clothes when you take me out in a fancy date in a fancy restaurant?"

Iwaizumi blinked. "I know." He simply said. "I just did this to compensate because I told you I'll take you out on real dates but we can't seem to find time in between our schedule. But I'll take you out for real, I promise."

For a moment, Oikawa seemed taken aback. He blinked twice, not saying a thing.

"What?" Iwaizumi frowned.

"Wow," Oikawa breathed. "Are you serious? Because I was just kidding. I didn't know..."

Iwaizumi cocked his head, "Well, boyfriends take their boyfriends out for a date, right?" Oikawa slowly nodded. "Also, this  _is_  nice. I've never planned something like this before; all we do was watch movies and eat sushi but nothing more so I didn't know it could be this nice." He paused. "Say, what do you want to do in our first date?"

There was a pause, and Oikawa held his hands and the bouquet of flowers in front of him again to cover his face.

"Oi, what the hell, I told you not to smell those—"

"I wasn't smelling it, Iwa— _choo—_!"

After eating dinner, they continued watching Disney animated movies, both of them lounging on the couch, the bottle of champagne sitting on the coffee table in front of them. It was a blurry and hazy night past that point. Maybe because of the fuzz of alcohol, but maybe mostly because of Oikawa's rough yet soft and slow hands skimming Iwaizumi's face halfway the movie. They made out messily for a few minutes, but the couch was getting a bit uncomfortable so Iwaizumi pulled Oikawa in his bedroom, already half-naked and stumbling.

It was midnight when they finished, and Iwaizumi ended up sprawled on the bed with Oikawa, the brat's cheek laying on his chest.

He shifted ever so slightly, reluctantly moving Oikawa off him so he can sit upright, reaching out to take his pack of stale cigarettes and some lighter inside his bedside drawer. Smoking was only some sort of a stress-reliever before but then he had smoked so much the past month considering all the stressful mishaps that had happened, so now it just became a habit, even when he knew he didn't really need it anymore.

He was about to light the stick trapped between his lips when Oikawa spoke groggily against the pillows, his eyes still closed.

"Something fun," he mumbled faintly. "Something fun and exciting."

Iwaizumi looked down at his naked back, his disheveled hair and the mess of blankets covering their waists down.

"Our first date together," he mumbled again almost incoherently, his voice laced thickly with sleep. "Doesn't need to cost anything at all. Just want it to be fun and just the two of us. Like a road trip or picnic or something,"

Iwaizumi didn't reply immediately. He stared down at his lighter, the Marlboro stick still hanging from his lips. Then slowly, he took it out of his mouth and placed it back inside the drawer with the lighter. When he bent down to skim his mouth against Oikawa's bare shoulder blades, Iwaizumi whispered softly, "You'll never cease to surprise me. Did you know that?"

And he was sure Oikawa smiled a bit, eyes still shut, mumbling back an "I know," before Iwaizumi kissed the top of his head and flopped back down the bed beside him.

 

**✖**

 

Days passed by quite uneventfully so.

Because of being hands-on with their program requirements, Iwaizumi found it hard to find free time again to plan another "casual date". He was still busy with his thesis and Oikawa with his own subjects and as they were all aware of, Christmas break was really nearing which meant the second semester was also coming to a midpoint crisis. You can feel it around the air, not only for Iwaizumi and Oikawa themselves. Even Bokuto and Kuroo, who were the most lax among them were rarely to be seen goofing around anymore these days, given that University was on the roll indeed.

They can't even make proper text conversations anymore because at night, Oikawa was busy with editing and reviews and at day, Iwaizumi was in the labs. They once tried to hold a phone call before Oikawa went to bed one night and he just ended up sleeping on him with his soft snores audible for Iwaizumi to hear on the other line. Eventually, they gave up. It's not that they didn't understand the situation; they did, but sometimes, it's just hard. Especially when practically 24/7, you were mixing exploding chemicals and shit but all you wanted to do was watch crappy TV with Oikawa Tooru.

Iwaizumi would sometimes see him around, at least. But their luck was sparse; and mostly, Oikawa was accompanied with unfamiliar people. It's not that Iwaizumi was shy but the guy needed his personal space and so was he. He just missed him was all. And he was one damned man if he can't admit that to himself now.

Sometimes, Iwaizumi wondered what the hell happened to him. Or what the fuck actually went wrong. If you told him ten months ago that he would fall in love so hard with that handsome setter guy from the University Volleyball team, Iwaizumi will surely punch you straight on. He didn't like people messing with his personal and private life, much more in his relationships and affairs; plus, if he was being completely honest, Oikawa Tooru was everything his past self actually disliked and cannot tolerate.

Oozing with conceit, appeal, and confidence, Oikawa Tooru was a complete package. A petulant brat with many shitty health issues despite being physically athletic and all. He might be a slightly pretentious college hippie who liked space shit and stuffs and okay, his taste of music might be the only redeeming quality he has but aside from that, he was just an overgrown kid in an adolescent man's skin.

Iwaizumi had hated immaturity and Oikawa Tooru was as juvenile as one could be when you first met them.

He knew this but still. He didn't know what went wrong. What made him decide to get past that façade of smirks and immaturity and to actually get to know the guy? How the hell did he come to adore that smug smile? How the hell did he come to tolerate that ridiculous voice every time they talked? How the hell did he become so immune in all his moronic remarks and sometimes selfish judgment? How the hell did he come to accept all of those thoroughly and whole-heartedly?

Maybe Oikawa was a fucking vermin. Who weaseled his way into Iwaizumi's heart.

God, sometimes Iwaizumi's thoughts made him want to set himself on fire.

 

 

 

**TŌRU OIKAWA @** tōru_oikw • 12 Nov

DONE FOR TONIGHT AHHHHH

i think i want some sleep now but i heard theres a meteor shower tonite? or am i late with this news? :~(

pictwitter.com/KlhLhgjgfdk

**[ 9 RT's | 12 ❤ ]**

**|**

**Aisaka Yumi @** aisakayumi2701 • 12 Nov

**@tōru_oikw**  Senpai no ur not late yet we will see the meteorshower before 12! But pls get some rest !

**[ 0 RT's | 1 ❤ ]**

**|**

**TŌRU OIKAWA @** tōru_oikw • 12 Nov

**@aisakayumi2701** ahhh thanks ! (*^ω^*)

Im a happy kid now ! Maybe ill sleep for tonight, im beat (=´∀｀) and no one to see the meteor shower with :-( everyone's busy !

Ill pray I can still see it in my sleep! Whoever i am with in my dreams, ill marry and love forever ❤ goodnight!

**[ 19 RT's | 160 ❤ ]**

 

 

It was past ten-thirty in the evening when Iwaizumi received the notification. He stared at the tweet and the ridiculous amount of likes and retweets, contemplating whether he should tap the heart button himself. He decided against it in the end but a sudden jolt of idea struck him.

 

 

 

**CONVO VIA: SMS LINE**

**SIM ACCT OWNER:**   **Iwaizumi Hajime**

 

_**12 November 20XX** _

_**Wednesday, 10:45 PM** _

 

**Me** : Are you going to sleep

 

**Me** : Don't reply if you're about to sleep

 

**TOORU** : i want to need to supposed to sleep

 

**TOORU** : but ugh i cant :~(

 

**TOORU** : im drinkin hot choc it helps sometimes lol

 

**TOORU** : hby?

 

**TOORU** : iwa-chan?

 

**TOORU** :

 

* * *

* * *

 

 

**CONVO VIA: SMS LINE**

**SIM ACCT OWNER: Iwaizumi Hajime**

 

_**12 November 20XX** _

_**Wednesday, 10:55 PM** _

 

**Me** : Kuroo, are you home

 

**Me** : Dude

 

**KUROO** : Yo Iwa. Im not home

 

**Me** : Where the fuck are you

 

**KUROO** : I'm over kenma's why what's the prob ?

 

**Me** : Kenma? Much better, just a few blocks away

 

**KUROO** : What do you mean

 

**Me** : Can I borrow your truck

 

**KUROO** : What

 

**KUROO** : I mean sure but its late is there an emergency ? Is everything ok?

 

**Me** : Yeah

 

**Me** : Everything's fine

 

**Me** : I just have a date

 

**KUROO** :

 

**KUROO** : Waht? Right now?

 

**Me** : Be there in 10

 

* * *

* * *

 

 

**CONVO VIA: SMS LINE**

**SIM ACCT OWNER: Iwaizumi Hajime**

 

_**12 November 20XX** _

_**Wednesday, 11:20PM** _

 

**Me** : Tooru

 

**Me** :

 

**Me** : Are you asleep?

 

**Me** : Don't reply if you're about to sleep now

 

**Me** : But

 

**Me** : If you're still awake,

 

**Me** : I'm outside your dorm building

 

 

 

There was no reply. But after a minute or two, Iwaizumi saw Oikawa's figure—already in his alien-head jammies, his furry slippers mismatched—pushing open the glass double doors of the front lobby of their complex.

For a minute, Oikawa just stared at him from across the street, flushed and shivering from the cold. It was almost 11:30 PM, so the area was almost deserted saved from some stray cats wandering around the streets.

Iwaizumi didn't catch his words but his mouth seemed to form  _What the..._

He bit back a smirk, standing and leaning languidly against Kuroo's Chevy, his arms folded across his chest. "Should've put more layers, dumbass. It's freezing,"

Oikawa blinked, then he covered the space between them, confusion becoming vivid in his face. "Iwa-chan." He started. "What are you doin—"

Moving swiftly, Iwaizumi grabbed a thick, black woolen jacket from the driver's seat and threw it to Oikawa chest. The guy stared at it, frowning.

"I should've told you to wear some shoes, yeah?" Iwaizumi pointed out, shaking his head. "Or at least to put the right match on. You're not that excited to see me are you?" He led Oikawa on the passenger seat and opened the door for him.

Oikawa stared, not moving further. "What the—? Where the hell are you taking me? This  _is_  kidnap."

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, and then he left the passenger door open before walking around the truck to climb in the driver's seat. Oikawa still hasn't moved. "Tooru, just get in the car, it's cold."

"This is kidnap." Oikawa repeated.

Iwaizumi's left eye ticked. How thick can his boyfriend get, seriously? "This isn't kidnap; this is an impromptu date. So if you could just please get your ass inside—"

There were no more explanations. Within seconds, Oikawa was settled in the passenger seat, grinning and glowing like the fucker he was. It was almost silly, because Iwaizumi actually found himself someone who can be so genuinely enthusiastic about winter night drives and impromptu dates. This guy might have the entire galaxy as his heart and soul. He'd never met anyone who has a galaxy for a soul; Iwaizumi was pretty sure he can never find anyone alike, though. And it seemed fitting, after all.

Oikawa was ecstatic. "You're a sneaky bastard!" He grinned. "How come you're allowed to be a sneaky, romantic bastard?!"

Iwaizumi was already pulling on the driveway as he fired back. "Well someone has to accept the title since you're already The Conceited One."

Oikawa threw his head back, laughing. "Oh my God. You are so shameless. I can't believe this. I have AM classes tomorrow, just so you know."

"I know, don't worry."

"But seriously, where are you taking me?" Oikawa asked curiously.

Iwaizumi pushed his tongue on his inside cheek. Then, "Well, I saw your latest tweet. And, I don't know, it was impulsive of me, maybe. But I just thought it would be nice." He paused. Oikawa didn't say anything so he continued. "And I remembered you saying you want our first date to be fun, and maybe this is fun? I don't know. But I just want to see you tonight."

When Oikawa still didn't reply, Iwaizumi glanced over. He was smiling against a fist, an elbow propped against the car window. "So this is a date, then?"

Iwaizumi shrugged. Then he one-handedly rummaged a 7-11 canned coffee from the dashboard, throwing it at Oikawa again. "Minus the fancy everything, yeah. This  _is_  a date."

"Hm." Oikawa opened the coffee with a  _cluck_. "I see. So you want to be the one to marry me, then?"

Green light. "What," Iwaizumi said.

"That's what I tweeted," Oikawa smiled too sweetly. "You know."

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

Oikawa threw his head back, laughing. "Thank you. I love you," Then he reached out to thread their fingers together.

He didn't know how it became possible but somehow, every time Iwaizumi would glance directly at Oikawa's brown eyes, it wasn't their fond memories that would come to his mind. Somehow, the images that would surge in his head haven't happened yet. They're no memories, all right; they're future images. Dreams and possibly, premonitions.

He knew it because those pictures were only made by him. Only made and desired and dreamt and craved by him. Their future together. Their incoming memories and fate.

He saw Oikawa and himself very much like the scene ongoing between them right now. Only, it was summer, and Oikawa was wearing a pair of dark-tinted sunglasses instead of his low-graded ones. He was wearing some kind of shawl, and there was his massive camera slung around his neck. He was snapping a few photos of the landscape outside; sunny villages and trees and dirt roads, but mostly, he was taking pictures of Iwaizumi himself. He was furious, because he never liked being photographed, and he's driving, so it's distracting him. But Oikawa went on, clicking and snapping his camera like a jubilant child.

It was a nice dream. And Iwaizumi wanted to make it a memory.

So right then, Iwaizumi looked at Oikawa. "I love you," he said back. And it felt nice. Hot and electric in his chest, but nice nonetheless.

Oikawa's face broke out into a smile and right that moment, Iwaizumi found it hard to focus on the road. He knew he shouldn't be thinking aesthetic and artistic thoughts like these because everybody knew he's not The Artistic One between them but, God. How can Oikawa's smiling face look glorious and kaleidoscopic and still so, so human all at once?

All of a sudden, Iwaizumi felt it. The thrum and overflowing electricity again. It sat between his bones. In the pit of his stomach. At the pads of his fingertips. That nagging mystery. How? Why?  _Why was he being this way?_  He felt the question as they suddenly came to a halt and Oikawa blinked and began to look around and realized that this place was familiar.

"Wha.. why..?" Oikawa's words died in his lips when suddenly, the dimly lit sky was illuminated. They both looked ahead and saw a soft starburst of falling diamonds above. They're just on time, then. Brilliant.

Iwaizumi's eyes never left Oikawa's face. He just smiled and shook his head as he followed the guy when he slowly and unconsciously moved to get out the car, stepping forward and watching the meteor shower on the black canvas of the night.

It was a mesmerizing sight; the river water below reflecting the serene colors. They were standing by the same river again where Oikawa once fell to save his beloved camera, which led to Iwaizumi saving his ass. That was ages ago but still, the images were fresh in Iwaizumi's bank of memories. And hey, he might be a genius for thinking this place was perfect to watch this meteor shower tonight. And yeah. He was a genius. Because Oikawa's face was so, so worth it.

Then suddenly, he knew. Suddenly, everything clicked.

Iwaizumi knew already. Why he was being this way.

Well, not exactly. But somehow, he's got this sure and absolute feeling.

This feeling of not caring whether Oikawa was a twelve or nine or six-year-old kid wearing a grown man's skin because he might've thought once that Oikawa was not just a boy or a kid or a grown man. That maybe he was once a heavenly body or an ethereal being, and that he went on and on forever and this lifetime was just a stop in his way.

This feeling that sometimes he just knew that he'll never deserve this kind of good luck for stealing a heavenly body's heart because Iwaizumi was one fucked-up man. But he's still not willing to let him go because he was never the good-hearted one and because he felt like, he was being a step closer to that person he wanted to be when he's with him.

This feeling of being stuck in the same memory over and over again because you wanted to preserve it forever. This feeling that it's already midnight and Oikawa Tooru was all he ever wanted in his life.

Oikawa had tears in his eyes when he looked at Iwaizumi. Maybe he was so overwhelmed, that's why he's crying. It was a spectacular show, after all. But for Iwaizumi, what's more spectacular and beautiful was this boy standing beside him—tears, snot, alien-head jammies and all.

"You're not watching it, Iwa-chan! Look up!" Oikawa said.

Iwaizumi glanced up momentarily but he tore his gaze away from the falling stars almost immediately.

"I'm good," he smirked. And he's good, really. Happy and contented as he stepped closer to his own and personal galaxy, feeling the entire world's luck and glory.

 


	19. So bad.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [♬](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=O4FwSanaAwA)

 

**CONVO VIA: SMS <LINE>**

**SIM ACCT OWNER: Oikawa Tooru**

 

**_December 25, 20XX_ **

**_Saturday, 10:18 AM_ **

**Suga-chan❄:** Merry Christmas!!!!

**Suga-chan❄:** <ATTACHMENT: 1 PHOTO>

 

 **Me:** hah sweet ugh

 

 **Me:** merry christmas to you and dai-chan  <3

 

 **Me:** but wait u didn go home for the holidays??

 

 **Suga-chan❄:** I’m working for a bit on holidays :-(

**Suga-chan❄:** The café n the arcade are always full this season

**Suga-chan❄:** It’s surprising saeko-san didn’t fire me

 

 **Suga-chan❄:** So I need to show my gratitude

 

 **Me:** wtf ur such a??

 

 **Me:** but hey at least ur w your bf this xmas

**Me:** and yea i told you Saeko-neesan wont fire you just like that

**Me:** she can be a bitch but she’s cool lol don be surprised!!

 

 **Me:** anyway im a busy man so shoo

 

 **Suga-chan❄:** Hahha! Ok….

**Suga-chan❄:** Enjoy the holidays! See u very soon

 

 

* * *

 

**CONVO VIA: SMS <LINE>**

**SIM ACCT OWNER: Oikawa Tooru**

**_December 25, 20XX_ **

**_Saturday, 11:32 AM_ **

**Mattsun✔:** Yo downtown tonite after dinner?

**Me:** hell yeaaaa

 

 **Me:** mayu and takeru wanna tag along

 

 **Mattsun✔:** Sure just tell your dad and neesan tho

**Me:** theyre not 3 y/os lmao

**Mattsun✔:** just let them know oikawa

 

 **Me:** ok ok wil do pfft

* * *

 

**CONVO VIA: SMS <LINE>**

**SIM ACCT OWNER: Oikawa Tooru**

**_December 25, 20XX_ **

**_Saturday, 11:39 AM_ **

**Me:** Kei-chan merry xmas!!

**Me:** look were gonna make strawberry shortcake japanese xmas edition tonighttt

**Me:** <ATTACHMENT: 1 PHOTO>

**Kei-chan:** <ATTACHMENT: 1 PHOTO>

**Me:** <ATTACHMENT: 1 PHOTO>

**Me:** is that yachi

**Me:** whos the freckled kid?

**Kei-chan:** one of my classmates

**Me:** ooh

**Me:** why are u all together w a new friend im missing out I h8 u!!!!

**Kei-chan:** I feel like im third wheeling here tbh

 

 **Me** :

**Me:** oooooooooh

**Me:** heh heh I need to tease yachi abt this lmao

**Me:** anyway have a merry xmas kei-chan i miss u alllllllll

 

 **Kei-chan:** Merry xmas too, tooru. yachi says hi and she doesn’t miss u

 

 **Me:** ( ~ ^  3 ^)  ~  

 

 

* * *

 

**CONVO VIA: FACEBOOK <FB_MSSNGR>**

**PROFILE ACCT OWNER: Iwaizumi Hajime**

**GROUP CHAT NAME: ❀** MOTHERFUCKERZ **❀**

**GROUP CHAT MEMBERS:**

_⊙ Akaashi Keiji_

_⊙ Bokuto Koutarou_

_⊙ Haiba Lev_

_⊙ Hanamaki Takahiro_

_⊙ Iwaizumi Hajime_

_⊙ Kozume Kenma_

_⊙ Kuroo Tetsurou_

**_December 25, 20XX_ **

**_Saturday, 2:20 PM_ **

**Bokuto_Koutarou:** MERRY FUCKINJH CHRISTMAS MOTHERFUICKERS

 

_Bokuto Koutarou sent 6 images to MOTHERFUCKERZ._

_Haiba Lev sent a gif to MOTHERFUCKERZ._

**Haiba_Lev:** Happy christmas!

**Hanamaki_Takahiro:** isn’t it /meri/ xmas tho

**Haiba_Lev:** Yes but Im russian

**Hanamaki_Takahiro:** yes but ur in japan

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** and happy xmas isn’t even russian that’s so british duh

 

 **Bokuto_Koutarou:** How’dyoui know that makki

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** everybody knows that Bokuto

 

 **Haiba_Lev:** I was born in russia!!!

**Hanamaki_Takahiro:** yeah but u dont actually speak russiam can you????

**Kozume_Kenma:** jesus christ what is this nonsense

 

 **Akaashi_Keiji:** I dont know either

 

 **Akaashi_Keiji:** Anyway everyone’s online what are you all doin today

 

_Kuroo Tetsurou sent 2 images to MOTHEFUCKERZ._

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** ur at kenma’s??????

 

_Kuroo Tetsurou sent 4  images to MOTHEFUCKERZ._

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** uhhhhg im jealous issei lives fucking miles away

 

 **Akaashi_Keiji:** You can come over makki it would be just me and bokuto-san at my place

 

 **Akaashi_Keiji:** We can order kfc and some asahi beer

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** HEH tempting but no thanks, akaashi

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** you cant do ur raunchy business if im there

 

 **Bokuto_Koutarou:** Hehehjjjehehe

 

 **Bokuto_Koutarou:** Yourew right makki

 

 **Akaashi_Keiji:** No he isn’t

**Akaashi_Keiji:** We arent planning 2 do any raunchy business at all

 

**Bokuto_Koutarou:**

**Bokuto_Koutarou:** Were not?

 

 **Akaashi_Keiji:** Were not

 

_Bokuto Koutarou sent a gif to MOTHERFUCKERZ._

 

 **Bokuto_Koutarou:** But XMASD IS FOR COUPLES KEIJI

 

 **Bokuto_Koutarou:** WE SHOOULD YOIU KNOW

 

 **Kozume_Kenma:** can you not

 

 **Kozume_Kenma:** not here pls

 

 **Bokuto_Koutarou:** Pffft for all we knoe Kuroo and you are even worse than us hejeje

 

 **Haiba_Lev:** KASDHJKAFHKJDSGH can everybody stop talking about sex

 

 **Haiba_Lev:** Its Christmas!!!

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** why lev are you having a very /hard/ time bec of this??

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** hehehehhehehe

 

 **Haiba_Lev:** Haha very funny

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** HAHAHAJ

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** but srsly tho have a merry christmas everybody, i hope everyones enjoying today

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** except me I guess lol

**Hanamaki_Takahiro:** gonna watch crappy christmas films all over again

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** oh hey wheres iwa

 

 **Haiba_Lev:** Iwaizumi-san’s ol

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** iwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

**Kozume_Kenma:** did iwaizumi go home for xmas

**Akaashi_Keiji:** Yeah he did

 

 **Akaashi_Keiji:** I txted him earlier he said his mom’s baking sum christmas cake

 

 **Haiba_Lev:** I thought theyre gonna be locked out in jail bec of what happened in the arcade last October!!

 

 **Kuroo_Tetsurou:** Why the fuck they be in jail theyre not the psycho looters

 

 **Kuroo_Tetsurou:** Who are those assholesd again?

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** uhh I think iwa said its that rika’s boyfriend as of now

**Haiba_Lev:** Rika whos Rika

**Kuroo_Tetsurou:** Oh yeah Rika the ex Rika

**Hanamaki_Takahiro:** rika the bitch mikuchi rika duh

**Haiba_Lev:** Ohhh that Rika

**Haiba_Lev:** She looted the arcade??

**Hanamaki_Takahiro:** nah her bf did?? something like yamato??

**Hanamaki_Takahiro:** yuriko?

**Iwaizumi_Hajime:** Suzumo.

 

 **Iwaizumi_Hajime:** Suzumo Jun

**Hanamaki_Takahiro:** well yeah close enuf

**Akaashi_Keiji:** But anyway are there any news about them?

**Iwaizumi_Hajime:** Nothing yet

 

 **Iwaizumi_Hajime:** Theyve been chasing those psychopaths since March this year. Sawamura said the fuckers might know someone inside that’s why

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** ahg shit sherlock thats fuckng twisted

 

 **Akaashi_Keiji:** But things r quiet for everyone the past week yeah?

 

 **Akaashi_Keiji:** Wat happened to Suga-san? I heard hes working at the arcade

 

 **Iwaizumi_Hajime:** Suga’s alright, saeko-san helped him out explaining to the owner

 

 **Iwaizumi_Hajime:** Everything’s fine for now.  Lets hope that stays like that all throughout

 

 **Akaashi_Keiji:** That’s wishful thinking man

 

 **Akaashi_Keiji:** But its xmas day indeed so merry christmas to all of you

 

 **Akaashi_Keiji:** Anyway is everybody back in Tokyo this New years eve?

 

 **Kuroo_Tetsurou:** ask iwa

 

 **Akaashi_Keiji:** Iwa are you back this dec 31st???

 

 **Akaashi_Keiji:** Or youre planning to spend New year with your fam?

 

 **Iwaizumi_Hajime:** Im planning to spend it with my family I think. Why?

 

_Akaashi Keiji sent an image to MOTHERFUCKERZ._

**Hanamaki_Takahiro:** wHAT Even is that

 

 **Kuroo_Tetsurou:** A party. Obviously

 

 **Haiba_Lev:** Whos organizing it!!!?

 

 **Akaashi_Keiji:** The drama club

**Akaashi_Keiji:** Apparently they like a bit of a flare this New year

**Akaashi_Keiji:** So theyre holding a party

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** well its DRAMA CLUB 4 a reason

**Hanamaki_Takahiro:**  whoa wait its gonna be held at empire?? The fuck theyre playin at?? does the school know??

 

 **Akaashi_Keiji:** The school is sponsoring it

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** idont think that’s like, legal??

 

 **Akaashi_Keiji:** strictly 21 up. chill, makki. Its kind of like a fundraiser as well

**Akaashi_Keiji:** ¥1500/pax

**Akaashi_Keiji:** thats already cheap

**Hanamaki_Takahiro:** CHEA P?? r u fuckin kidding me maybe for u, ur highness

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** what is this the womb??? the fuck

**Akaashi_Keiji:** Well I told you its a fundraiser for the club’s shit nxt year. And its inclusive of two beers come on now

**Akaashi_Keiji:** And I heard the footbal club is gonna sneak sum more booze :~)

 

 **Bokuto_Koutarou:** And the studemt djs are actually raelly good

 

 **Haiba_Lev:** What is empire?

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** a nightclub

**Akaashi_Keiji:** Its not a nightclub its an event venue

**Hanamaki_Takahiro:** yeah but its gona be a nightclub for this partey lol

**Akaashi_Keiji:** Well yeah

**Akaashi_Keiji:** So are you guys in?

 

 **Kuroo_Tetsurou:** How will lev and kenma get in theyre not 21

 

 **Akaashi_Keiji:** Leave them to me

**Kuroo_Tetsurou:** Akaashi are you sure???

**Akaashi_Keiji:** Yes

**Kuroo_Tetsurou:** Well if Kenma’s ok, evrything’s ok. We can go I guess

 

 **Haiba_Lev:** YUORE THE BEST AKAASHI SAN but how will you do that

 

 **Bokuto_Koutarou:** Donmt ask, kid

 

_Haiba_Lev sent a sticker to MOTHERFUCKERZ._

 

 **Akaashi_Keiji:** Makki bring matsukawa

**Hanamaki_Takahiro:** i hvnt even agreed yet!!! and idk if issei will be back in tokyo on 31st

 

 **Akaashi_Keiji:** Ask him NOW

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** idk im fuckin br ok e okay???????

 

 **Akaashi_Keiji:** Just this once?? It’s new year makki

**Hanamaki_Takahiro:** uggh idk

**Akaashi_Keiji:** You have a boyfriend

**Hanamaki_Takahiro:** im not like that akaashi the au da c it y

 

 **Akaashi_Keiji:** The fuck

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** =(((((((

 

 **Akaashi_Keiji:** Okay ill pay for you only

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** then okay i will come

 

 **Hanamaki_Takahiro:** hahhahhaaahhahahahahaha

 

 **Akaashi_Keiji:** Youre such an asshole

 

_Hanamaki_Takahiro sent a gif to MOTHERFUCKERZ._

_Haiba_Lev sent a gif to MOTHERFUCKERZ._

**Akaashi_Keiji:** How bout you iwa

 

 **Iwaizumi_Hajime:** I don’t know yet

**Bokuto_Koutarou:** Broooooop come on now youre fuckinh loaded

 

 **Bokuto_Koutarou:** Im suyre oikawa will conme hes filmmajor yeah?

 

 **Iwaizumi_Hajime:** Yeah but he’s not in the drama club

 

 **Iwaizumi_Hajime:** I don’t know ill bring it up when I talk to him then Ill let you know

 

 **Akaashi_Keiji:** Okaay

 

 **Iwaizumi_Hajime:** But don’t expect bec I already said to my mom I’ll celebrate New year here

 

 **Iwaizumi_Hajime:** And I think Tooru wont be back until Jan 5 as well

 

_Bokuto_Koutarou sent a sticker to MOTHERFUCKERZ._

_Haiba_Lev sent a gif to MOTHERFUCKERZ._

_Kuroo Tetsurou sent an image to MOTHERFUCKERZ._

 

 

* * *

 

 

**CONVO VIA: SMS <LINE>**

**SIM ACCT OWNER: Oikawa Tooru**

**_December 25, 20XX_ **

**_Saturday, 06:58 PM_ **

 

 **Iwa** - **chan❤** : Oikawa

 

 **Iwa** - **chan❤** :

 

 **Iwa** - **chan❤** : Are you busy?

 

 **Iwa** - **chan❤** :

 

 **Me** : iwa-chan!!!! merry xmas!!!!!

 

 **Me** : and um a bit?? :3

 

 **Me** : look I helped neechan w the cake!!!

 

 **Me** : i did the frosting!!!!

 

 **Me** : <ATTACHMENT: 1 PHOTO>

 

 **Me** : <ATTACHMENT: 1 PHOTO>

 

 **Me** : <ATTACHMENT: 1 PHOTO>

 

 **Me** : <ATTACHMENT: 1 PHOTO>

 

 **Iwa** - **chan❤** : Do you even know how to ice a cake

 

 **Iwa-chan❤:** You could’ve ruined your family’s christmas dinner

 

 **Me** : so mean :------(

 

**Me:**

 

 **Me** : i miss you

 

 **Iwa-chan❤:** I miss you too

 

 **Iwa-chan❤:** Can I call you later? Or you’d be too busy?

 

 **Me:** uhh matsun and Iilkjwipkasfdierotgf

 

 **Me** : KJOJFDJhhhdhddddd

 

 **Iwa-chan❤:** ?

 

 **Me** OOl HJSj jdshw   p..sk

 

 **Me** : Is thoois torus new boyfrIENDFFFLL

 

 **Me** : So iwachan hUJ

 

 **Me** : hELO TORUS BOYFNRD

 

 **Me** : I will nevber understkkkd torus appealpk in men hesd noT Evenm prettyuDOWEIOEFIO

 

 **Me** : odjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjkjkl

 

 **Me** : that’s NOT ME

 

 **Me** : MY SISTER IS BEING ANM ASSOHLE

 

 **Iwa** - **chan❤** : Oh, teru-san?

 

 **Me** : No MAYU SHES SUCH A BRAT

 

 **Iwa-chan❤:** That’s coming from you huh

 

 **Me:** (⊙︿⊙✿)

 

 **Me** : anyway as I was saying

 

 **Me** : uhh matsun and mayu and takeru and me will go downtown after dinner w fam

 

 **Me** : the shops don’t close until past midnight every xmas!!!

 

 **Iwa-chan❤:** Oh I see

**Iwa-chan❤:** Enjoy the night, then

 

 **Me** : but i can call you when I get home!!

 

 **Iwa-chan❤:** Nah, you’d be too tired

 

 **Iwa-chan❤:** It’s okay Trashkawa I can call tomorrow

 

 **Iwa-chan❤:** It’s Christmas after all, you have to spend time with your family and friends

 

 **Me:** but you’re my boyfriend I wanna spend time w you too!!!!

 

**Iwa-chan❤:**

 

 **Me:** :(((

 

 **Iwa-chan❤:** I’ll wait, then

**Iwa-chan❤:** Call me before you sleep

 

 **Iwa-chan❤:** If you’re not too tired

 

 **Me:** yAY OKKK

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 **TORU OIKAWA** @toru_oikw • 25 Dec

baby its cooooold outside!!!!!!! :---) merry christmas everyone!! **@mayuoikawa @matsukawa__issei**

pic.twitter.com/Giouiu87876HJlk

[ 82 RT's | 566 ❤ ]

|

|

 **Makki** @takahiroMAKKI • 25 Dec

 **@toru_oikw** cute

[ 0 RT | 0 ❤ ]

|

|

 **Makki** @takahiroMAKKI • 25 Dec

 **@matsukawa__issei** misssss youuuuuuuu <3 :(

[ 0 RT | 1 ❤ ]

|

|

 **Issei Matsukawa** @matsukawa__issei • 25 Dec

0;-)

pic.twitter.com/8768HJjFDHJ90

[ 1 RT | 6 ❤ ]

|

|

 **TORU OIKAWA** @toru_oikw • 25 Dec

**@matsukawa__issei @takahiroMAKKI <3**

 [ 16 RT's | 45 ❤ ]

 

 

 

 **Kenma Kozume** @applepi • 25 Dec    

Classic christmas night. Outlast2 w/ **@Tetsurou_K** he almost wets himself

pic.twitter.com/554KKKjIUJK553

[ 0 RT | 17 ❤ ]

|

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 **T. K.** @Tetsurou_K • 25 Dec

I DO NOT

[ 0 RT | 0 ❤ ]

|

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 **Kenma Kozume** @applepi • 25 Dec    

lol

vid.twitter.com/78IIY7uHHjpq52

[ 5 RT's | 25 ❤ ]

|

|

 **T. K.** @Tetsurou_K • 25 Dec

KEnmaaaaaaaaghsdgjdwofiejmgkljsdjojglsdjg

[ 0 RT | 10 ❤ ]

 

 

 

 **Lev H** @therussianone • 25 Dec

Japanese christmases are the best.. right, neesan?

pic.twitter.com/POK356HJHjk

Tagged: **@Alisa.haiba**

[ 2 RT's | 21 ❤ ]

 

 

 

 **Koushi Sugawara** @Koushi_S • 25 Dec

Long, tiring day; yet he never leaves. Merry Christmas! xx

pic.twitter.com/26UI6Hf6NN

Tagged: **@daichi_swmr01**

[ 1 RT | 12 ❤ ]

 

 

 

 **H I T O K A** @yachihitoka • 25 Dec

friends, fries, and chicken lollipops for christmas!!!!!! @ **KEI011 @yama_Tadashi**

pic.twitter.com/LKI25H0I3JDjas

[ 2 RT’s | 25 ❤ ]

 

* * *

 

 

 

**CONVO VIA: SMS <LINE>**

**SIM ACCT OWNER: Oikawa Tooru**

**_December 26, 20XX_ **

**_Sunday, 00:48 AM_ **

****

**Me:** Iwa-chan

 

 **Me:** u still awake??

**Iwa-chan❤:** Hey

 

 **Iwa-chan❤:** Of course

 

 **Iwa-chan❤:** You had fun?

 

 **Me:** LOTS :D

 

 **Me:** ill call now w8 a sec

 

 **Me:** cant vidcall tho my hair’s a mess i cant get up from my bed

 

 **Iwa-chan❤:** What the fuck Ive seen your ugly hair already

 

 **Iwa-chan❤:** I told you you’d be too tired

 

 **Iwa-chan❤:** We can talk tomorrow morning

 

 **Me:** nooooooooo ihaven’t talked to you all day :(

 

 **Me:** ill call u now

 

 

 

 

“Hey,”

Oikawa Tooru smiled, having heard Iwaizumi from the other line. Just his voice sent shivers down his spine. He sighed against his pillow. “Hey,”

“Are you okay?” Iwaizumi said, voice low.

“Mmm,” Oikawa hummed. “Just a bit tired. But I heard your voice now, so ‘m okay.”

Iwaizumi didn’t immediately answer. Then, “Tell me about your day, then.”

Oikawa smiled. “Uh, I don’t know,” he pouted. “I told you it’s fun, really. But I wished you were here,”

Iwaizumi hummed. There was rustling in his end, as if he’s shifting positions on his bed. He must be lying down as well. “Yeah?” the smirk was obvious in voice. “Me, too, I guess.” He paused. “I wish I was there,”

Oikawa didn’t respond. He listened to the sound of their breathing, a dumb smile on his face. He stared at his bedroom ceiling. Glow-in-the-dark-stick-on-stars greeted him. He sighed again.

“What else, then? Just… talk. Even non-sense things,”

The setter let out a short laugh. “You usually hate it when I say nonsense things,”

“Hmm,” his boyfriend agreed. He could imagine him solemnly nodding. “But, just, I wanna..” His exhale was long. “I just wanna, hear your voice,” A pause. “So I wouldn’t mind this time, maybe,” he said. “I wanna hear your voice,” he said again, breathing lowly. “So bad,”

Oikawa put an arm over his eyes. He kinda wanna laugh out loud. But he also kinda wanna cry.

“Well,” Oikawa said, laughing breathily. “If that’s the case then, I think I have to oblige.”

So they talked. Oikawa talked about the cake and cupcakes he frosted again. And the gifts they brought for his mom earlier today. He rambled about this new band he discovered last Wednesday. And about Mayu and Takeru’s teasing about Iwa-chan in his phone contacts.

" . . anyway, I don't have a gift ready for you. What do you want?"

Iwaizumi hummed. "Is that so important? I don't have a gift for you, either,"

"Actually you have a point; that's not important anymore" Oikawa nodded against his quilt. "I mean, you already have _me_ so, duh. You can't ask for more. I might as well tie a pink ribbon around my waist and throw myself at you, eh? That'd be fun. You can do anything you want to me."

He heard Iwaizumi chuckled, then he grunted. "Don't say things like that, idiot,"

Oikawa giggled, rolling on his bed. He buried his face on a pillow; his legs folded, feet up in the air. "Why, Iwa-chan? Does it turn you on?" He smiled coyly.

"Ugh, it's already late, Trashkawa, just _don't_ ,"

They talked for a long time. As easy and normal as breathing.

Just like before.

Just like always.

Damn, he missed his boyfriend, really.

“… oh, and, I just remembered, there was this some kind of party this New Year’s Eve that the uni’s drama club is organizing. You think you can come? It’s like a fundraiser or something.”

Iwaizumi paused. “The drama club? Is this the one that they’re gonna held at Empire?”

Oikawa blinked. “Well, yeah… I think that’s the one. So you wanna, uh, I don’t know? Go?”

Then, Iwaizumi laughed. “You know what, Akaashi and the others talked about that one just earlier this day. I think all of them are coming,”

“That’s great! Mattsun and I are planning to go, actually. He just tagged me in a post about it,”

Iwaizumi’s response was careful. “I thought you’re not gonna come back until the fifth?”

Oikawa shrugged. “I told Dad. He said it’s cool. Gonna visit mum again before I go.”

There was a pause. Then, “I… don’t know? I promised my mom I’ll stay until the fifth.”

“Oh,” Oikawa pouted, but then he shrugged again. “That’s too bad, I guess. But, it’s okay? I mean, it’s not a big deal. It’s just a party,”

“Hmm,” Iwaizumi said. “But you’ll still go?”

“Well, yeah… I mean, Akaashi and the others are going as well. I think that’d be fine if I’m with them.”

“Yeah,” Iwaizumi agreed. “But, uh, I’ll try to come. But I still don’t know. I’ll let the guys know you’re down for it.”

There was a pause again, and Oikawa was contented with the silence. Both of them were. He could feel the charged air and their full, yearning hearts.

The pining sometimes hurt, but the sting was fine, somehow. It was new and fragile and intimate. He was sure things were where it’s supposed to be. And it hurt _so_ _good_.

“I think you’re tired now,” he heard Iwaizumi mumbling a few moments later. Oikawa closed his eyes, humming. He wanted to agree; he didn’t even manage to change to his pajamas, but admitting that he’s already tired meant cutting the call off and ugh. He wanted to listen to Iwaizumi’s voice more.

“Don’t hang up yet,” Oikawa managed to mumble weakly.

Iwaizumi chuckled. “Merry Christmas,” he whispered. “I miss you, Tooru.”

Oikawa can’t open his eyes. “I love you, Iwa-chan,” he said almost incoherently. “Miss you, too.”

“So bad,” Iwaizumi whispered.

Oikawa murmured something back, but then consciousness left him, and he was asleep.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so uh if you wanna read some bokuaka angst and time travelling/magic realism AU, go read [this](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11790591/chapters/26590107) lol thanks!!! ;)


	20. New Year's Day.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [♬](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gEHCXl4J9Qo) / [♪](https://open.spotify.com/track/6X3YCswCQzX1gGZ5ji8P9x) / [♩](https://open.spotify.com/track/7CneiDesUKFJO3Ix01dnfr)

 

Empire was magnificently stunning.

Oikawa had known of the place itself, and really, it's just a huge, minimalist, manor-style building with a decent-sized pool and a massive dance floor. Oikawa had been in much grander places before, suits and ties included, but now looking at the entrance of the edifice itself, he could say that he was truly impressed. The people behind this party managed to make the place look grand and mildly posh. The effort was worth it. The only downside Oikawa could see was when he took account of his chosen attire: his new black Nike Roshe, some black skinny jeans, a white statement shirt and some casual silver blazer he already wore not too many times before. He suddenly had an urge to feel underdressed. But at least he dropped the hipster glasses for tonight.

(Not that he was actually underdressed. His impossibly perfect hair and pretty boy looks saved the night, maybe. The guy can literally wear anything and men and women alike will still ogle him. It's just that, Oikawa Tooru  _was_  Oikawa Tooru. If he had known that the party will be this fine, he'll at least wear his new cardigan Teru gave him last week for Christmas.)

The established theme was  _Nightlife_ , so lots of pink and purple neon lights were present as he stepped in the party; trance and electro-pop music remixes were blaring everywhere and that unmistakable whiff of alcohol, sweat, and chlorine from the swimming pool was constant in the air. He hasn't been to a party this good for a long while, alright. So Oikawa looked triumphant, grinning ear to ear as he craned around to share a look with Matsukawa, who was looking very nice in his own attire as well.

"Yachi wasn't kidding about the party being wicked," Matsukawa said loudly at Oikawa's ear.

Oikawa smirked. "I guess my thousand yen will be worth it!"

They milled around, looking for the others, namely Makki and Akaashi and the rest of their clique. Only Iwaizumi was absent. Oikawa suppressed a sigh. He missed him, of course, but still, you can't always have it all.

 _Were inside._ Akaashi had texted him, and Oikawa pivoted himself and Matsukawa towards the house where the dance floor was; standing tables and makeshift booths were also scattered about. A student DJ was in-charge on stage, spinning some sick remixes from the Billboard Top 100. Every now and then, people will squeeze through and greet Oikawa like they're good 'ol friends or somewhat. Oikawa would grin and indulge every single one of them, taking pictures and smiling vibrantly.

"Do you know all of them?" Matsukawa scowled, rubbing his chest painfully when he was elbowed by a girl trying to take a selfie of Oikawa and herself.

Oikawa laughed, shaking his head and shrugging again. "Of course not! But you know my fame, Mattsun."

The other guy snorted because seriously, Oikawa was not kidding. But the setter would continuously smile and flash his peace signs for them, winking at every boys and girls who adored him. Even though he hasn't prioritized playing for the University team for the past few months given his acads, plus his record of misconducts and other businesses for the last sem, his popularity remained intact. It somehow grew, honestly speaking, and it's tiring, really, but it's fun. Besides, it's a holiday of merry-making and love-sharing. Oikawa loved Christmases and the rest of the winter holidays.

Oikawa could see familiar faces as well. He had spotted some of his Volleyball guys (Tanaka and Nishinoya) dancing (and gyrating) with each other on the dance floor. He might've seen Yachi with the same freckled guy he saw from the picture Tsukishima sent, blushing and flirting. Some of the faculty members were present as well, especially the younger ones. He even saw the University lab technician milling about with some of his Film buddies. He also spotted some Chemistry major students he had seen around with Iwaizumi before, chatting with the two of the guys from two doors over back at Oikawa's dorm complex. Oikawa was pretty sure that it's going to be exciting; the night was young but a lot of things were already happening.

"YOOOOOOO!" A boisterous voice called out at them. Surely, it was Bokuto, and with him were the rest of them huddled near the bar, chatting with a few other girls around.

"Thought you ain't gonna make it, too, man," Bokuto clapped their backs a little gruffly, beaming.

Oikawa squawked at once. "Why wouldn't I? And hey—ahh don't—your hands are all sticky, why is it sticky? Ugh, it's my favorite blazer!"

All of them were enjoying the party, it seemed. Some kind of program started a little later on, and the hosts from the Drama club were funny and entertaining. The bar counter was milling with people and the table they were huddled into somehow got an endless supply and refilling of beers and cocktails in their margarita glasses. Kuroo might or might not be the one in charge for this.

There were some games, surprisingly, and around nine, people were already slightly tipsy. That included Oikawa, Akaashi and Lev who were forced to play on stage. The game was simple yet hilarious—you'll have to guess who was your partner with a blindfold on, only through sniffing and some groping. Lots of ladies squealed; Akaashi was red-faced after. Oikawa was kind of used to this and besides, it was amusing. Even if the girls shamelessly touched them where hands were not, er, not usually supposed to go.

They also played group beer pong with the AB English gals. Kenma and Makki were involved in a truth-or-dare kind of game and were coaxed to receive a lap dance. It was all laughable and embarrassing but all of them were having fun.

Around ten-thirty, the program ended and the students were left to mingle with anybody else again. Cheap finger-food was served and passed around, and alcohol was limitless, in courtesy of the football club. Festive cake balls sponsored by whoever-they-are arrived at the counter some time before eleven and Oikawa discovered the ice luge at the back counter which he actually found  _really_  amazing. He was a bit drunk already, so sue him.

The fog machine was opened when the glow-in-the-dark balloons started popping and people were stripping to their undergarments to take a dip at the pool. It was bonkers, Oikawa thought, because it's freezing tonight but  _heh_ , who was he to judge? People were merry, and all of this for a thousand and five-hundred yen. With a good cause. Happy fucking New Year, indeed.

Oikawa's group decided to go outside the house, just to see what ruckus was going on there. A few moments later, Lev and Bokuto were already seen mingling and swimming at the pool, laughing with their teeth chattering. Oikawa was contented leaning on a post, watching the multicolored strobe lights flashing on the water while he dillydallied; he could still hear the faint beat of music around them. It was thirty minutes to midnight, and he's already in his umpteenth glass of vodka mix. Things were beginning to get slurred.

"You okay?" a voice asked him. Akaashi. Oikawa didn't notice at first, but Akaashi was wearing a Santa hat.

Oikawa turned to smile at him. "Yep," he said, flicking the red hat on top of the guy's head. "Nice hat, Akaashi-kun," he giggled.

The other guy shrugged, chuckling. "Kou put this on me. Anyway, are you even allowed to drink this much?"

Oikawa raised his brows, sipping from his drink. "Of course. Who told you I can't?"

"Iwaizumi, I think. Said you can't drink so much cuz your stomach will act up?"

Oikawa snorted. "What am I, a ninny? I played True American with you guys, right?"

Akaashi furrowed his eyebrows, "Yeah, but that's only Sobieski and some Danaka beers. Cocktails here were spiked with a little Bacardi, I think—?"

"Akaashi," Oikawa said in a sing-song voice, "It's  _okaaay_. I can handle myself. I can drink what I get to dri—"

"He's right, actually," Matsukawa appeared, having snatched Oikawa's vodka in hand and replacing it with a Dixie cup filled with clear, odorless liquid—water. "You can't drink for shit, Tooru. And for the record, you  _are_  a ninny."

"What the hell?" Oikawa huffed. "This is the only time we get to drink, Mattsun!" he reasoned. "We have to get hammered!"

Matsukawa raised a brow at him, pointedly chastising. "Just because Iwaizumi isn't here doesn't mean you don't have a chaperone anymore, asshole."

" _Whaaaat?!"_  Oikawa was gutted. "I don't need a chaperone!" He pouted, still sipping his water nonetheless. He made a face. "Ack! It tastes nothing; I want some orange juice."

Matsukawa rolled his eyes. "You're such a bra—"

"Eh?" Oikawa blinked over Matsukawa's shoulder. "I—Oi! Miya-kun! Helloooo!" Oikawa weakly flailed, waving at someone in the crowd.

Akaashi turned; Matsukawa frowned. "Who are you—?"

"That's one of my friends—Atsumu-kuuuuun!"

A passing group of intimidating guys turned to look at Oikawa. The guy was already drunk enough to not notice Akaashi near him who went rigid at the sight of them. One nudged a guy who seemed to be the person Oikawa was calling. "Dude. That shitfaced fella's callin' you,"

A guy looked over his shoulder. When he saw Oikawa, he smiled and raised a hand as recognition. His eyes wandered to the others, then he mumbled something to his other friends and they all turned to walk away.

Oikawa was still grinning stupidly, waving at them goodbye.

"What the fuck is that all about?" Matsukawa finally said, glaring at the direction the guys disappeared.

Oikawa blinked. "Eh? That was Miya Atsumu. He's, like, in my prod team. You never met him. Kei-chan and Yachi did, though. Cute, eh? Though his hair was a bit different..? Must've dyed it, though.."

Makki's eyebrows furrowed. "Are you sure you're  _friends_  with them?"

The brat snorted. "Makkiiii. You saw him smiled at me. We're friends."

"Asshole." Matsukawa scowled. "He didn't smile at you; he  _leered_  at you, moron—"

"I know them," Akaashi piped in, looking troubled. "Some of them at least. I just… can't remember…"

Oikawa giggled. "Akaashi-kun and Kei-chan are funny. You both think you saw Miya-kun already."

Akaashi blinked. "You mean Tsukki?" he said, thinking deeply, and Oikawa nodded vigorously. "Well if Tsukishima also found him familiar, it means… they… uh… hang on—" he blinked at the crowd again. "Is that—yo! Iwaizumi!" he shouted.

Oikawa's head whipped around so fast. He's not wearing his eyeglasses, so his vision was already a nuisance. But after a few moments, he already saw him—Iwaizumi—walking towards them looking like some kind of motherfucking Adonis from one of Oikawa's wet dreams.

He didn't look out-of-place at all. If anything, Iwaizumi held himself with an air of effortless confidence while sauntering towards them.  _He must've learnt it from me_ , Oikawa thought giddily. But Iwaizumi's face was mildly scowling like always. And Oikawa can't register anything but  _oh my god that man was mine._ He loved alcohol.

Kuroo clapped Iwaizumi's back. "Thought you said you can't come?"

Iwaizumi grinned, shrugging. "Well, I can't miss all the fun,"

The others greeted him hello, laughing and punching each other lightly. Oikawa hummed as he waited for his turn, sitting at a nearby chair and propping his elbows on his knees.

Oikawa could still function albeit a little out-of-it, but when Iwaizumi crouched down in front of him so they were face-to-face, he blinked a few times before he can recognize who's looming in his vision.

"Hey," Oikawa smiled drunkenly.

"Hey," Iwaizumi said, a small smile tugging his lips. "A bit shitfaced already, aren't you?"

Oikawa giggled, not finding the right words to say.

Iwaizumi momentarily looked down, shaking his head yet still smiling. He pushed some of Oikawa's stray fringes from his face. "Why are you all outside? Isn't it cold here?"

Oikawa shrugged, "The alcohol helps," he said. "And you should see Lev and Bokuto. They're over there! At the pool!"

"Uh-huh," Iwaizumi hummed, "Where's your water? Matsukawa said he gave you some," he said. "You're not drinking too much, are you?"

Oikawa shook his head like a child, pouting. "I'm not!" He raised a hand like a boy scout. "Scout's honor,"

Iwaizumi stood up, straightening as he looked down at Oikawa. "Well," he paused. "It's hard to believe you when you're actually hammered like this," he mumbled.

Oikawa blinked innocently at him.

Iwaizumi huffed a laugh. "Come on, let's get you sobered up."

There were a lot of things Oikawa would want to ask Iwaizumi right now. But considering he can't even walk straight without Iwaizumi's hands on him anymore, he figured the questions can be saved for later. He didn't even know where they were going. He just knew they were walking and bumping with a lot of people along the way. Once they bumped to a guy Oikawa was sure he knew but can't, for his life, remember who he was. He has a kind and endearing face. Light-brown hair and soft eyes. A massive Polaroid camera was trapped in his hands.

"Dude—I'm sorry!—I— _oh_ —Oikawa-san—!"

"It's okay! I got him—don't worry! I got him . ."

Oikawa felt himself climbing up some flight of stairs. Then after a while, he shivered, feeling some cold air hit him. They must be outside again. Iwaizumi led him to a creaking chair.

"Here," Iwaizumi opened a bottle of water.

Oikawa took it, taking a swig. When he looked around, he realized where they were. They were on the house's balcony. This explained the altitude and the fainter sound of some Wham!/Kygo/Carpainter remix he never heard before. They weren't alone, but fewer people were mingling here than downstairs. Oikawa could see some couples kissing and talking inside, just near the veranda they're at.

"A little bit of privacy, yeah?" Iwaizumi looked down and around; they have a very nice view of the pool party beneath them.

Oikawa snorted; he was still tipsy but he's thoughts were beginning to come together. "Privacy, huh. How classic of you, Iwa-chan."

Iwaizumi smirked at him, leaning at the concrete railing. "If you're a bit more sober, we can at least make out, you know. But I think Sober Shittykawa left the premises a long while ago." He glanced at his wrist-watch. "A few more minutes," he mumbled.

Oikawa downed his water. "Why are you here anyway?" he managed to ask.

Iwaizumi had his arms crossed. "To see you," he said simply.

Oikawa stared.

"I drove two hours from Tochigi just to see your ugly face." He paused, clearing his throat. "You can be happy about it, I guess."

Oikawa continuously stared. Then he sighed, red-faced and smiling. "I'm happy," he said. "Really, really, really happy."

Iwaizumi stared at him, nodding. "I know," he said lowly. "But," he shifted, "I still promised my mom she'll wake up tomorrow morning with me at home and without a hangover." He paused. "I can't drink, cuz I have to go back, I mean. Right after this. I just really wanna see you so I borrowed my dad's car to get here immediately."

Oikawa didn't answer. He continued to look at his boyfriend, stupidly drunk and falling even harder. How could that happen, though? Oikawa didn't think that's possible. But here he was, chest aching so good. Falling, falling, and falling.

At some point, Oikawa stood up so they were shoulder to shoulder, Iwaizumi and him, looking down the party below. They chat for a few more minutes, laughing and making fun of some people they spotted below.

It was Oikawa's favorite part of the night, probably. Just him and Iwaizumi talking and holding hands. Gradually he sobered up, but Oikawa felt as though he was still drunk; his stomach was full of butterflies, and his body was warm with feelings he didn't realize he's capable of having.

A few moments later, the lights and sounds below them dimmed, and finally, they heard the chants of countdown—  _"Ten—nine—eight—seven . ."_

Oikawa and Iwaizumi were silent, listening to the noise around them. They were both smiling, just feeling the moment between them.  _"—five—four—three—"_

"Happy New Year, Iwa-chan," Oikawa whispered, locking eyes with Iwaizumi, who was already staring at him. There were lights dancing in his hazel eyes.

"Happy New Year, Tooru," he said, and—  _"two—one—! Happy New Year!"_

They kissed. Long, and sweet and yearning. They kissed for the first time in a long while, and Oikawa Tooru felt like he wanted to cry again. He smiled against the kiss, though. And Iwaizumi laughed a bit, pecking his lips through and through.

There were fireworks as well, though the two didn't seem to notice anything else anymore. It was going to be one of the best nights of his life, Oikawa was sure. And although he knew that more things were about to come their way—at least he knew they have this moment in their lives. And for now, that's enough. For now, he could feel that  _this_  thing they got was worth a shot.

After midnight, it has all become a blur. They went downstairs soon after the fireworks were finished and they all found Kenma shivering wet, with a towel around his shoulders.

When they asked what happened, Kuroo shrugged, pursing a smile. "Lev and Bokuto threw him at the pool when midnight strikes. Couldn't have done anything about it, though."

Makki and Matsukawa were nowhere to be seen, and Akaashi was talking to another guy named Yaku who seemed to have the hots for their little Russian man, Oikawa could tell.

Lev was painfully oblivious, still drinking those cocktails the drama club was concocting. It just tastes like your regular party drink, but the shot was actually a mix of cola and vodka and the promise of a vicious hangover. Poor sods.

Oikawa remembered some hazy details, like seeing Tsukishima somewhere in the crowd with a short-and-black-haired girl clinging to him. He also remembered Iwaizumi talking to some bespectacled girl with a mole on her chin, and he remembered how surprised yet disturbed Iwaizumi was after their conversation.

"What was that?" Oikawa tried to ask.

"Nothing, I…" Iwaizumi started, "It's about our thesis we're working on." He managed. "Never mind that for now, though," he said, then hooked an arm around Oikawa, kissing his head.

Around one-thirty, Oikawa and Akaashi and Kuroo were the only ones who were sober enough. Makki and Matsukawa reappeared with rumpled clothes and looking freshly-fucked. Oikawa snorted at them inwardly.

Then, "Oikawa-kun?"

Oikawa blinked at his name. It was a female's. Another picture? "Uh, hi?" He turned to look.

"Oh wow, it's really you! It's been a long while!" The girl hugged him. "I'm one of Ushijima's friends!" Oikawa froze, knowing Iwaizumi could hear. "Don't you remember me? From the party before?"

"I—" Oikawa said uneasily, laughing. "Uh—totally! Haha! Of course! But—who are you again?"

The girl was not offended in Oikawa's lack of recognition, at least. "You don't, of course." She laughed, "But hey—I'm Kotomi Hana—you know that girl with the—" she paused, momentarily gathering her long curly black hair in one hand and lifting it up to show Oikawa the side of her neck—which was covered in curlicues of black ink tattoos that went down her backside and shoulder blades. Makki whistled appreciatively. "Remember me already?"

Oikawa was astonished. Then, "Oh! You're  _that_  girl! I remember you!" Oikawa laughed. "Geez I didn't think I'll see you again!"

The girl let out a dimpled smile. "I see you a lot around campus, actually. I'm just, you know, tipsy and all, that's why I managed to approach you now,"

"Well, it's good to see you again, Kotomi-kun but, er, actually, Waka-chan and I never, you know. We never got together again. For  _good_ , so." Oikawa emphasized.

"Yeah, I heard." Hana smiled knowingly, peering around at Oikawa's friends. "But I also heard you got a new boyfriend? Is he here, or..?"

"Oh, uh, yes!" Oikawa laughed again, distracted. Then he looped an arm around Iwaizumi, pulling him closer. "This man is my boyfriend. Iwaizumi Hajime." Oikawa introduced, grinning. "Iwa-chan, this is Kotomi-kun. We, er, met at a party—"

"We sort of hooked up before," Hana supplied, laughing. "So he can get rid of Ushiwaka. Cruel, huh?" She laughed again.

Oikawa laughed a little louder than he obviously intended, looking at Iwaizumi and was like,  _she's a bit crazy, but she's lovely!_

"But hey," Oikawa continued, easing the atmosphere, "these are my friends. Geez, I know I can't be a good host—these are Akaashi, Makki, Kenma and Kuroo. I assumed you know Mattsun already—" Matsukawa lifted a beer can at her like a toast, "my other friends are still skinny dipping at the pool over there."

"Nice to meet you all," Hana smiled at them. "Speaking of friends, mine must be looking for me inside so I gotta go but hey, see you around, okay? Happy New Year to all of you!" She patted Oikawa's cheek lightly, earning a raised brow from Iwaizumi.

"See you around!" Oikawa chirped.

When the girl was faraway, Oikawa looked at Iwaizumi immediately, wide-eyed. "She's lesbian!" he said.

Iwaizumi snorted. "You don't need to explain, dumbass. I understand. She's, like, one of your Kunimis?"

Oikawa blinked. He wasn't offended, but he  _did_  feel a bit guilty. "It's so fucked up if you put it that way," he pouted. "But I guess you're right,"

Iwaizumi pinched his nose not-so-lightly. "Well thank god she's not hospitalized as well," he smirked.

Oikawa swatted his hand away, bumping his shoulders good-naturedly. "You're so mean, Iwa-chan!"

"Oh, now, I'm the mean one, huh . . ."

Some time around 2 am, the crowd was beginning to thin out. People started slapping each other's backs to tell them goodbyes and a happy New Year.

Students were also starting to hide around the bushes to puke, including Lev and Bokuto who, apparently, were beginning to feel the drama club's cola-and-vodka concoction in their system.

Somehow, Oikawa lost track of what's happening around him. He must've fallen asleep, because one moment he's just watching Yaku rubbed Lev's back as he puked at some faraway bushes, and then the next moment, he was yawning and waking up from Kenma's lap.

Oikawa looked around, disoriented. "Where's..?"

Kenma pointed ahead, and when he looked, he spotted Iwaizumi, making his way around with a plastic bin bag in his hands, collecting trash.

Oikawa scowled, standing up to make his way towards him. "What the hell is he doing..?"

It was 3 am, and the only people left around the venue were the Drama club and the ones who weren't brave enough to go home hammered and were staying around a bit to sober up. Like them. Oikawa slowly walked towards his boyfriend, a questioning look in his face.

"Iwa-chan," he said, voice groggy. "Thought you already left?"

Iwaizumi was picking up some beer cans and other disposed bottles and plastic cups. "Oh hey," he said. "Yeah, I was just.. helping the Drama club clean up. Yahaba said they might need a hand," he looked around, scowling at the mess.

Oikawa stared at him. He almost wanna laugh because, oh my God. He was dating the most genuinely kind and gullible person he had ever met. Not that it's a bad thing. It's actually cute, but ugh. Oikawa wanted to hug him.

And so he did. He stepped closer as Iwaizumi turned away picking up more trash. Then slowly, Oikawa looped both his arms around him, hugging Iwaizumi from behind and burying his face on the other guy's nape. He smelled like Christmas.

"I wanna sleep," Oikawa muttered against Iwaizumi's skin. "Can't you go home tomorrow instead?" He knew Iwaizumi would decline, but still. "We can cuddle in my bed. It's cold.."

He felt Iwaizumi smirked. "Did you miss me that much?"

Oikawa nodded. "Super," he said, pulling away to let Iwaizumi pick up more scattered beer cans.

He reluctantly helped, afterwards. Oikawa threw more plastic bottles in the trash bag.

Then suddenly, a hand clapped him on the back. "Oikawa-san!" someone called. "I saw you earlier tonight. You're pretty hammered, eh. You okay already? All sobered up?"

Oikawa turned to look, and was met with a flash of a camera. "Oi," He blinked. "Did I say you can take pictures hah?"

Yahaba Shigeru from the Drama club shrugged, smiling kindly. He plucked up the Polaroid and started wiggling it in his hand. "See ya later!" He said, turning away.

Oikawa shook his head, smiling a bit. "Asshole,"

After a few more minutes, when Iwaizumi was satisfied with the amount of trash he had collected, he finally squeezed Oikawa's hand, and the brunette looked at him, a small pout in his lips.

"Must you go, oh, my gullible knight?" Oikawa joked, smiling sadly.

Iwaizumi sighed, skimming his thumbs over Oikawa's knuckles. "Sadly," he said. "You'll be alright, yeah?" He glanced at their other friends. "I think you should wait till Lev and Bokuto sobered up. Akaashi said he'll drive you all back, yeah?"

Oikawa nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

He walked him until the parking lot. And when it's really time to go, Oikawa leaned down the window and brought their mouths together, lips lingering.

"I missed you," Oikawa said, eyes closed.

"I know," Iwaizumi said. "I love you,"

He wanted to blush. They were so soppy. But fuck it, really. Oikawa pecked his lips again. "And I, you."

When Oikawa returned inside, his friends were all ready to go.

"Iwaizumi left already?" Matsukawa asked.

Oikawa nodded glumly. Makki chortled, "Ah, look at that long faceㅡack! That fucking hurts, oi!"

They were at the parking lot and Oikawa was the last one to squeeze inside Akaashi's Toyota when Yahaba caught up to them.

"I thought you guys were gone! Hereㅡ!" And he thrusted something inside Oikawa's back pockets. "I almost forgot but your lover boy helped us clean up for that," Yahaba grinned, slapping his back one more time and nodding, stepping away. "You got him whipped, man! Happy New Year to all of you! Bye-bye!"

Once inside the car, Kuroo asked, "What was that?"

Oikawa shrugged, not being able to get that from his back pockets because of the cramped space. "I dunno," he said. "Limited edition condom, maybe."

It was only when Oikawa was already back at his dorm and was stumbling tiredly towards his bed when he remembered it again.

Something crinkled behind him as he lied sprawled on his backㅡready to fall asleep without brushing his teeth. He shifted slightly and reached down to see what kind of condom it probably wasㅡ

It's _not_ a condom.

It's a Polaroid. A photograph of him and Iwaizumi while they were at the balcony, kissing. Fireworks painted the night sky background, and it was a bit dark and blurred but one glance and Oikawa can be sure it was them.

Oikawa stared at it for a long time, an arm tucked behind his head, his other hand holding the picture aloft, up the ceiling, as he continuously embossed the image in his memory.

Then afterwards, he put it at his nighstand, kissing the inscripted scrawl at the bottom of the photograph.

_New Year. Empire, Tokyo. H & T_


	21. Complications.

      

  **UNIVERSITY OF TOKYO**

 _Hongo, Bunky_ _ō_ _, Tokyo, Japan_

**College of Engineering**

**Department of Chemical Engineering**

**_ Letter of Endorsement _ **

 

_To: Ms. Kiyoko Shimizu_

_Greetings . . . !_

 

 

 

 

 **IWAIZUMI STARED DOWN AT THE** letter Shimizu had given to him last week.

The words were simple and short. Crisp and straightforward. It’s such an insignificant little thing to have him staring and pondering every night for one week straight now.

Classes have resumed. And even though university life wasn’t the only thing keeping him busy nowadays, it sure was the number one thing taking a lot of energy out of him. Not that it’s a bad thing, because, truth be told, he really wanted to settle this issue immediately. He can’t let this take his focus off other things that also needed a part of his attention and time.

But, well. The problem was, he didn’t know how to settle this.

“Well, that’d be simple.” Kenma had said to him one afternoon class. “It’s actually just a _yes_ or a _no.”_

Iwaizumi had rolled his eyes. “Of course I know it’s just a yes or a no. The thing is, how can I say _no_?”

The blonde blinked at him lazily. “Tell Shimizu-san, no, thanks for the offer, but I can’t take this responsibility.”

Iwaizumi’s eyebrows furrowed. “I think this is more of an opportunity, you know.”

“Hm.”

“Hm, what do you mean _hm_?”

“I mean, hm, at least you know you’d be wasting a massive opportunity of a lifetime if you said no.”

Iwaizumi had groaned. “Why can’t she just offer this to the others? Or to _you_? I’m not the only one who worked hard in this.”

“Well, the board says they only need two representatives from the group. And we all know aside from Shimizu-san, you _are_ the second most dedicated student in this thesis.”

“That’s debatable—”

“Nah. It’s not . .”

Talking with Kenma hadn’t helped. If anything, it just made Iwaizumi more confused. Until—

“Well, let me just ask you this, Iwa. Why do you want to say yes?”

Iwaizumi snorted. “Who wouldn’t say _yes_ to an endorsement program like that?!”

“Yes, but why are you having second thoughts?”

Iwaizumi didn’t answer.

“You’d think _he_ would mind?”

“Of course, he’d mind . .” he grumbled. “You don’t know him,”

Kenma had shrugged. “Not as well as you do, maybe. But I’m pretty sure he’d understand.”

“You make it seem so easy to decide just because you’re not in my position.”

“Well, life sucks.” Kenma said, his face borderline apathetic. “And as I said,” he looked at him directly once again. “It’s just a yes or a no.” A pause. “And you better talk about it with him soon.”

 

 

 

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**SIM ACCT OWNER: Oikawa Tooru**

 

_**15 January 20XX** _

**_Monday,_**   ** _04_** _: **32 PM**_

__

**Me:** iwa chan !!!

**Me:** wanna eat gimbap????

**Me** : i have volleyball practice at 6 tho where art thoooouu

 

 **Me:** eyyyy lowly peasant where art thou right now im hungry

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** I can’t right now. I still have something to do

 

**Me:**

 

 **Me:**  (´△｀) u sed u have no classes after 4 every mondays!!

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Something came up with our thesis. I have a meeting with Shimizu

 

 **Me:** then why did i just see kenma w kuroo

 

 **Me:** i thought you two are thesis m8s??

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Yes..

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** But there’s just something going on and its best if only shimizu and I talk about it

 

 **Me:** ughhhhh meh

 

 **Me:** i smell something fishy （○｀ 3′○）

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Tooru

 

 **Me:** or maybe i just really wanna eat gimbap

 

 **Me:** hehehehajdakfj

 

 **Me:** asdfghjkl;kf;lasdjf  :(((  i super hate u

**Me:** i have no one else to eat with im l o ne l y

 

 **Me:** im not gonna touch ur dick for weeks im saying this now okk hmmmp

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Touché

 

 **Me:**  <`～´>

**Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** You dont actually mean that, do you?

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Tooru . . ?

 

* * *

 

 

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**SIM ACCT OWNER: Oikawa Tooru**

 

_**17 January 20XX** _

**_Wednesday,_**   ** _07_** _: **32 PM**_

__

**Yachi♥** : Tooru do u wanna pop some corn and chill and netflix tonite

 

 **Yachi♥** : I heard this new anime series is amaaazing

 

 **Me** : hmmmmmm

 

 **Yachi♥:**  Hmmm????

 

 **Me** :

 

 **Yachi♥:**  Well????

 

 **Yachi♥** : Oh w8 do u have a.m classes tomo????

 

 **Yachi♥** : Or u have some plans with the boyfie tonite

 

 **Yachi♥:**  I don’t like it that im intruding but whatever

 

 **Me** : ur not intruding anything lol iwa chan is busy lezz go chill

 

 **Yachi♥** : Yayy i luv u bring popcorn

 

 **Me** : u invited me u serve the popcorn bitch

 

 **Yachi♥** : Lol ok jus come over

* * *

 

 

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**SIM ACCT OWNER: Oikawa Tooru**

 

_**20 January 20XX** _

**_Saturday,_**   ** _09_** _: **12 PM**_

__

**Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Are you home already?

 

 **Me** : yes :)))

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** You were great earlier, as always. Sorry I can’t eat with you after the match

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Shimizu just texted something came up again

 

 **Me:** aww ･ﾟﾟ･( >д<)･ﾟﾟ･  huhuh my iwa chan is being v busy again these days

 

 **Me:** this might be worse than ur schedule last year  >.<

 

 **Me:** i think youre just making me miss u more

 

 **Me:** im telling you i don like this strategy

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** It’s not like that, I just really need to get this shit over with

 

 **Me:** yeah yeah i kno lol i jus really miss u is all

 

 **Me:** havent properly kiss u since forver ugh do u know how hard is that for me  >///<

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Sorry… I guess

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** I miss you too Trashkawa, if that helps

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** But you know that already, yeah?

 

 **Me:** yeahh . .

 

 **[ ~~Me~~** ~~: but wait hby are u home now??? can i call you????? Lets have phone sex tonitr ugh i wanna hear ur voice again huhuhuh~~ **—]**

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Hey gotta go now I’ll call you later

 

 **[ ~~Me~~** ~~: oh you aren’t home yet??? Its 9???? Where r u—??~~ **]**

 

 **Me:** oh okie

 

 **Me:** miss u

 

 **Me:** love u

 

 **Me** : **❤**

 

* * *

 

 

 **CONVO**   **VIA** :  **SMS**  < **LINE** >

**SIM ACCT OWNER: Oikawa Tooru**

 

_**22 January 20XX** _

**_Monday,_**   ** _12_** _: **12 PM**_

__

**Me** : do u have someth to do later after class?????

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** I don’t think so

 

 **Me:** brilliant cuz ur mine at exactly 4 on the dot ok see u miss u luv u lets finally eat together ugh jesus im craving for ramen

 

* * *

 

 

**SIM ACCT OWNER: Oikawa Tooru**

 

_**22 January 20XX** _

**_Monday,_**   ** _03_** _:0 **1 PM**_

__

**1 Missed Call:** **Iwa-chan** **❤**

* * *

 

__

**CONVO**   **VIA** :  **SMS**  < **LINE** >

**SIM ACCT OWNER: Oikawa Tooru**

 

_**22 January 20XX** _

**_Monday,_**   ** _03_** _: **58 PM**_

 

 **Me** : iwa chan sorry i didn notice u were calling

 

 **Me:** iwa chan

 

 **Me:** iwa chaaaaaan

 

 **Me:** ur not calling 2say im abt to be stood up rn are u????

 

 **Me:** iwa chan???

 

* * *

 

 **CONVO** **VIA** **:** **SMS** ** <** **LINE** **>**

**SIM ACCT OWNER: Oikawa Tooru**

_**22 January 20XX** _

**_Monday,_ ** **_5_ ** _**:06 PM** _

 

 **Mattsun** **✓** **:** Was that just an apparition because makki and I thought we saw u at sato’s eating ramen all alone. Were on the way to the movies

 

 **Mattsun** **✓** : Was that actually u?

 

 **Me** : why

 

 **Mattsun** **✓** **:** What do u mean why?

 

 **Me** : whats the matter w eating all alone i like being alone i like eating alone being alone is healthy

 

 **Mattsun** **✓** **:** O..kay

 

 **Mattsun** **✓** **:** I was just checking.u never liked eating alone before?

 

 **Mattsun** **✓** **:** Where’s iwa though?

 

 **Mattsun** **✓** **:** Tooru?

 

* * *

 

 **CONVO** **VIA** **:** **SMS** ** <** **LINE** **>**

**SIM ACCT OWNER: Oikawa Tooru**

_**22 January 20XX** _

**_Monday,_ ** **_07_ ** _**:30 PM** _

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Tooru

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Shit, Tooru are you mad

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Im sorry my battery died I wasn’t able to call you again

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** I was calling you to say the committee wants to have a word again

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Even kenma was pissed. The whole group was there Im really sorry

 

**Me:**

**Me:** it’s okay :)

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Are you sure?

 

 **[ ~~Me~~** ~~: yeah i mean we hav no other choice have we?????~~ **]**

 

 **Me:** yeah!! im an understanding boyfriend dUH and remember what i always say?? education is important ;)

 

 **Me:** so its not a big deal

 

 **Me:** like, not at all

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:**

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Let’s go out tomorrow

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** For real

 

 **Me:** uhhh now im the one fully booked tomorrow huhuhuhjujujh

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** It’s okay, I’ll pick you up at the gym after practice

 

**Me:**

 

 **Me:** w8 really?????

 

 **Me:** yAYSKKJH OKOKOKKKK

 

 **Me:** lets eat ramen!!!!

 

 **Me:** oh wait no id just eaten ramen today lets eat pizza!!

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Whatever you like

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** You ate ramen earlier? With whom?

 

 **Me:** eh??

 

 **Me:** oh uh, with mattsun!!

 

 **Me:** such a life saver he knows how ih8 eatinh alone loool

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Right. Good to know

 

 **Me:** :)))))

 

 **Me:** see u tomorrow then????

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Yeah

**Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** See you tomorrow then

 

* * *

 

“ **YOU SEEM PRETTY EXCITED TONIGHT**? I wonder why?”

Oikawa wanted to stick his tongue out at Nishinoya—their team’s libero—but he just rolled his eyes, smiling lightly.

“Oh, Mr. Boyfriend is taking him out tonight. That’s why he’s fucking pumped.” Tanaka chortled behind them.

They were bantering around in the locker room, just having showered after the practice. It’s been a long Tuesday, but Oikawa was not yet fully tired. He was bottling all his energy and smiles for tonight.

“Shut it,” he finally said to his teammates, smiling. “It’s nothing fancy. Just pizza. The works.”

“But you two aren’t seeing each other that much since January starts, yeah?” Nishinoya inquired, rubbing a towel on his hair. “Might as well feel like a fucking suit and tie date, you know?” He teased.

Oikawa just laughed, not retorting anymore. It’s true, though. It felt like a fancy date. They never had a real one, to be honest. But hm. Oikawa thought their dates were the best. Stargazing nights and such.

His whole team, including Yachi went ahead, leaving him to lock up, since Iwaizumi was running a little late. Hmm. He could pretend to be a little pissed about it later. But at least he could use a few more minutes to fix his damp hair and put on some moisturizer.

Minutes passed. He’s getting hungry.

09:15 PM.

09:20… 09:27 PM.

He’s half an hour late.

What could have happened?

 _iwa chan??? where are u peasant,_ he texted him. Five more minutes passed, and still, no reply.

When he was finally locking the gym doors, his phone dinged a text message. He read the text immediately, sighing gratefully.

 

* * *

 

 **CONVO**   **VIA** :  **SMS**  < **LINE** >

**SIM ACCT OWNER: Oikawa Tooru**

 

_**23 January 20XX** _

**_Monday,_**   _ **09** : **36 PM**_

__

**Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Tooru I;m really sorry are you still there?

 

 **Me:** iwa chan!!!

 

 **Me** : thank goodness

 

 **Me:** ofc i’m still here!!!! :)

 

[ **~~Me~~** ~~: why r u running late??? where r u no—~~ ]

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Shit, tooru. Can you go home already I’m really sorry

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:**   I cant escape this fucking meeting until everything’s settled

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Are your teammates still there with you? Or yachi?

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** : Go eat with them, yeah?

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Don’t wait up

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Im really sorry

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Are you mad?

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Tooru?

 

 **Me:** no im not haha

 

 **Me:** its okk lol

 

 **Me:** yachi’s still here

 

 **Me:** shes waiting with me

 

 **Me:** well grab something to eat on the way home

 

 **Me:** ur still busy??

 

 **Me:** but srsly what exactly are u having a meeting for w the committee?

 

 **Me:** that’s taking up a long time now whats the hold up?

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Just some thesis shit

**Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Nothing actually important

 

 **[ ~~Me:~~** ~~nothing actually important but u had to ditch me many times now **—**?~~ **]**

 

 **Me:** i see

 

 **Me:** its ok i understand

 

 **Me:** look yachi sed shes already starving

 

 **Me:** she likes pizza tonight as well

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Take care on the way home, okay? Im really sorry

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** I’m really, realluy sorry

 

 **Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** I miss you

 

 **Me:** okay

 

 **Me:** its ok

 

 **Me:** im ok

 

 **Me:** i miss u too

* * *

 

 **“WHAT IF… SHE LOOKS THE** other way—I mean that may be a lot more reasonable in this angle, yeah?—and then the camera just pans out . . .”

It was a busy Friday afternoon. Oikawa was trying to explain something to his new prod director about a scene they’ve been having a hard time for an hour now. Ennoshita was great. He’s a creative sort, but his experience might be lacking compared to Oikawa’s. But hey, no hard feelings, alright. At least he wasn’t entirely kicked out in this prod despite his own mishaps and record last year.

It’s been a lonely week. He missed Iwaizumi so much. He could only count with his fingers the number of times they saw each other this month. It’s not that he’s being a clingy boyfriend, and it’s not that he’s got loads of free time himself.  It’s just that.. it’s been a while, and Oikawa was already feeling the loneliness in his bones. It’s an ugly feeling. He found himself sighing every now and then.

“ . . you know what, that actually makes sense,” Ennoshita nodded at him, a hand touching his chin. “I’m impressed.”

Oikawa’s eye ticked, but he forced a smile. “Really,”

The director blinked. Then, “Oh, hey. I don’t mean anything offensive. It’s just, I heard rumors from the theatre guys, saying you’re really good. And this is the first time we worked together for a prod. I anticipated it. And I’m literally impressed. I almost feel bad for what happened, replacing you and all. But this project is really important to me, you know?”

Oikawa nodded slowly, quite understanding. Again, hard feelings omitted, this project was important to him as well. This would be a very good highlight once lined-up in his portfolio. He could even land an internship at Toho. “I know.” He smiled. “And thanks,” _I know I’m brilliant._

Ennoshita frowned. “Are you okay, though, Oikawa-san? You seem pale?”

Oikawa blinked. “Eh?”

“You seem pale,” the director repeated. “Lacking sleep, I assume? Just rest for a while. I’ll tell some guys to bring you coffee,”

He was about to refuse, but, hm, caffeine didn’t sound so bad right now. Though he was internally pouting about being pale. Was he so _haggard_ ? Uh, geez, no.

“Here, Oikawa-san.” After a while, a hand appeared in front of him carrying a paper bag of Tokyo Blends.

“Uh, thanks.” He said, getting his coffee. He adjusted the glasses on his nose before he noticed who gave him his Venti cup. “Oh, hey, Miya-kun.” He chirped.

“Hey,” the guy nodded, smiling.

“It’s been a while,” Oikawa grinned, patting the chair beside him to make room for the other guy. Atsumu indulged him by sitting down, smiling keenly.

“Yeah, it’s been a while,” Atsumu said. “What’s that you’re working on this time?”

“Eh? Oh, uh, nothing much.” Oikawa was just scrolling through his Twitter feed on his laptop. “I’m just killing time. Can’t actually do a lot of post-production finishes until the actual taping ends, you know.”

“Hmm.” Atsumu agreed, nodding at him.

“What about you? Your semester going smoothly?”

Atsumu ducked his head lightly, laughing. “You can say that,” he said. His laugh was a bit bitter. Or maybe Oikawa just imagined it.

“Are those your friends with you? Back at the party?”

“Eh?” Atsumu looked at him.

“At the party?” Oikawa repeated. “Those guys with you?”

The guy looked actually confused.

Oikawa laughed. “Oh, geez. You got bonkers-drunk at the party, eh? You can’t even recall that I saw you back then?”

“P-Party?”

Oikawa laughed even more, slapping Atsumu’s back once. “The New Year’s eve party! At Empire? Remember?”

Atsumu blinked. Then gradually, his face changed. “O-oh!” He laughed a little bit loudly. “Yeah! I mean, hah hah, of course! I remember! I just, you know, a bit hazy, and.. yeah . .”

Oikawa shook his head disbelievingly, still snorting of laughter. “Tell you what, man. Don’t ever drink anything the drama club mixes ever again. You’d be in dipshit,”

Atsumu laughed again, not saying anything. Then, “Yeah, I guess they’re friends. But I can’t really be sure,” he murmured. “But, Oikawa-san. I didn’t… I mean, did I say anything to you? I mean. I was possibly drunk. I don’t really remember  . .”

“Hmm..” the brat tapped a finger on his chin, recalling. “Nah.” He said. “But you’re a snob when drunk, Atsumu-kun! You almost ignored me! But well, I can’t blame you, you have lots of friends. Quite a bit famous yourself, eh?”

“N-Not really,” Atsumu stammered. “But, are you sure I didn’t say anything? Nothing mean or rude or…you know? Nothing odd?”

Oikawa shrugged. “To be honest, I’m also drunk that night,” he giggled. “So, I dunno. Maybe you—oh! Wait! Your hair! Your hair looks—huh?” Oikawa paused, scrutinizing the other guy’s hair. “Your hair looks dyed. Did you dye it back? It’s light again.”

Atsumu didn’t answer. His mouth was opened lightly, not knowing what to respond. Then suddenly, a guy passed by. He was carrying some camera equipment.

Oikawa did a double-take. So did the guy. “Oikawa-kun?” the guy greeted. “Hey, man.”

The brat blinked. “Oh hey… Sumimoto-san, yeah?” Oikawa frowned. He was one of Iwaizumi’s classmates and thesis-mates. He met him once. The guy was nice. “What are you doing here? Iwa-chan’s been busy with your thesis since the year starts. I thought he said they have another committee discussion again or whatsoever..?”

Sumimoto nodded. “Yeah, that’s true, of course. But as you know, Shimizu-san and Iwaizumi-san are the only representatives. So the pressure’s on them.”

Oikawa straightened up, fixing his glasses. “This is a _group_ thesis isn’t it?”

Sumimoto shrugged, grinning. “Yeah, but ours were endorsed right after the second defense, right? And as you know, only two will be flying to Taipei as representatives.”

Wait a moment. Taipei?

Oikawa was dumbfounded. He breathed a short laugh. “Excuse me?”

Sumimoto blinked at him. “Hang on,” he said slowly. “Don’t tell me your boyfriend didn’t mention anything to you…?” he arched an eyebrow at Atsumu, and the other guy looked away awkwardly.

Oikawa’s face felt numb. “I—just—I mean.” He paused. “No,” he finally said. “He didn’t mention anything to me.”

Sumimoto shifted, not knowing what to say. “Ahh, if that’s the case, then, it’s better if, you know, you ask Iwaizumi about it _or—ahck!”_

Oikawa suddenly yanked the camera off the guy’s hand, setting it on a table beside then. He forced Sumimoto to sit beside them. “What’s this thing about Taipei?” he asked lowly. All serious business.

Sumimoto looked at Atsumu for help, but they were strangers to each other. Atsumu just shrugged helplessly.

“Ah, man, look,” Sumimoto sagged. “I was just helping my girlfriend in this project yeah? She’s in your prod team, really, and I was just passing by here—”

“What’s this thing,” Oikawa repeated, “About. Taipei?”

Sumimoto gulped, then, “I don’t have any insurance in case Iwaizumi punch the lights outta me, dude. I’m sure he has his reasons for not telling you.”

Oikawa waited, eyes dark.

Finally, the guy sighed. “Our thesis got endorsed last year right after the second defense, as I said. The panel signed an acknowledgment and endorsement award for us, and that means we have a chance to finish the thesis with the best sponsors available. Aside from that, if we get lucky, they’d offer us some shitload of scholarship along with the sponsorship for the thesis itself. Long story short, we got lucky. Shimizu-san’s a goddess after all. But uh, the catch is, only two representatives are allowed to be granted in this. And they’d have to be registered as exchange students in Taipei. Cuz, like, that’s where the main labs of the sponsor is.” He paused. “That’s why, you know. We’ve been having a hard time choosing whom to accept the spot with Shimizu. Everybody wants to go, I guess. But, er, contract’s two-years straight. No one’s happy with that. But all expenses in, so what can we all say?”

It took Oikawa a few seconds to digest the words. Then when his mind cleared, he sighed heavily. “And…Iwa-chan is… the one who’s chosen to go?”

Sumitomo pursed is lips. “Well. He’s Shimizu-san’s first choice. And nobody can’t argue with that. But… well, he’s having a hard time saying straight-yes. That’s why the everyone’s getting antsy. Deadline’s next week,”

Oikawa’s eyes snapped at him. “Next week?” he said incredulously. “Why is it so fast?”

“Uh.. the chosen representatives would have to process a hell lotta paper works for this. Not to mention the passport and student visa application..”

Oikawa felt weak. His shoulders slacked. “I see,”

Afterwards, the brat apologized to Sumimoto. He didn’t mean to bombard him with unexpected questions. He was just…surprised.

How can Iwaizumi not inform him with any of these?

And _next week?_

How can you decide until next week if you want to go and stay at Taiwan for two years?

This _was_ ridiculous.

Or maybe… Iwaizumi already have an answer, and wasn’t actually finding it hard to decide whether to go or not because, duh, who’d be an idiot to turn down an opportunity like this?

Oikawa wanted to laugh.

Did he seem like the type of boyfriend who would throw a tantrum because of that?

Did he seem like the type of guy who wouldn’t _understand_ ?

How can Iwaizumi think so lowly of him?

But, ugh, no. Maybe he’s just overanalyzing things. Oikawa was good at that. Especially when he’s anxious. But still, he was wounded. He ought to have a part in this. He might not have a say, alright. But he deserved to know at least. He’s the _boyfriend,_ for goodness’ sake.

“Are you okay, Oikawa-san?”

Atsumu’s vice broke his reverie. “Oh—uh—hey—Atsumu-kun. I didn’t realize your still there!”

“You’re… not looking good.” Atsumu said, glancing at Oikawa’s abandoned coffee at the nearby table. “You want some water instead? I can get you some—”

“Do you think I appear so clingy and shallow?”

Atsumu halted in his words. “I’m sorry?”

Oikawa looked at him, gnawing his lip. “You heard everything,” he said, but his tone wasn’t the least bit accusing. “Do you think I can’t handle that kind of thing?”

“No!” Atsumu said, a little loudly. “You’re smart, senpai.” He continued. “You’re brilliant; you’re good with people; you’re kind and you’re perceptive. Of course you could’ve handled that!”

Oikawa was look at him, surprised. He almost blushed, hearing those words from a stranger. “Wow.. I—” he laughed lowly. “Thanks I guess. But,” his shoulders sagged more, lower lip jutting out. “Ah, geez, I don’t wanna cry, dammit—”

“I think you should talk to him. Iwaizumi-san, I mean. I met him once, yeah? He seems… a good person,”

Oikawa laughed lightly at that.

“Isn’t he?” Confusion laced Atsumu’s voice.

“He is,” Oikawa smiled sadly. “But to be honest, I don’t think that’s the issue here.”

The other guy waited.

“Thank you, Atsumu-kun,” Oikawa smiled. “I really appreciate your concern,” he murmured, glancing at his phone.

 


	22. Dancing with our hands tied.

 

 

“ . . Makki said it’s good, so I figured we can watch it together. But Makki’s tastes in movies are, you know, a little juvenile, but I guess I can tolerate it. I put up with _you_ everyday, so . .”

Iwaizumi kept droning on and on about this and that. Little things, circle-of-friends things, movie-recommendations things, and even family things. He mentioned a while ago that he hinted at one of his passing phone calls with his mom that he’s seeing someone. It made his mother curious, asking if she was pretty or how old is she and is she one of his classmates to which  Iwaizumi answered, he is okay, mom, I’m a month older and uh, no, he studies Film. He could imagine his mother blinking back at him but she knew he’s queer so, whatever. At least there were no brow-raising questions that followed. Iwaizumi’s mother understood, after all.

He kept track on Oikawa’s face as he told this. But the other guy seemed a little bit distracted about other things. He’s not trying so hard to hide it, though. That bothered Iwaizumi but stupidly and ironically, it just made him babble out far-off shit more.

“Mmhmm,” Oikawa was smiling albeit lightly. He was staring ahead. They were walking side-by-side, just window shopping at Shibuya one Sunday night. It has been a very good date. Perfect, even. At least Iwaizumi had managed to allot some time for Oikawa after all these grueling and stressful days at uni. He’s been busy, and thank God Oikawa has been patient.

“ . . also, I already heard that album from that band you mentioned last week. [SHE’S](https://open.spotify.com/artist/6TNooB9HDJ9Xs1GFPl2Fiv) or something?”

“Mmhm. What do you think?”

“It’s okay. I like them,” Iwaizumi shrugged.

“Mm,”

“Also there’s some—”

“Say, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa segued nonchalantly. “How’s your thesis going?”

Iwaizumi’s words trailed. For once tonight, he was the one distracted at what he’s going to say. But after a while, “It’s… fine,” he managed. “It’s going okay, I mean.” He paused. Then, “So… how about that new movie—”

Oikawa halted, letting Iwaizumi walk a few paces ahead.

Iwaizumi ceased his steps, looking back. Oikawa had stopped walking, both hands buried in his coat.

It was snowing. The temperature’s a little over ten degrees—a bit high for a January night. For a moment, Iwaizumi just stared at Oikawa, a halo of city lights surrounding his face. Passersby come and go, sneaking curious glances at them, wondering why two dudes were standing awkwardly in the middle of the sidewalk.

Iwaizumi internally cursed. _Does he know?_ he thought. Then, he almost laughed bitterly. _Of course he’d know._ _Stop being an idiot, fucker._ He’s so dumb. Or maybe he’s just a fucking coward. Either way, he’s not ready for this confrontation yet.

Oikawa wasn’t looking at him when he spoke again. “Your thesis,” He repeated, glancing at the streetlights around them. “How’s it?”

There was a long pause. Then, “Who told you?”

Finally, Oikawa looked at him. “That’s not important. What matters is _it’s not you who told me_ ,”

Iwaizumi ran a hand on his face. He glanced around, then abruptly, he tugged Oikawa’s arm, dragging him forward. “Let’s not talk about this here.”

He heard a disbelieving laugh from Oikawa. “Then where and when, huh?” his voice insistent.

“Back at my place—”

Oikawa yanked his arm away, fuming. He looked frustrated. “I can’t,” he breathed, puffs of winter air billowing from his mouth. “I have A.M. classes tomorrow,”

Iwaizumi wanted to retort, but he can’t think of what to say.

Oikawa waited, then he sighed. He stomped forward, Iwaizumi behind him. When Oikawa saw a nearby bench near a massive Christmas tree that wasn’t taken down yet, he sat on it. Iwaizumi followed suit beside him, half a meter apart.

The night was young, and Shibuya was always busy, cocooning them in a murmur of mindless chatter and pop music. But their sudden contrasting silence was disturbing. Iwaizumi was getting fidgety.

“Weren’t you planning to tell me?” Oikawa’s voice was soft and low. It hurt Iwaizumi that it sounded so.. disappointed. His arms were crossed.

“It’s not like that,” he started. “It’s just—I don’t want to tell you until I’m sure everything’s settled—”

Oikawa scoffed. “Don’t make me laugh, I’ve been told you have to decide next week. And I just heard about it yesterday and it’s not from you. How fucked up is that?”

Iwaizumi bit his inside cheek. Oikawa had cursed. He’s pissed. “I was planning to tell you now. I’ve been meaning to tell you—”

Oikawa did laugh this time. It’s a short bitter laugh, almost derisive. “You’ve been going on and on about shit except for that one thing we have to be discussing. Not to mention you’re not actually that chatty, yet you managed to go on and on just so you can lead the fucking conversation. Have been meaning to tell me?” he huffed. “You’ve been _avoiding_ it.”

Iwaizumi threw his head back, closing his eyes in defeat. “How much do you know, really?”

Oikawa sighed. “Sumimoto-san told me everything there is to know.”

Iwaizumi almost groaned, looking at him. “Look, okay? I just—I just wanna make sure, yeah? I didn’t mean to upset you,”

“Ah,” Oikawa nodded. “Of course. But say, you didn’t think it would upset me more? Saying, _Tooru, I’m flying to Taiwan tomorrow. Because, YOLO. So take care, okay? Bye-bye!”_

 “No, it’s _not_ really like that—” Iwaizumi said through gritted teeth.

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa sighed. “Why are you having a hard time telling me?”

Iwaizumi didn’t answer.

Oikawa looked sad. Dejected. “It’s so obvious what the bottom line is.” He whispered. “Isn’t it? I’m—” he broke off, then, “I mean, for fuck’s sake. If only you just told me sooner—”

“Is that what you like?” Iwaizumi said. “For me to go?”

Oikawa opened his mouth but no words came out.

“I just…” Iwaizumi hesitated, shaking his head. He let out a long sigh. “I’m not worried about what you’d think,” he paused, huffing a bitter laugh himself. “Thing is, I already know what you’re going to say.” He continued. “But it’s actually _me_ having second thoughts.. I mean—” Iwaizumi looked rumpled, running a hand on his face again. It’s a mannerism when he’s distressed. “I just got you, Tooru. We just got together.” He said tiredly. “And you’re okay with me flying to Taipei for _two years?_ Didn’t you even consider that?”

Oikawa didn’t move. For a while, he just kept looking ahead, away from Iwaizumi. Then his whole body slumped, his arms unfolding and falling at his sides. Slowly, Oikawa shifted to look at him, and even with the soft city lights surrounding them, Iwaizumi felt like he can’t see the other guy’s face at all. Silhouettes. Lots of silhouettes. Since when Oikawa’s face got painted with a mask of shadows?

“It’s just . . ” Oikawa shrugged. “I don’t know, Iwa-chan.. I really don’t know,”

Iwaizumi looked at him, just looked at him, and Oikawa can barely stand his gaze.

“It doesn’t matter, does it?” Oikawa said. “It shouldn’t… _matter_ this time… these feelings... our feelings.” He sighed. “This is your education and long-term career we’re talking about,”

Iwaizumi’s heart stopped; a tiny breathe came out of his nose. He can’t muster a reply. His throat enclosed. “You don’t mean that.”

Oikawa smiled, eyes glassy. “Don’t I?” he whispered, and there—for a nanosecond the sudden mask melted away, and Iwaizumi saw that something in Oikawa’s face completely shattered. Broken. Fractured. Something caught in his own chest as well but Iwaizumi pushed the feeling down.

He’s known Oikawa Tooru for a while now. He’d confidently say that at this point, he could tell if Oikawa’s lying or something was going on in that head of his.

Right now though, he’s scared.

Because he can’t read whether Oikawa was serious or he’s just fucking with him.

“You don’t mean that,” Iwaizumi said again. “Tooru—”

Abruptly, Oikawa stood up. Iwaizumi can’t see his face. “Let’s go home now, Iwa-chan.”

“Tooru,” he warned again. His voice might’ve wavered a little.

A sigh. A pause. A distorted heart beat. “Come on, now. A little later and we’ll freeze.” Oikawa smiled ruefully as he pulled Iwaizumi’s arm, forcing him to stand up, and then—it’s gone. The moment. The mask of shadows. Was it really there in the first place?

Iwaizumi didn’t know what to say. The bus ride home was silent as well. It was Iwaizumi who had to get off his stop first but he didn’t; Oikawa didn’t point it out either.

Oikawa’s hands were still buried in his coat pockets as they trudged down the front of his dorm building. Iwaizumi didn’t push it, but he has a feeling that Oikawa didn’t want to hold hands.

“ . . I wanna invite you inside, but I know we’re both tired,” Oikawa started.

Iwaizumi stared at him. Was he ready to leave this night as it was? His chest kind of hurt. It’s not even metaphorical. “Oikawa, what you said . . I know it’s not what you—”

“What’s the date exactly?”

Iwaizumi blinked. “What?”

“The due date,” Oikawa said, glancing at the ground. “Next week. When they’re expecting you to turn your name in,”

He almost didn’t answer. “Saturday. Second of February,”

Finally, Oikawa looked at him. He crossed his arms again. “You’re still an asshole, you know. For not telling me.”

Iwaizumi glanced away. “I’m sorry,” he sighed.

“Tell me if you need anything,”

Iwaizumi stared.

“You know; companion, lunch-dates, or whatever, until your flight-to-be. Wouldn’t be too far from now, would it?”

Iwaizumi felt the blow, half-closing his eyes. How can this idiot say it like that? He found himself shaking his head slowly. “No, I don’t think so,” he murmured.

Oikawa nodded. “Okay,” He shifted forward, kissing Iwaizumi’s lips. It was short and cold, just a peck. He could almost taste the sadness on Oikawa’s mouth. Bittersweet and torturous. “Good night, then.”

 _So this was how we’re gonna play it?_ Iwaizumi thought as Oikawa went inside the building. _So this was how we’re gonna be?_

He stared mournfully, heaving a long, deep sigh as Oikawa stepped on the lift.

 

 

 

 **THAT NIGHT BEFORE OIKAWA CLOSED** his eyes, he stared long and hard at his ceiling. There were a million things running inside his mind right now.

He wanted to sob like the baby he certainly was. But then, what next? _After I cried, what next?_

It wouldn’t solve anything.

Sleep didn’t come so easily for him. At past one, his eyes were already closed, but his mind was still a live wire. Running, running. Alive and never-ending.

He plugged in his earbuds and played [SHE’S](https://open.spotify.com/artist/6TNooB9HDJ9Xs1GFPl2Fiv)’ latest album until sleep consumed him entirely.

 

 

 

 **SUGAWARA’S SILVER HEAD APPEARED BEHIND** the newspaper he was holding. “You what now?”

Oikawa just sighed, staring at his palms.

It was a Saturday morning, and Oikawa Tooru found himself in company of one Sugawara Koushi. He seldom did this, hanging out at Urban on Suga’s shift for a good chat and nice music. He liked helping the guy arrange the albums and vinyl records in their respected shelves. Somehow, it’s therapeutic.

This time though, he just wanted to be alone. He didn’t really want to think. He was doing a lot of thinking every night for the past few days. Mostly he just wanted some… change of space and air and stuff. He tried cycling around his block a few times to get his mind off things—that’s what he always did before. But sadly, this time, it didn’t work.

So Saturday came and Oikawa was sort-of free the entire day and so he visited Sugawara.

He didn’t initially plan to vent, okay. But somehow while he’s staring at one random album, Oikawa found himself talking.

This wasn’t the first time it happened either because they all know that Oikawa Tooru was one dramatic friend and venting out about little things just came in a package with your friendship with the guy.

Thankfully, Sugawara was all-ears. Oikawa’s almost certain that he could be some Psychiatry student, instead of LegMa.

“You what now?” Sugawara repeated. “I mean.. you don’t really mean that, do you?”

Oikawa sighed again, turning his back to him and wandering along the nearby shelves and racks. “I don’t know, to be honest,” he mumbled, “But I do have a point, Suga-chan. Right?”

Sugawara shook his head. “No,” he said firmly. “That is so… wrong. You shouldn’t say things like that to your boyfriend! It’s good Iwaizumi knows you already and he also knows you don’t actually mean that!” he paused. “Or… does he?”

Oikawa didn’t answer, eyeing some newly released EPs on their racks.

“That is so… cruel, Tooru. Are you serious?” Sugawara asked.

Oikawa fiddled with a random jewel case album. “No. Maybe. I told you I don't know!”

“But why the hell would you imply that?! Are you insane?”

Oikawa chucked the album case back so hard. “Aren’t you listening, Suga-chan?” he said thickly, “The problem is he doesn’t want to leave! _That_ is so fucking insane! This.. whatever we have.. our relationship.. It’s holding him back.. and it’s just—I can’t do that to him—!”

Sugawara mumbled something incoherently, and then he stood up from his seat, walking around the counter to stomp towards Tooru. He snatched the other album the guy was holding. “Calm down, you’ll break the case,”

“Sorry,” Oikawa muttered, striding away from him.

“Look—Tooru. Don’t get me wrong, okay? I understand what you’re saying. But please don’t think what you guys have is something… _bad_. That guy loves you so much. Can you imagine? He’s having second thoughts accepting the scholarship abroad because he doesn’t want to leave you!”

Oikawa threw his head back furiously. The he looked at Sugawara again. “Can’t you hear yourself?” he said. “That point exactly is so fucked up!” He paused, breathing raggedly. “I can’t just tell him not to go! I’m not selfish—!”

“Okay, I’m sorry,” the guy backpedaled. “That’s too.. _unhealthy_ if I phrase it that way,” he paused. “But then make him understand!” Sugawara continued. “It’s just.. goddammit. You can’t just say things like that! And really, Tooru, is two years too long—?”

“Apparently, it is. Surprise,” Oikawa snapped at him, striding away.

Sugawara followed, and before Oikawa can turn away, he yanked his arm so hard Oikawa almost yelped. “Tooru, look at me,”

“I don’t want to,”

“You fucking look at me, Oikawa Tooru,”

Shocked, Oikawa looked at him, eyes wide. “That is so _uncouth_ for you, Suga-chan—!”

Sugawara ignored this. “Really, Tooru. What are you afraid of?” he said. “I get that you don’t wanna hold him back—”

“I don’t wanna hold him back,” Oikawa breathed, staring down at Sugawara, “I don’t wanna hold him back but I don’t want him to go either and I don’t wanna keep pushing him away because I thought we’re way past that point already but I just…” he breathed. “Two years, it’s just..” he pursed his lips, looking away and holding back tears. “I’m going to die for two years, fucking hell. I’m going to fucking die that maybe I think it’s best if we just break it off entirely before he goes.”

It took a while, but Sugawara’s grip on Oikawa’s arm slacked. Nobody said a word.

Then, Sugawara shook his head. “Now you don’t really mean _that,”_ he said.

Oikawa didn’t answer.

“I don’t think you guys should break up. I understand it will hurt, okay? But still. Tooru. That’s… bullshit. Everyone’s hurting. That’s what love is, you know. Sacrifices.”

Oikawa wiped the sleeves of his shirt on his face, stopping the tears from spilling completely. Then he laughed shakily. “I know,” he agreed. “I know,” he breathed a sigh, shaking his head slowly. "Can we stop this? I hate it. I wanna deck your face but I can't, okay? This conversation makes me mad."

For a moment, Sugawara looked miffed. Then he crossed his arms, sighing as well. "You are so mad, indeed."

Oikawa scowled, looking up at the speakers. “You know what, I really hate that artist. Can we change the song?”

Sugawara blinked, then, “Jesus, Tooru. Is it the time? You’re so . .”

Oikawa laughed shakily, Sugawara joining him, but his eyes were still wet. This was so insane.

Later on, before Oikawa go home, Sugawara said again, “But promise me you’ll talk to him again, yes? You can’t just leave things like that. And you _can’t_ break up. Understand? You promise me right now.”

Oikawa didn’t almost answer because God. He didn’t really know what to say or what to do. He smiled sadly instead. “I don't think I'm good with promises, Suga-chan,” he said. “But I will try.”

God, he will try.

 

 


	23. Fading.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [♬](https://open.spotify.com/track/2kwvjJ6tsuCMM1tRc8j0f5?si=E-fLzC2bSbSdpqQ43y9mqg)

 

**SIM ACCT OWNER: Oikawa Tooru**

 

_**22 January 20XX** _

**_Monday,_ ** **_03_ ** _: **01 PM**_

__

**1 Missed Call:** **Iwa-chan** **❤**

__

__

* * *

 

 

 

**CONVO**   **VIA** :  **SMS**  < **LINE** >

**SIM ACCT OWNER: Oikawa Tooru**

_**22 January 20XX** _

**_Monday,_ ** **_12_ ** _: **12 PM**_

__

**Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Tooru

**Iwa-chan** **❤** **:**

**Iwa-chan** **❤** **:**

**Me:**

**Me:** what

 

**Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Nothing

 

 

* * *

 

**CONVO**   **VIA** :  **SMS**  < **LINE** >

**SIM ACCT OWNER: Oikawa Tooru**

_**02 February 20XX** _

**_Saturday,_ ** **_12_ ** _: **59 AM**_

**Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Tooru

 

**Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** I know you’re still awake

 

**Me:**

 

**Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** We’re good, yeah?

 

**Me:** what kind of question is that

 

**Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** I just want to know

 

**Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** But we’re good, right? You and me

 

**Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Tooru

 

**Me:** yeah ofcourse iwa chan

 

**Me:** i don really kno why you always ask that

 

**~~[Me:~~ ** ~~its shitty knowing I make you feel like you need to ask— **]**~~

 

**Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Don’t you really?

 

**Me:**

**Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** What’s happening

**Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** I feel like we need to talk again

**Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** I haven’t seen you around for weeks now

**Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** By this time you should be whining already

 

**Me** : oh really

 

**Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Yes, really. I know you already

 

  **Me** :

 

**Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Suga said you might be avoiding me

 

**Me:** and when did you see suga chan

 

**Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** I sometimes swing by the record store. I know you always go there

 

**~~[Me:~~ ** ~~wtf]~~

 

**~~[Me:~~ ** ~~are we fighting I feel like we’re fighting— **]**~~

 

**~~[Me:~~ ** ~~but idk whos to blame or who has the right to be actually angry— **]**~~

 

**Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** I miss you

 

**Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** I really, really miss you

 

**Me** :

 

**Me:** look iwa chan. ineed to sleep

 

**Iwa-chan** **❤** **:**

**Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Ok

* * *

 

 

To: iwaizumihajime061094@u-tokyo.ac.jp

Subject: **[LYONDELL TAIWAN via U-TOKYO JP]** Flight Application Status

From: jice-tokyochapter@u-tokyo.ac.jp

Date Stamp: Sunday, Feb 03, 20XX at 11:26 PM

Security: Standard encryption (TLS)

STARRED MAIL | HIGH PRIORITY

 

Hi Mr. Iwaizumi Hajime,

Please click link below to see your updated flight application and status provided by JAL.

 

**< CLICK HERE>**

 

For your reference, information, and further handling, please.

Thank you and have a nice day!

 

Best Regards,

**Oyawa Mina**

Secretary of the Committee

Japan Institute of Chemical Engineers, Tokyo Chapter

University of Tokyo

 

 

* * *

 

 

**CONVO**   **VIA** :  **SMS**  < **LINE** >

**SIM ACCT OWNER: Oikawa Tooru**

_**06 February 20XX** _

**_Wednesday,_ ** **_06_ ** _: **19 PM**_

 

**Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Tooru where are you

**Iwa-chan** **❤** **:**

**Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** We need to talk tonight

 

**Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** I need to see you

 

**Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** I have something to tell you

 

**Iwa-chan** **❤** **:** Why arent you answering ur cell

 

**Iwa-chan** **❤** **:**

 

* * *

 

 

**CONVO**   **VIA** :  **SMS**  < **LINE** >

**SIM ACCT OWNER: Iwaizumi Hajime**

_**06 February 20XX** _

**_Wednesday,_ ** **_06_ ** _: **30 PM**_

 

**Me** : Hey Yachi uh is Tooru with you?

 

**Me** : Hey Yachi uh is Tooru with you?

 

**YACHI HITOKA** : hi iwaizumi-kuun um no hes not with me????? He didn attend practice

 

**YACHI HITOKA** : kei might know tho do u need his number??

 

**Me** : I got it, thank you Yachi

 

**YACHI HITOKA** : no prob!!! I’m sure hes just around. And oh also saw him with the pink haired boy earlier. Matsun’s boyfie

 

**YACHI HITOKA** : u might want to text him as well :)

 

**Me** : Ok Thank you so much

 

 

* * *

 

 

**CONVO**   **VIA** :  **SMS**  < **LINE** >

**SIM ACCT OWNER: Iwaizumi Hajime**

_**06 February 20XX** _

**_Wednesday,_ ** **_06_ ** _: **33 PM**_

 

**Me** : Tsukishima, Hi, is tooru with you

 

**TSUKISHIMA KEI** : No he’s not

 

**TSUKISHIMA KEI** : he might be at the dorms moping

 

**Me** : What?

 

**Me** : What do you mean

 

**TSUKISHIMA KEI:** That he might be at the d0rms moping. Text yachi maybe

 

**Me** :

 

**Me** : Ok thanks

 

 

* * *

 

 

**CONVO**   **VIA** :  **SMS**  < **LINE** >

**SIM ACCT OWNER: Iwaizumi Hajime**

_**06 February 20XX** _

**_Wednesday,_ ** **_06_ ** _: **35 PM**_

 

**Me** : Makki is Tooru with you?

 

**Me** : Makki

 

**Me** : A friend of him said he’s with you today

 

**Me** : Makki

 

 

* * *

 

 

**CONVO**   **VIA** :  **SMS**  < **LINE** >

**SIM ACCT OWNER: Iwaizumi Hajime**

_**06 February 20XX** _

**_Wednesday,_ ** **_07_ ** _: **10 PM**_

 

**Me** :  Matsukawa is Tooru with you

 

**Me** : why don’t people fucking replyit’s just a yes or no

 

**Me** :

 

 

* * *

 

 

**CONVO**   **VIA** :  **SMS**  < **LINE** >

**SIM ACCT OWNER: Iwaizumi Hajime**

_**06 February 20XX** _

**_Wednesday,_ ** **_08_ ** _: **16 PM**_

 

**Me** : Tooru

 

**Me** : I don’t know why my instincts are telling me to be nervous

 

**Me** : Youre not doing something stupid aren’t you

 

**Me** : You usually reply to my texts and calls why are you giving me a hard time now

 

**Me** : Tooru are you mad?

 

**Me** : Have Shimizu told you about the flight already?

 

**Me** : Look, I’m sorry it was so fast

 

**Me** : I didn’t even know it would be that fast 

 

**Me** : I didn’t even tell anything to my parents yet

 

**Me** : I’ve been thinkinh

 

**Me** : If this is really the right decision

 

**Me:** I know Im an idiot

 

**Me** : But I wanna know what’s really in your mind

 

**Me** : Tooru

 

**Me** : Look

 

**Me** : I don’t want to talk about this here through text

 

**Me** : I want to see you now

 

**Me** : Please pick up your cell

 

**Me** : We havent talked to each other for a while now please

 

**Me** :

 

 

* * *

 

 

“ **DO YOU THINK HE’S BEING** an idiot?”

Matsukawa looked at Makki sitting beside him. He didn’t say anything for a while. Then, “He _is_ being an idiot.” he said, “But let him be,”

Makki blinked, looking back at one Oikawa Tooru eating in front of them, across the table.

The guy was silent. Unusually silent. He kept eating his gimbap purposefully. Makki can’t even tell if he’s still enjoying or savoring it like the guy usually does. He stopped checking his mobile phone after he fiddled with it, probably to put it on silent mode or something. But he looked more antsy and lost now than earlier when he kept staring at his vibrating phone.

This should be just a Wednesday movie night with Matsukawa. But for some reason, Oikawa just happened to join them. Makki didn’t mind, sure. But it was really kind of worrying. Oikawa wasn’t usually like this. He seemed almost…sad.

_4 New Messages_

Makki blinked at Iwaizumi’s text messages. He frowned, about to reply, but Matsukawa held his hand, stopping him.

“Oi.” he said. “He seems worried.”

“Let him worry,” was all Matsukawa said.

The news about Iwaizumi leaving for his university thesis and scholarship wasn't exactly surprising. For the original troop, at least. But Makki couldn't say the same thing for Oikawa. It's just.. Iwaizumi really looked like a dense imbecile sometimes, alright. But truth was, he's one of the smartest ones among them. He's also one of the few who actually take their education seriously, so the opportunity granted to him didn't appear so shocking at all.

Makki was almost sure there won't be a problem with the circumstances that would take place. But then again, two years was indeed long. It would be a bittersweet parting of the ways, he imagined.

He sighed, looking at Oikawa. He wanted to ask a lot of questions: how is he holding up? What does he feel? Do you think two years will change a lot of things?

He felt sad for the guy, seriously. It made his heart pang and for a moment, a sudden wave of pity surged in his chest. He bit his lip, quickly swiping his thumb across his phone to send Iwaizumi a message—

"I told you to let him be," Matsukawa drawled lowly, not looking at him. His hands were deft, plucking Makki's phone from his hand.

"I just," Makki sputtered, "I just can't take it, okay?" He said. "For Christ's sake the guy's seriously worried—"

"I told you to let him worry—"

"What's the point in that? You're just making your friends' lives more miserable! These two need to talk—"

Matsukawa hissed, glancing at Oikawa. "He obviously doesn't want to talk—"

"Who are you, his father—?"

"No, but I'm his best fr—!" Matsukawa stopped, and he backed down, not saying anything and stuffing more tempura in his mouth.

Abruptly, their bickering ceased. Makki glared, but then his senses doubled and he slowly looked at Oikawa, seeing the brat staring quietly at them, a strand of ramen noodle hanging from his mouth. He slurped it noisily.

"Is there.. something wrong?" Oikawa asked.

Makki didn't answer; Matsukawa just shook his head slowly, putting more sushi on Oikawa's plate. "Eat more; you look thin these days."

Oikawa didn't roll his eyes but Makki felt the gesture in his glare nonetheless. Makki sighed inwardly, glancing at his boyfriend. "Since we're having this sad party tonight, can we order some beer?"

He thought Matsukawa will refuse. He's half-joking anyway, it's a Wednesday night. But he raised his brows when his boyfriend sighed and called a passing waitress. "Excuse me, can we get a bucket of Asahi, please. Thanks!"

" _Ohhhhh_ ," Oikawa grinned. It didn't quite reach his eyes. "Are we gonna get wasted tonight? It's a school day tomorrow but you know what they say, YOLO!!"

Makki knew Oikawa always refused alcohol on weekdays, especially on nights when he has classes the next day. The guy's a lightweight and hangover's a bitch. But, eh. He supposed Oikawa wanted to drown his heavy heart. Makki didn't exactly know the feeling, but he can imagine it. He just felt bad for Iwaizumi. That guy’s worried now, Makki's sure of it.

He smiled at Oikawa though, pouting a bit. "Don't drink too much, though," he warned. "Issei and I won't pay your taxi fare. You have to take the bus drunk."

Oikawa snorted. "It's just beer." He said. "Who gets drunk with beer, anyway . . . . ?"

 

 

 

  . . . .  _Me, apparently_ , Oikawa thought, one hour later to the night. He felt tipsy and giggly. But he can handle himself for now. It's just beer, after all.

His stomach felt a little queasy, though. He might need to puke something out in order to function easily. He could take the bus ride home drunk, of course but that didn't mean he wanted to.

"Issei, you're such a shitty best friend. How could you let him drink all four bottles?"

Matsukawa ran a hand on his face, looking uneasy but not so distressed. "I told you, it's just beer, it's okay, as long as he ate something beforehand," he defended. “And he _did_ eat something beforehand, yeah?”

"That's not the point, though; he's already red-faced. He's drunk!"

"Well you _are_ the one who asked me if we could drink—"

"Yeah but I didn't mean for you to let him drink almost the whole bucket, jackass—"

Oikawa glanced in front of him, seeing Makki and Matsukawa arguing again. It made his ears rang. Why is this couple always fighting? They shouldn't fight. Everything's okay with these guys. Both of them were doing well in school and none of them was going to Taiwan. They should be loving each other and going out on dates and having sex every Sundays.

_Heh_ , he thought bitterly. Having sex on Sundays. When was the last time he got laid, anyway? It didn’t matter. He should just get used to his own hand by now. Sneaky handjobs were painful and unsatisfactory sometimes but hey, surprise! This was Oikawa Tooru’s life where everything he does was unsatisfactory and not up to par or just plain bullshit. He had his good days, he believed. But he wouldn’t be here now playing thirdwheel if his life was perfect. Or if at least he’s lucky at his relationships. Or if at least his boyfriend won’t be leaving him.

Fuck, alcohol, seriously. He needed to pee.

“Uh, guys, I just need to piss,”

Matsukawa looked at him as he stood up. “Are you okay? Can you walk? How’s your stomach?”

Makki mumbled something that Oikawa didn’t catch. He shook his head, smiling. “I’m fine,” he said.

“Okay,” Matsukawa said, eyeing him in concern.

Oikawa slowly dragged himself away, looking for the comfort room.

He was quite drunk, hands slow and eyelids drooping. He washed his hands right after and having the need to sit still, locked himself up in one of the cubicles. He sat down on the toilet seat, letting his drunkenness stupor fade. It wasn’t easy; he supposed he’d just have to sleep it off.

Oikawa wanted to cry. He wanted to cry and make a mess inside a nice diner’s comfort room. He wanted to cry for being lame and a lightweight for alcohol. He wanted to cry for crashing other couple’s Wednesday night date and being the mopey thirdwheel. He wanted to cry for being a coward and not having any courage to see Iwaizumi these days.

He just wanted to cry, alright. But he didn’t. He can’t. He wanted to puke as well. But he didn’t.

He scrolled through his LINE messages, stoically reading the bajillion of messages that came flooding all at once after he put the airplane mode off.

There were lots of messages from Iwaizumi, of course. But he didn’t read any of them. He just kept staring as one by one, the messages kept barging in. There were some from Yachi and Tsukishima, stating that Iwaizumi was looking for him.

Oikawa sighed, folding his body and burying his face between his knees.

He stayed that for a while, then suddenly, he was dialing a number.

Iwaizumi picked up after two rings.

“Tooru,” Iwaizumi’s voice said. It was a bit breathless. Oikawa liked to imagine him being breathlessly worried looking for him. It’s cruel but life is cruel so sue him. And he’s drunk, so.

“Tooru,” Iwaizumi pressed. “Where are you? Why aren’t you replying? Are Makki and Matsukawa with you? Why can’t I contact you all?”

Oikawa stared at the cubicle door, listening to Iwaizumi’s voice.

“Tooru, why don’t you answer? Where are you right now? Tell me—”

“Say, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa suddenly mumbled. “I’m asking because I can’t remember,” he paused. “But since when did you start calling me by my first name?”

There was silence from the other line. Then, “Are you drunk?”

Oikawa breathed a huff of laugh, wheezing. “I don’t really get you all,” he said. “You think answering a question with a question is cute?” he said incoherently, words lilting. “It’s not. It’s dumb.”

“Tooru, please just tell me Matsukawa’s there with y—”

“Bye bye. Iwa-chan.” Oikawa slurred, somehow feeling proud of himself. “Have a good night!” _Click_.

 

 

 

Makki forced Oikawa to chug a bottle of water as they went to exit the diner. Oikawa rolled his eyes, saying he’s still sober and _what the hell, Makki, it’s just beer_ but his foot tripping over his other one on a flat plane surface of the diner’s parking space was a clear signal that N _o, Oikawa, you’re not fucking sober,_ and Makki put Oikawa’s arm over his own shoulder as he helped him walk.

Oikawa didn’t refuse the help. He just silently hung his head. He didn’t know if he was feeling empty or embarrassed or sleepy. He’s just drunk and he didn’t care. Sometimes it’s odd; feeling elated after the flow of alcohol. It made him numb and not think things that you actually need to be worrying about.

 

 

 

“Issei, Do you think he’s gonna puke?” Makki grunted. “I think we should switch places. You should carry him. Not me,”

“I’m the one who paid the bill,”

“How fucking dare you.”

Matsukawa snorted a laugh. “Nah he’s gonna be fine, I think.” A pause. “Why, is he heavy? I don’t think he’s heavy,”

“Nah, it’s okay. I got him. Actually he’s _not_ heavy. Is this boy eating enough? I thought he’s an athlete; where were those thick muscles—”

“Hey, don’t start groping him, asshole—”

“I’m not, hah hah, oh, hey, I think his phone’s ringing? Something’s vibrating over here—”

“Are you sure it’s a _phone_ —?”

“Jackass, it’s not the time to joke around—here—answer it. I thought he put it on airplane mode earlier—? Oi. Who’s that? Answer it now, don’t just stare at it.”

“Nah—I don’t think—”

“Issei, who’s that? Imma—Let me—”

“ _Tch_ —you’re such a—stop it—I’m gonna hail a cab—”

“Answer it now; the guy’s fucking worried. He’s texting me nonstop—”

“Oi, don’t—I told you it’s no one—”

“There—answer it!”

“Ahhh—you jackass, I— _hello_?”

Silence.

“Ahh, no. It’s Matsukawa. Yes. He’s with us.”

Oikawa’s consciousness and focus was slipping in and out. The rest of the conversation sounded clipped, short and hazy.

“Iwa, it’s Makki!” Makki’s voice was a little bit loud. “I’m sorry for my asshole of a boyfriend. He’s just an asshole but Oikawa’s here and I’m actually carrying him right now and it would be very nice if you could come and p—”

“I already said there’s no need for that,” Matsukawa snapped. “I know where his dorm is. There’s no need to—I— _what_?”

There was a pause. A shift of atmosphere. Some mumbling, and a change of air for some reason.

“How the fuck did you know where we are?” Matsukawa.

“There’s something called GPS, as you don’t know.”

“What? I don’t—Makki, I told you—”

“I just tweeted!” Makki said in a small voice, protesting. “Who knows my boy here is just as smart?”

There was silence, and Oikawa felt a different pair of strong arms pulling him away from the comfort of Makki’s embrace. This was much warmer, and much...fitting. He can’t pinpoint what’s happening but he found himself smiling in bliss and inhaling the familiar scent coming from the newcomer. He wanted to cry again for some reason.

“Look, man, I really appreciate it that you two are here with him, but fuck, I was just so worried; was it so hard for you to fucking reply when I texted you where the fuck were you guys?”

It was Makki who calmly answered. “W-We were just eating, and a couple of drinks, you know. No harm done, yeah? C’mon, Iwa. Oikawa’s perfectly okay—”

“Perfectly okay?” Someone growled. Oikawa felt a body pressed on him rumbled. “Perfectly okay? You. You know he’s a lightweight; you’re such a useless best friend—”

“What did you just say—?”

“Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa come on, guys, we’re overreacting here—hey—Issei—you stop it—Iwa—come on, man, just—we’re sorry, okay? It’s our fault. We apologize; we shouldn’t have tolerated Oikawa—calm down, guys, what the actual fuck—Iwa—just help Oikawa get home, yeah? We’ll just be going—are you gonna be okay with him like that? Take a cab, yeah—?”

It was a long while when Oikawa realized everything quieted.

He found himself at the back of a taxi again, sitting with Iwaizumi Hajime, of all people.

For a moment, Oikawa looked disoriented. He didn’t know he was so drunk his mind can start jumbling faces around him to make it look like that one face he wanted to see and didn’t want to see at the same time.

“Are you okay?” Drunk Oikawa’s Iwaizumi asked.

He lifted his head from the other’s chest, mouth feeling dry. “No,” he said. Then, “Are you really Iwa-chan or  are you not?”

There was a glare and a roll of eyes. “You told me answering a question with a question is not cute. It’s dumb.”

Oikawa’s nose scrunched up, but he chose to not answer.

He still didn’t know what actually happened, or how the hell did he end up with Iwaizumi accompanying him on his way home. But he didn’t voice out any questions. He’s tired.

Their dormitory just recently switched their door locks to pass codes due to many reports of burglaries these days. It’s supposed to be more secured and convenient, Oikawa figured, but not for a drunk Oikawa maybe. So when he finally got his door pass code correct after trying for the fifth time, he quickly stumbled inside his dingy room, stepping off his sneakers and feeling grateful for the heat. Tsukishima must be home.

He didn’t remember trudging towards his bedroom that night but somehow, he found himself on his bed, lying on his side and blinking his unfocused gaze in his dark room. It took him a moment to realize that he’s not alone. He could feel him breathing, and he could feel his eyes on him.

“Are you sober enough?” Iwaizumi whispered.

“Why didn’t you go home?” He whispered back.

Iwaizumi stayed silent, just looking at him. Then, “Why did you drink?”

“Am I not allowed to?” his voice was low.

“Why didn’t you answer my texts,”

“Why did you have to follow me,”

“Didn’t you miss me?”

Oikawa paused, not answering. Well, no one was answering anything. Questions were being thrown but no answers were being offered.

Then, “I did,” Oikawa mumbled, closing his eyes shut. “I do. I miss you.” His voice was a rough whisper. “And I feel like I’m gonna miss you more each day starting now.”

“Tooru,” Iwaizumi said just as softly. “Tell me what you want. Tell me what you think,” A hand pressed his cheek. A thumb caressed his bottom lip. “Do you really want me to go?”

_No._

_Of course, no. I just want you here._

_I don't want you to go, Iwa-chan._

_Everyone's going when I push them away._

_You're the only one who stayed._

_So now I don't want you to leave._

 

Silence.

Suddenly, there were arms around Oikawa. He can't almost breathe. He felt lips kissing his hair and eyelids. A day-old stubble rubbed his jaw.

“Have you known about the flight? Is that why you drank?” Iwaizumi's voice croaked.

Flight? Was there a schedule already? “What?” He opened his eyes, confused. “What do you mean?”

Iwaizumi didn’t answer this time; he just tightened his embrace. “Just sleep for now. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

“Are you gonna stay,” Oikawa whispered. “For tonight,”

“Mm,” Iwaizumi hummed, and Oikawa wished it’s a yes.

 

 

When he woke up at ten in the morning, he could smell some eggs being fried. He groggily stood up and head over for breakfast. And he’s surprised to see Tsukishima instead of Iwaizumi. Oikawa blinked, immobilized.

When Tsukishima noticed him, he poured some coffee from their percolator and mixed an alarming amount of milk and sugar in it. He padded over to give it to Oikawa, hot and steaming.

“He said he needed to go for some…paper works. He’ll call you right after,”

Oikawa just stared down at his mug of coffee.

He didn’t want to know how dejected he looked that morning. Worn out jeans from the night still on. Faded denim jacket still hanging loosely from his frame. Spectacles askew and stained and foggy. Wavy hair bushy and imperfect and ugly.

“I look kinda pathetic right now, don’t I?” Oikawa’s voice was raspy. “What do you rate,”

Tsukishima paused from frying the eggs and glanced over his shoulder, shrugging. “Seven over ten. I guess. That’s my jacket.” He paused. "Also, you missed your class. Yachi texted me."

"Don't remind me." And Oikawa groaned, sagging a little. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's a long weekend... i need to write some iwaoi uWu  
>   
> yo im in [twitter](https://twitter.com/ellesteaparty) so let's be friends but only if u like lol im trash and shitposts all the time but im kind and replies to everyone hahah

**Author's Note:**

> im a sucker for playlists so sue me lool (these are all in Spotify bec 8tracks hates Asians)
> 
> [text (book#1) playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/ellesanmiguel/playlist/0SDEExmXUoj7Br9lWdMZlq)  
> [voice mail (book#2) playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/ellesanmiguel/playlist/68xlSKKJOVMji9oVX5Pree)  
> vm ch 18 playlist [SIDE A](https://open.spotify.com/user/ellesanmiguel/playlist/0ovk2qt7RL78TZu9dWAXL0) / [SIDE B](https://open.spotify.com/user/ellesanmiguel/playlist/0etMlimY3bslzbmCEReCSY)  
> [everything iwaoi playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/ellesanmiguel/playlist/1CbbX9lT49FQSN93CdyGuD)  
> [hipster!oikawa playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/ellesanmiguel/playlist/088f4NOBIuKtv0F7KEWQBi)  
> [vm daisuga playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/ellesanmiguel/playlist/19uqYJibkEPtv7K92WiRf1)  
> 


End file.
